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August 06, 2009 |
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Pamper Your Primate
FOUND by Paul McNeil
in Ballina, NSW, Australia
I found this three years ago in a small coastal town RTA (roads and traffic authority) notice board.
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What Have We... July 26, 2006 |
To Die For September 29, 2006 |
Emotions Resolved January 26, 2006 |
I'm Willing to Learn October 02, 2005 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate with me. I would see him fly into the house across the way, pick up the telephone, and dial. My phone would ring, and it would be him, but it was just this squawking and cheeping. "What?! What?!" I would yell back, but he never did speak English.
Dang...I want a monkey. I had neighbors, 30 years ago, that had an orangutan (Daisy) that they kept in their home, staked in the yard for an hour or two each afternoon and they would walk her every night. (I'm in Kansas...wasn't normal then and not excepted now) I loved that primate! She saved me from a dog once. I was walking back to my grade school after lunch. A dog charged me, I smacked it on the head with a library book and Daisy came screaming at the dog, the dog ran off with tail between his legs. The mailman walked me the three blocks back to school. We agreed that my mom would just be upset and want every animal in the neighborhood put down.
Daisy lived here for awhile longer and always loved on the kids in the neighborhood. I'd sit in their front yard with Daisy and the three legged Irish Setter from the next street would join us. Really. We were a bit of a mishmash, but, jeeze, did we love each other.
Daisy moved away, the dog died, I bought a house up the street from my parents and am in line for the crazy lady position...lol!
The place to go for all your monkey spongebath needs: http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&q=85+rajah+ro
(And gotta love Goondooloo Drive around the corner. Love Australian place names!)
Awww, it cut off the link. Ah well.
Is this really about pet monkeys? They are wild animals and should not be pets.
I'm with Alf, on this one...pound for pound, most monkeys are much stronger than their human counterparts, and can do serious damage without meaning to, if distressed. Not to mention the long, sharp teeth. Most "higher" primates have no idea of the real needs re: space, exercise, surroundings of their "lower" cousins and have no business keeping them as pets.
That said, WTH is a "medium wipe"? All primates need rather more than a spongebath; give them access to water and they will use it. (Except some humans who seem to be allergic to it; I've lived with a few of those.)
The phrase "medium wipe" in conjunction with the UK euphemism "spank the monkey" has me in adolescent giggles right now...bad basil! Bad!
asn't until he called that he discovered it was a massage parlor, and its posted rates were just a euphemism for variou
Vould you like to touch my monkey?
Basil beat me to it. Is this similar to "spanking the monkey"? If so I will take two. One for me now and one to go.
Well, what I'm confused about is whether this sign offers to have one's pet monkey washed ... or whether it offers to wash YOU using someone else's pet monkey as the implement of cleansing.
"Softer that a loofah! Smoother than a chamois! Also gets those nits out of your scalp!!"
sprokets
"...touch the Monkey Eddie! I am as happy as a little girrlll..."
I wonder how much it is for a brass monkey?
Farmer has it right. I am a primate. Could I get a little spongebath too. But why Tuesdays only? and I have to say the first two comments seem to belong, maybe in a creative writing class. They're both nice and all, but........... why are you putting them up here? But thanks.
Awww Man, why'd they have to edit out the number!? >:(
Oddly enough, during my bike ride this morning, I was thinking about the word monkey, and its use as a verb (monkeying around.. monkeyed around) because since that Meredith Find the other day, the spelling of "dookeyed" has been bugging me. I still can't shake the feeling that it should have been "dookied"
One time I was at a small zoo looking at the monkey cages. One of them was front and center in his cage masturbating. I pointed and laughed at him. He slammed his fists down in anger. It was hilarious.
I think it's a club where monkey owners get together and all pamper their primates together. A kind of monkey cleaning orgy.
@Questions: Honey, when you start critiquing the content and length of comments on Finds, it's a sure sign that you're spending waaaay too much time on Found, and online. Turn off the computer and go outside. Get some fresh air.
And leave us to our fun.
how would you like to be stared at and laughed at while you were masturbating, Lauren in Muncie? sheesh... give a primate some freaking privacy.
