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March 24, 2008 |
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Hands Off My Loofah, Bitch!
FOUND by Ryan Samuel
in Boston, Massachusetts
Found on Brighton Avenue in Allston.
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Gang Aft Agley August 11, 2006 |
Last Warning February 15, 2004 |
In Other Words June 09, 2002 |
Karen's Guide January 04, 2007 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Wasn't me, either.
Man, somebody's in trouble.
Know what? Maybe the alleged loofah user accidentally knocked it into some water or something. You need to calm down, purple loofah girl.
was this note actually left in the shower? it sure looks um, wet.
I thought Danielle said the same thing last week when you asked her if she used your boyfriend...
What's a lafa? I wonder if she meant loofah.
Better than using someone else's contraceptive sponge, I guess. Does anyone actually use those things? The only place I ever heard them mentioned was in sex ed about 22 years ago. They sound kind of unsanitary. If the kitchen sponge is the most bacteria-infested item in the average kitchen, what can that mean for a contraceptive sponge?
Well, it surely wasn't me!
But, Danielle seems like a
liar to me, so watch out. :]
With it's heart shape and
not so friendly message, this
probably would've been more
suitable for Passive-aggressive
notes, rather than Found.
Well *of course* Danielle said it wasn't her. Look how you're acting over it.
So the blue loofah is up for grabs then?
Flargy, you do know sponges are one-use only items, right?
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine trys to determine if a guy is "sponge-worthy" because they stopped making her brand of contraceptive sponges and she doesn't want to waste them. LOL.
Well, for one thing, a loofa shouldn't be purple. And its owner shouldn't be so freakin possessive about it. Besides, Danielle barely used it - just scraped off the scabs left after her wart removal. And she was gentle about it, too, just as her gynecologist recommended. What's the big deal?
Ooooh Farmer... I wasn't even going to comment on today's Find because it seems so, like, sorority.... But then I read your comment...
EEeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww.........
This Find + Farmer's comment = Rebel rethinking all shower paraphernalia choices for fear of someone else using them....
Farmer brought this find to a new level of ewwww....
Flargy, you have not heard of sea sponge tampons then? I believe they are reusable. And thank God Danielle isn't using that and then lying about it.
This doesn't look like a real loofah, at least in my experience. All the loofahs I've ever seen were so dry and rigid there was no way to get them really wet--just a chunk of the original plant, which I believe is a member of the gourd/squash family. I suppose if you soaked them in hot water for a few hours they might soften up. Certainly I've never seen a coloured one, nor yet in a twee little heart-shape. Can't be a real loofah--must just be a scrubby sponge.
Nothing pooftah about a loofah!
Baby- I don't think they actually wrote the note on the loofah. Although I will agree with you, I've never seen a purple loofah before.
So, you don't want people using your purple loofah? Don't leave it in the shower!!!!
Then maybe Danielle's hairy Italian boyfriend won't be using it after one of their long nights together.
oh, you guys' comments make me nauseous.
good job!
I used your purple loofah, but not in the shower....
Sounds like something that should be on PassiveAgressiveNotes.com.
Soap, that's like saying "If you don't want people eating your food, don't leave it in the fridge" or "If you don't want people taking your paper, don't leave it in the printer." Things should be able to sit in their proper place unmolested by jackass roommates (which, unfortunately, depends on the roommates). Hell, I've even had shit taken out of my drawers and closet and used by my entitled shithole roommates. :P
notadr,
Like I said, the last and only time I heard reference to them was when I was eleven years old, and I really haven't given it much thought since. Your knowledge helps put my mind at ease, though. I guess my adolescent mind figured if you could pop a diaphragm in and out like a retainer, maybe you could do the same with a sponge. Gross.
Pixi...sea sponge tampons?! Reusable???!!!!! Sounds like an accidental coral reef waiting to happen.
Wow, someone REALLY likes purple!
Oh, and y'all have had some disgusting insights today. Ewwwwww!
ok..sea sponge tampons? are you for real, Pixi??? i've heard of washable pads, but not tampons. That's just asking for an infection.
and your loofah..well, sorry about that, i just had to exfoliate that skin on my feet.
