 |
November 09, 2006 |
|
 |
|
|
Re-Entry Plan
FOUND by Adrienne
in Wisconsin
Walking home from the park we stumbled upon a manila envelope, with two sheets of paper inside. The fact that the first sheet was unsigned by Tinley and that fact the envelope looked as if it had gotten wet (and subsequently dried) made Tinley's feelings about the contract rather clear.
Sign in or register to start a profile and keep track of your comments. You may also post without creating a profile, but you'll have to answer some tough spam protection questions.
Our Churches September 13, 2007 |
Breaking Up? November 18, 2007 |
Have a Great Show! December 20, 2006 |
If You Absolutely... January 06, 2007 |
 |
|
 |
         |
We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
» We're hopping on a plane and jetting to Europe for our Fall 2008 Euro Tour!
» Join Peter Rothbart for his mini-tour of the Pacific Northwest
Poor Tinley, I hope life is working out for her now.
Hmmm, sounds a bit like something my mom and step dad would have set up. Funny, I don't have any siblings though. ;)
Ha. I feel bad for this kid. She must have screwed up bad for the parents to make up a list for her. I like how the parents specify socializing with "A" friends. Do they have a quantitative chart to specify those? Tinley won't move back home. She's too far gone.
I blame the parents ... Anyone who names their child "Tinley" is just asking for problems.
LOL! I agree with Bonnie...
Seriously though, I hope this girl is doing better. I have a friend who moved out of her parents' home in the middle of senior year, and I constantly worried about her for a while, but she's doing great.
~Saki
I blame society, or Canada.
A person like Tinley who clearly does drugs, gets pregnant and doesn't work is never in a million years going to be able to live up to this many rules at once. It's just too daunting even reading it! I'm not sure I could do all that and i'm a goody two shoes. They should have started with the job or school 40 hours per week stipulation first, and worked in the rest. How is she supposed to get to job/school with no driving privledges?
Maybe if the parents had been this diligent about Tinley's behavior BEFORE, they wouldn't be having these problems, now.
The negative pregnancy test is just sad.
You all must know the song "Fitter Happier" by Radiohead on O.K. Computer right?
Try reading the note from point 4 onwards and imagining the same voice from that song.
Freaky...
I used to get crushes on girls like Tinley. I hope she's doing better now too.
If your interested, I did a little google on the "Family Research Frame" mentioned in the contact and it led me here:
http://www.resourcerealizations.com
Typical corporate motivational gobbledy-crap geared at "creating a new family dynamic".
"A critical first step is the creation of a Family Value Frame. While much is talked about "family values" today, most families spend little or no time on the creation of this foundation. Once identification of a common set of values occurs, a family purpose and vision will be created to guide the family in daily living."
Poor, poor Tinsley. I'd be drinking myself silly and sleeping around too!
Poor girl. Of course, my first thought was that she wouldn't have a lot of luck having sex outside the home w/out any driving priveleges. Hope her life isn't as bad as this list makes it seem.
Or maybe it should be "poor, poor Tinley's parents"? Maybe Tinley is such a fuckup that mom & dad are at the end of their rope, having tried everything. Some kids are going to succeed no matter how bad the parenting they get, some kids are going to fail now matter how good the parenting they get.
Whereever the blame lies (probably some in both camps) I hope Tinley & family are doing well.
If Tinsley does all of those things, she doesn't need her parents. Following all those rules, she'd be living more on the straight and narrow than most of us and would undoubtedly be just fine.
Still, all those things that Mom and Dad list in the letter? Could be that Tinsley did them but it could just be that she did a little something and her folks are over reacting. My parents accused me of stuff all the time and I was honestly never doing any of them...
Tinsley, wherever you are, be wel...
Interesting to note that WWASPS has many allegations of institutionalized child abuse against it and is based in Utah. Also, I think "Re-entry Plan[s]" should be reserved for spacecraft.
I personally feel it is the parent's fault, in most cases, when a child turns out to be uncontrollable. It starts early on in life, and then continues to build, until it turns into a downhill spiral.
'Rules may be changed at the parents' discretion.' Keep running, Tinley.
If Tinley can make it thru the 90 day period of living on her own then hopefully she won't have to go back home. If something happens during that 90 days her parents will be haunted forever by this list. Good luck Tinley~
If you give your kid a cat's name, do you expect her to act like one?
I love that the "family values" includes a schedule for watching tv together.
poor kid, sounds like the parents have been fed a whole lotta crap about raising a child. my mom considered me a "problem child" and i was just a normal kid. sheesh. this is the document from hell. keep runnin' kid, find peace elsewhere.
Thanks for the fact-checking, Jason & tbone.
WTF could Tinley have done to inspire this list?
i can't believe i lost this.
ARE YOU BRUSHING YOUR TEETH, HONEY?
I agree that the negative pregnancy test is sad. I also think forcing her to watch TV is in no way a positive family activity. I'd throw this form in a puddle also.
