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March 31, 2008 |
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Why Me?
FOUND by Pam Shaw
in Jersey City, New Jersey
There was a group home for women down the street from us. I found this while shoveling snow. I was about to dispose of it when I read the last item.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
uuhhh, totally speechless. You threw your infant out window and you're WHINING about how unfair life is!!? I hope the writer of this note is still locked up.
Wow, how flipping weird, "and don't remind me I threw my infant out window"......... Don't you just HATE it when people remind you about things like that? <sarcasm> can't people just let things go? This person is scary crazy not fun crazy.
Let's start a discussion about post-partum depression/psychosis, shall we? What great fun!!!
Or is that what living in Jersey City does to one?
What stain on the sidewalk? Oh, that one? nothing to do with me, no sir.....I'm sure of it.
ok ya, totally creeped out by this. and is she saying she threw the baby out the window on her mom's teacher's birthday? does that make a difference? i'm super confused about the rest of the note too, seems like she's missing some words to make sense. or she's just crazy.
its interesting how she called it "my infant" instead of "my son" or "my daughter" or even "my baby"
I think its also interesting that she puts in that this occurred on her mother's teacher's birthday...i mean honestly, if it had been any other day well then it would have been ok, but we're talking about your mother's teacher here!
Through the whole rant I was really wondering what this girl had done to deserve such punishment, and I was expecting not to find out. I was expecting all of the comments to be guesses at what outrageous thing she had done. My guess is none of us would have guessed this one correctly
well... at least she gets the radio..
also no spam protection today?
Anger management classes, anyone? Brrrr!
Could her mom's "teacher birthday" be the anniversary of her getting a teaching job?
Post partum depression does weird, terrible things to people. One of them is that some mothers don't necessarily recognise the "infant" as being "their baby." Sometimes they don't even want to touch it. This dissociation could indeed cause someone to throw one out the window or drown it in the bath. It has happened.
They found the killer of the little local girl who was found dead in the sea after a month's disappearance. The killer had priors for abusing his own daughters but somehow he never actually did any time. He sure is now.
I am so angry I can't think. And this Find was too apropos.
3. and don't remind me that i threw my curling iron out the window on my mother's stylist's birthday.
I'm sure it was an accident. These things happen, y'know. Yeah; let's have a little compassion.
I wonder what this person feels he/she does deserve if it isn't prison. I have a hard enough time getting my head around the word 'deserve' in usual circumstances, can't even make it fit in the same room with my head in this circumstance.
i just don't know what to say. wow.
read a comment once by someone from child welfare services:
"If they don't get it when the kids are taken away, they ain't gonna get it."
I wonder how long it will be until this person realizes exactly how heinous her crime against her child was. If she ever does. And that poor baby! He/She will be writing the same kind of note one day...
1. I am so angry because my mother through me out of the window on my Grammy's teacher's birthday.
Hopefully the child will be a better person than good ol' mom.
Wow.
I think I'm more surprised at the comments posted in response to the note rather than the note itself.
It's quite clear this woman is not of stable mind. It isn't funny to mock mental illness, and it isn't a light thing to harm your own child. All I can say is I hope she is in an institution that will rehabilitate her properly. This note chilled me. Maybe if we changed our attitude to women who suffer from postpartum depression, situations like this could be prevented. I don't know, it's just a thought!
The comments posted are quite interesting indeed, but the reactions are themselves dealing with such a terrible thought. Some with laughter, some with an attempt towards answers, but it cannot change the harsh truth of what we just read. I agree that postpartum depression is quite serious, but it is the enviroment that enables it in such a way. A caring family/friends of some kind could have recognised the symptoms and been there before anything would have happened. But the act is done. I hope the child is in a better place. Either with mother and a safe home, a better home or foster care, (which sucks), or if my worst fears are correct, then I hope the child is is a much better place.
Pam Shaw, I am sorry that you had to be exposed to this in such a way, but I thank you for being strong enough to present this to your friends and peers. The most important messages are sometimes those we fear to face. This message in engrained in my memory for certain. I only hope I'm a good enough husband someday so that when I do have a wife I can care enough for her if she dives this deep into postpartum depression, knowing and remembering what I have read today. Thank you for your strength.
