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July 26, 2007 |
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And You Said MY Grammar Was Bad
FOUND by Taylizardo
in The Moon, Solaris
To the best of my knowledge, this is a letter written from a parent to a child. The irony of it all makes my head go silly inside.
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Full o'Shit Tubby December 28, 2006 |
Young Entrepreneur December 07, 2005 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
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I really want to go through this note with a red pen.
If this is someone for whom English is a second language, I'd say their grammar is a hell of a lot better than that of a lot of "native" English speakers *cough*yesterday's find*cough*
ooh ooh! Hire me! I can help with your English and I need to buy groceries.
This doesn't seem "ironic" to me at all. On the face of it, this is a first generation American who speaks English as a second language giving a thorough scolding to his or her American born slacker offspring, who probably speaks English fluently but consistently fails "English," i.e. Lit.
When I was reading this note, I was hearing the words in my friend's Nicaraguan mother's voice. So, that could explain the nonsense.
TayLizardo, in the Moon Solaris... ohhhhh nooooo...how will we ever google you???
I think Katie's take on it is pretty close, but I'm not so sure the slacker kid is American Born. (being born in the US, and going thru the school system from k-12, wouldn't the kid have a better command of the English language? hmm not sure.)
I just hope s/he graduated in 2007!!
i'm imagining my friend surge's colombian mother saying this exact same thing to him. LOL i don't think it's a far stretch to assume the author's first language is not english, and she (it seems like a mother sort of thing) is upset that her child isn't working hard enough to educate himself in a language he'll have to comprehend well enough to get by. she wants better for her kid. there's no irony, really. it kind of makes me sad, in a way.
I admire the way the writer spreads the responsibility for the student's poor performance around. For some reason, I get a mom-vibe from the writing. She's ready to take the school to task if necessary, clearly expects more effort from her kid, and she's willing to show up at school to work with the principal and teacher. Parenting is a tough job but it sounds like she's up to it.
Katie - that's what I was thinking too. A lot of parents who were not educated in the US don't realize that "English" class isn't grammar class, it's literature class.
I am willing to bet, though, that if this kid doesn't read the books and make an effort that it's not really the school's fault.
Lastly - I love the little "1)" at the top. What else could this person have written? =)
I READ THIS IN THE STEREOTYPICAL FAT, BLACK AMERICAN WOMAN'S VOICE
subliminal messaging anyone? I don't think I've ever read the word English so many times in so few words. : ]
all jokes aside, i agree with Katie. that seems like the most plausible explanation. hopefully the student graduates!
SALT,
I read it the same way, but then decided that the grammar is *too* good for what you suggested.
Jan- I don't know why, but I got a dad-vibe from this.
It seems pretty clear to me that this is an ESL parent, but I still see the irony.
OK SALT...you got tons of attention yesterday with you list of requirements for a partner. Seems like you want MORE attention today, otherwise WHY would you make such a prejudice, insensitive comment about this find? You should have added "MUST BE AN INGNORANT NARROW-MINDED BIGOT" to your list of qualification in a woman!
When I read your post, I hear a lonely, pathetic, undereducated redneck SCREAMING FOR ATTENTION!! I hope any women who showed interest in you yesterday, reconsiders today!
As for the find, I think this sounds more like a Father who has worked hard to make a way for his family here, and is tired of the kid goofing off!
*Standing up and applauding Shocked And In A State Of Disbelief!!*
*Sheds a small tear, as Fancy's faith in humanity is slightly restored*
I read it as an Asian, first generation father fusing at a son. Then he karate chopped the kid in the throat with a big "HI-YA!"...that'll be my mental movie for the day.
Oh this HAS to be written by a mother...no doubt about it! The line at the beginning "...I am not happy.." - that has "Mother/Mama/Mom/Mommy(Dearest)" written ALLLLL over it.
I feel sorry for the recipient...you know, because "If Mama's not HAPPY...then nobody is happy!" (Oh..it's soooo true too isn't it?)
The only thing I could think while reading this was how much I wish this paper had some fucking lines on it.
I read this as an Asian Mother berating her slacker son, too, Robyn. Not sure why, that's just the image the first lines conjured.
