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March 12, 2008 |
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B.M.
FOUND by Amy S.
in Kansas City, Missouri
I found this stuck in the bushes of my front yard. I'm imagining some persnickety old woman passing it to a "young person" who had used more colorful language to describe said "BM."
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I thought a medical "way" of saying SHIT was BOWEL MOVEMENT....goes to show how much I know.
the is the only note i took before i dropped out of med school.
this is the only note...
ughhh. i never woulda made it.
Not on House...
And the "of" looks really wierd. Like they got mixed up or something.
All of these are listed in one of my on-line medical dictionaries:
defecation:
To void feces from the bowels though the anus .
SYNONYMS: (RM = rhyming slang; T = go to the toilet):
answer-a-call-to-the-warden's-office (T)
answer-nature's-call (T)
answer-the-call-of-nature (T)
B.M. (BM)
back-one-out-(and-snap-it-off)
barking-spider-has-a-cigar
big-hit (RS)
big-job
big-number
big-one
big-potty
boom-boom
bowel-movement
brown-log-jobbie
bury-a-quaker
business (T)
ca-ca
cable-laying
cack
call-of-nature (T)
cash-a-check (T)
capoop
cast-one's-pellet
check-the-plumbing (T)
choke-a-darkie
chuck-a-turd
coil-a-shamski
cramber
crank-an-eight-ball
crap
cuck
curl-one-off
dispatch-one's-cargo
do-a-dike
do-a-do-do
do-a-job-for-oneself
do one's business (T)
dook
drop-one's-ass
drop a/one's load
drop-one's-wax
drop-turds
duker
dump-a-load
D-up
ease-nature
ease-one's-bowels
ease-oneself (T)
Edgar-Britt (RS)
empty-the-manure-spreader
evacuate-one's-bowels
excuse-oneself-from-the-table (T)
feed-the-dog (T)
find-a-haven-of-refuge (or rest) (T)
Forest-Gump (RS)
go and sing 'sweet violets'
go-feed-the-goldfish (T)
go-into-one's-private-office (T)
go-into-retreat (T)
go-potty (T)
go-see (Henry, Johnny, Miss Jones, the Widow Jones, etc.) (T)
go-to-blobs
go-to-the-dunnee
go-to-Egypt (T)
go-to-pot
go see-one's-aunt
go-stinky
go-to-the-bank (T)
go-to-the-can (T)
go-to-the-crapper (T)
go-upstairs (T)
grunt
have-a-bowel-movement
heed-nature's-call
Irish-shave
lay-a-cable
lay-cable
loosen-the-bowels
make-a-big-hit
make-a-ca-ca
make-a-coke-stop
make-a-deposit
make-a-phone-call (T)
make-a-pit-stop (T)
make-a-poo-poo
mother-nature's-call (T)
mother-nature-calls (T)
move-one's-bowels
natural-functions (T)
natures-needs (T)
needs of nature (T)
number-two
pay-a-visit (T)
pay-a-visit-to-the-old-soldier's-home (T)
perform-the-work-of-nature (T)
pick-a-daisy
pick-a-flower
pit-stop (T)
play-hockey
poo
poo-poo
pooh
poop
post-a-letter
powder-one's-nose (T)
press-a-shoelace
push-out-a-grumpy
relieve-oneself (T)
retreat-to-one's-sanctum-sanctorium (T)
retreat-to-the-holy-of-holies (T)
ride-the-porcelain-bus
ride-the-porcelain-Honda
scumber
(the) second highest duty calls (T)
see-a-man-about-a-dog (T)
see-a-dog-about-a-man (T)
shit
sit-down-job
sit-on-the-throne
smell-the-place-up
take-a-crap
take-a-dump
take-a-poo
take-a-squat
take-a-shit
take-an-Irish-shave
unfeed
unload
visit-the-chamber-of-commerce (T)
visit-Miss-Murphy (or Mrs. Jones or Widow Jones) (T)
visit-the-loo (T)
visit-the-potty (T)
visit-the-sandbox
whoopsie
worship-at-the-altar (T).
DEFECATION AFTER ANAL COPULATION:
abort
blowing-out-the-plug
shit-the-plug
shoot-the-plug .
SEE ALSO:
grow-a-tail .
Synonyms: RM = rhyming slang, T = go to the toilet, answer-a-call-to-the-warden's-office, answer-nature's-call, answer-the-call-of-nature, B.M. (BM), back-one-out-(and-snap-it-off), barking-spider-has-a-cigar, big-hit, big-job, big-number, big-one, big-potty, boom-boom, bowel-movement, choke-a-darkie, chuck-a-turd, drop a/one's load, drop-one's-wax, drop-turds, duker, dump-a-load, D-up, ease-nature, ease-one's-bowels, ease-oneself, Edgar-Britt, empty-the-manure-spreader, evacuate-one's-bowels, excuse-oneself-from-the-table, feed-the-dog, find a haven of refuge (or rest) (T), Forest-Gump, go and sing 'sweet violets', go-feed-the-goldfish, go-into-one's-private-office, go-into-retreat, go-potty, go see (Henry, Johnny, Miss Jones, the Widow Jones, etc.) (T), go-to-blobs, coil-a-shamski, cramber, crank-an-eight-ball, crap, cuck, curl-one-off, dispatch-one's-cargo, do-a-dike, do-a-do-do, do-a-job-for-oneself, do one's business (T), dook, drop-one's-ass, brown-log-jobbie, bury-a-quaker, business, ca-ca, cable-laying, cack, call-of-nature, cash-a-check, capoop, cast-one's-pellet, check-the-plumbing, go-to-Egypt, go-to-the-dunnee, go-to-pot, go see one's aunt, go-stinky, go-to-the-bank, go-to-the-can, go-to-the-crapper, go-upstairs, grunt, hang-a-darky, have-a-bowel-movement, heed-nature's-call, Irish-shave, lay-a-cable, lay-cable, loosen-the-bowels, make-a-big-hit, make-a-ca-ca, make-a-coke-stop, make-a-deposit, make-a-phone-call, make-a-pit-stop, make-a-poo-poo, mother-nature's-call, move-one's-bowels, natural-functions, natures-needs, needs of nature (T), number-two, pay-a-visit, pay-a-visit-to-the-old-soldier's-home, perform-the-work-of-nature, pick-a-daisy, pick-a-flower, pit-stop, play-hockey, poo, poo-poo, pooh, poop, post-a-letter, powder-one's-nose, press-a-shoelace, push-out-a-grumpy, relieve-oneself, retreat-to-one's-sanctum-sanctorium, retreat-to-the-holy-of-holies, ride-the-porcelain-bus, mother-nature-calls, scumber, (the) second highest duty calls (T), see-a-man-about-a-dog, see-a-dog-about-a-man, shit, sit-down-job, sit-on-the-throne, smell-the-place-up, take-a-crap, take-a-dump, take-a-poo, take-a-squat, take-a-shit, take-an-Irish-shave, unfeed, unload, visit-the-chamber-of-commerce, visit Miss Murphy (or Mrs. Jones or Widow Jones) (T), visit-the-loo, visit-the-potty, visit-the-sandbox, whoopsie, worship-at-the-altar, ride-the-porcelain-Honda,
See Also: barking spider has a cigar, big potty, big job, bowel movement, sit-down job, whoopsie, visit the chamber of commerce, visit the loo, visit the potty, go to Egypt, pay a visit to the old soldier's home, B.M., cable laying, capoop, coil a shamski, feed the dog, go into retreat, go into one's private office, go feed the goldfish, go to the dunnee, go to the bank, go to the can, go to the crapper, go to blobs, D-up, ease one's bowels, dookey, dook, drop one's ass, drop a load, drop one's wax, drop turds, dump a load, dispatch one's cargo, do a dike, empty the manure spreader, evacuate one's bowels, choke a darkie, chuck a turd, crank an eight ball, cramber, cuck, curl one off, defecolagnia, cast one's pellet, back one out (and snap it off), pick a flower, pick a daisy, play hockey, make a poo-poo, move one's bowels, Irish shave, jobbie, loosen the bowels, make a big hit, have a bowel movement, make a ca-ca, toilet talk, unfeed, take a squat, take a dump, take a crap, take a poo, take a shit, press a shoelace, push out a grumpy, rhypophobia, ride the porcelain Honda, ride the porcelain bus, scumber, yakum, retreat to the holy of holies, retreat to one's sanctum sanctorium, take an Irish shave, shit the plug, shoot the plug, trap two, visit the sandbox, make a phone call, heed nature's call, make a deposit, make a coke stop, lay cable, lay a cable, grunt, hang a darky, natures needs, needs of nature, the, mother nature calls, mother nature's call, pit stop, perform the work of nature, Edgar Britt, pay a visit, big hit, answer the call of nature, answer nature's call, answer a call to the warden's office, automysophobia, blowing out the plug, check the plumbing, cash a check, bury a quaker, ca-ca, defecate, coproscopist, excuse oneself from the table, do a do-do, do ones business, do a job for oneself, duker, find a haven of refuge, find a haven of rest, Forest Gump, go and sing Sweet Violets, boom-boom, big one, big number, natural functions, go see, go stinky, poop, post a letter, worship at the altar, poo-poo, pooh-pooh, pooh, relieve oneself, second highest duty calls, the, see a man about a dog, see a dog about a man, see one's auntie, see one's aunt, visit the Widow Jones, visit Miss Murphy, visit Mrs. Jones, unload, sit on the throne, smell the place up, lavatory, number three, make a pit stop, poo, brown log jobbie, Boston Tea Party, coprophobia, cack, call of nature, chezolagnia, ease nature, filthy babbling, go to pot, go upstairs, go potty, fecal speech... The list goes on...