I'm confused, even more than usual. Was the Find the actual loofah itself, or a photo? It can't be that easy to write on a loofah. Has to be a photo. But who would take the trouble to photograph the offended loofah and write a passive-agressive note on it? How expensive *is* a loofah in the States, anyway? (And if the actual loofah itself, did the Finder scan it, or send it in by post?)
Said loofah looks pretty grotty, anyway. Did Danielle leave those brown stains on it, and if so--I shudder to think what she used it for! And if they were the owner's stains--Danielle, how could you!! You don't know where it's been!
@Flargy's adolescent mind:
It is my understanding that diaphragms don't pop into one's mouth.
What's the last word on the find?
The Today Contraceptive Sponge was taken off the market quite some time ago prompting Elaine Benice to buy up all remaining stock she could find. She then had to determine if her dates were 'spongeworthy'.
Orinoco,
I think it's heart shaped note paper, not the loofah or a picture of the loofah.
(I can't sign in either.)
CuriousKat,
The last word is "her."
how do you know it was a girl's purple 'lufa'? okay, it's very likely that it is, but NOT DEFINITE! and how the hell do they even know someone used it? again, not definite. maybe they just moved it to get to some shampoo or something.
Ghost, even my adolescent mind was able to process that much info. However, now that you've planted that visual in my mind, the idea of someone momentarily trying to put one where the other goes is pretty comical.
i just watched a movie where i guy put a diaphragm in his mouth... what the heck was it? dang.....
Putting a retainer in one's cootchy gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "bite me."
Mona, are you watching gay porn again?
Her? Ooooh--I get it now. I thought it was 'hes' and the writer was super-dyslexic for a minute and was trying to write 'she'. It just wasn't making sense to me.
Do women still use diaphragms? Are IUD's still on the market? What do women do for birth control these days? I don't even know! How sad is that.
Her? Ooooh--I get it now. I thought it was 'hes' and the writer was super-dyslexic for a minute and was trying to write 'she'. It just wasn't making sense to me.
Do women still use diaphragms? Are IUD's still on the market? What do women do for birth control these days? I don't even know! How sad is that.
oops...how does that happen?
*blinks* Note to self: never again should you visit this site on only four hours of sleep. All this talk of contraceptive sponges and washable tampons makes me grip my lower abdomen in dismay.
I had a roommate once who was rather obsessive about anyone handling any of her bath-products... I still have "fond" memories of being awakened at 7:15am by her screaming at another roommate for supposedly using her shampoo. (She could tell because "the bottle was in a different place.") This roommate also claimed that the only way to get really and truly clean was to exfoliate every square inch of your body twice daily. Too bad we never thought of sabotaging her loofah: That would have driven her ‘round the bend.
Danielle's a liar, man! A liar.
Yes... It was me. On the night when Danielle couldn't wake up "Babyboy" and Trish couldn't find the hoodie, I gave them a ride home and was invited in for a shower. We tried to wake you up but you weren't having it.
I'm sorry I used the purple loofah.
Oh, by the way, you should probably get a new toothbrush.:O
Anyway before the shower I thought "Loofahs" were those fat midgets from the Willy Wonka movie.
Hey CuriousKat in LG, Wisconsin! You ask a lotta personal questions for 8:41 on a Monday morning! Ok there's the IUDs and the IOUs and the diagrams and the condominiums and there's the pill. There's the pills that you take every day, but the green ones are just sugar pills and there's the ones you take for 3 weeks and then you have to remember not to take them for 7 days and then there's the patch which is just like that nicotine patch but it won't help you quit smoking, and you shouldn't smoke when you take birth control cuz it can clog up your arteries and lead to heart disease. And you definitely don't wanna use no loofah for birth control cuz it's got too many holes in it. What are trying to do, make me sick? It's just like my Grandma used to say, "if it's not one thing it's another. Keep your legs closed, my little Roseanne Roseannadanna, and you won't have to worry about it."
If that purple loofah could talk, the tales it would tell...