Thank you Pam.
Yikes! I wonder how old the author is. Teenager? This woman just doesn't GET IT!
Don't remind me ... please ... because the voices in my head keep reminding me day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute. I can't stop thinking about the poor kid, and wishing that someone had thrown me out the window first. I'm so, so sorry. I don't need YOU reminding me, too.
Like I could ever forget!
Wow. It doesn't say if the infant survived. Reminds me of two seperate stories recently where parents put their infants in the microwave and turned it on, one was the mom and the other was the dad. One survived and one didn't. Sad.
Not only did the person think this, but she wrote it down, which makes it somehow creepier.
Post partum depression or not, she's a criminal now. And if she were in Durham she'd already be free.
Defenestrating babies is not cool at all.
What scares me the most about this find is that my first thought was "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."
Waaaaa, oh, and don't remind you that you threw your baby out the window on your "other's teachers birthday.(what's that about?) Why? Cause you might forget? She's clearly Andrea Yates kinda crazy.
I had post partum depression, but instead of wanting to harm my baby, I had a plan to fake my suicide and hitchhike to New York and live like Carrie in Sex in the City.
I thought the last line in the first paragraph said, "I'm an angry boat".
Ok, this may start a fight, but...
when mothers are in labor, they produce a hormone called oxytocin. this hormone allows contractions of the abdomen as well as feelings of love and euphoria. many women are now induced with a chemical that imitates oxytocin (pitocin) in the contractions, but not in the love feeling. often they are induced because their doctors want to have the labor/delivery on their already scheduled On-Call day (so as to prevent coming in on their day off) or when the woman is "overdue" which is a complete guess anyway. many women could forgo the induction and go into labor naturally with no complications.
Now, after labor and delivery- mothers who breastfeed produce huge amounts of this hormone (again, oxytocin) which allows for release of their milk and again causes feelings of love and euphoria.
so if more and more women are having births through inductions (no love hormone) or planned cesareans (no love hormones) and then going home with boatloads of formula samples and then using formula rather than feeding their children naturally (again, no love hormones)... Then WHY are we surprised that postpartum depression is on the rise? Could it be that these women are needing the hormone to help get them through the periods of intense new learning, little sleep (which, formula feeding moms get less sleep than breastfeeding moms, btw), and ever-increasingly distant family?????
just my opinion. before you start calling me a boob nazi or any other derogatory label for my advocating a more natural approach to childbirth and nutrition- just think about what I've said. I am NOT flaming moms who formula feed- many don't know about this and honestly think that formula is "just as good" as breastmilk. And it is no surprise that most women think that- at least here in the USA- why wouldn't they when their own doctors, who are supposed to lead them through healthy lifestyles, are sending them home with that formula and that cute diaper bag with the free bottle and more formula coupons?
I am just getting it out there- this is something we need to think about... especially with moms like the above. Who, I am guessing, is either a teen mom or very close to it. Not by her actions, but by her perception that life is "unfair" and by her seeming lack of family or friends to support her through the new baby and now the punishment she is getting for her actions.
I was thinking that I had made a similar (though more grammatical) list after I was in a car accident following high school. Then I got to that last one. Ouch!
Trishia. Nice argument. I don't think you're a boob nazi at all.
My mother in law, who lives in canada, and had her kids in the 50's and 60's, was encouraged not to breastfeed even back then. My mom is european, had her first few kids via midwifery and breastfed all of us. (she said that her first experience giving birth here in canada was an eye opening experience. No one she knew in the delivery room, except drs and nurses, dirty looks when she said she was going to breastfeed etc.)
anyway. Even leaving out all of the health benefits of breastfeeding (for baby and mom) its easier and cheaper. Helps with postpartum weight loss, too. Although, i have to say that even breastfeeding, i did experience mild post partum depression. So its not a definitive prevention of that.
I'm not angry with this girl. I'm sad that she didn't get the help when she needed it, that she didnt have family who recognized that she was in a bad way, and who (in my opinion) didnt support and guide her when she was growing up.
As far as Finds go, this is pretty much the holy grail.
