 |
August 17, 2009 |
|
 |
|
|
That Gas Smell
FOUND by Mike Jarboe
in chair at physical therapy office
Poor Stanley. Always being "dealt with."
Sign in or register to start a profile and keep track of your comments. You may also post without creating a profile, but you'll have to answer some tough spam protection questions.
Thursday April 27, 2003 |
The Very Best... April 10, 2005 |
Untitled #5 December 25, 2005 |
Lost Fire Juggler October 25, 2006 |
 |
|
 |
         |
We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
#5: put out?
Man, I fucking hate dealing with Stanley!
This reminds me of the days when I was married when my spouse would come home and say, "what the fuck did YOU do today? Ohh. you worked so hard with laundry and kids and dinner... Why are there dirty dishes in the sink?"
Thank God I'm in that 50% DIVORCE rate statistic.
@Living: "Put out" the tree, probably refers to a real Christmas tree, which dries out over the holidays (the little bucket notwithstanding) and is then put out with the trash for pickup. And usually the trash people refuse to take it.
Maybe the physiotherapist wanted to see what the patient did in an average day, to see where the pain is coming from. Dealing with Stanley and Matt's kids probably doesn't help.
15) Became even more list-obsessed
Now there's a person who really would wonder why anyone was trying to be like her.
That gas smell could have been coming from the litter boxes. What a gross concept. Thats why cat people's houses stink and the residents don't notice it. Best to own ceramic cats.
Watching someone elses kids? Give them a double expresso and take'em to the candy isle in Safeway. And get some gas-x for Stanley.
This list is for her husband who says everyday... "Well, what did you do today?"
That gas smell was likely emanating from Stanley.
#5 could be "took ... pot out" [which Matt or his kids left in the house while he was dealing with Stanley's gas smell]
#9 I think we've all duted the TV at least once in our lives, nicht wahr?
But most of all ... what do want to bet that NONE of these things were on her "to do" list for the day and/or that she wasn't able to check off a single "to do" item by the end of the day? I KNOW we've all had days like that!
@baby basil: I don't think 'living' was asking a question, exactly. Perhaps in the UK you don't use the expression "put out."
First thought was that Stanley was the source of the gas smells.
Dog breath, the people who own indoor cats and stinky houses are the ones that have to put "clean the litter box" on their to do list. If one removes the waste from the litter box in a timely manner the house and the litter box don't get stinky.
I thought the smell was the signal that it is time to clean the litter box.
@Freonz - but the cats do remain stinky!!!!!
I woke to ‘Ol Stanley’s bad gas smell.
Watched Matt’s kids while he dealt with that hell.
Purged this house of Christmas.
My work, please don’t dismiss.
With your day, what’d YOU do – Please DO tell!
Nice poem, Feeling.
I was thinking that, for a change, here is a 'to do' list in retrospect.
p.s. next time you wake to gas smell, try to remember what you fixed for dinner the night before.....
Thanks Fooch.
I was feeling inspired by Philipp Goedicke and Carl Casell.
@ filbert ... ahhh, but not ceramic cats!
oooh that smell.
can't you smell that smell?
Things had gone well. It had been quite a busy day, but now she had some peace and quiet. Having reviewed her list, she had a feeling of accomplishment, having dealt with Stanley, getting the tree down, the decorations put away, and the whole rest of the place neat and clean and smelling fresh.
(She was about to enter item 15, "make dinner"
, when the whole house blew everyone and everything smithereens from the gas leak.)
The Christmas tree looked on from the snow bank as this list landed in front of it.
would love to hear what she is actually thinking as she's legitimising her exsistence in lists of mundane chores.
I think the family has signed up to be part of wife-swap so Mom is trying to make herself look busy in the hope that 'new mommy' will get the house in shape for her by the time she gets back. I don't envy new mommy...
Oh the minutiae! I can see making a "to do" list like this and crossing things off, but to make it after-the-fact? Oy.
@Dog breath: you've been here longer under another name, haven't you? Were you the geek not in your mom's basement? You are witty and are making references that seem, in my memory, to precede your current name. Do tell.
I think there's a kind of symmetry to this list. Look at #1 and #14 together; then #2 and #13; then #3-#12; then 4-11; 5-10; 6-9; and 7-8.
I can see how the gas smell could have been coming from the garbage; how Stanley might have brought his dirty clothes over to be washed; how Matt's kids might have been doing something unfortunate with the litter boxes; then the decor could have been on the counters; and the tree on the coffee table; the cleaning goes with du[s]ting; and the sweeping with the vacuuming.
What we have here, folks, is NOT a to-do or done-this list. What we have here is an epic poem written in ancient Hebraic parallelisms. Those are verse numbers at the beginning of each line. This is what that best of wives praised in Proverbs 31 spent her time doing, while her husband sat at the city gate. THIS is the translated text of the lost last chapter of the biblical Book of Proverbs!
Or maybe not. I could be reading things into it.
Librarian, you've got a great and enjoyable wit about you. Thanks for the laughs!
BTW, neither my house nor my kitteh are stinky. And they're also not ceramic, though I wish Kitty was when he yarks up a fur ball.
Cats will remain stinky if the particularly furry cats have dingle berries.
I think a "What I Did Today" list is much easier to fulfill than a "To Do" list.
Everything gets checked off!
Reminds me of the Hans Christian Andersen story about the little Christmas tree who thought it was going to be in the house forever and was hurt and upset when he was tossed out at the end of the holidays. He thought they would keep him and redecorate him.
These days it happens! The artificial tree gets to play Christmas year after year.
Most people aren't lucky enough to wake up to the smell of gas. They usually wake up DEAD. Why the list AFTER the jobs are done? Reporting to a real control freak of a mate??
Okay. The first day, no, my vacation, what I did on my summer vacation, the first day on my vacation, I woke up.
Then, I went downtown. To look for a job.
Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.
The second day on my summer vacation, I woke up.
Then I went downtown. To look for a job.
Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.
The third day on my summer vacation, I woke up...
Now that's fine, young man!
...Then I went downtown to look for a job...
Now that's fine, young man!
...Then I got a job, keeping people from here and out in front of the drugstore. The fourth day on my...