Something tells me that the purple loofah's next use will be in the toilet.
p. 2 (the note continues)
because I asked Danielle's
PCA (you know she
can't shower w/o help)
Which leads me to believe that this is no college roommate dispute or sorority cat fight. This is a knock down, drag out assisted care facility cage match. No body's getting out of there to sit in the courtyard musing on yesteryear until the ladies on the third floor have it out.
I'll buy a ticket for that action.
"Someone used my Oompah Loompah in the shower...."
pssst....not so clever, I can get you 2 for 35 bucks.
Apparently Bath & Bodyworks not only sells loofahs in a variety of colors, they also come in a nice array of color-coded scents: “sweet grape”, “tart apple”, “citrus burst,” and “berry blast.” Ignoring for a moment the alarming imagery of things bursting and blasting in the bath, a distinctive smell might have made it easier for the Note-Writer to find the culprit.
“Someone used my purple loofa in the shower and I asked Danielle and it wasn’t her, so I’ll be coming around to sniff all of you later.”
Flargy, the only time I've ever heard of those contraceptive sponges was on Seinfeld, when Elaine was upset they stopped making them, haha. Someone else was like hoarding them.
Pretty decent episode, have a watch.
Puckhog's comment about the toothbrush reminded me of this:
http://annenahm.com/?p=403 funny writing about Easter Peeps, and what they do when we're not looking... get a new toothbrush, indeed.
I think it was Danielle, too.
Monkey Wrench, that give a whole new meaning to the saying "Smell ya later." hehheh
Y'all are crackin' me up this morning!
Surprisingly, I saw a box of Today sponges on the shelves next to the pharmacy counter at the back of the Rite Aid just last week. Since this was originally an Eckerd Drug that opened some time in the mid-80s and had just been bought-out and revamped, it was hard not to wonder if this box was found somewhere in the back stockroom, a relic of the Reagan era and the time of Big Hair.
I suspect the "purple lufa" is actually one of those 99-cent fluffy, net bath puffs.
I use a washcloth........like god intended.
Trust me, the Today Sponge is back on the market! So all Elaine had to do was wait a few years for their return...
Man she's tough. I'm guessing that purple post-it heart taped to the bathroom wall (behind the toilet or on the mirror no doubt) really scared the sh*t out of someone.
"OMG she knows, what am I going to do now?"
and I'm also guessing the answer would be "Go ask Danielle, she knows what to do in this situation.
A Ghost in the Lost and Found said - the gay porn is playing 24-7. I watch it for the stories.
The ring. The best form of birth control yet. Of course no good for STDs (ditto sponge, pill, etc). 1/2 the hormones of the pill. slow released. in for three weeks out for one. repeat.
to baby and coco-
Though I have seen the real sponge loofahs, this is most certainly a note written about the more popular and definitely synthetic loofahs. These fake ones are cheaper, and come in every color of the rainbow. They are mostly just thin plastic mesh that has been bundled and tied so to catch lots of suds.
And I think Danielle is a dirty liar. Well, maybe she is a little cleaner now that she totally used the loofah. Bitch.
The only colored loofah I've seen was loofah used in pet toys, otherwise I've only seen it natural.
I assumed she must have meant one of those shower puff things. Whoever used it was doing her a favor, those things are bacterial paradise.
Bill O'Reilly used it!
We may be dealing with advanced cryptology here. If you label each work of the original note 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3...and then arrange the ones, twos, and threes together, it gives this startling message:
Someone purple the I and her used lufa shower
asked it my in and Danielle wasn’t
I supplied breaks and punctuation to obtain the following:
Someone purple: The "I and her" used lufa. Shower asked. It -- my in -- and Danielle wasn’t.
Now, once we crack the codenames "purple," "lufa," and "shower" we'll be on the verge of cracking this found wide open.
I really should be doing work...
"...label each word..."
@Eli The Sponge was VERY ineffective- that's why it wasn't taken off the market. Could it really be back? I hope they improved it.
@ CuriosKatI use a diaphragm, but they had to find an old doctor to come in and fit me b/c they are so rare the younger doctor didn't know how to fit me for one!!!