Who, upon beginning to read item number one, could have imagined what was coming at the end? W0W.
All this chick needed for her post partum depression was Mister Tom Cruise and a little of that Scientology magic.
I find myself wondering if this note was thrown out the window…
Oh my God I’m a bad person.
@Trisha: I agree with you 100%. My mother has equated it to animals who are normally nurturing and willing to lay down their lives for their infants (gorillas etc) rejecting them or abusing them when they are placed in unnatural environments (zoos.) They don’t know how to be parents, and there is no one there to teach them the proper behavior. Heightened stress, hormones yo-yoing, and the sudden introduction of a floppy little person, who can’t communicate, can’t do anything for themselves, cries at inconvenient hours… My nephew’s mother used to say he was like a “little monster who took over [her] life”, and that must be how it felt.
I also breastfed and also had some postpartum depression, but my theory (no proof) is that it would have been much worse. I'm not a crunchy granola earth mother but we as women are not encouraged to be in touch with our bodies. Celebrities have schedualed c-sections and then lose their pregnancy weight in weeks. This is not reality. A lot of the medical interventions during the labor process disconnect us from our feelings and sensations. When I had my 2nd child they were so busy at the hospital I labored in the waiting room for two hours and it was a lot better than with my first where I was hooked up, monitored and shot up with pitocin.
Anyone who hasn't been up in the wee hours with a colicy newborn for weeks in a row can't understand how desperate you can feel. As for the infant, I hope it is okay. My mom told me she almost pitched me out a window (I was a colicky baby too). Lucky for me she just gave me to the neighbor instead. This was a college-educated married woman in her 20's. Imagine what a teenage might do.
Has anyone else tried to google the news story for this one? The only thing I could find, the dad through his baby out a 15 floor window because he was mad with the mom.
This find is so unspeakably sad. I wish I could hug my babies now, but I am at work.
I think it's obvious that one of the many words omitted by the note's writer was the word "cake" at the end.
Chances are this was written by a young girl who never told anyone she was pregnant and then "threw" the baby away when it was born. Many girls give birth and then do what they can to kill the baby and then place it in a garbage can/bin somewhere. There are many cases of this in the US and I am sure it happens in other countries as well.
When I first started reading this note I was annoyed to hear someone with such consistently poor grammar and sentence structure and omitted words whining about not being able to go to college. Unfair? Seems more like "earned" to me.
And then I got to the bottom of the note. o_O Cooled my blood a little, to say the least...
I went to a struggling liberal arts college that was accepting 1.0 GPA students to make ends meet, and then allowing them to remain students in a probationary capacity for YEARS just to keep their $$$ rolling in. "0.8 GPA and not showing up for class? Who cares?! Just keep writing those checks and you're welcome forever!"
I was no straight "A+"er myself, but on behalf of myself and my fellow A/B peers-- who had to carry the weight of people who wrote like the person who wrote this find because they were incapable of doing the assigned work for group projects-- I see NOTHING unfair about their not being able to go to college.
Yeah that's right! I'm pouting! What'cha gonna do about it? :P
I hate it when my grudges show through, and I know this opens my comment to being group edited with a fine-toothed comb, but for goodness' sake! Who was it that perpetuated this modern myth that everybody just *gets* to go to college and when are they gonna knock it the heck off?!
Turbo, not only is that absolutely hilarious, it would also fit very nicely with the rest of this work of art.
John, not only was your idea also hilarious, I think you may have just saved the baby! Unless it was a birthday fruitcake, of course, in which case the kid may have been better off hitting concrete.
I tend to agree with Kimmy above, simply because the writer of this note seems so young and unsophisticated.
The note sounds to me like someone who isn't very good at English. Maybe an immigrant? It must be so scary to be having a baby alone in a foreign country.
My first reaction when I read the last paragraph was "She did WHAT?!" I was totally not prepared for that. It's hard to believe anyone could be that out of it that they threw their own baby out the window. I hope it was on the ground floor, and the baby was found in the flower bed, dirty but ok.
I can't believe this woman is whining about how unfair life is and how she feels like she is in prison when SHE TOSSED HER BABY OUT THE WINDOW.