i read that, all of it.
holy crap
why am i awake
this suddenly took a very disturbing turn.
i like the idea that this was from an old lady. maybe she's decided to make her own advice into fotrune cookie-like messages & spread them throughout her community
Dear Brain Problem, I've never had such a thorough education! Ever!! Thank you for providing us with this wealth of education.
My mind is reeling.
I guess most of them are pretty self-explanatory... but an irish shave? I don't follow.
Kudos to anyone who can incorporate one of the more obscure ones into a sentence today (outside of the found forum, I mean, as we'll all be expecting that) without absolutely *cracking* up:-)
I couldn't resist.
How can we ever thank you adequately, Brain Problem?
I can't believe "pinch a loaf" is not on that list.
Grunt and whoopsie are my faves.
When I was a kid and Eight is Enough was on TV, we made up our own words for one line in the song: "there's a plate of home-made brownies...on the bathroom windowsill.."
Wow- easy math spam Q: 1+1+1=?
I read it all, too....lol....my my my back-one-up-and-snap-it-off made me HOWL!!
A medical dictionary????
I'm taking up your challenge Sarasara. Have a meeting with a nun 2morrow-maybe then?? I think I'll use chezolagnia.
My hubby's business partner "drops the Cosby's off at the dam".
What is with the full stop (or period) in the middle of the sentence? And bowel movements are obviously very important in the mind of the scribe as it is all in capitol letters.
drop a deuce
When I was a kid, we called 'em "beemers". I secretly, silently laugh when people refer to their cars as Beemers.
After eating at McDonald's, there is the inevitable "explodo-poop"
(Good Lord, how can people eat that stuff?)
Brain Problem, could you come and explain to my roomie why I am screaming with hysterical laughter with tears running down my face? Roomie's English isn't too good, so it could take a while.
Jonathan, if you show up today, picture me trying to translate all of that...
My sister was a nurse. She never went to the bathroom or did a one or a two--she always "voided." "Oh, man, I've really got to void." It was toe-curling--which I suppose is why she said it.
my stepfather says he's going to play chess with the pope, which would be my personal favorite. I always thought that one existed in English, too?
Cast one's pellet? Really? Maybe if you're an owl.
I always thought boom-boom happened in the bedroom, not the bathroom. Have I been going about this all wrong?? (Could explain a few things...)
Well that about covers it all.
As a nurse, I have always refered to "voiding" as unrination only, not defecation. I have found that you can get the same "toe-curling" reaction from informing those about you that you have to "evacuate the rectal vault."
Thanks Starting @ $52k - I'll be thinking of this whenever I see a BMW. He, he!
What a great list. I think...oops...gotta go coil-a-shamski.
@ BRAIN- What a way to wake up!! Laughing and crying at all the slangs used for "Sitting on the throne!!"
My mom would make my sistaers' and I call it, "JOBBIE".
It was on that list, too!! What a hilarious FIND!!!
Make that **sisters'**
and how about "dropping the kids off at the pool"....
Here in a Cubicle -
How bummed out was I to read through this WHOLE thing, and be ready to type the one I've always heard - "drop off the kids at the pool" - only to find your comment! Argh! :o)
I've always hated how my friends family would ask their kids " Do you have to stinky? ". Goddammit I really hate that.
Oh man, that's awesome. In my family we always called it 'puh'. I have to go puh.
But my grandma always said BM. So you're right Amy, it probably was an old woman who wrote that. haha
Blue - my thoughts exactly!
BRAIN PROBLEM: wanted to be sure you read my comment to ya about bullying a few days ago b/c I left it the next day - fwiw. Good luck.
I have to admit to feeling girly about so many of the euphemisms- ewwwwwwww yukky! But I like the idea that Shirley Temple's mom posted them.
My Dad would always say, "Don't TAKE a dump, LEAVE a dump."
Some people refer to styrofoam packing "peanuts" as "Ghost Poo."
A medical way of saying congestive heart failure is CHF.
Brain Problem, you missed "pump a shark."
How about "taking a biological break"?
i freaking hate euphemisms, why don't you just say you're going to the bathroom.
Ummm, sure, hold the euphemisms... I need to take a crap...
Oh, to "make a turbo in the porcelin dome" could be for those, ummm, special occasions.
Oh, lighten up, Mona. Maybe you just need to release the chocolate hostages.
Come on, Mona. You've never taken the Browns to the Super Bowl? Busted a duke? Taken a Brain and then wiped your Problem?
Kirax, I am a very pretty turd.
I imagined this as a note passed during first week of med school when a student referred to it as taking a poo-poo
A story of euphemisms backfiring (no pun intended): The male members of my family (with the exception of my father) use the term "Head for the Bushes" when they have to go to the bathroom. (They fancy themselves wilderness men. HAH!) One day I was out back with the children, when I noticed my youngest nephew wandering off. When I called out and asked him where he was going he responded that he was "heading for the bushes." His mother and I smiled in an "awww he's becoming a man and using the same annoying slang as the rest of the guys" sort of way... Until we discovered that he meant it literally.
Try explaining to an irate neighbor in an upscale Stamford CT community why there is a five-year-old boy crouched in her shrubs with a very intent look on his face.
She’s an older woman who wears pearls 24/7 and, as my sister muttered, has probably never done anything as potentially undignified as need the bathroom in her entire life: Needless to say, she was not amused. Not amused AT ALL.
I wonder if this is a med student's cheat-sheet.
My grandmother took a "daily constitution" and my husband makes "the brown happen".
All this poopy talk is rather funny ! But was just that little piece of paper with the one sentence found ? Are there other tips along with it ? It looks like it was on a piece of lined paper but scanned only to see that one sentence.
I was at my weekly Kundalini (sp?) Yoga class on Saturday, when our teacher informed us that the series of postures we would be performing would "most likely have a strong effect on the bowels," and that if any of us felt the sudden urge for the restroom we should go "with all haste. Run, if necessary.”
You have never seen a group of people practice Yoga so hesitantly!
Not in my Office,
Yep, just that slip of paper. The scanning I did or the cropping they did might have made it look like it had more at one time, but it was a strip torn horrizontally out of a lined piece of paper.
Jonathan, I know you're going to have something interesting to add. Where are you?
Like Mona, I don't particularly care for euphemisms. I shower or bathe in the bathroom. That's why this room is called a bathroom. I go to the toilet to urinate or defecate. That's why this room is called a toilet. Some people I know have only one room for the shower / bath and toilet. If they've invited 20 people for a five course meal and say "Please excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." I will imagine they will take a bath (and not a crap). Most people I know simply say "Please excuse me. I'll be right back." which is not a euphemism but simply asking a question and stating the facts.