What on earth is a FAMily value FRame
This list makes me wonder if there were abuse/neglect issues in the family LONG before this. I could imagine these parents (or rather parent-- one authoritarian, one passive) locking a child in a closet for hours for doing something relatively mild, like swearing... I am reminded of the freaky parents in "American Beauty" and how rigid they were with their son... who found a way to get through the oppression.
Tinsley, hon, wherever you are, move far away and find some good friends. Your parents will possibly come to their senses after, say, a decade, has passed and they realize what they have lost.
my parents have made a contract like this for me before, almost as intense as this, but thats only because my parents didnt put everything they would have wanted. i have no doubt that they would have written everything on mine as hers...i would send it in, but im not sure that counts, seeing as i really didnt FIND it, if its mine haha right?? ....tinley i feel for you!...
The sad thing is that she probably asked if she could come home, or else her father (i assume its him from the arrogant language) wouldn't have been in a position to set up a list like this.
And what wikipedia has to say about WWASP sounds pretty shocking to me.
what are the "A" friends? are those from the A list, prep or something. that's really stereotypical.
My heart goes out to Tinley...those parents are abusive and not loving. Plus, everything is so conditional. It doesn't matter how bad Tinley is, I say she got that way from lousy parents. I hope she's in a safe and happy place now - far away from that crazy dysfunctional family - and I also hope that someday she can afford a good therapist.
Ouch. forget about that house tinley, she would probably be doing better somehwere else. living with those parents was probably what got her messed up in the first place
It sounds like something that she would get after staying at a youth shelter. I hope that things go well for her and her parents, they must all be in a lot of pain.
Looking at that "Resource Realization's website.. looks like a really good way to make money off of people going through a nasty time. What kid (evidently at least working age) would be able to abide by these rules? How sad.. and how sad that the parents have been duped into buying into the "services" and "counseling" of RR, Inc. Looks like something out of an old Stephen King novel.
*sighs* hopefully Tinsley is a strong enough kid to make it without her parents.. I wouldn't have gone back, either.
I had to sign something very similar from my parents when I got caught ditching as a freshman in high school (ca 1991). My mom was so catastrophic about everything. I was grounded until halfway through my sophomore year. It still pisses me off every time I find that damn contract.
What's really f-d up is, why the negative pregnancy test? This girl is obviously under 18, hence the no driving priveleges, and yet, if she's pregnant they are going to leave her out on the street? Nice.
I like the part about "good hygiene." It makes Tinley sound pretty repulsive.
did anyone notice that this was a revision of an earlier contract? I feel for this kid.
hmmm lets be named after an element, shall wee?
run like hell. i don't get it. she's to pay rent & yet still be expected to abide by rules governing every aspect of her life ? god love her. i hope she's as far away from these nutcases as she can be.
live your life for you tinley
oh my god. i ahve just googled wwasps. that's child abuse ! poor tinley
I had a friend in highschool who ended up with a contract lile this after a very brief stay in a mental institution after "kicking in the wall and threatening to kill [her] parents." I recall that one of the conditions was that she couldn't wear all black every day.
However, the fact that this Tinley is expected to pay rent indicates she is over 18 years old (I don't think it's legal to make a minor for whom you are responsible pay rent.)
Really, though, if she gets a full time job she could afford to live somewhere where she wouldn't have all these rules to stick by.
I went to Spring Creek Lodge, a WWASP program. These places are messed up. Please google WWASP and tell your friends about these programs
scl, i'm so sorry you spent time in one of those places. since googling wwaps, i ahve compelled to find out as much as possible about the wwasp program. i really want to help put a stop to it. treating children like that should be illegal. i don't actually understand why it's not. i hope have not been to damaged by the experience. i wish you all the luck in the world for the future.xx
I blame the parents. If my parents had treated me like that and made up ridiculously impossible rules, of course I'd go and get screwed up. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY IS THE WAY TO GO!
Clearly "Only socialize with 'A' friends" means that her friends can only be members of the A-Team. "I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!"
I think I found Tinley on myspace. Huh.
Hmmm...
I am going to go against the herd and say that I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing. My own childhood was wonderful. Not perfect of course, but nearly ideal. My parents were very loving and affectionate, we had the square meals at the table every night etc. There are six children in our family, and for the most part we've grown up to be successful, responsible citizens of society with the exception of one of my oldest sisters. No matter what my parents do to this day (and she's 48!) she will remain a total screw up. Her behaviour disgusts me. I only wish my parents had/would show her this kind of tough love. I think some people (like this girl probably) NEED something this extreme because they're so thick headed that they basically need to be retrained. I know this is the case with my sister. Anyway, that's my take on it.
If that's her on Myspace, (judging solely by outward appearances, which as we know, can be decieving,)she seems happy, healthy, and living in sunny So Cal. You go, Tinley!