@John: Your comment reminds me of the time my niece, in a fit of pique, decided to flail her teddy into her brother’s birthday cake.
The moment “M’Boo” made contact with the frosting she seemed to realize she hadn’t thought the move through.
Thanks for making me laugh.
This is so sad, check out this blog, scroll to the heading "What is it about New Jersey?"
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1997/12/cov_2
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1997/12/cov_23feat
Here is the link!
I was thinking the "infant" was a training doll until I read the comments. This was found outside a group home, which would most likely teach "life skills".
It's interesting that she uses numbers instead of normal punctuation and paragraphs.
Also, I'm really wondering about the "and listen to my radio" phrase. What does that have to do with the rest of the note?
I found a case in NYC where a 15 year old threw her baby out of the window in 2000. The baby did not survive.
<<<<<<<<Sexist Posters>>>>>>>>>>> Why's it gotta be a she?
jen, the best evidence we have is from the submitter "There was a group home for women down the street from us."
Sadly;
Some mothers will never care for the chilren they have.
Others will never care to keep them
and even more don't deserve the oppotunity to even give birth.
That's how I see it.
This girl needs help and I hope that someone was able to provide her with it.
Wow!!! What an intense find! I feel sorry for her, even though she threw her baby out the window. Obviously she wasn't in the right state of mind (post pardum?) and doesn't understand the consequences it would bring to her life. I imagine a scared young teenage girl who was trying to get out of a bad situation but just made it worse. Now she's compromised her future and regrets it. I think it's almost endearing how she naively thinks she should be able to just serve her time on weekends, but continue her life during the week. Not really understanding the point of a prison term- that it's a punishment. The one confusing thing is why a mother's teacher's birthday would have great significance on somebody's life?
I thought maybe a "mother's teacher" was someone who supposed to be teaching her to be a mother. Looks like she failed in her job if so, and on he birthday too!
I was actually feeling sorry for the writer (in a schmaltzy sort of way) until I got to the end. Some observations and personal beliefs:
* I agree this writer (most likely a female) is mostly likely young. The syntax and "not my fault"/"why me" attitude sounds immature/teenager-ish.
* (Again, no proof), but I don't agree about the pitocin/milk issue. Both of my daughters were induced (2 and 3 weeks early) due to medical reasons. I formula-fed both girls (again, because I'm not physically able to breast-feed). I don't believe either of those circumstances made me less loving or caring after their birth or at any time up to this point. I did not suffer PPD, but I - like many - had my moments of frustration and crying because of colicky/upset babies. My first daughter could not sustain her body temperature for several days (due to an infection) and had to remain in the hospital on an IV for 5 days. They told me the medicine hurt (apparent from her screaming as they administered it every 6 hours) and I cried each time they did it. The nurse was certain I had PPD and that I was not just hurting for my baby.
* Finally - wow, this has turned into a rant! - PPD is a terrible thing that has only gained attention due to some horrible incidents. However, I believe that some people are just evil and mean and would harm others - including their "infant" - just because.
Wow Trisha thanks that explain why I had postpartum with my third child (c-section) and not the other two who were natural and breast fed. I was with La Leche league at the time and a real boob Nazi when it came to breast feeding. There is no good excuse not to breast feed. You make as produce as much milk as you use. I hated hearing the excuse "I didn't produce any milk." It's free, it's all ready prepared, it natural, and if you put a little breast milk in your eye it gets rid of conjunctivitis.
Think of the children....Won't someone please think of the children? Maybe if there were more social services/mental health counseling available in this country instead of emptying the asylums and pissing billions of dollars away in Iraq, we could have the means to deal with society's "fragile people" like this one. How sad.
Kelly- I was thinking the same thing. One of those life skills dolls that mimics the real thing. (Maybe another reason that she remembered the teacher's bday)
Also I think this is more of a group therapy list. Make a list of all the things that are making you upset right now.
Last week a 20 year old guy was sentenced in Texas for putting his infant daughter in the microwave. He got 25 years. Her hand was burned so badly that there was nothing left but tendons and bone.
I can't imagine the thought processes of someone who would consider tossing a kid out the window or into the microwave as a solution to anything. I shudder to think.