I now have to get back to Kathy Burke. (that's RS and not a euphemism)
Devil, are you british? I worked with a guy from the UK and he would say he had to "use the toilet" and it would make us Americans a little uncomfortable. He said the same thing you did, Devil, about "bathroom" being a place to take a bath, not a crap. We settled on "restroom," "Men's Room" and "Ladies' Room" as a good compromise.
the man behind the curtain in oz, "drop a duce" is my favorite, too. (But since I'm a mommy I use "poo-poo" more often on a daily basis)
But what happens before the act? Peeking Turtles!
My husband always uses "stop at Wendy's" as that is what we had to do once after dining out elsewhere. Similarly, my brother-in-laws family uses "stop at McDonalds" for the same reason.
I wish that lady was around to tell me what the medical term for "snot" is. I've heard "mucus," but mucus can be anywhere (lungs, etc...) but boogers are just in the nose.
THANK YOU all for touching upon my family's favorite topic of conversation... I will have to share all this. In my house it's always been: "Me voy a escribirle una carta al Papa" (I'm going to write a letter to the Pope) :) But I keep it simple and just go to the loo.
My take is that this is probably one med student to another med student passing said note after the professor said it as if it was an "important" note and just laughing their asses off.
brain problem situation in my head: WOAH! Thorough! You must be the KING of the TOILET! :)
Alice in the looking glass: That's such a great story, and your concluding line is PRICELESS! Thank you!!!
A Cautionary Tale: HAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE IT!!!
>chillin wrote: But what happens before the act? Peeking Turtles! <
HOLLY CRAP! <-- no pun, Chillin, that's the funniest thing I've EVER heard!!! I actually clenched when I read it! hahahahahahahaha!!!
Can we move on to euphemisms for vomiting? My favorite of all time is "talking to Ralph on the big white phone."
Okay Mona, you go next.
Mr./Ms. Cautionary Tale,
No one should ever feel obligated to explain anything to Fairfield County assholes of the upscale, hoity-toity variety. Bridgeport, now that's the kind of Fairfield County city that I can relate to. No, seriously.
I always say I have to go drop off a deposit.
@Flargy: Hahahahaha! Amen! Although I maintain that the "What on earth is he doing?!" "...er, pooing." conversation is a step up from the conversations she had to have with my mom and my aunt when we were younger. Many of them involved the line "your children are in my yard again, and most of them are naked!"
Euphemism for vomited? Current fav is 'refunded'.
If we're going down Euphemism Lane let's not just stop at Chez Puke. How about we hear some of the more clever terms for sex. Lance, Lance? Are you there?
Turbo, if that nickname sticks, I am going to make you a foot long back-one-out-and-snap-it-off sammich!
@Flargy! Ask and you shall recieve... though I prefer your's best.
SYNONYMS:
air-your-guts
barf
bark-at-ants
barking-carrots
be-sick
be-sick to one's stomach
blow
blow-beets
blow-one's-breakfast
blow-chow
blow-chunks
blow-foam
blow one's doughnuts
blow one's groceries
blow-one's-lunch
blow-your-biscuits
boke
bow-down-before-the-porcelain-god
brack
bring-it-up-for-a-vote
bring-up
(the) Brooklyn mating call
buick
call-buicks
call dinosaurs
call-Earl
call-for-herb
call-for-huey
call-huey
cascade
cast-up
casting-up-one's-accounts
chuck-a-pizza
chuck-up
chunder
chunder-loo
chunk
decorate-the-pavement
disgorge
do the big spit
drive-the-big-bus
drive-the-porcelain-bus
feed-the-fish
fertilize-the-sidewalk
flash-and-buick
flash-the-hash
gack
gag
having a technicolor (laugh / yawn / yodel)
honk
hork
hoy-up
hug-the-porcelain-wishing-well
hug-the-throne
hurl
involuntary-regurgitation
(the) Jersey yodel
keck
kiss-the-porcelain-god
kneel-before-the-porcelain-throne
laugh-at-the-carpet
laugh-at-the-lawn
liquidate-your-assets
lose-one's-cookies
lose one's doughnuts
lose one's lunch
lose-one's-supper
make-an-offering-to-the-porcelain-god
make-food-offerings-to-the-china-gods
meet-my-friends-Ralph-and-Earl
multicolored yawn
organic-output
paint-the-walls
pavement-pizza
pray-at-the-porcelain-altar
pray-to-the-porcelain-goddess
pray to the porcelain god(s)
pray-to-the-porcelain-princess
psychadelic spit
puke
pump-ship
ralph up
regurgitate
retch
reverse-diarrhea
shoot-a-cat
shoot one's cookies
shoot one's supper
shout-at-one's-shoes
shouting-to-Huey-and-Ralph
sing-a-rainbow
sing-psychedelic-praises-to-the-depths-of-the-
sing-to-the-sink
spew (up / snacks / spuds)
spreading-a-technicolor-rainbow
talk-to-god-on-the-big-white-telephone
talk-to-the-carpet
talk-on-the-great-white-telephone
talking-down-the-great-white-telephone
technicolor-laugh
technicolor-yawn
technicolor-yodel
throw (up / one's dinner)
toss (up)
toss one's cookies
toss one's tacos
un-eat
upchuck
urp
waz(z)
wolf
woof
worship-at-the-porcelain-altar
worship-the-porcelain-goddess
yarf
yawn-in-technicolor
yell-at-the-ground
yodel in technicolor
york
yuk .
See Also: barf, organic output, psychedelic spit, pavement pizza, involuntary regurgitation, Jersey yodel, the, keck, gack, air your guts, meet my friends Ralph and Earl, hork, hoy up, laugh at the lawn, laugh at the carpet, liquidate your assets, lose ones doughnuts, lose one's cookies, lose ones lunch, lose one's supper, bark at ants, barking carrots, brack, bring up, bring it up for a vote, Brooklyn mating call, the, blow chow, blow chunks, blow foam, blow beets, blow ones groceries, blow one's breakfast, blow ones doughnuts, blow one's lunch, blow your biscuits, boke, call for huey, call buicks, call huey, cascade, cast up, casting up one's accounts, chuck a pizza, decorate the pavement, disgorge, call for herb, fertilize the sidewalk, flash and buick, regurgitate, retch, reverse diarrhea, shoot a cat, shoot ones supper, shouting to Huey and Ralph, shout at one's shoes, sing a rainbow, sing to the sink, talk to the carpet, toss up, toss ones tacos, toss ones cookies, un-eat, yawn in technicolor, yarf, yell at the ground, yodeling in technicolor, york, woof, worship the porcelain god, worship the porcelain goddess, worship at the porcelain altar, uneat, toss, toss cookies, talk on the great white telephone, technicolor yawn, technicolor yodel, technicolor laugh, spew snaks, spew up, spew spuds, ralph, spreading a technicolor rainbow, talking down the great white telephone, talk to god on the big white telephone, sing psychedelic praises to the depths of the china bowl, call Earl, drive the big bus, drive the porcelain bus, chuck up, chunder, chunder loo, bow down before the porcelain god, buick, be sick, make an offering to the porcelain god, make food offerings to the china gods, hug the throne, hug the porcelain wishing well, having a technicolor yawn, having a technicolor laugh, having a technicolor yodel, kiss the porcelain god, kneel before the porcelain throne, pray to the porcelain princess, pray to the porcelain goddess, pray to the porcelain gods, pray at the porcelain altar, pray to the porcelain god, paint the walls, unwell, upchuck, urp, throw, throw up, shoot ones cookies, shooting the cat, pump ship, spew, yuk, gag, hurl, chunk, chuck, feed the fish, flash the hash, puke, honk, vomit [DEF[, wazz, waz,
My roomie and I always say "I'm going to visit the porcelain goddess"
When my children were in diapers, we called it "baking brownies".
That said, this is the grossest comment chain ever.
Once when I was throwing up, my dad started singing "Return to Sender"... One of the more surreal experiences of my youth.
in my former house, vomiting after an evening of hard drinking was extremely common: Mostly it was known as "The Irish Plague" (after our Irish housemates), but if you were sick in a strange location it was known as "Sam Sick," and if you tried to be sick in either the bin or the toilet and missed, it was known as "Tim Sick."
“Were you Irish last night?” “Yeah and to make matters worse, I was also Tim.” “That’s nothing: Eric was Sam in the cabinet under the sink.” “Ewww well he has to clean it up!”
J'ai besoin de couler un bronze.
Everything sounds better en Francais.