I agree- it's not a real loofah- it's one of those netty plasticy bound thingys.
Holy shit, not so clever - I almost pissed myself laughing. Now, I would like to help decipher:
purple = Russian
lufa = heroin
shower = Ringo Starr
I do believe we've cracked the code.
Roseanne Roseannadanna. live in New York:
That last method you mentioned is called the 'Aspirin Method'. Put an aspirin between your knees and don't let it hit the floor.
And, yes, I'm very curious by nature. Hence the name CuriousKat. Otherwise I'd just be ShortKat or probably more likely ReallyHotKat.
Jen in Sacto: So people still use diaphragms. Interesting to know. There comes a certain age where all the men you know have had a little snip-snip so all the women you know don't really think and/or talk about birth control anymore. Except my friend Annie who is a lesbian and says that's her method of choice. Guess she's right.
Not so Clever, Good GOD man, what are you thinking??
That's the last time I recommend you for a covert operation.
Lunaception, of course.
But, seriously, has it not occurred to anyone that perhaps reusing some sort of sponge tampon would be far less bad for us than shoving bleached chemically treated tampons...
My mother had some sort of sponge for her period that occasionally sat in the soap dish by the sink.
CuriousKat, I track and use condoms. The other options are:
The pill, which gives you intense mood swings and probably makes you infertile.
The shot, which does the same while also depleting your bone-density.
The patch, which does the same.
The IUD, which they only give to monogamous women because the slightest STD can cause serious infection leading to infertility.
The Diaphragm/spermicide, which has always sounded like too much trouble for me to bother with.
Condoms (annoying)
Female Condoms (funny looking)
Rhythm (ineffective)
Pull-out (scarily common)
and Vasectomy.
It's enough to make a person celibate.
Martina: Wow--I have really not been paying attention lately. And, I'm almost afraid to ask this, how does one 'track' condoms?
@Martina - "But, seriously, has it not occurred to anyone that perhaps reusing some sort of sponge tampon would be far less bad for us than shoving bleached chemically treated tampons" um... two words for you. Bacteria and systemic infection. Do you remember the toxic shock syndrome of the ..what is it, the 1980's, so now we don't leave our sterile, chemically treated tampons in our vajayjay's all night long. no sponge tampons near my cookie, tyvm.
"Monogamous women" now isn't that an oxymoron?
This reminds me of a recent conversation I had with someone who thought that being close to her period and having her boyfriend pull out at the last minute meant she could not get pregnant.
The follow-up conversation was all about why a sandwich baggie is not a suitable substitute for a condom.
…Maybe if they had used a really tight rubber-band to hold the baggie in place…
Hey Mona! I had that same thought about toxic shock and those damn Rely tampons. Everyone I know got hoards and hoards of them free in the mail in the spring of 1980 and everyone LOVED them! That was until people started getting very sick and in some cases DYING.
I remember "the film" in class at about age 13, when the district nurse asked what methods of BC we had heard of (she meant "used") and her horrified screams: "NOT Saran Wrap!! It comes UNWRAPPED!!" When someone broached the subject of beaten eggwhite judiciously applied, she turned pale and left the room momentarily.
Using a menstrual cup is safer than tampons and better for your planet, but I digress.
I don't know about certain age, but my husband had a vasectomy when he was 20. We probably used poor judgment, having a couple of kids when we were so young, but at least we had the good sense not to make anymore.
Have we forgotten about the issue at hand?
Someone has used this deranged girl's "lufa" and we don't know who!!!!!!!
She spells it "lufa" but she really means "luva."
Somebody used her purple luva in the shower. Luva is her...little friend. You don't use another girl's purple luva, that's just wrong.
So last week in the orange "FOUND blog" window in the right-hand corner of this page, there was a link to either vote pepper off the island or keep him. Does anyone know what happened?
@MonkeyWrench, for some men a sandwich baggie would make an excellent replacement for a condom, as long as there was a sandwich in it!
Jason! I still can't sign in. 8-(
I would never use someone else's purple loofah/lufa.
But a blue one? That's a different story.