It IS sad that so many kids are having babies, and they have no support system whatsoever. In all too many cases, it's generation after generation of abuse and neglect.
It says that this lady most likely lives in a group home. That means she is either mentally retarded/developmentally disabled or severely mentally ill or both. Please take this into consideration when judging her.
You should have to pass a parenting class before having children. But then people would bitch about their God-given right to fuck.
Lauren. "laypeople" use the word group home without truly knowing what kind of a home it is. I don't think we can make blanket assumptions about this person's state of mental health. How about we don't judge? I know that's probably too much to ask for.
I also take issue with the 8th grade teacher. Yes, there are people who hurt people "just because", but those are far and few between. And just because you didn't have PPD, doesnt mean that hormonal causes aren't legitimate. We'd like to believe that we're not that much like animals, and that the chemicals in our bodies don't affect us the way that we do. You can't tell someone who's depressed to 'snap out of it, would you?', or tell a schizophrenic that he's lazy, and should get a job. There are actual, physical reasons for psychiatric illnesses, including PPD.
I had a death in the family this week and I get back to read this...wow!
Well first off after reading everyone's comment I don't necessarily believe that this individual/teenager/whatever had postpartum depression...maybe she just didn't want to have a baby. I don't think that you can necessarily blame everything that an individual does on some psychological illness. Also, not everyone can breastfeed. My mother couldn't and I can tell you that she had a good reason. Sure she was producing milk but not enough...she was anemic. Lastly, this find reminds me of the time my then boyfriend and his brother found a dead baby in a graveyard. It had been placed in the box but never buried. He was very tramatized from that experience. I wasn't there but the image he described to me will forever remain in my head.
(just wanted to step in with a personal memo to Winston: sorry for your recent loss, I hope all is well, and welcome back.)
Thanks Chrome...the family is doing better.
@8th grade teacher-
I am not saying that if you don't have a full labor/delivery and if you don't breastfeed you WILL CERTAINLY be depressed... I am saying that I believe the lack of those things puts one at more risk for suffering from postpartum depression. There is a reason for that hormone release- and in my opinion (and that of many, many midwives, obgyn's, etc across the country) the declining number of pregnancies that end with that lovely love hormone is causing an increase in cases of ppd.
Obviously this will not apply to all women- some have better support systems, some are more mentally stable and/or mature, some have been taught better coping skills, the list goes on. However, not getting the oxytocin one should get in a normal labor/deliver/nutrition of baby would put one at greater risk as it was keeping a necessary ingredient from the recipe.
@winston- I agree that we are too quick to label things with clinical names. Your son is creative, likes to move around and re-purpose any item in the home into a weapon/tool/machine? WELL! Let's put him on Ritalin and get that label on his permanent record! <<<UGH>>> However, there is an increase in women who themselves say they feel down, stuck, tired, no appetite, detached--- that is an abnormal state of being, which I feel could be attributed to many things- but mostly to a lack of natural circumstances around the birth and nutrition of their baby.
This find was definatly chilling!
As far as the post depression after birth...well if it really was that straightforward as to breast feed or not the doctors would have found that by now. You can go 'natural' or 'holistic' or use formula. I've known many people who have done both. No depression. No problems. As far as the midwives vs doctors approach...well lets just say there are bad ones on both sides who will tell you anything you want to hear to choose them over the other.
I personally, with no scientific proof to back me up, beleive that just some people are more prone to it. Just like in real 'depression'.
I also think PPD is over used as a label and an excuse. So many people who kill their kids get to slap that label on themselves in hope of a lighter sentence! I mean really, having a baby is a stressful time, full of highs and lows. Of course you are not going to enjoy it all. Of course many people find it overwelming, but is that PPD? I guess we just have to decide for ourselves.
And as far as trying to tye in a more natural birth or birth environment in order to reduce the 'risk of PPD' just keep this in mind. Even animals who are wild and or in captivity reject young for no apparent reason. Since we humans are animals, is it so strange that some people would just have the tendency to do that as well? Or at least be more prone to it?
I agree with your earlier statements Trishia.
In fact, I forgot to comment thanks for some of the info you provided on breastfeeding. I'm not a mom yet but may be...we'll find out soon enough. Your comment gave me some good insight on the topic.