<sniff> I'm sad that Salt's posts have been edited away, so I can't see what all the fuss is about.
Oh come on people! This parent loves the child - that is obvious. They want child to learn, grow & ultimately be/speak better than they do (what parent doesn't want that for their offspring) AND they aren't pleased w/anything at the moment.
The schools ARE to blame somewhat - 'no child left behind' ( right ) and the parent is too (hence her/his anger about the lack of progress.
They are a parent (my guess is mother) because they are willing to fight it out at school....BUT the vibe I get here is:
"I really wanted you to graduate this year, because I want you out of my house, on your own & being a grown-up...because I'm getting old and can't take this much longer!"
The child is probably eating them out of house/home...not contributing to the finances....and not doing anything like chores or what have you.
Just a theory - I'm sure everyone will point out how waaaay off and how incorrect I am. Whatever.
I read it as a first generation korean born boarder collie whose adopted american short haired cat is not taking its study work seriously. BTW, Salt is SO RIGHT!!!
Somebody is in trouble w/Mom!
I'm also in agreement w/Turbo: I don't mind paper w/out lines....unless it looks like THIS !!
D in the rain: Trust me, you aren't missing anything.
This is a great find.
1) Did the kid go to class?
2) Did the kid do anything at all in class?
It's pretty hard to fail high school. If a student goes to class and puts forth any effort at all while there, he/she will at least get a D, and can graduate.
This has got to be a dad. Only men write in all capital letters.
This find makes me incredibly thankful for the parents & the education that I had growing up....very, very thankful.
I hope this kid graduates/graduated.
Jade, I totally agree with you. This is a situation that I am very familiar with. The kid probably is very bright but never applies them self in school. And they don't see the point to English/Literature (like, "How is this of any use to me in real life?"). They don't understand why it is so important to graduate and move-on from childhood. They don't see the reason for trying. And the schools probably see the kid as a trouble maker, a class disrupter, a kid who will never try to turn his life around. It must be really frustrating for this poor mom. She's probably worked extremely hard her whole like to make sure her kids have a better life than she, but working full time also makes it extremely hard to be there for your kids when they really need you. It's very sad.
clover-- im a woman and i write in all caps (when not typing obviously).. also in my high school you need a C- or higher to pass.. D+'s and below fail high school-- but i agree its hard ot fail high school
My first thought was ‘Mexican’ or Hispanic at least, and perhaps father rather than mother. Also wondered if it might be not a letter but an aide-memoire to self for a phone conversation. Maybe this was only the first of several bones of contention, hence the 1) at the top of the page.
At the least the parent cares and is making an effort. Far better than saying ‘Don’t blame me – it’s the school/ the system/ the times we live in’ – shrugs shoulders, turns the kid out on the street and wonders why he becomes a no-good layabout truanting criminal junkie (and racial stereotype) – ‘you all blame us cos we is black’ (or Mexican or whatever). Just a thought.
"You almost 20 years"...so maybe this 20yr old has stayed back a few (7?) years (and has 1 year left to learn "everything" before the school says enough is enough). It is odd that the blame is put on the kid, the principal, and the teacher all at once...I didn't really think the principal at my school had much to do with educating me.
It makes me nervous that the note starts with "1) I am not happy-" because I feel like there's additional "I'm not happy" points that follow.
(and I'm a woman who writes all in caps too)
STEREOTYPES AREN'T FORMED OUT OF THIN AIR, FOLKS. THEY COME FROM SOMEWHERE. UNFORTUNATELY I AM RIGHT
I'm a woman who handwrites in mostly all caps...but I do a frustrating mix of caps and lowercase, much to my mother's disapproval.
I too feel that this is a mother's note and the "1)" makes me feel like there is more - a lot more - to these notations.
I never gave a phone call reference note a thought....it really could be! Maybe she called the child's cell during lunch to put some fear in their bones that she will come up there and cause a scene.
My favorite part of this letter is that it is all one sentence! haha.
BWAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA
hee hee hee
BWAAAAA-HA-HAAA-HA-HAAAA-HA-HA!!!!!!
that's sad, not funny.
i just overlooked the obvious grammatical errors in that letter the same way i overlooked the mistakes in most of these comments. isn't it easier to empathize with the writer than make fun of her (or him)?
damn, i am such a buzzkill! nevermind. don't listen to me. (back to my spiked latte...)
The bad grammar almost makes the letter more sincere. Because the author doesn't have good English, they want their child to have what they don't.
Oh, I so want to know what page TWO was all about!
i hope you marry a girl who gives you stuffed animals for christmas.
I read this as an Asian parent writing to their child, too. Maybe the rhythm of the words?
I am a mom, and I write in all caps, too... unless... wait a minute! THAT explains the penis!! Thanks, Clover!
It's actually not that hard to fail out of highschool. Both my stepsons just stopped going to class as soon as they turned 17 (legal age to drop out in Texas). We did everything we could short of zipping ourselves into their backpacks and forcing them into their seats. They've squandered the American Dream that was their birthright. We blamed the teachers too after awhile, because it's either that or blame yourselves.
I wish SALT would just get his own blog. He has totally taken over FOUND and I don't think his comments are "the most hilarious".
Whether or not you think you are correct - SALT - you are so obviously ignorant it is beyond ridiculous. Please refrain from this attention starvation - you may find that you are a much happier individual when you stop judging and start living. Do you spend your entire day on this site looking to see if someone has sent you a message yet? Go to a bar or take a walk - you may find that real people sometimes will give you attention too. (Besides that you may actually have some basis to start forming an opinion)
is anyone else suspicious of this being a fabricated (fake) found?
well, i spent a day being miffed, that someone would comment on my commenting too much. Then i decided that all of you should continue to be subjected to my wit.
People. SALT's entitled to his opinion/humour, same as the rest of us are. If you engage in his negativity, you'll get the same back. Engage in humour, that's what you'll get back. Relax, people. He's just trying to get a rise out of you. And he has. You've given him positive reinforcement. I dont think SALT has 'taken over' this blog, anymore than anyone else has (including myself). He puts his comments down, and responds to those that respond to him? I'm not saying that what he says is pleasant to read, but free speech, remember? Everyone take a deep breath, relax, and have a lovely day. SALT is SALT, you can't change him.
Mona - I am relaxed. SALT really HAS taken over this blog; every day seems to revolve around his commenting (or not commenting). I try not comment about SALT to avoid making this same error, but I decided to voice my opinion today. I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way. I miss the old FOUND.
That said, I will go back to ignoring SALT's existence the best I can.
I empathize with this person up to the point where s/he says s/he blames the school. If your lazy kid sat there for 7 years and didn't learn anything it is not the school's fault. Schools supply the same instruction to all the children and some of the kids study and learn and some of them don't. You can't force education down someone's throat. The parent has to stay on top of the child and make sure s/he studies.
Clover, I'm a woman and I write in all caps because I'm an architect. This person clearly isn't, but it's much easier to learn capital letters than capital and lowercase letters if you're foreign because municipal signs are typically done in all caps.
Did anyone hear the piece on NPR about how difficult it is for first generation Americans to get into English-language programs? It was pretty interesting. Reading this I had a flashback to that show--and all the frustration therein. A frustration that applies to recent immigrants of all nationalities. Way to go Found for evoking a legitimate problem!
I have a question for writing in all caps:
If you need a C- to pass at your high school, why do they even have D's? Why not just call everything under C- an F? Just curious.
Also, sorry about my biased assumption that all-caps writing was a masculine trait. Obviously I was wrong about that!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU PEOPLE GREW UP. PROBABLY SOME SORT OF WHITE SUBURBIA UTOPIA..
I bet that English is not this family's first language.
I imagine they are possibly immigrants and this is a mother writing to her son. She wants him to learn and take advantage of his newfound opportunities and she feels as if he doesn't really care.
Hmm; just my opinion.
I would like to respond to wendy in austin:
You are in Texas, that's the problem. High stakes testing, the model for Bush's NCLB, is what you should blame. No wonder your step-sons quit going to school. High stakes tests take all the fun out of learning.