@ Night in gale: Food as contraception. THAT'S funny.
@ Flargy: Brilliant! If purple = Russian and lufa = heroin, then this string of comments today is even more ridiculous. Who used my Russian heroin? It has nothing to do with hygiene or the bathroom. It has everything to do with Ringo Starr...
But the question remains: can this strand of cryptology comments suppress the "crimson tide" that is surging? Probably not. Hasten the midnight hour!
Do you guys remember a poster named Dancing Queen? Where'd she go? Or are you there and posting under some other name now? Don't hide!
@CuriousKat Goodluck, I have no idea who that is.
@Not co clever - you're amazing, I almost pee my pants when I read your posts.
@orinoco...egg white and saran wrap. Were you in a cooking school?! Wouldn't it just be easier to get an older kid to buy a condom?
Let's just buy our precious little note writer a new plastic scrubby thing. Will that stop the madness? Because she is totally ready to bring the smackdown! (except with Danielle, of course. I mean, she said it wasn't her, right?)
loofahloofahloofahloofahloofahloofahloofahloof
I love the word loofah!
Reminds me of the "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoon where Hobbes tells Calvin how much he loves the word Smock and then annoys Calvin by repeating it over and over.
I love the word Smock, too!
Smock and loofah both fun to look at and even ore fun to say. Spam protection question is spell palindrome backwards. There's another word I love;also fun to look at and more fun to say. This is why I love the English language!
@Mona Vajayjay!!?? Never heard that particular word for every man's favorite part of the female anatomy. No offense intended of course. :)
smallbear, you must not watch Grey's Anatomy, or Oprah, then.
No offense taken, smallbear. I don't usually use that word, usually i say nush. (pronounced like bush. hmm? coincidence? i think not)My friend's niece calls it her "crunch" so, my friend says that she's going to see Captain Crunch when she's going to her gynecologist.
I'm curious about those menstrual caps.
Speaking of the 'netherlands', I saw this thing to help ladies pee standing up advertised on a website the other day. It had 'whiz' in the title. I guess that sitting down just isn't all that convenient, but having a little pee tube that can ball up and be placed in your purse is.
lol @ netherlands, coco...
Who said anything about the Netherlands? Coco are you being a little too..."familiar"?
All this girl-talk is making me tired. I'm gonna belly up to the bar. Who's coming?
Martina, you forgot a few:
Hystorectomy (if you're including vesectomy have to go the other way, too)
And a couple from ancient Egypt: half of a lemon (used as a cervical cap) and crocodile dung. The last one is used as an "after" treatment.
Night in gale, have you tried using the "login" at the upper right? I found that that worked where logging in at the same time as posting didn't work.
Netherlands? More like Neverneverland.
Yes Freon, that's what I've been trying all
day. Neither sign-in location works. 8-(
Thanks, though.
If you're finished having kids and are 23+ years old, there's another option I didn't find listed here... It's completely awesome.
Cervical Ablation.
I highly recommend it. I won't go into details, but I haven't had um.... women's issues.... in a very long time and I'm nowhere near menopause.
Freonz freak: Hysterectomy? That's a very extreme thing to do for birth control. I think you mean tubal ligation. And a vasectomy is still quicker and easier.
Butter, you've had shit taken out of your drawers? That tops all.
Yes, Terrie, you're right, tubal was what I meant. Had both, neither is fun, but the tubal was a hell of a lot easier.
Night in gale, good luck with the logging in thing. Sorry the login thingie wasn't the trick to fix the problem.
why didn't anyone play the game? okay, i will:
someone used my large cucumber in the fridge and i asked danielle and it wasnt her.
Hmmm, almost as bad as listening to Woman's Hour...
I misread it as 'luba' and was wondering what kind of lube is purple. Perhaps what you need for a collapsed big end bearing.
The only purple thing I've ever seen in a shower was made out of soap and shaped like a, er, large dildo. Hey, Danielle! Stop that!
Reminds me of the joke about the nuns, but that doesn't work when written down.
Collapsed biggened bearing? Yup, I think I did that, too. And it does require purple lube to do it right.