@Lauren in Muncie
It could also be a halfway house, or some other type of judicial system home. It's not necessarily anything to do with mental health--although, considering the note, that would be a good theory.
ummm any of you consider that maybe she didn't throw a REAL child out the window? While the note writer is CLEARLY cracked, people accused of infanticide are not generally just left in group homes esp. if they are so obviously INSANE. The infant could just be a baby doll, and she is regularly reminded why she can't have another one (since she threw the last one out a window)or it could even be ramblings unrelated to anything that actually happened outside her addled head.
It never really indicated that the author of this note is a female.
Though I personally believe that it is a woman, there is the possibility of it really being a man who threw his own infant out of the window and finds his punishments unfair.
Just a thought.
I want to be the best mother I can be when the time comes.
When I read things like this, it makes me nervous.
When I hear someone has stoned, drowned, or microwaved their child and they claim insanity. I want to say DUH! Who in their right mind would do that.
Point: That's what I thought, too. Maybe it was one of those robot infants they give to the high school kids in health class to show them how difficult it is to have a baby. I just can't believe that someone who harmed a baby in this way would be in a facility where she could throw this note out the window.
I guess if you throw the robot baby out a window, you probably fail health for that semester.
It's called personal responsibility - try accepting some sometime. If it was a real infant, she could have asked for help at some point before she visited harm upon it. If she was young, alone, etc., there are still resources available. If it *wasn't* a real infant, she's still whining about not being able to do things and how unfair it all is. Things very often aren't fair; people deal.
I'm not trying to be mean or unsympathetic, I just get tired of people always blamimg someone/something else when their life doesn't work out the way they dreamed it would.
@ D and KC
Part of the deal with the finds is bringing one's own POV to the finds and how they are interpreted.
I have had a good bit of interaction with the mentally disabled. I can easily imagine a mentally disabled person writing something like this, being angry that they can't go off to college and are not allowed to get a job, all of this possibly due to a tantrum involving throwing an "infant"/doll out a window and spoiling mother's party. I can almost hear staffers at the group home saying "No. You can't do that. You don't take care of things. Remember when you thew the baby out the window? And at your mother's party."
Let's all just hope that it is one of those fake babies they give you in the parenting class in High School... otherwise, that's pretty damn sick!
"she could have asked for help at some point before she visited harm upon it"
I completely agree. I got pregnant when I was 19 and then got pregnant again. Had PPD. Had very disturbing thoughts and ideas. Never acted upon them. I never asked for help, but if I thought I was a real danger to my babies, I would have told somebody.
I often feel like I am very capable of hurting somebody when I have PMS, it gets that bad sometimes. I really feel more dangerous and out of control with PMS than I did with PPD. And if I hurt somebody while PMSing, anybody going to feel sympathy for me? I doubt it.
But that's just my opinion.
Robot infant in highschool health class? sheesh.. when I had highschool marriage and family class, we got eggs.
I named mine Sergio Simeon. He had a purple and white striped mohawk and I drew a little safety pin on his "cheek" and sunglasses on his little egg face. At the end of the study unit, he won the loveliest baby award.
I loved that little egg.
Flargy, if I could draw you a picture of babies being defenestrated from an angry boat's window onto a fruitcake, I would.
Some of you ladies will use any find as an excuse to lecture about breast feeding, menstruation or hormones. Those of you who have myspace should use your blog option and get it all out.
@point - good point. I can see that interpretation easily now that you've pointed it out.
@Terrie - I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
In the town where I used to live there was an eccentric lady who carried around a doll referring to it as her baby, talking to it, taking care of it...that's what this made me think of.
geoe: Just like in "real depression???" You approach the topic fairly diplomatically but that is the most insensitive comment on this whole found! Mental illness is mental illness no matter the degree or form it takes!
night, where you at?