Hmmm, slightly unrelated story... When I was younger I worked at a summer camp, and every friday my "department" would serve hotdogs and chili. One of the guys would always offer the hotdogs, then tell the kids that the chili was made from the hotdogs, and that he slaved all night over the toilet to create said product, and that tomorrow everyone can make their own for their personal enjoyment.
I've never heard anyone tell someone else they're going to poo in my mother tongue.
Not even in the nursing home where I've worked for five years.
You strange Americans!
KT, more commonly its "worship the porcelain goddess" and its one of the more annoying euphemisms...
In my house, when some goes #2, we say that they're "blowin' it up" so you know that you really don't want to go in the bathroom after they come out.
Has anyone ever sneezed and belched at the same time? Its like coughing up your spine! What's the medical term for THAT?!
spam: 45 devided by 3. I'm getting really sick of having to pull out my calculator to post my smart ass comments.
Why is it "persnickety" to want to teach young people not to use coarse language in public constantly? Or is even the concept that some language is coarse persnickety?
I always like "dropping the kids off at the pool" and am amazed it isn't on the list.
Also, I've heard people how are very close to accidentally going say they are "touching cotton"-- I'll leave any further description of that on to your imagination.
I always like "dropping the kids off at the pool" and am amazed it isn't on the list.
Also, I've heard people how are very close to accidentally going say they are "touching cotton"-- I'll leave any further description of that on to your imagination.
I always like "dropping the kids off at the pool" and am amazed it isn't on the list.
Also, I've heard people how are very close to accidentally going say they are "touching cotton"-- I'll leave any further description of that on to your imagination.
Lady, if you where to add flatus to that list, I do believe it would be known as a "flargy". Seems much more fatal than it really is...
Sex euphemisms? I like "bumping uglies" (both the term and the act).
Lady Brandy, I would call that a snurp. It's never happened to me, but I imagine it would be much less unpleasant than the much more common "vurp" (you do the math).
Pavment pizza and sing a rainbow are winners for sure...I've got to work those into coversation today somehow....!
Comment chain today is great for a laugh. And I'm really going to try to start using some of those!
Since someone asked for other euphamisms, I have to share this story: The other day one of my classes was discussing the gay marriage issue. One of my (brightest) 17 YO girls said she doesn't care if people "have a pee pee or a hoo hoo, they should be able to get married." The entire class fell out. Reminded me of Kindergarten Cop.
I was worried that this day couldn't get any better, and then I check found again... et voila!
I dig these fantastic lists, but CuriousKat has a point. If we're gonna cover pooin' 'n pukin', we might as well keep pushin' through, right? Brain Problem, would you do us the honors... a sex list, please?!
Merci!
Found people, if you update and upgrade the site, maybe you could have a nomination link or something, so some comment sections can be in the "hall of fame" or something. this one just might qualify. It's an instant classic! Thanks Brain problem!
From my grandma's mouth to your ears;
"Bad Potty". I think my life would have taken a whole different direction if she had ever said "come on now, back one out and snap it off in there!" Or, "Hurry up and coil that shamski!"
And from my husband: (ex military)
"Retire a Chief"
"drop a brown torpedo"
"sink the tidybowl man"
I, too, had to laugh reading this.
Years back I discovered to my then delight(and my friends') that my dictionary on synonyms also listed nearly every possible synonym that there is on how to say "sharing body fluids". I had some fun sessions over the years reading them out aloud to friends - preferably when it was later in the evening and the glasses nearly empty.
Even more fun is that the editors had decided to include if the words were "vulgar" or "coarse" and nobody could really understand why some really disgusting phrases were only given the status of "jokingly" and others seemingly mellow ones were "vulgar".
The dictionary is from the middle eighties and it is (well, kind of) interesting to see which phrases have made it over the years and which haven't.
Although I certainly wouldn't know with some of the phrases as I had never heard of them before I read them in this respectable dictionary and have never heard them since!
Well, as for most things, Shakespeare is hard to beat (and Donne, if you look hard and think).
I've always liked the Bard's "making the beast with two backs" for sex, but it implies a limited repertoire. Nooners, leaners, knee-tremblers, and McMurphys also come to mind. Not to mention Afternoon Delight.
And of course Shakespeare's verb for vomit, "to cat", was widely used in his day. If you've ever heard a cat hokking up a hairball, you know why it's so fitting. It can make you whoops just to listen.
All over the US and Europe I have asked for permission "to go to the smallest room" when I needed to use the facilities, and have always been understood. Not a bad feat in 3 languages and 5 cultures. Of course, if they don't have indoor plumbing, you're going to be shown a storeroom...
The ladies at my office have the lovely habit of suddenly standing up and announcing (in full voice): "I have to go use the potty." Then, when they return, they seem to feel the need to remark on the condition of said potty, i.e. "smells like a truckload of sailors took a dump in there!"
These same women love to share the stories of their grandchildren's fecal triumphs: I now know the exact date little Nathan took his first "Ploppy in the poo-pot," and all about the time Katie ran into the living room and announced that she had just "Laid snakes!"
Sex in my social circle is referred to as “The Thing Grownups Do,” although its name might be changing soon on account of my friend’s 13 year old sister, who recently informed us all that she had “done it.”
i was absolutely delighted to find this string of comments today. a much needed laugh. i even called a couple of people to say "open up your internet explorer and go to 'foundmagazine.com.' now, click on the comments and scroll down." i said nothing more and just soaked in the roaring laughter.
*isn't it funny how a little thing like this can brighten the work-day!?*
my friend jeff, who has a generally hilarious way with words, and now my fiancee enjoy the phrase "take a doosie of a twosie." instead of simply (and booringly) saying "taking a number two." i'm sure that i will soon shorten it to "take a twosie." the doosie part is too descriptive...
thank you all for brightening my day!
Sex = Hockey Night (in Canada).
as for sex euphemisms, in high school my group of friends always used the phrases "exchanging chromosomes", as well as "dancing the Penetrata".
Ummmm, done what? Made her first "ploppy in the poo-pot" Sex is either something to be reffered to directly or not reffered to at all.
Okey-dokey folks... Now this list, for some reason, is only heterosexual in nature. Not meant to offend anyone of the homosexual persuasion. I can probably get lists of those terms, as well.
