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August 05, 2009 |
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No Maternal Instinct
FOUND by Krista
in Violet Hour, Chicago, IL
While cleaning off a table I found this crumpled up napkin stuffed in the seat.
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Cartweels October 24, 2004 |
A Nice Home July 13, 2007 |
Fleet Week July 14, 2002 |
Attn: Police August 18, 2007 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
I made a list just like this when helping my mother decide whether or not to marry her now second husband!
@ Belief -- she married him even though he was a horrible mom and had no maternal instinct? Bummer.
Yeah, huge bummer. But loneliness defeats some people, and it sucks. He's not so horrible but the rest are certainly true!
I really hope this wasn't an autobiographical list.
It doesn't have to be autobiographical...most "horrible moms" don't recognise their own horribleness, anyway...it could be a man listing all the reasons he took his kids and headed for the hills.
I've known some women that fit this list to a T, some of them married to my siblings. One of them enjoyed being pregnant or having a tiny baby because of the attention she got as mother-to-be or with the cute baby, but the moment the kid started school she was basically done with it. She would sit around reading cheap fiction and watching daytime TV, never lifting a finger in the house even though she stayed home all day. Her kids went to school in dirty, wrinkled clothes because (she claimed) "that's what they want to wear."
That marriage went on forever. If he had made a list like this one, maybe he could have saved his soul alive.
@Basil-I see these women on Jerry Springer. They don't understand why their man strays. Jerry,Jerry, Jerry...
After several glasses of champagne, Bibou and Augustina left the Cons list on the table after talking over the Big Decision, which Augustina had been pushing Bibou to make. Secretly while in the ladies room, Bibou made a Pros list in her little silver notebook:
- Really well hung
- ex-wife's fault
- buy more lottery tix
- Augustina made me write that one
- ex-wife's fault
Prince Charming discovered the awful truth about Cinderella only too late.
Their Technicolor(tm) cartoon romance came to a crashing halt after he listed her faults and saw them in stark black and white.
Damn straight, Librarian.
I remember listening to Charles Stanley (a person I normally despise for his soo smooth "radio voice") discussing his daughter's reaction to marriage. One month after the wedding, apparently they had "the folks" over for the first big "dinner party". CS offered to do the dishes with his little girl, in order to ask her, "Well, hon, what do you think of married life?" Her response was, "You know what, Daddy? Disney lied."
Trouble with a storybook romance is, after the wedding you discover you married a human bean, just like you.
(inner monologue)
hmmmm... should I just go with "it's not you it's me", or should I go with "it's not me it's you ...you horrible, dirty, debt-ladden,
worst mistake of my life!"?
This is Brad Pitt's rationalization list for not marrying Angelina.
I think the first one is horrible man. The N is wider, but is like the one that comes off the E in children.
The only thing missing from the list: grapefruit segments
OK, it's a Private Eye joke.
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/
Hmmm. And here I thought Ian was referencing our friend, Annie.
http://foundmagazine.com/find/11098
Mona, I visited the link you so graciously provided, but I don't get the connection. A site search for grapefruit segments netted zero results. ?? Am I missing something glaringly obvious? Has my cultural (or counter-cultural?) literacy been woefully ignored?
Grapefruit segments – once an infuriatingly-pervasive and out-of-place component of lists (such as features on new cars, etc), now seldom seen.
wikipedia gives the reference. Thanks, Ian, for turning me on to that magazine. it's freaking hilarious, if a little britcentric. But isn't all the best humour britcentric?
wikipedia gives the reference. Thanks, Ian, for turning me on to that magazine. it's freaking hilarious, if a little britcentric. But isn't all the best humour britcentric?
It looks like a list of reasons why to give a baby up for adoption or have an abortion.
It looks like it say horrible man, to me.
She made a list of reasons why she should go ahead with the abortion.
It's hardly surprising that Private Eye is "britcentric" given that it is and has always been a London publication, usually favoured by those of a class formerly known as "Sloan Rangers."
It's "horrible mom"
Men don't have maternal instincts.
i think a woman wrote this. she is talking about a situation, not a single person. i also think it's "horrible man". she at least knows that she has no maternal instinct.
I think she is either gearing up to leave her husband/boyfriend and the dirty children, maybe not her children. sounds like step kids to me. she thought she would grow into loving them, but couldn't cause they were so very dirty.
either that or i think meri in dc is right.
@ just wonder- maternal instincts is a different entry entirely. It's a list of the five major things some broad has working against her, the first of which is the horrible man with whom she apparently allied herself.
Is it money down the drain? or is it a constant drain on the finances? (one and the same, I guess.)
I vote "mom," not "man." napkins are tricky to write on w/a felt tip and that m looks nothing like all the n's.
I think this list was hastily scribbled by a guy justifying his illicit affair while his date was in the restroom. When she headed back to the table, he shoved his list down in the seat cushion so she wouldn't see it. She didn't know he was married w/children (he had taken off his ring) and would be horrified at what he had written.
btw,tricky spam question:420
I want to know what the other side says!! I see something peeking through.
I find lists like this weird. I understand practical to do lists. To Do: Wash car, buy milk...
But whoever wrote this already knows the mystery person's flaws. What's the point?