Sure, Jonathan, go ahead and dangle a little nun joke in front of us.
Is it about the nun that crossed the road?
Thanks for the thoughts Freon. I think I need a Jason thingie to fix it or better yet Lord Brad's magic fingers to get me in (or something. Don't get me started on prepositions again!)
@Jonathan, that purple thing isn't made out of soap, it's just covered with soap!
Lars, where were you this morning? Your game would have totally trumped Flargy's contraception digression.
Someone used my Ben Wa balls in the nightstand and I asked Danielle and it wasnt her. (What?! I'm playing!)
Nightingale- I have been having a lot of trouble logging in too, but sometimes I am able to get on if I click on the registration link sent from Found when I first registered. (If you still have it...)
Hey hey hey! That worked Skye! Thanks so much!
I prefer my pink lufa.... it matches my bathroom.
Now, I'm not one who considers himself (gender disclosed!) queasy, but spending a day reading comments of various troubles downtown from people I know only through our shared penchant for textual voyeurism has got me feeling a little...weird.
@Vitruvian Man: I'm not a drinker, but a little seltzer water might settle my tummy. Save a spot along the rail for me...
2 hours, 9 minutes, 50 seconds, and counting...
Yeah. It did get a little weird. Stop that yall.
Ok. I'll stop. Fortunately, nothing I've said will go on my permanent record since I couldn't log in all day. But Mr. Not So Clever, don't forget, I DID make you laugh today. How would you like a lil sandwich with your seltzer?
8-)
@Night in gale: so long as it isn't egg salad... *gurgle*
Not so clever, that's so sweet of you to count down the time until my birthday! 8D
Now who's talkin' about troubles downtown? LMAO
Freon, I hope your birthday Find is sporty or a funny photo or something sweet, just like you!
Thank you, Night in gale! I hope it's something like http://foundmagazine.com/find/407
The spousal unit and I are going out of town to celebrate and I may dress like that little chickie just because. LOL
My favourite definition of non invasive birth control comes from an old episode of "Rhoda" (which I bet no one on here is old enough to remember.) Rhoda tells a nurse she has used oral birth control. Nurse asks her which one, and she replies: "I say "No" a lot."
Somehow I don't think "just say No" is a good slogan for teenage pregnancy...given statistics.
The BC sponge has been in use since the 1930's.
baby basil, i remember rhoda. loved the show. Joe just died, didnt he?
I remember Rhoda, too. Her sister on the show became Marge Simpson's voice. I liked Mary Tyler Moore's show (with Lou Grant) better, from where Rhoda spun-off, but I was in grade school then, so I'm probably older than both of you. (Clover wrote from France how age is revered there, so I'm going with that notion and putting it right out there. Ha!)
Two nuns in the bath...
'Where's the soap?'
'Yes, it does, doesn't it'.
I had a hell of a time trying to remove the Today Contraceptive Sponge. I had to put both feet on the wall and get forceps to remove the stinky thing. Never again.
I see our Jonathan has had queasiness issues for the last couple of Finds...could it be pregnancy?
Only if you drop your sponge at the wrong time, I guess....
Just teasing you, J!
I'm glad I took this day off.
knowing the women of Allston, this loofa should be checked for panty crickets.
eeewwwww . . . this reminds me of a chior trip to canadia i took in high school - when i got in the shower there was a pube stuck my soap. however i wasn't passive agressive enough to complain about it with a heart shaped note.
@monkeywrentch - i think your ex-roommate might be my sister
@smallbear - try saying "cake" in a robot voice over and over - it's especially great if you're stuck in a car with someone that you really want to piss off
@only - ahh, panty crickets, how I've missed them
What a lovely Valentine's note.
Jonathan, it took me a minute, but when I got your joke, it pretty much made my afternoon. It also reminds me of one of my favorite minimalist jokes:
Q:What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
A:The woman in church has hope in her soul.
Flargy, it took me a full 24 hours, even with hints. You don't wanna know where I was when I finally got it. HA!
I still don't get the nun joke....
Stephanie: change the spelling of "where's".