There are at least two other possible culprits to blame for your step-sons' failure to finish high school, besides the schools or yourselves:
1) The education system in Texas (the fault of wealthy powerful people and big business, not the teachers)
AND/OR
2) your step-sons themselves.
Tiny - you miss the old Found, where hardly anyone commented? I kind of like the evolution its taken. I love communicating with all sorts of people, giving opinions/observations about stuff. It reminds me of that SNL sketch, where 'Linda Richman' would say something like 'English as a second language... discuss'. Found is Linda Richman, we're the discussors. Give me a topic, i'll opine about it. Or, as you've seen, i'll share my opinion about anything. And (which, is apparently what people get bent out of shape about, in regard to the number of my comments) i'll take a second, and reply to people when they ask me something.
Mona - I enjoy your wit.
Tiny - I would agree w/you 100%, but I think the staff at FOUND won't allow anyone to take over in a negative way. They are uber cool like that.
(and no, I don't work for them)
I think SALT is really PRES. BUSH....just a theory....there are just tooooo many things that point to that.
Mona - I thought of Linda Richman too!!
I also thought of Elaine & Jerry on the Seinfeld episode about trying to determine the ethnic background of Elaine's boyfriend...when she/they said : "Should we be talking about this? I don't think we should talk about this." Ha ha ha ha
I VOTE LIBERTARIAN
No worries, Clover.
I wonder if this almost 20 year old student was away at boarding school. Why would a parent wait so long to find out what the problem is? They could have gotten a tutor back when the kid was in 9th grade. There's no mention where this was found.
Glad you're back, Mona and you're right-Salt is Salt. And Tiny is tiny.
YEAH, MONA, WE MISSED YOU THAT WHOLE DAY YOU WERE GONE
I bet the kid's English was so bad he couldn't read this note from his mother.
oh SALT. lol.......
You see Mona? SALT was verklempt....
If the kid's English is so bad, and isn't either the parent or child's first language, why didn't the parent just write the note in whatever they actually can both speak coherently?
speak amongst yourselves.. i need a moment
I just started reading comments on Found a few days ago so I don't know Salt and Mona very well. But I think they are in love. Hey, if you guys get married, you can have a Found-theme wedding! And invite all of us!
Also, I sent a link to a friend, and he was awed and intimidated by the intellectual comments -- too intimidated to add his own!
Au contraire, K.S., Salt can't possibly be George W. Bush! The latter has never seen Foundmagazine, and if he did, he wouldn't understand it. (Sorry, Salt, your intelligence is showing - in spite of your efforts to disguise it.)
JSK, YES! Someone as nerdy as me! Yes, I heard that piece; it made me so sad and frustrated, particularly with all the obnoxious idiots yelling about how immigrants need to learn English, it's our national language, blah blah blah.
If anyone else is interested, it's available for download!
my heart belongs to Rex. But i think he's in love with someone else, which is why we haven't heard from him lately. SALT intrigues me, tho, intellectually. I want to have a brain affair with him. I think it might hurt, tho, i think he likes it rough.
I HAVE AN ALPHABETIZED LIST OF REASONS MONA AND I WOULD NEVER WORK
The phrasing of this note sounds Asian to me - but then, my 'suburban wonderland' has been expanded by my trips out of the country with Doctors Without Borders. Plus the students that come through the lab have unusual phrasing of sentences when they speak. (If you see what I mean.)
Oh Mona...no. Say it isn't so?
He's already fucking with your brain, Mona. That doesn't make you an exclusive member of the club, though.
i also thought that the author of the note was black. perhaps as an older generation black american they were not able to receive the education necessary for them to write grammatically correct notes to their children. and now that their child has the opportunities available to him or her, they are squandering them, making said author a very upset parent.
I love you all, regardless of your characture flaws, odd proclivities for shiny things and grammatic misfortunes.
And no offense to SALT, but I get a chuckle when I read your posts because I imagine you using a pencil in your mouth to type it.
Kudos to Turbo!!."And no offense to SALT, but I get a chuckle when I read your posts because I imagine you using a pencil in your mouth to type it."
BY the way I am Mexican.