See Also: coitolimia, play snuggle-bunnies, rub groins together, rub offal, procreative sex, quelch, rattle, sexarche, save oneself for marriage, saving it, sexual variety, shaking the sheets, old one-two, the, nether work, play night baseball, play mothers and fathers, play the national indoor game, stasivalence, slippin' and slidin', shtoop, rump-splitting, taking a ride, twist a leg, ugly deed, the, ultimate favor, the, tap, telasthenia, temuvalent, tit-up, thygatria, tummy-tickling, wingding, wriggle navels, getting bent, go to town, have a cut off the joint, have a roll in the hay, have a slice off the joint, have a tumble, have a shag, have it off, have a ride, have relations, have sex, have sexual relations, having a bit, hobble, horizontal folk-dancing, horizontal bop, inexperienced, interior sledging, jig-jig, jig-a-jig, jigga-jig, jiggady-jig, jiggy-jig, knock it off, lay with her feet uppermost, humpin' and bumpin', huntch, jump up and down, lock in key, love work, making bacon, myrtle, momma-pappa position, nonprocreative sex, coital, charvered, cherry-merry, cut a slice of the joint, copping, copulator, copulater, cow-climbing, diking, do a line with, do the agreeable, do the big nasty, do the deed, do the do, do the grown-up thing, do what comes naturally, do the rump-shaker, a bit of it, a little o the one with tother, act of androgynation, act of love, beat it while the beating is good, afternoon gig, baby-making love, bandicooting, black in white, burn out, bulling, act of pleasure, chafer, enjoy a roll in the hay, consenting adult, dog way, draw a blank, flesh session, get a piece of ass, dying with ones boots on, dying in the saddle, first-timer, get hilt and hair, get down to business, get down with, get off the gun, get off with, get mud for your turtle, get ones jollies, get one's leg across, full-service, get ones leg over, get one leg over, get ones end away, get some area, get some nookie, get some tail, get some leg, getting your leg-over, gombo, get some big leg, get wild, go for a horizontal jog, have a blow through, zoophallia, romping, have a bit of gutstick, have a bit of the creamstick, have a bit of sugar stick, have a bit of stuff, have a bit of meat, have a bit of rough, have a dash in the bloomers, have a bit of tail, go facemaking, go to bed with, go stargazing, go to it, get your end away, get your poker wet, get some action, grant favors, grant the favor, grant a favor, grant one's favors, grease the wheel, gymnophallation, have a bit, have a banana with, have a bang, have a bit of crumpet, have a bit of bum, have a bit of jam, have a beef injection, have a bit of cock, have a bit of pork, gift of one's body, give a bit of snug for a bit of stiff, give a bit of hard for a bit of soft, give a hole to hide in, give a shot of leg, give mutton for beef, give her a bit of the other, give one a tumble, give some body, give pussy a taste of cream, give soft for hard, give standing room for one only, give up one's treasure, give the old man his supper, give way, go bed-pressing, go at it, go belly-thumping, get some quim, get stabbed in the thigh, get stuffed, get together with, get to it, getting a piece, get up (the pole), get your end wet, get up the yard, get some, get someone into the cot, get some cock, get some cold cock, get some soft leg, get some slickem on your hangdown, get sloppy, get shot in the tail, get rigged, get some ass, get ones leg lifted, fun and games, get one's kettle mended, get into the pants of, get Jack in the orchard, get it off with, get on, get going, get hulled between wind and water, get into bed with, fish supper, fishing for kippers, edeapsis, get a leg over, get a go at the creamstick, get a shove in one's blind eye, get a shot of leg, get at it, get between the sheets with, get down to it, flop, four-legged frolic, frat, fruit that made man wise, the, fuck by the book, fuck music, fuckathon, drive into it, drive it to home base, drop one's drawers, dunking, dunk the love-muscle, Dutch treat, doing the thang, consummate a union, consummate a relationship, engage in three to one (and bound to lose), enjoy a man, enjoy a woman, enjoy favors, entertain, erotic congress, every night about this time, exchange flesh, exercise one's marital rights, exchange bodily fluids, fall backward, fall to it, feed the monkey, feed the dummy, fickey fick, fight in armor, first game ever played, chamber combat, chamber games, adamize, bump nasties, bump bellies, bump bones, bury face upwards, bury it, bury the bishop, butter and eggs, buttonhole work, carnal knowledge, carnal connection, carry-me-down, carnival knowledge, bold thing, the, bone dance, botulinonia, barefoot, bareback sex, barebacking, Barrer Moke, be the first, bacterial cystitis, bag of coke, balaclava, balls eye, alchemy, anal lovemaking, anesodia, assault with a friendly weapon, baby-gallop, bed down with, bed someone, bed sports, bedtime story, belly-bump, belly warmer, belly slapping, best and plenty of it, the, big time, biological event, bit of front door work, bit of fork, bit of hard for a bit of soft, bit of nookey, bit of quimsy, bit of nobble, bit of snug for a bit of stiff, bit of the old in and out, bit of rumpty-tumpty, bit of snug, bit of the other, bivirist, act of kind, a dash up the channel, a piece of flesh, a bit of bouncy-bouncy, a bit of fork, a bit of front door work, a bit of fun, a bit of nifty, a bit of nobble, a bit of nookey, a bit of rumpty-tumpty, a bit of snug for a bit of stiff, a bit of hard for a bit of soft, a bit of snug, a bit of the old in and out, a bit of the other, do the story with, do the thing, do the natural thing, do the filth, do the horizontal tummy bump, do the naughty, do the nasty, do the horizontal mambo, do the ugly (deed), do the wild thing, do the divine work of fatherhood, do one's office, dash up the channel, dehorn, devirgination, dig out, dip one's bill, discinctophilia, discourse, dive in the dark, dive into the dark, do a bit (of beef), do a bottom-wetter, do a grind, do a kindness, do a nifty, crash the breast fleet, cucumber rhumba, cuddle-my-cuddle, cunny-haunted, Cupid's archery, copula fornicatoria, couple with, coupling, cut a side, cut off the joint, dance the beginning of the world, dance the married man's cotillion, dance the reels of Stumpie, dance the mattress jig, dance to the tune of shaking the sheets, dance on the mattress, dance the buttocks jig, dance the matrimonial polka, dance the reels o' Bogie, dance the miller's reel, dance the goat's jig, dash in the bloomers, Chimaropia, clinovalent, coitally, coitus condomatus, coitus a unda, coitus in the rectum, colpismus, come over, come-up-and-see-me-sometime look, commerce, conjugal act, conjugals, consummate a marriage, conjugal embrace, nooky push-push, nugging house, nurtle, nuptial rights, occupying-house, off duty, off games, old ball game, old in and out, the, morner, naughty but nice, it's, naval engagement, national indoor sport, naked sin, national indoor game, nature's duty, naughties, the, marital duty, marital rights, marriage joys, match ends, match with, matrimonial polka, mattress jig, mattress dancing, meat-to-meat, mingle with, mish, lovins, make love with, make babies, make piggies, make someone, make the scene, making feet for children's shoes, making feet for children's stockings, making a dogs match of it, look at the ceiling, lose it, lose one's cherry, lose the match and pocket the stakes, knick-knacking, leg over, leg business, leg sliding, lie feet uppermost, lie with, light the lamp, limit, little game of hide-the-sausage, a, lob it up, lob it, know someone in the Biblical sense, know someone biblically, knot with, lady feast, ladles' tailoring, laps around the track, last compliment, last favor, last act, last liberties, lay off with, lay the track, leap in the dark, lay your cane in a dusty corner, lay tube, join giblets, join paunches, join dissimilars, intimate relations, irrigate, Irish whist, in-and-out jig, in coitu, in-and-in, in-out, in the hay, in the kip, hormone fix, hot pudding for supper, horizontal exercise, hold out, homocoitus, hop into bed with, heterocoitus, hide the sausage, hide the salami, hide the wienie, hit skins, hit the sack with, have sexual relations with, have union with, having sex, have one's will with, have personal relations with, have sex with, have someone away, have the banana peeled, have stage fright, have sex meat-to-meat, have a rattle, have one's banana peeled, have one's foul way with, have relations with, have a nibble, have a screw, have a piece of ass, have a turn on one's back, have carnal knowledge, have carnal knowledge of, have coitus with, have coition, have intimate relations with, have a cuddle, have a fuck, have a jump with, have a naughty, go vaulting, going halvsies on an orgasm, getting it on, zig-zig, zoophallist, work the dumb oracle, work the hairy oracle, turn up one's tail, tick-tack, tooling, tool it, toss in the hay, test the mattress, thread the needle, thrill and chill, unite, union, unprotected sex, up-tails-all, up to your nuts in guts, up to the hilt, up to the bumper, up to your apricots in kipperland, upright, vagino-phallic interaction, vagination, Venerean mirth, virgo intacta, Was it good for you too?, weak sister, what mother did before me, what Eve did with Adam, whitewash your guts, wind up the clock, take to bed, rumpo, rumpty-tumpty, skeeze, slap skins, slap 'n tickle, slam spunk, slice the legs off, slip it to, slip it to her, smucking, soul roll, spend the night with, sport of Venus, spot hard breathing, a, sport of the masses, squeeze and a squirt, a, spunk dump, straight lay, study astronomy, sweet death, sweet agony, tail stew, tail wagging, tail work, take a turn through the stubble, take a turn on Mount Pleasant, take a turn in Bushy Park, take a roll with, take a turn on the aphrodisiacal tennis court, take a turn in the bush, take a turn on Love Lane, take a turn in the stubble, take a turn in Cock Lane, take a turn on Shooters Hill, take a turn in Cupid's Alley, take a turn in the hay, take a trip around the parsley patch, take a turn in Cock Alley, take a turn in Cupid's Corner, take in and do for, take someone to bed, playing twenty toes, pluck and trim, pluke, press the flesh, prick-scouring, play mummies and daddies, play one's ace, play one's ace of spade and receive the jack, play pickle-me-tickle-me, nick-nacking, night physic, nobble, nookey push-push, piece of flesh, pile, plaster of warm guts, play belly-to-belly, play at stallions and mares, play bouncy-bouncy, old in-out, the, old slap and tickle, one with the other, open one's legs, other, the, out of circulation, out of commission, out of order, parallel parking, penoanal intercourse, penovaginal intercourse, personal relations, phallating, phallation, phutz, pickle tickle, pickle-me-tickle-me, share a sexual embrace, share a pillow with, sheath the sword to the hilt, shot at the front door, score with, score between the posts, screw the ass off, second base, see the King, sexual concourse, sexual embrace, sexual conjunction, sexual commerce, sexual liaison, sexual relief, sexual knowledge, sexual union, ride St. George, ride Saint George, riding the elephant trunk of joy, pudendal symphony, pudendal intercourse, put the boots to, puts out, putting on the pot, rump-shaker, rumbusticate, play the first game ever played, rocking chair, roll in the hay, rock, piece of ass, in-and-out, naughty, dasofallation, double feature, fuckish, give oneself (to), coitus,
Lemme just go ahead and pre-emptively add this list for masturbation!