@Lars: I called in sick on this one. It kinda flat-lined my funny bone. I gotcha on the lottery ticket, though.
i'm going to suggest a slightly less violent theory:
she refers to "the infant" as such because it wasn't a real baby. i think the "mother's teacher birthday" was intended as my "mothers" teacher's (as in the teacher of her "mothering" class) birthday. it was the teacher's birthday in this woman's parenting class. she blew up about something & threw her infant doll out the window. you surely would not have found her simly in a group home if she had done something more terrible. i think she's either pregnant or had her kids taken away. either way, it might be substance-related, requiring her to attend mandatory parenting classes while she lives in the group home. i imagine that would be a very boring life.
PPD is a serious mental condition that needs to be treated. If this note said she threw her chemo drugs out the window, no one would be saying that cancer is being used as an excuse.
Drinking Coffee....
In today's society the term depression is overly used as an excuse. Do I believe some people suffer from it and need meds? Yes! Absolutly! But most? Probably not. But I do think the US tends to overmedicate. And that is why I put it in quotations.
I agree with yomomma in bed with a cold. It does seem that its more likely to be that.
teacher:
* Finally - wow, this has turned into a rant! - PPD is a terrible thing that has only gained attention due to some horrible incidents. However, I believe that some people are just evil and mean and would harm others - including their "infant" - just because.
Just because the devil made them do it? I think you've taught grade 8 for too long.
It seems to me her mind is completely in the present. The note is written in present tense, complaining about here current situation. Then it says "don't remind me I threw my baby out the window..."
It's as if she has been complaining to people around her in her program saying "I don't deserve this." They then remind her that she threw her baby out the window. And she's tired of hearing about it.
That's my guess, anyway.
:/
JENNIFER V. HUGHES, Staff Writer
The Record (Bergen County, NJ)
01-07-2000
NEWBORN ALLEGEDLY THROWN 2 STORIES -- DUMPED BY TRACKS LATER, OFFICIALS SAY
By JENNIFER V. HUGHES, Staff Writer
Date: 01-07-2000, Friday
Section: NEWS
Edition: All Editions -- Four Star B, Three Star B, Two Star P, One Star B
A 14-year-old Paterson girl charged with the New Year's Day slaying
of her newborn daughter allegedly tossed the infant out a second-floor
bathroom window -- only to retrieve the baby and then abandon her next to
railroad tracks in a trash-strewn yard, prosecutors told a judge
Thursday.
The baby, discovered by passers-by about 15 feet from the girl's
East 22nd Street home, died that night from ...
"I hate to hear the excuse that I didn't produce any milk?"
my son lost so much weight because 3 midwives couldn't help me establish breast feeding that he had to get nutrition somewhere.
tsk. think before you speak, woman.
If you hadn't told us where this was Found, I would (a) not necesarily have assumed female, and (b) thought it might be a drama project thing -- acting out 'as if'.
Anyway it seems like a response to 'Write down all the reasons you are feeling angry' -- hence the numbered paragraphs.
Evidently a person who has difficulty thinking consecutively, whether from substance abuse, prescription drugs, ECT, stress or whatever. Poor soul.
The 'infant' would fit in with the drama-student scenario. Otherwise surely you'd say 'baby' or 'son/daughter'. Or it's that rubber doll thing. But I have a horrible feeling it might be a real baby. Maybe she only threw it a short distance on to snow or something not too dangerous.
Nightingale -- 'flat-lined my funnybone' -- yeah, know how you feel. Good phrase, will come in handy!
Re: The in dependent
"Some of you ladies will use any find as an excuse to lecture about breast feeding, menstruation or hormones. Those of you who have myspace should use your blog option and get it all out."
If men promise never to write about defecation or sex*, then we have a deal. Just because it's not what you care about, doesn't mean that nobody wants to hear it.
* please see http://www.foundmagazine.com/comments/1173
"Unbelievable in Texas"
Oh my! That puts a different spin on things. Though I would still hope that the girl in the article wouldn't be in a group home only 5 months after throwing her child out a window ... the time line could work. How horrible.
Wow.
Scaryyyyyyy.
defective lactator in boston, talk shit to me baby, I still don't believe you.
@Ethel. WOW, you are a horrible person. Just thought I would let you know.
Laauraa... I am a girl. And I was serious about suggesting people blog their lectures. Long, drawn out lectures. Blog.
lay off, ethel.