I HAVE TWO FULLY FUNCTIONAL ARMS, NONE TAKEN.
CONGRATS, NANA, YOU'RE THE CATFISH OF THE HISPANIC WORLD
SALT can't fuck with my brain,I've spent too long in a place where i've had to learn to keep my brain unfuckable. a brain affair is different.
Wait... if this is 1) .... how many more do you think there could be? 1 of 20? Maybe 30-ish pages of "How you have failed, let me count the ways..." I feel kinda' bad for the recipient. Perhaps s/he threw the book out the window, and Taylizardo found, alas, just the 1st page.
I agree with the doubters. Though not exactly eloquent, the grammar is pretty sound except for the two glaring errors. Why would someone write, "You is not graduate 2005," then in the same letter write, "They are not doing a good job"?
Then there's, "You almost 20 years," versus "Your English has been the same for seven years."
I have a hard time buying the notion that one person's literacy level could fluctuate so drastically throughout the course of one written page. Maybe it was written by someone mocking people whose first language is not English.
It was just a matter of time before this "comment area" became taken over by attention-seeking trolls; people who compulsively post comments, usually saying the opposite of the gp, or something "shocking" (oooo, how edgy and all) to cause an uproar, and then repeatedly check, post more and re-check the comment area for their attention fix; I think that these comment areas, and the repeated posting are actually important to these people's egos. i can see them getting all tachycardic and sweaty each time they log on, wondering what they will see, and who will feed them attention with a reply. It's kind of like being at a meeting when the one pompous person, or the know it all, hi-jacks the meeting to go on and on.
Well, rndrc, you've got me pegged....
(Takes one to know one.)
We could use a little more Eggs1234 around here
I look forward to living vicariously through the love lives of SALT and Mona, even if she is really sleeping with Rex. Damn the censors at work who kept me from reading yesterday.
Ok, so who among us has an "odd proclivity for shiny things"? turbo??
He is almost twenty and in high school? That poor child.
The writer of this note strikes me as Russian. I'm friends with many first generation Russian immigrants (and thus know their parents), and this is just a classic example of something they would say.
I'm with the others who love the 1) at the top. How many more pages of this could anyone take? No wonder the poor kid threw the thing out.
Funny, SALT, I was imagining it read in your voice. I guess we've all been exposed to one type of uneducated person or another.
clover-- i wonder the same thing.. i never gopt a c or d so i never worried.. but i think the D was like.. ok now were calling your mom.. and the f was like.. ok too late.. you suck at life
Thank you, Turbo. I'm an excellent driver.
Mona, I'm going to tell your daughters that their mother said "fuck" in the FOUND comments and is flirting with not one but two men down in the states.
writing in all caps: reading your note reminded me of being on acid -- not that I ever was, of course, but still.
I have a lot of respect for the writer of this find. Her English is quite good and reasonably complex and nuanced for ESL, and her passionate interest in her son's acquisition of language skills is admirable. If her 20 year old son arrived in the states when he was 13, it's hardly any wonder that he hasn't graduated from high school yet. How many of us can write this well in a foreign language?
rndrc: what's a gp?
Turbo.. just to clarify. Flirting with Rex, leading SALT on. (tho i dont think it will work)
and my daughters read Found, so... the jig is up. But i didnt really say it, i just repeated it... nope.. i'm up the river..dang.
oops..too late, i'm clarifying for midlife, not turbo. lol
Mona-mi,
I take your mistaking me for Turbo (even for a second) as a compliment. I'd be content to be half as smart and funny as Turbo.
I'm a little worried about Rex. I hope he's too busy with writing and work to comment on the finds.
trolls like SALT latch onto a comment board for a couple months, comment incessantly, stir up arguments, then move on.
let him be. if he wants to spend every day here commenting, who's to say he can't. after all, you all are here too.
i'm sure its just cuz he's in love ,midlife.
i'm sure.....
Being the daughter of a parent who was very proud of having an American daughter, I understand where the parent is coming from. There isn't anything ironic about it. This might have been a parent, who in the four years(at least)they've lived here, took the time to learn English, while their child has had the privilege of going to school and hasn't taken the opportunity to learn.