Synonyms: abuse-oneself, art-of-unisex, frigging, genital-pollution, genital-sensate-focussing, genital-stimulation-via-phalangetic-motion, genitalic-stimulation-via-phallengetic-motion, get-it-off, get-to-know-yourself, getting-to-know-yourself, getting-to-know-yourself-personally-in-the-biblical going-blind, great-sin-of-youth, habit that dare(d) not speak its name, having-sex-with-someone-you-love, go-it-alone, ipsation, ipsism, Irish-promotion, Irish-wedding, jazz oneselfjollification, killing-45-seconds, little-southern-romance, lonely-art, loving-thy-self, make-love-to-oneself, manual-exercise(s), manual-gratification, manual-job, manual-orgasm, manual-persuasion, manual-pollution, manual-release, manual-sex, manual-titillation, ménage à un, My-sex-life!, onania, onanism, one-hand-clapping, one-handed-clapping, the pause that refreshes, peddle-and-crank, play-solitaire, playing-with-oneself, pollute, practicing-one's-mantra, practising, relaxation-rubdown, relief-massage, relieve-oneself, relieving oneself, relieving-tension, rub oneself (rub one's...), rub-it-off, rub-off, safest-sex, satisfy-oneself, screw, secret-selfish-sin, secret-sin, secret-vice, secret-indulgence, self-abuse, self-inflicted-intercourse, self-love, self-pleasure, self-pleasuring, self-pollution, self-relief, self-stimulation, self-service, self-stimulation, self-gratification, self-manipulation, sex-for-one, sex-with-someone-you-love, sin-of-impurity, solitary-evil, solitary-sex, solitary-vice, solo-sex, southern-massage, taking-care-of-business, tap-dancing, TCB, touching-oneself, treating-yourself-right, twiddle-with-oneself, unisex, vice-of-self-defilement, wank, waste-time, waz(z), wriggle, autoeroticism, autoerotism, auto-genital-stimulation, auto-hedonia, be-your-own-best-friend, beastliness, boffing, bring-oneself-off, clap-with-one-hand, crime-of-Onan, crime-of-self-pollution, diddle, diddling, DIY (do it yourself), do-oneself, do-it-with-oneself, do-it-yourself, ease-oneself, engaging-in-safe-sex, enjoying-yourself, express-a-secret-vice, fiddle-with-oneself, flying-solo, frig (onself),
See Also: autosuck vagina, do-it-yourself, get to know yourself, jazz oneself, frig oneself, make love to oneself, play solitaire, rub it off, watch and jack, TCB, syntribate, take a finger ride, take a beating, take in hand, take oneself in hand, take down (by hand), taking care of business, tame the monster, tame the bald-headed mouse, tame the beef weasel, tap dancing, tap-dance, teach Yule Brenner some respect, tease the python, tee off, thrap(e), throttle the turkey, throttle kojak, throw the ball around, tickle the crack, throwing (one), thumb the button, tickling her fancy, tip the middle finger, tom-tom, toss him off, touch up, tummy-fuck, turn the knob, twang the wire, tweak the twiddle, twiddle with oneself, unclog the pipes, vibrating masturbator, virgin's release, visit Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters, wank on it, wank-pit, wang off, waste a short time, waste time, watch the eyelid movies, water the hot spot, waving the magic wand, wax the beam, wax the board, wax the candle-stick, wax the bean, wax the saddle, whack off, whack the bishop, whack it, whack, whack the pud, wet the whistle, whack your Magic Johnson, whacking it, whack the yak, whank, whank-pit, whip it, whipping off, wienering, wonk off, work it off, work off, work oneself off, wrench off, wrist-off, yank (it), yang the wang, yank off, yank your wank, yanking off, yank your strap, yank yourself (off), rub the radish, rub one out, rub the magic lamp, rub off by hand, rub the knob, rub the (little) head, rub the tub, rub off, ruff the muff, run a batch, run off by hand, salute the sailor, satisfy oneself, self-pleasure, shake up, shake the snake, shake the weasel, shake hands with the governor, she-bop, shelling the oyster, Sherman, shift gears, Sherman tank, shoot skeet, shoot the cat, sing an aria, sing with Rosie, siphnianize, skin the bone, skin the lizard, slam the clam, slam the ham, slam the spam, slide the shaft, slick abuse, slimmer, smash the stake, solo flight, solo marathon, solo spit, spackling the ceiling, spam wham, spit one off, spit the seeds, split the slit, squeeze off, squeeze it off, squirt seed, squeezing the cheese, squirting the seed, squeeze the peach, squirt one off, stir the stew, stir the cauldron, strain the vein, stroke off, stroke the lizard, stroke the beef, stroking and poking, stroke the stallion, stroke the string, stroke the poker, stroke oneself, stroke the dog, stroke the slit, stroke the bloke, suffocate the organ, sweep off, play the silent trumbone, play the clitar, play with Willy Wanker, play the piss pipe, play with your Willy Wanker, playing solitaire, playing pocket pool, please the pisser, poke the pussy, popping a nut, popping the cork, pound it, pound the bobo, pound the flounder, pound the pud, pound off, pound the meat, pound the peenie, prune the fifth limb, puff the one-eyed dragon, pull one's joint, pull one's dong, pull one's wang, pull it (off), pull putz, pull one off, pull the peter, pull the pole, pull the pork, pull the pud, pull the joint, pull the root, pull your prick, pulling rank, pulling a solo session, pull the taffy, pull wire, pump one's pickle, pump oneself off, pump off, punt the cunt, raise the flag, rake your meat, ram the ham, rank, make waves (for the boy-in-the-boat), make scissors, manuxorate, maritate, accosting the Oscar Meyer, activating cruise control, airing the orchid, armswing, arthur, articulate the archdeacon, assisted shower, friggit, fuck Mary Fist, fuck the fist, fuck udders, fuck one's fist, fuck your fist, gentle the genitalia, get a lube job, get a fat lip, get a stinky pinky, get gravel for the goose, get some self, get some trim, milking one's self, mix up a batch, mustard on the burger, night-club, oscillating the Oscar Meyer, pack the palm, palm it, pat the Robertson, pat me muller, pet the petunia, pet the poodle, pet the pussy (cat), pinch the cat, play pocket pool, play pocket billiards, play the bones, play the fiddle, play the male organ, jeff off, jerk jelly, jerk Jamby, jerk the joint, jerk the turkey, jerk the Turk, jerk the mutton, jerk the johnson, jerk your jewels, jerk the rope, jiggle the jewelry, jilling off, jog off, joyce off, juice it up, juice the fruit, jump start the river, just jerkin' it, kick the gong around, knead your dough, knock the top off, knock on wood, leave it to beaver, leglock the pillow, Levy and Frank, looking askance, lose bullets, lube the cord, make a bald man cry, make butter, make a milkshake, make bumps, make love to ones fist, give it a one-gun salute, give oneself a handjob, give oneself a low five, give oneself the finger, giving it a tug, go on a hand diet, go to war with yourself, going cabareting, going on a finger ride, grab the goatee, grab the flab, grease the dildo, grease the gash, grease the goofy, grind off, grip it, gristle rub, hack off, hand queen, haul your own ashes, have a wank, have one off the wrist, having a tug, having dinner, hit the ham, hit the slit, hitchhike under the big top, hold the bold, hone the bone, hose the hole, hot rod it, hug the hog, hump the bump, hump the hose, hump the horn, husk it, jack hammer, jack shack, jack your jizz, jack the corn, jack the sack, jack the beanstalk, jack yourself, jack the joystick, jag off, do the dew, do oneself, do yourself off, do the wet-n-stinky, dollop the weener, doodle the noodle, douse the digits, drain Charle's Dickens, draw on a length, drilling for oil, dry-firing the musket, dunk the doughnut, dunking the beaver, empty the cannon, engaging in safe sex, express yourself (manually), fan the fur, fare un ditolino, feed the fist, feed the beaver, feeding the other mouth, feed the cat, feed the ducks, feed the bearded clam, feed the clam, feeding the bearded clam, feed the stick, feeding the slot, feel the fur, fetch, fight the turkey, fidget with the digit, fight the champ, fire the hand cannon, fisting the mister, fist it off, fist-fuck, fist the mister, flick on over the thumb, flick the bean, flicking the switch, flip the flaps, flog the hog, flex one's sex, flog, flit the clit, flog the dong, flog the lizard, flog the dummy, flog a dead horse, flog the dolphin, flog (oneself), flog a willing horse, flog the old whipping-boy, flogging the dolphin, flog the mutton, flog the