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July 17, 2009 |
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Waste of Skin
FOUND by Kirby
in Seattle, WA
It was during a horrific snow storm and I ran out of gas on the way to one of two gas stations open at the time. Luckily I was able to turn left onto a street going downhill and I parked my car in front of an apartment building and coincidentally, in front of a fire hydrant.
My friend went to go pick up my car later and found this attached to my windshield. I guess we can assume it was to me, but funny all the same.
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Stick It to The Man December 15, 2005 |
Shut Up October 15, 2006 |
Always and Forever March 04, 2006 |
2732 July 15, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
The horrific snow storm caused the cancellation of Kyle's anger management class and his therapy session, which came immediately afterward. The car in front of the hydrant was just too much.
first again! Woah, good luck all day.
This note is the most eloquent stream of anger put into words that I've ever seen. He must practice a lot to get this good- the language sort of flows....
emembered what the cannibals had taught him: waste nothing. Even the skin, thin as it is, can b
Placing a curse on someone is the ultimate revenge.
"you waste of skin" is somewhat creative, isn't it? I've never heard it before, anyway.
Beside that, aren't the fire hydrants usually placed between the buildings and the cars? So it would be a problem to get from the hydrant to a fire across the street, but NOT one on the same side? (I yield to the wisdom of Foundian fire fighters on this one)
Either way, the note seems a little overwrought.
@Librarian: The British call someone a "total waste of space" or "surplus to requirements(on planet Earth)". I like those, but "waste of skin" does have more edge to it.
Great. Now I have a yen for a nice Chianti and some fava beans.
Ass-fucking car? Did not realize cars could do that. I would not want to come across such a car..
@baby basil: Chianti sounds nice. Though I have more of a hankering for a bloody mary.
waste of skin is used a lot in the prison environment, librarian.
This guy must've been around 50. "Waste of skin" was a favorite saying of ours in the 70s.
This note sounds like my psychotic brother, however, he would've staked out the guy's car and told him this in person. No, Christmas is not fun.
Am I the only one who thinks, based on the handwriting, that the writer is female? Start with that first initial 'd'--do guys write with that sort of flourish?
@ mona lisa ... ah, that would explain why I have missed out on that bon mot
@ erp ... good point! That could suggest that this is a fun note written in jest to a friend, or possibly ex-roommate, whom she would take to court for parking in front of the hydrant. Hey! Do you suppose this was written by Nicole to Kyle after he dumped her and she started hanging around with Josh?
I've heard "waste of skin" plenty times, but always wonder what we would be doing with skin if not using it to protecting the organs of those sorry asses who commit the ultimate sins against humanity like parking unsatisfactorily, make lampshades out of it?
Kirby! Kirby! Kirby!
I like the insult "waste of good DNA."
I think this note was written by ManDance's crazy cat lady neighbor. And exactly HOW is parking by a hydrant fucking with someone? I mean, sure. It blocks the hydrant. And that's a ticketable offense. But have you seen how the firefighters handle that particular situation in the event of an actual emergency? From what I've observed, it really doesn't hinder their efforts that much.
you're welcome librarian.
I would think that, rather than a waste of good DNA, it would be an example of poorly constructed DNA, don't you think?
of course, the insult "you mass of poorly constructed DNA" doesn't flow well, does it? I may use it, tho, next time i run into someone that makes me mad.
Waste of skin!!! Good one. I like oxygen theif better.
Mona, what up with the know it all for prison lingo. Spent some time or do you just watch OZ.
I'm so glad that forward thinking clothing houses like American Apparel have brought back the heat-sensitive tee shirt! Remember the Hypercolor Tee of the late '80s/early '90s? I especially like the fact that the one in the AA ads doesn't actually feature the brand name of the shirt in bold letters on the front.
I believe the Ass-Fucking Car was a model that came out right before the Gremlin.
I can't believe the notewriter misspelled asswhole.
Never heard "waste of skin" or "waste of good DNA". I have heard a teacher tell another teacher the kid was a "wasted F*ck."