I realize this find is several days old but I just came back from vacation and I can't pass on this. I work for Child Protective Services and this sounds so much like some of the teens we deal with.
If this letter was written by the 14 year old from Unbelievable's article, I don't think this girl has a mental illness. Those are usually full spectrum, meaning they affect all aspects of the individual's life all of the time.
I think this is a situational/emotional health problem. Kind of like when a person has PTSD. Only specific circumstances trigger them to flash back to specific events from the past. This sounds like dissassociation, where a person is so overwhelmed by a situation that they seperate from it completely in their mind.
It probably started when she found out she was pregnant and by the time she gave birth, she had seperated her emotions from the whole situation so completely that she did not feel the infant had any right to life or safety. It appears she viewed it as a problem that she solved according to her age and abilities.
It sounds like she is also resentful of the continued "problems" the infant is causing her because now she is being restricted and punished and it's all because of that infant.
For what it's worth, if this young girl was mentally ill, there would be little chance of her ever understanding the actions she took to be very wrong. I think she made a choice to dissassociate from her pregnancy instead of dealing with it in a way she knew was morally and socially acceptable.
I think she will eventually be able to acknowledge (with lots of counseling) that what she did was wrong, that she knew better, and that her actions were a conscious choice. Therefore, she would be considered both sane and mentally competent and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
If she were considered mentally ill, she would be unable to stand trial, not be convicted of a crime, and probably be placed in a lock down facility for the mentally ill for God only knows how long. Instead, she'll be prosecuted, serve time, get some kind of treatment, and be released, probably when she turns 18, as a better, smarter, emotionally healthy person with a record of murdering her own child.
Either way, her life is screwed, the infant's life is over, and society sees that murdering a baby gets you about 4 years if you're lucky. It all sucks. What the hell is happening to us?
Sorry about the horribly long post.
@Stalker...I agree completely with that analysis. I had a friend who disassociated herself from her daughter before the child was ever born. She didn't kill her infant but her child is now in a very dangerous environment involving drugs. It's very sad and I'm not friends with this person anymore. I pray for that little girl every day. I tried to get Child protective services involved but my ex friend and her husband have fled the state and I'm not sure where they are right now. The little girl involved is my god-sister.
Stalker, I'm glad that you checked your missed Finds upon your return, and I for one, thoroughly appreciate your "horribly long post"
@ Winston- I knew these people who were druggies-- they had a little kid who was always running around the house naked in the winter, outside unclothed, etc.. one time we went to the house and were ringing the bell, knocking on the door.. and the only human visible was this poor filthy little two year old: wearing only a diaper, standing on the back of the couch, which was up against the picture window in the living room. His diaper so soggy it was hanging off of him, he was crying and screaming- but we couldn't even get in to help him. I called CPS and they said their hands were tied unless there was a "cumulative risk", which meant that over the course of an unspecified length of time, they had to receive a minimum number of calls, FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE before they could step in.
Who else was going to call? Their drug dealers? the Housebound quadriplegic next door? Nobody else wanted to "get involved"..
I called 9-11, but no one showed up.
That little kid is about 11 now. And man, does he have some issues. But he spends most of his time with Gramma now.
(yeah, Independent, I know: long, drawn out, blog it.)
I'm glad the child is with an older adult like a grandparent. Maybe in the long run it will help them through their issues. I don't know. Its sad though. There were several people involved with my god-sister's case. Many of whom had already contacted CPS. I think that is why the parents fled. They were using their children to receive money from welfare and taxes. I know she isn't the only case out there. I wonder what is happening to us too.
Not only is she going to 'program', she is going to 'serv', short for Social/Environmental/Residential/Vocational, a Jersey-based mental health corporation which treats those with serious mental illnesses, generally refered by a state board. They additionally run a number of group homes (though none are listed in Jersey City), often catering to those with a dual diagnosis of mental illness and substance abuse (which could explain the lack of grammar and train of thought).
I'm hoping that by "infant" she means one of those fake crying babies you get in health class to help promote abstinence. Thats much funnier :)
This is so whiney.
It just makes me want to shove it down their throat.
(=
That part about the infant really got me. Crazy people..
all i feel is sad for this woman and her situation. i think she needs a lot of love.