dog, flog the sausage, flogging the dong, flog the pup, flog the whipping-boy, flog the log, flogging the dog, flog the goose, flog the meat, flog the pork, flong the dong, flopping beef, fluff the muff, frig off, friggle, ball off, balling off, bang the banjo, bang the wanger, bang the bishop, basting the meat, beat, beat meat, beat one's little brother, beat Pete, beat the beaver, beat the bald-headed bandit, beat the dork, beat the tom-tom, beat the bishop, beat the goose, beat the hog, beat the pup, beating about the bush, beat the pud, beating it with a smile on your face, beat your meat like it owes you money, bequeath your genes, blanket drill, blooch, bop the baloney, brandle, break one off, bring down (by hand), bring off by hand, buck the bone, buying an E-Ticket, buzzing, cabareting, caress oneself, catch up with Popeye, charge the rod, charm the serpent, checking for impotence, check the oil, checking the foxhole, checking the oil, checking for testicular cancer, cheesing off, chicken-choker, chicken-milking, choke the chicken, choke the bad guy, chong your schlong, churn the butter, churning the cream, churning the butter, churning butter, clap the clit, clamping the pipe, clearing the snorkel, cleaning your fingers, clitorize, cock your shotgun, color in the coloring book, combing the brush, come into your own, comforting Gary Coleman, come the turkey, coming into your own, court Madam Knuckle, crab tease, crack off a batch, cracking off, crank the cream, crank the shank, crank the love pump, crank the cream separator, crank the monkey, crank the shaft, cream your corn, creamed beef, cuff the meat, cuff the dummy, cuff the carrot, cuff the puppy, cunt-cuddling, dancing with the captain, dash one's doodle, date mother palm and her five daughters, date Palmala Handerson, dating my palm, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, deep dishing, diddling, dicky-whacking, digging a trench, digitating, digitate, digging the trench, digging into the trenches, digitize, dilly with the willy, dip the digit(s), discipline your soldier, disobey the Pope, do a dry waltz with oneself, do it with oneself, do handiwork...
Do the do, hook up, get busy, don't the Brits say:"have a go?" Anyway, my husband and I say, "do taxes" I could be mistaken, but I think it came from the tv show 'Roseanne'
and this is why I love this site
There is so much information on here today I don't know if I should touch myself until I vomit or just shit my pants....
A medical way of saying "shut the fuck up" is STFU.
Brain Problem: I don't think your work is really done. Keep it up!
Still waiting for Jonathan's two pence.
@Starting-- We always call post McDonald's a McPoop... not that creative, I know, but I still can't say it with out giggling and I'm nearly 30...
Wow, there are some really bizarre ones in those last two lists. A few I can't even begin to imagine what they have to do with the issue at hand (no pun intended). My favorite term for female masturbation is "playing with the little man in the canoe."
<<Turbo in the Thunderdome wrote:
There is so much information on here today I don't know if I should touch myself until I vomit or just shit my pants....>>
OHMYGOODNESS I can't stop laughing.... ROARING laughter coming out of my itsy-bitsy cubicle!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I prefer "manning the cockpit". And "tab A, slot B" for the two-party action.
The thin walls of my house make it darn near impossible for me NOT to hear the rather vigorous sex my housemate has with the various men she brings home… We have jokingly taken to calling them her "campaigns," (more joking on my part than hers, I am sad to say) and most mornings there will be a "how was the campaign last night?" "Successful!" conversation over coffee.
The other day I asked “so how was the campaign?” and she said, in the most heartbreakingly disappointed way possible: “It failed. The men were soft and all the moral boosting in the world did not help them rise up and conquer.”
I am a bad person, because the mental image that conjured up made me laugh so hard I nearly died.
We usually referred to BM's as "Making Big Potty". I've also heard "Dropping the Cosby Kids off at the Pool".
This thread is defiantely "Hall of Fame" material.
I meant definately. I, too, am terrified of the spelling and grammar brown shirts.
D, some time ago, it was decreed that the Grammarians and spelling nazis would lay off the errors in peoples' posts, and only pick on those present in the Finds themselves..
(the exception to the rule being: if someone makes a "correction" post that includes an error in spelling, punctuation, grammar or syntax, it's open season. those are the best!)
Some of the cops didn't get the memo, though, so there's the occasional violation flag, so everyone's still so terrified of being publicly flogged that we add post script posts, policing our own mistakes.
whoever it was that associated 'toilet' with the brits - you are right that brits and australians and kiwis all tend to say 'toilet' instead of restroom or bathroom. it seems vulgar at first, but if you persist, it will start to make more sense.
flargy - my favourite for women's masturbation is 'giving myself a pat on the front'.
Another thing that has come out of this: "The medical way to say _____ is [some abbreviation]" I love that as well!
I had a friend in high school who used to refer to masturbation as "petting the bunny". He said it was non gender specific and therefore politically correct.
That being said, I had a bunny as a child and it bit people. The phrase turned my stomach.
Anyone notice that feed the cat is on the masturbation list? Puts a whole new perspective on why that girl had feeding the cat on her list so many times a day and for so long each time!
I am typing up some documents for work, and just read the sentence: "Ensure that any form of agreement applying to the Firm Member is reported, as any principal transaction involving the Firm Member must involve the mutual consent of both parties prior to any transaction taking place."
In light of everything written here, that seemed appropriate as a closer to my day.
Wow Brain Problem...and they ask me if this is all I do all day (is comment on found)?
the grammer popo dont sceer me. dem punks caint do nutin compared to wat i cud do ta dem. If you are a grammatarian just be careful, the next kids to be dropped off at your pool may not be your own.
Correction:
If you are a grammatarian, just be careful; the next kids to be dropped off at your pool may not be your own.
Another one, and I have to say I didn't read Brain Problem's whole list (well, I am at work) ... one my friend used to say "I've got to go and release some chocolate hostages!". I don't know why but I ALWAYS laughed, no matter how many times she said it.
Gross!
brain problem, you have a brain problem.
By grandfather also insisted on using the term BM. Once I began doing research in England and found all my colleagues using the term 'BM' for the British Museum, I couldn't help smirking. I still inwardly laugh every time I say I'll be at the BM tomorrow...
Wow,when I opened this I was wondering what could warrant 108 comments so early in the day. SHIT!
I refer to my (female) genitalia as 'the cat'. Thus we have 'getting cat', 'pet the cat', etc.
One time right at the end of sex (during the withdrawl phase) my real cat walked in my bedroom and meowed loudly. My lover looked at me and said 'wow,it talks?!?!'
No shit Winston, it must have taken him (I assume) all morning to type that. WOW!
Ummm, don't be stupid. That list was attained from the web, likely multiple sources (hence the repetition). Good old copy and paste. The disturbing thing is, where on the web was all that found?
Damn, y'all. I'm a she, and I didn't type that all out. I stated clearly that it came from an on-line medical source.
I do, indeed, have a true medical brain problem in my head, though it is not what causes me to spend all day hanging out here at FOUND. I do that because I can't get enough of the hilarity. Laughter IS the best medicine, you know?
One I didn't see on the sex list, although it may have been there, was "How's your father." I always thought that was a funny one.
Also, can I applaud Jason & the Founders for the magnifier on this one? It made me notice that the first line is written, the second, printed. Weird.
