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May 13, 2009 |
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Michael's Lost Letter
FOUND by Nicole
in Halifax, NS, Canada
I found this in the parking lot outside a local gym a half block from my home. It was away from the cars in the centre of the lot and yet envelope doesn't have a mark on it, like it just floated from the sky rather than blowing off a windshield or something. It was sealed, and had 'Michael' scrawled across it in beautiful handwriting. It has no address and no way of ever being able to be returned, so I opened it.
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Watch Your Man! April 25, 2004 |
The Child May 11, 2003 |
Shorter Shorts... March 24, 2006 |
Love, Margo January 23, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
I also worder what the story is here? I think she cheated on him then felt guilty, apologized, he went to the gym to work out his anger/flirt with the girl behind the counter.
Wow. This isn't even gold-standard passive agression, this is someone who's been on one of those corporate communications workshop weekends putting what they learned in practice. To write the longest "It's not you, it's me" breakup note in history (you notice, there's supposed to be another page, even after you flip it over?)
All that buttering up, "I love you, you're wonderful" just to slip him the knife with "I need time to get in touch with my feelings..." Wham, right between the old ribs.
Translation: "While you were in the gym trying to get in shape because I hassled you for months about being overweight, using the membership I gave you for Christmas, I met this guy who is totally hot and drives a convertible. He's all over me, and right now I can't think about anything else. But don't give up hope, honey, if it doesn't work out or I get tired of him, I'll be back because I know you are as loyal as a cocker spaniel and oh-so-grateful to be with me."
Trouble with that scenario is that her "darling man" is meeting new ladies in the gym, who also admire his...spirit. By the time she is "back" he will be long gone.
You go, dude.
This one's rife with shame and guilt, but little regret. I'd place good odds on our note writer being caught in an affair.
I'd imagine that Michael told her to be gone when he got back from the gym. Her 'walking around in a fog' is a cheap excuse for lingering, while the whole paragraph on the back about needing to take some time is merely a a deflective affirmation of his rejection and a masked plea for him to consider that she's capable of rededicating herself to him.
Once a cheat, always a cheat. I'm proud of our boy Mike for pitching this rubbish, unopened, into the street. Hope he kicked that lying whore to the curb. For good.
the paper is so weird though, i see a kid playing basketball
I'm with baby basil on this one! As soon as this note writer comes in out of the fog, she'll have closed the door right in Michael's face. Wham, indeed!
I agree that this could be a breakup note after a sordid affair, though my first reaction was that someone close to the writer and intended recipient had died.
The man chose to go to the gym to blow off some steam and the woman needed some time alone to deal with the grief... Maybe it was someone that was closer to her?
The letter might have been just to let her "sweetheart" know that she was not forgetting about his feelings, but I have a hunch that only the missing third page could reveal the true reason for the note.
Oh! It's a Dear Darling letter. I got one of those in college. Also right before Christmas, after I put my girlfriend's NEW car stereo in her car. But, I did get a nice sweater.
SO.... if the letter was still sealed... I'm just wondering how awkward things got later. With her thinking she dumped him, and him potentially not knowing anything was wrong.
Good point Sarah. But it would make sense if the scenario that Derailer described happened. Darling Mike probably knew what was in that letter and that's why he just tossed it into the street. He knows not to believe a word in that letter that probably took her about an hour to write. Thinking of just the right things to say so as not to actually admit any guilt, but admit that she doesn't want to be with him. Poor Mike; I hope he did recover with the cute girl on the treadmill next to him!
My first thought was the same as BlackBelt in Karate- someone died.
but that "miss you already/ not closing any doors" line does make it seem like an after the breakup sentiment. (but the sweetheart, darling, blah blah blah.. it just doesn't fit.)
I find the note on THIS paper more difficult to read than the one on the SpongeBob paper.
Odd notepaper, indeed...at first I saw in the lower R corner what appeared to be a glass of Coke with ice and a straw in it...then someone mentioned the basketball playing boy and all became, well--not "clear" but explicable.
What I can't sort out is that there are fuzzy words printed under the writing, on the paper...look at the tail of the "g" in "gym" and then look upward...and on the back there is the printed word "thanks". She used a thank-you notepad to break up with Michael? How very, very tasteless. "Thanks for the buggy ride. I'll call you."
Sweetie darling.
Try this: read the note as if it were a bit of dialog spoken by Ingrid Bergman in the movie "Casablanca".
(It sounds pretty good in Humphrey Bogart's voice, too, except for the word "man" on the back page)
Patronizing much?
In the latest soap opera, Michael was coming out of his coma when Sylvia had thought him dead and found someone new. One of the most important props, her letter to him (which had to be all splotched from his tears, though the envelope didn't), blew away on the wind one day. The props department could make another, but they always wondered what happened to it...
Since when is being honest about wanting to end a relationship a villanizing quality?
I think she already broke up with him, and was feeling guilty, or more likely is trying to string him along, just in case her new relationship with the guy she's been having a blazing hot affair with fizzles out. That makes me really glad that Michael didn't open it. No guy deserves a lying manipulative wench like that. She left it on his car at the gym because he's not returning any of her phone calls. And he recognized the handwriting and tossed it. Good going Mike - Way to have some self respect!
There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship, but this letter is on par with the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" kind of lines.
I initially thought the handwriting was that of an elderly woman (someone's doting grandma perhaps) but for some reason the phrasing and structure of the rest of it screams "campy gay man" to me.
I think the picture on the paper is a kid playing a trumpet.
I think the picture on the paper is a kid with an assault rifle.
I find it odd how many different ways the note writer writes the letter I. Only the one that looks more like a capital cursive J is repeated. The rest are all different.
And the F bothers me. Comparing the Fs in fog and focus to the very different one in for and different still in the two instances of OF just on this front page (oh lord, not to mention the flamboyant f in beautiful on the reverse! ick).. there's no consistency.
I'd ask a graphologist to suggest what that might indicate about the note-writer, but I guess I can draw my own.
Surprisingly, the I/me/mys and the Yous in this note are pretty balanced: 11 to 9.
Hey Nicole - If you had walked about 20 more feet you probably would have seen the soles of Michael's workout shoes, and probably Michaels body after taking himself out of the game as it were...
I'm the one who found this. I'm torn, should I post what the back of the note said? Is that messing with the system?
I'm just happy it made it on.
elocin277, I would love to know what the rest of the note said. Share! Share!
On the back of the card it reads:
Please take good care of yourself sweetheart. Here is a warm hug for you.
Thank you darling for the beautiful roses & the precious Christmas stockings which reflect the presence of you in my otherwise empty home. Thank you for the last 6 beautiful months.
All my love, Nancy
Wow, yikes.
elocin277, thanks for posting the rest of that!
"Otherwise empty home." Wonder if she just moved out. And I'm sorry, Nancy, you can't leave a warm hug in an envelope. He didn't receive it.
a lonely older woman took in an overweight foster child. six months later, her elderly dog died. she was upset and super annoying about it. he didn't really care, because the dog was hers, and small, and nippy, and barked a lot. he talked to his teacher, who told him to buy her a gift. he stole flowers from the neighbors and bought her christmas socks at the dollar store. she was appreciative.