Wait a minute. Tinley has to have a job and pay rent but won't be getting an allowance. And she won't be driving to work because she has no priveleges. On the other hand she IS allowed internet access on her own computer. No sex in the home though. (How 'bout on line or down the street, walking herself to her destination, of course, no driving.) "should she decide she would like to return to live in her parents home". Why should Tinley decide to do any such thing? Who are these nutball parents? they act like they've thought of everything and have left so many bases laughably unthought out. As a 48 year old parent of a teenager I have to wonder just what kind of morons thought up these silly conditions for their kid and just how niave and hypocritical they will continue to be. They are the ones in need of rules and regulatory monitoring for their own behavior. These these parents are awful.
I have a feeling that many parents have made up similar contracts for and or with their children when said children went out and did things like... meth, crack, heroin.. and the various unsavory things that accompany such habits (ie sex for money for drugs, or hey, just for drugs). Parents love their kids until the end of time (well, most do) but there's only so much you can do when everything of value has already been lost at the pawn shops, and even though your beloved child has been in lockup AND done a stint in rehab, well.. you just can't trust 'em. Sad. but it's often the case.
when there are younger siblings involved, the parents really don't want the negative behavior of the older sib affecting that young, impressionable (good) kid.
I don't know Tinley, or anything about her circumstances in this world, but I CAN see the possibilities surrounding a deal like this one. Hope Tinley's okay.
Tinley...turn the other cheek and keep walking the other way!! If you're over 18, you're considered an adult, anyway. You can make it on your own, and have your own family, too. Raise your children to be like someone whom you'd like to be friends with, or a man whom you'd like for yourself. (Don't date your own kids, I mean!) Just raise them with integrity, someone you'd like to be and or have in your circle of friends.
Also, I think the 1st rule from the parents, 'Live on your own for 90 days' means go to a REHAB and get clean, stay clean before moving in.
Anyhoo, GOOD LUCK, Tinley!
And talk about, OVERWHELMING??????
When I was a little girl my father used to beat my mother, my brothers and myself. When I was 16 I left home because the police would have brought me back home if I was any younger. I was an honors student before I dropped out of high school. I didn't do drugs or drink and I didn't have sex. I liked to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee and hang out at my friend's house. I had a part-time job and never received an allowance or asked them for money, not even to buy clothes. I paid for those myself. My father used to make lists like this for me before I left home. It listed practicing the piano from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. every morning. If I didn't wake up on time he would throw a bucket of cold water in my face. When I told them I didn't want to play piano anymore, he told me he would cut off all my hair, which my mother had insisted growing long since I was a baby, and was down to my thighs. When I was 14 I cut off half my hair and threw it at their feet and told them I wanted to quit the piano. They were speechless. I didn't know how to live on my own when I first moved out and ended up with a bad group of people. After all the years of being pushed around, I had as much rebellious fun as I could, and yes, I ended up with a drinking problem. But I learned eventually that people who are supposed to love me treat me with kindness and respect, and that I shouldn't be around people who don't. I learned to love myself unconditionally. I learned to respect myself. I learned to trust myself. I learned to take care of myself. Now, I am married, and have a baby daughter, a loving husband and a very good life. I can't even imagine treating my daughter the way I was treated, let alone quantify why my parents treated me like they did. I can't erase all the bad things in my past, but I can give myself all the good things I've learned along the way. Everyone says that my daughter is such a good baby because she never cries. People comment on how happy she is. Strangers try to make her smile and when she does their faces light up. I know that I have given her a good home and a good life, and I know that I did it by fixing what my parents broke. There are a number of support groups and resources for young women or men in abusive situations to turn to in every city. I didn't know about them when I was younger, but they do exist. If you're reading this Tinley, please find one and let them give you a hand, it's easier if you have some help until you can do it for yourself.
Wow... No matter how bad she's screwed up before, she definitely doesn't deserve that nonsense. Hopefully she didn't move back in with her nut-job parents!
The fact that they stress on clean cut clothes, no tattoos and A friends, makes me think that Tinley probably wasn't that bad, but her parents chose to believe that being diferent or orginal is a sin and that all tattoos and piercings lead to drugs and pregnancy. My mother and I never got on well, but at least she let me be myseld aesthetically. I hope she's far from them and happy
Hey, Be sure to check out the Found Blog for a crucial update on Tinley.
http://whatsup.foundmagazine.com/?cat=14
And by the way, Anonnymouse in Everywhere, what a powerful post, and CONGRATS on breaking the cycle! I wish you well for all time to come.
To Anonnymouse in Everywhere:
You are an inspiration, and your story is one of the saddest and most beautiful I've ever heard. Your friends and loved ones have no idea how lucky the are to know you. Thank you for sharing so much. You are beautiful!
"OMG HOW WILL SHE GET TO SCHOOL/WORK WITHOUT A CAR?"
Just like other young kids everywhere else in the world do? Public transit, walk or bike there?
The beauty of being an American is that you seldom realize how hard you fail as people. Her parents LET it get this bad, and Tinley will go on to have (or already have) kids of her own.
And thus it carries on. Good luck with that whole 'future' thing. All of you.
Tinley sounds like a classy girl.