Hmmm, which on-line medical source? Im curious, what malady is laughter the best medicine for? It has yet to cure any disease, and in highly isolated cases has resulted in death from the stress it causes on the body.
Kirax, you douche-bag, it is a lexicon of phrases used in the treatment of sexual dysfunction and addiction. I came across it when I was working for a psychiatric clinic. Many of the patients also had personality disorders and anger issues, much like yourself.
I wish laughter could actually cure me... nothing else can, but it does help me take my mind off of my problem situation
Devil, it's almost funnier that you say you're going to defecate in the toilet than just using a euphemism. You seem like such a tightass.
And I once threw up in to a strong wind ( no time to plan ), which freaked me out bad, but nobody I've told has seemed surprised by that at all.
TMI!
My Dad used to say 'I'm going to see my solicitor about dropping the matter.'
personal favourite for a man masturbating "stabbing the rabbit".
Also, over on the sneeze page, they've had a contest to name a toilet. By popular vote, the winner is ... the shatner (although my personal favourite was the 'ipood')
@Brain problem situation:
I'd love to look at the ceiling with you! <3
I feel bad for all with the initials B.M.
so Kirax IS pepper,right?
I notice that the "nice" Kira has been scared away from further postings (if indeed there ever was another Kira.)
Brain Problem, Thanks for making a sorta funny Find an absolute riot!! (and the rest of you, too.) I agree, Jonathan:TMI!!! But I enjoyed your dad's phrase for the deed.
I had a friend in school whose initials were BS..until her mom remarried and the stepdad adopted her-then the initials were BM.
I love Excremeditation myself. Ahem.
Also, I was scanning all the potty talk with the glee of a 9 year old at a slumber party when my eye fell on “going to poo in my mother tongue…” (yes, I read in as on) and I actually squealed at how unintentionally hilarious and gross that was. It made me want to write about it, in bubble letters, in a Garfield spiral bound notebook fat with puffy stickers.
The smarm who wrote that note would be HORRIFIED at what has happened here. How delightful!
I met a chick one time who called her box 'the basement'. It brought up such horrible images I never bothered to try to go there.
Sometimes I wonder... Do people still find this kind of stuff funny? I wonder how many people read Brain Problem Situation's comment and laughed... or how many just skipped it cause it's lame...
Why is potty talk so funny to all ages, starting with 1st graders, and going all the way up to us grownups?? I think it would also now be fun to share interesting initials. Mine are MR, especially uncomfortable in my teachers' meetings where we're discussing kids who are MR.
Dang this has been hilarious today! :o)
Yes Raisin, people still find this kind of stuff funny. Some people. But I wonder what the percentage is... 20% of all people?? ...90% of all people??
@Raisin Muffins
Shit yeah they find it funny.
My nickname in gradeschool wasn't Turdsa just because I accidentally put a cat turd in a Tootsie Wrapper to my lips.
@Lance... I might have already sheathed the sword to the hilt with you. You sound very familiar.
it starts long before first grade, too. I've seen little bebbies giggling and laughing because they've passed gas or made boomboom.
And when the older sibs, parents, etc laugh along.. (why? because it's amusing!) it only reinforces the humor.
Raisin muffin, you're a party pooper.
Brain sit, Ummmm, yeaaaaah.... soooo... Douchebag, huh? What the heck did I do? Could you please explain where that is coming from? Could anyone supply any instance of behaviour or rationale that results in this obvious and unwelcome hatred? Sorry I said someone's comment was stupid (I think that is the second time I've done that, and henceforth I shall refrain), but chill, I have never called names apart from that, so take your projection of anger off of me and see me for who I am.
Flargy, lesbians "play with the little lady in the canoe."
BRAIN PROBLEM SITUATION said (in first post):
"All of these are listed in one of my on-line medical dictionaries:"
-- EACH of your dictionary quotes ARE an entire dictionary!!
Regarding BM,
"see-a-man-about-a-dog (T)
see-a-dog-about-a-man (T)"
Hmm... in my family, the guys always said:
"see-a-man-about-a-horse"
~~~~
And on another, yet somewhat related, note:
Several years ago, my grandmother became extremely frail -- and, at the same time, her -uh- bowels became *impacted*.
Thank heavens that a dear, lifelong friend agreed to help with her at-home care...
Anyway -- after days & weeks of treating & cleaning up after these 'impacted' bowels, my friend & I absolutely went off one night, giggling & discussing IMPACTS of all sorts - particularly traffic & bowels. And how pleasant (*NOT*) these are, for those who deal with them!
~~~~
I'm sure glad I peeked at yesterday's! What a full-scale education!
(Brain -- thank you)
Btw, this same grandma is the one who trained me -- at the age of first speech(!) -- to use the term "bowel movement", or "BM", to be discreet!!
And, also btw, my grandmother got very strong within a few months -- even went on her exercise-bike kind of regularly!!
Btw, this same grandma is the one who trained me -- at the age of first speech(!) -- to use the term "bowel movement", or "BM", to be discreet!!
And, also btw, my grandmother got very strong within a few months -- even went on her exercise-bike kind of regularly!!
My dad worked at an auto maker, and sometimes when he had to BM, he'd say that he was "Going to make a new foreman."
Years later, when I worked at an auto supplier, one that created a lot of unnecessary Vice Presidents for no apparent reason, we'd say we were "Going to make a new Vice President."
The funniest one, though, was a rhyme my friends and I would say when we were kids. While pointing at one nipple, then the other, then your crotch, then turning around and pointing at your butt, you'd say, "Milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made!" Still makes me chuckle, thinking about it.
i think "holy shit!" is all i have to say.
Spam....
What's next? Monday, Tuesday, _________
I put apocalypse and it refused it...
WE CAN BE SURE THE WORLD ENDS ON Sun,Mon,Tues, Thurs,Fri, or Sat--day, peeps. Definitely not Wednesday.
I am a pediatric nurse, I think it is interesting that african-american boys say "I have to use it" when they need to,move their bowels.
thank you Ninja. I will never fear wednesdays, from now on. I always liked that day best, anyway.
Here are the steps of normal defecation according to our lecture on constipation:
1.Propagation of intraluminal contents to rectum
2.Sensation of rectal fullness
3.Internal Anal Sphincter relaxation
4.External Anal Sphincter contraction
5.In a socially acceptable time and place, individual squats and anorectal angle straightens
6.With straining, PRM and EAS relax. Pelvic floor descends, anorectal angle straightens further
7.After elimination, tonic activity returns
i can't believe how many immature comments came from this note. it's just a signa that doctors write on prescriptions, etc. get over it people.
@pharm student
We can't get over it. Not ever. We deal with it every day (at least those with high fiber intake). And it is a profoundly transcendent human activity -- at once a humiliation (to realize your body contains such vileness) and an accomplishment. So repulsive, yet so fascinating (how we wonder at what we expel!). Both unpleasant and deeply satisfying.
It is the most potent equalizer of humanity; perceptions and practices of love, sex, and friendship vary too greatly from culture to culture to be truly unifying. But the whole world, from Darfur to Dubai to Dallas, cops a squat. We've got different scatological accessories (toilet paper v. biday, commodes v. squat pots v. straight drops v. a scratched out patch of earth), but the experience is fundamental, elemental, and metaphysical. Freud would back be up here.
Poop will always be funny -- except to you -- because it is the one ridiculous thing that we all share in this sorry world. It's one thing we can all laugh about to keep from crying. You might enjoy the experience more if you remove the stick from your rectal orifice first...
Add to your list of the immature Geoffrey Chaucer and William Shakespeare, who found great jest in the bawdy. Would that they were online! What a laugh they would have had.
And my contributions to our laudable lexicon of loaf pinching:
- streak the bowl (even the prim and proper pharm student knows what I mean)
- to have a bad yam cooking (to be precise, a pre-poop descriptor and not a verb)
@not so clever: Very, very clever indeed. I liked your input on output.
I was given a "Braggs Healthy Lifestyle" book which gives detailed directions on how to evacuate your bowels fully and effectively. Their process includes putting your feet up on a stool so they are about 6" off the floor. Gee I've been "talking to Mr Roca" or "going to ShiiiiCago" since I was about 2, and always managed...though of course in those days my feet WERE more than 6" off the floor!
This is fucking funny!
HA! My mom always used "BM" to talk about poo when we were kids.