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January 29, 2009 |
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Fat Joe vs. 50 Cent
FOUND by Adam
in New York, NY
So I just got a letter sent to my office addressed to Fat Joe, via his publicist. Unfortunately, they got the address wrong, and it wound up in my hands.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
So, is 14 ten more than 6, or is it just the spam filter trying to weed me out?
If not, then the Maths teacher will be setting the next project
I like this kid's last reason. He has more nicknames, therefore he must be better.
What an uncomfortable letter...he's supposedly talking TO "Fat Joe" and yet he keeps talking of FJ in the 3rd person?
"Dear Dad,
I wanted to tell you what a great Dad you are.
Dad is great. He works hard. My Dad can beat up all the other Dads. He has a cooler ride than Jimmy's dad.
I like my Dad because he's cool."
See? Teacher forgot to tell Junior here that when you write a letter TO someone, you have to turn that composition into direct speech.
Fat Joe is like a buck and a half better than 50 Cent in my opinion, but I like fat guys.
This was supposed to be on "Mis-directedMail.Com" but got posted to the wrong URL on the "enternet" [though I'm not going to comment on spelling that differently from the way the rest of the world spells it, just 'cause I'm still edgy from yesterday].
Still, you gotta admire how a middle schooler feels comfortable enough to be on a first name basis with Mr. Cent (or that the kid's way of dissing "50" because he only has 4?).
Dear Fat Joe,
I'm writing to inform you that I have 27 nicknames. Bite that! Fat Joe just got trumped by a middle-aged soccer mom!
If Fat Joe sees Fitty Cent around, please inform him that I'm so kickin' that I've got $1.25 in lunch money for EACH of my kids!
Peace out Dawg,
M to the O-M, Interrupted
(East Coast bay-bee!)
Dear Fat Joe,
I've seen Fat Joe on MTV on a few rare occasions were they actually aired music. Terrie is so very is afraid for Fat Joe's life. Terrie has trouble breathing and gets chest pain just watching Fat Joe rap. Fitty gets shot every other week and is ripped, he might eat nails for breakfast. Fat Joe is not hot and neither is Fitty.
Fat Joe can lose the weight and still call himself Fat Joe or change to it to Fit Joe (Pooty changes his name every year, Fat Joe can too).
I think Fitty has a tv show too, what does Fat Joe have?
Newayz, ttfn.
Fat Joe's BFF,
terrieissovery
Buck 65 is the coolest rapper there is. He's cool, and he's Canadian, and he's from the East Coast.
@ mona lisa ... plus, Buck 65 is -- what would it come to? -- a whole dollar and 15 cents more that 50 Cent.
Maybe this kid's next assignment can be a dissertation on reasons that real finds are better than fake Rice Krispie finds.
What's the 3rd nickname?!?!?!?!
looks like the third name is Boss.
I like how the kid says, "for example, one of Fat Joe's album is 'All or Nothing' 'Loyalty' and many more."
One is many.
Of course Fat Joe has the advantage... he ain't had a cap busted in his ass 9 times. Youd know dis if you used Enternet Exsplorer to do ya'lls research proper like. I ain't gonna xplain it again...
50 does not (something something)
50 have a nicknames because he does not have that (that's all I got from the back. anyone?)
Are rappers really companies or products?
Teachers out there, what grade would you have given this middle student for this project? (I like to think that the kid used the word "badass" at least once on the back.)
(Found, someday will you show us the other side of this? Huh, please? It's vital that we learn the other features and benefits that have so handily put Fat Joe over Fitty.)
oh, whoops. should have said 50 *does not* have a nicknames. Fire me.
Me Aga,
At some later date we might throw in a little "check other side" icon for finds like this.
In the meantime, I went ahead and put the 2nd page as the zoomed image ... if you refresh the page and click the 'magnify,' you'll see the 2nd page.
And thanks for the find, Adam!
@James ... "check other side" is MAHvelous!!
Clicking 'magnify' lets you read the back.
"he does not have that swager like the Boss."
Hahahaha...
Aw, now this kid will never get his free ticket to a concert in Jersey. :O
Aww James, I wuv youuuu! You're awesome. And I love the idea of the "check the other side!" link. A little Birdie told me you've been under the weather.. glad to see you back.
Well I for one am very exited at the prospect of a Fat Joe concert in Jersey.
I really hope the finder sends this on to Fat Joe.
Opening mail not addressed to you is a federal offense. Sorry, dude, you are going down like 50.
As much as I appreciate the logic that the hotter you are, the more nicknames you have ("Fat Joe is so hot he has 3 nicknames")...
My life will probably never be complete until i read the backside of this letter.
I also just realized that the first line does NOT say "Dearest Joe" or "Dear, Eat Joe."
If it was the latter, this letter would be verry interesting.
Rather than taking the advice of his nutritionist, Fat Joe prefers to lick the bottoms of sneakers because they taste like migrant children's sweat.
True dat!
Heh, thanks Me Aga! Your birdie was right ... a little FOUND PSA: salmonella poisoning is not a joke, people!
@James
Step away from the peanut butter! Mr. Peanut is no longer your friend!
Salmonella is no picnic...although that is a good place to find it!
(sorry, I couldn't resist when you said "salmonella poisoning is not a joke")
All kidding aside...Hope you're feeling better!
(*was it Mona who said she wanted to name her twins Sam and Ella?*)
@bored in the clubhouse. I can only hope the batch of 1st drafts I'm about to look at have turned out this well. And I'm teaching high school.
So did he also write to 50 to tell him that he was compared and found to be the lesser artist?
10 more albums of shitty music does not make the better "artist".
Oh... the rest of the letter shows up if you magnify it.
My life is complete now!
Oh, Turbo, thank you for saying that so that I don't have to.
*heaves a sigh of relief*
And somewhere in New York, a teacher is crying him/herself to sleep...
I really like the passive way this kid merely SUGGESTS he get a free ticket.
Fat Joe *could* give me a free ticket, if he was feeling generous... COUGH.
I didn't know you could write to artists and ask them for free tickets! Does this work? Has anyone tried it?
I think I'll send a letter to Elvis. . .oh wait, nevermind.
Adam, when did you find this? Maybe this was a reaction to the Vibe Magazine Best Rapper Alive poll. I can't think it is just a coincidence that one of the first eliminations in the "2Pac Bracket" pitted Fat Joe against 50 Cent. The voting for that section ended July 27, 2008. (50 won with 68% percent of the vote.)
http://www.vibe.com/bestrapper/bracket3.html
This is the best found EVER.