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February 18, 2009 |
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Any Questions?
FOUND by Charlie
in Eureka, CA
Found this wandering through town on my way to other lands.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Well, that's sure one math teacher I won't ask for help after school.
This was written on someone's homework.
Charlie, what other lands are connected from Eureka?
Just curious..
I hang this note on my front door every Halloween.
Wow, this is totally how I feel after moving to my new neighborhood. So many people trying to sell things!
Totally how I feel about decimals, too.
They must have a problem with ding dong ditching in this neighborhood. I always hated when people did that...especially late at night...that was the worst. I should've tried a note like this.
so to ask them a question....i'm guessing one would have to knock on the door
I have a question. Do you still want this pizza you ordered?
Noid, it's very likely that this was written as a reaction to someone repeatedly bringing Domino's to the door and trying to pass it off as actual pizza.
I love that in their angry frenzied state, they could not find a piece of blank paper, or even use the back of the paper they did use, which has a chance of being blank. I do enjoy the marker color choice, however.
I'm just going to knock and make sure he meant he DIDN'T want us to stop here.
The "any questions" part seems like kind of a taunt... if they did have questions, they couldn't ask because they've already been instructed not to stop [there]...
Keep walking, Charlie, Eureka is an angry little town
Well, they aren't really purple, are they? I mean, we only call them that to differentiate them from the green ones, right? It's the default color, sorta; if you want green grapes, you say, "Get the seedless.....
.....Oh. Wait a minute.....
Never mind.
Someone's had too many early morning cold-calls from smartly dressed young men offering pamphlets on their particular brand of salvation.
Or indeed midafternoon cold-calls that interrupt his/her nap...or evening cold-calls that interrupt a meal or a shower.
I have to say I can relate.
Go AWAY, people. It's my door, I only open it if I want to.
It looks like someone lives too close to the neighborhood bar. I had a buddy who lived around the corner from the bar and he had people banging on his door all the time looking for a place to crash.
Dear Jehovah's Witnesses,....
That word on the next to last line ... it's "fackers" isn't it?
Suppose we should tell the writer that the word is spelled "fakers"? She is so riled up against fake people knocking or even stopping there. At least the stupid ones.
So, if I am a smart faker is it okay to knock or even stop?
And if I'm only faking my smartness does that mean I'm stupid (except that if I'm smart enough to fake smartness, then maybe I'm not a stupid faker faking it anyway).
All that aside, the person who wrote this should have started with a plain piece of paper. Would have been a lot smarter. Easier to read and all.
Would have kept the stupid people from stopping so long trying to read the sloppy handwriting or the underlying printed text on this palimpsest.
("Palimpsest" is the word for the day for all you smart fakers out there.)
Thanks, Librarian, for the word du jour! I'd never encountered that before.
Farmer, would you like a Q-tip?
I would write on this kind of paper if I really wanted to get my decimal point across to these fuckers.
I bet it was someone trying to sell magazine subscriptions.
They start out with the sad story about how they were down on their luck, addicted to crack. Now they are trying to turn their life around. If I don't buy 12 issues of Better Homes & Gardens for $84.95- I am practically putting a crack pipe back in their hands!
Apparently the path to relapse and self-destruction starts at my door. So it's best to keep walking.
Normally I comment on the find, but Flargy, et al have done a great job of that today.
My question is for the finder: what was the note doing wandering through town?
Can't I ask questions about these math problems? I don't want to fail the class.
I have a feeling that only someone from Eureka would be "wandering through town on my way to other lands..." although Eureka itself IS another land entirely.
I've spent some quality time there, and didn't find it to be an angry town at all. (rather magical, as a matter of fact.)
As for the Find itself, I'm with Geek (not in Mom's basement). But it does appear that something may have been cut off at the bottom of the note...
Any questions, ask John, next door, any time.
I'm pretty sure this is a dramatically updated note one would put out over their front door during the Jewish Passover holiday, rather than blood of a spring lamb. This was done to assure that the first born son in the house does/did not die, in this case I also think it aides the first born son against wedgies, nurples, and getting stuffed in their school locker.
Q:What is the opposite of Eureka! ?
Farmer, they're definitely purpler than, say, red cabbage is RED. Or red onion, for that matter. Personally I don't care for the purple grapes, and purple grape juice stains like a bastard. but I thoroughly enjoy white grape peach juice.
Ooh, a find from near me!
Charlie, do you think there's any chance massive amounts of pot were involved in the making of this find?
That's what our area is famous for!
(I don't smoke pot.)
Let's just chalk this up to strange things happen in Eureka. You never know who (or what) is going to be at your door....
It's an original notebook page from Catcher in the Rye; it goes on:
I swore off girls and sex. I mean, I keep making rules and I break them. The same night even! So don't listen to me. I'm a moron. Don't knock. Just come on in.
-Holden
Hiplainsdrifter, WTF? Quite a stretch there, to connect this note to Passover...
Ouch, Turbo...that was a dad joke.
(I feel much better now that I've posted this comment in the right place.)
@Hiplainsdrifter, I believe that would be, "Oh, shit".
or... RUUUNNNNN!
*knock knock knock*
.........I have a question?
(decimal point across!! BWHAHAHAHA!)
It probably sucks to have to tell your teacher that you don't have your homework because your crazy mom wrote a note on it to leave for her invisible, mind controlling tormentors.
To go WAY back in time...
http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/588
I believe Paul and Olivia did NOT stop and the person was driven to insanity, posting this angry note several years later to make them stop.
Let's just hope that Jason Bitner doesn't use any of those tricky decimal point problems for our spam protection questions. Please, please, I'm terrible at math.
I love the sentiment. I couldn't agree more. I wish that asshole I know hadn't gotten his illegal semiautomatic shotgun stolen. He was going to sell it to me for a song. True story.
!
Yeah. I got a question: What's 6.8-3.9?
Too many landsharks.
@zing! See, I have this problem... in my head... Well, really, Florida school systems sucked, so I can't do that in my head. My other problem, I am way too curious, so I had to get out the ol'calculator and I deduced that 2.9 is the answer.
Again! It looks like the joke is on me yet AGAIN! The answer is on the find... I'm so embarassed.