Can I get my monkey spanked and/or shocked as well? I'll pay more.
Hear no evil
See no evil
Speak no evil
and their associates -
Wipe no evil
Rubdown no evil
Spank no evil
Touch no evil
Voyuer no evil (for Lauren)
Brilliant!
my favorite thing about this find is the missing number tabs. the fact that not only someone decided to offer a primate cleaning service but a few people out there actually required it....
it just makes the world a little more wonderful and surreal. i also like the ambiguity over whether the monkey gets cleaned or does the cleaning
incidentally i've often said that if i ever wrote a book on pet care it would be called "you dont really want a monkey, you just think you want a monkey"
do your homework before you bring an animal into your life. for your own good as well as the animal's
i cant stress this enough
If I had a million dollars
I would buy you a monkey.
(haven't you always wanted a monKEY?!)
Then there's the gorilla at the zoo. We stood and watched in horrified wonder as Mr. Gorilla methodically pooped into his hand, carefully inspected his product, sniffed it like a connoisseur, then proceeded to eat it. Yummmmy!
A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey.
I believe this would include a medium wipe and certainly a full rubdown.
I'm fascinated by Found's bizarre sense of censorship. We have the name of the town, the place the ad was hung up, the exact adress of the monkey-rubdown venue...even the prefix! But Found, in their infinite wisdumb, have blocked out the latter half of the number. But how hard can it be to find a monkey-wash in a town the size of Ballina?
Same for names.Some get blocked out, some don't--often one each in the same Find.
Bizarre.
I believe "a monkey" is a five-pound note. Is this a money laundering scheme, then?
I thought this find was maybe a kid playing around at home.. Like maybe the kids little sister got a stuffed monkey as a present, probably from a carnival.. And the older, more wiser kid thought this would be a good way to make some extra money.. by charging sister to get her monkey cleaned he would surely have enough money in a few weeks to get those new tassles for his bike handles. He never ever thought that it would turn out that people actually required their monkey to be cleaned and now he is overwhelmed w/ appointments to clean said monkeys. If he only put at that bottom of flier that it was for stuffed monkeys ONLY.. His life would never be the same after this!! *shakes head in disappointment*
orinoco - replace "bizarre" with "oh crap, the address is still on there." Fixed-- thanks!
@ mona lisa ... well, if it was a monkey pointing and laughing at Lauren....
Wait a minute! This Find still has the thumbtacks in it!
(sense of outrage calms as I realize that the Finder must have taken a photo and sent that in, rather than taking the Find itself to a scanner or physically sending the whole thing in)
All this talk of monkeys and no one has mentioned Michael Jackson's beloved "bubbles" yet.
By the way, who gets custody of the monkey?
I really don't care for monkies. I would NEVER have one as a pet, even if I was thusly gifted.
As a child I begged my Mommy to take me to one of those drive-thru safari places. What distresed me the most was when the monkies got on our car. One slid down the windshield like a slide and left a poop streak on the glass. I was horrified. At least he wasn't masturbating, too.
We can take pictures and submit them as finds? WOW!
I know how to clean my monkey, so I'm not going to pay for help...but if you want to volunteer...
You know how they had that news story about the chimpanzee that was kept as a pet and it ripped the owner's friend's face off? I saw that and got to say, "Uhhuh, see, told you."
Before that, every time I would see a chimpanzee, I would always say, "chimpanzees will rip your face off" (because I saw a documentary about them on Discovery or NatGeo or some place--they will also snatch your baby and eat it).
So, if you keep a chimpanzee for pet, don't be surprised if they rip your face off or eat your baby.
*Dingoes* will eat your baby. A chimpanzee however is perfectly capable of ripping an adult's arm off. There is documented evidence for that one.
How much for a pressure wash?
I was also distressed by the thumb tacks because I thought it said "No pictures of finds" on the submit thing.
Also, I do not masturbate with an audience, so the pointing and laughing isn't a problem. However, there was this one time on a trampoline when.... nevermind.
I think they take submitted pics of Finds on a case by case basis. It has to be a really good one...
This one's worthy, in my opinion.
It puts the lotion in it's skin!!!