Jason had just gotten out of prison. It had been a thirty year sentence, so he was eager to get back in the world. But no sooner had he gotten out than there was a terrible snow storm. Jason hated snow. Then the gas station didn't have his favorite candy. The car in front of the fire hydrant was just too much. He snapped.
I guess it's antidote day -
My mother worked in the telephone operator office at a large hospital. The switchboard was on the first floor, and had a window with a direct view of the drop off/pick up parking lot that also had all handicap parking.
This guy visiting the hospital - who had HC plates came outside and found a NON-HC plates car parked in an HC spot. The guy went nuts - went to his car got a huge knife and punctured all the tires and did other damage to the car while ranting about this car being parked inappropriately.
As he was finishing the owner of the car came out with a relative in a wheelchair, and proceeded to show the rampager the temporary HC card on his dashboard... and then the police showed up.
pepper... max security psych.
@Librarian: Parking in front of a hydrant would, indeed, affect a fire on either side of the street. In structure fires, 5" hoses run from the hydrant to the fire engine, THEN to smaller hoses carried by firefighters. If you look at a hydrant, you'll notice they rarely have an attachment spot on the side directly opposite the curb.
Wow, so we have some 50+ year old woman (or woman who spent time in jail) and fancies herself a witch? Fun, fun, hope the curse doesn't ruin your life too much. (:
@ Firegirl ... egad! you're right! I'd never thought about the lack of curbside attachment spots on a hydrant before.
The set up makes sense the way you explain it.
ok, then, I'm with the note-writer on this one. Except for the more colorful images. And wondering why this person didn't just phone the police or a tow truck instead of writing a lengthy note.
Bored said: "But have you seen how the firefighters handle that particular situation in the event of an actual emergency?"
Dear Bored,
I, for one, haven't. Do tell, please.
Well, I usually save my curses for big infractions. Parking in front of a hydrant seems a bit minor to me.
The big ones include throwing garbage out car windows, and letting your dog bark all night.
You're lucky your pen pal wasn't actually a homicidal maniac. She - and it is undoubtedly a "she" - didn't even stab your tires or bust out your windows.
First of all, why curse Kirby's whole family? What did they have to do with it? And second, how's he gonna perish in flames? He's parked right next to a FIRE HYDRANT!
How far does the "whole" family go? Inlaws, cousins, divorcee's relatives, bastard children, adopted children, step brothers and so on? Now I am worried, I might be kin. If I stub my toe tonight I will be forced into adding my insults too.
It is better than getting a ticket for parking in front of a hydrant.
One time my friend and I went to the movies and it was extremely cold outside. Well, some jerk had found a way to occupy not 2, but 3 parking spaces. I left him a note but it was nothing like this and I am quite sure it blew off. I should have licked the back in hopes that it would freeze to the windshield.
Dear Asshole,
You were my most delicate
and respected piece of skin.
@ Oooh Hotness: I am also excited about AA's shirt. I had a Hypercolor shirt in elementary school and it was AWESOME. Every time I talk about them, no one remembers, though.
@Lauren... I remember. They were made by Genera. I could never find one that didn't have that logo on the front.
Hmmm.....
Wasted Skin = Bad Tatto???
Ref.
http://www.foundmagazine.com/comments/8114/
NEWS FLASH!! I just found out, in the movie "Backdraft" (Alec Baldwin?, Kurt Russell?) -- about firefighters -- they came to a burning building, where a car was parked in front of the hydrant.
They proceeded to get out their fire-axes, and break the windows -- both driver and passenger -- and were able to pass the hose thru the car, without any problems!!
there you go. or drag the hose over the top of the car, the hood, the windshield. Those hoses are heavy and can cause significant damage to the vehicle.
this so sounds like the overly wound, bitter, i know better than you do, culture of seattle.
That's MR. Asshole!
Hi,
I think this person has some real issues going on, nothing to do with a car being in the way of a hydrant. Besides most cars present no problem to fire crews. They just smash the windows or even bounce it out of the way. Probably would have the car dealt with quicker than the time it took to write that foolish note. Saying that, I wouldnt piss on the author if she was on fire :)