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July 27, 2007 |
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A Day in the Life of Ryan
FOUND by Karrie Stewart
in Meridian, Idaho
I found this Post-It over ten years ago in front of my daughter's grade school. It's like a note home from Flannery O'Connor. I've thought about Ryan a lot over the years. I hope he's ok.
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Stick It to The Man December 15, 2005 |
Shut Up October 15, 2006 |
Always and Forever March 04, 2006 |
2732 July 15, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
This is the phone call teachers don't like to make and that parents don't like to receive.
Yikes. Ryan has a couple of pretty big issues right off the bat, not the least of which being that he may or may not have a rock in him stomach. That's a really strange note. It's funny but also a little creepy.
Rats. I hate when I use poor grammar and misspell words. It's time to go to bed.
That rock must be nice and smooth by now.
This is like the phone call my boss got from her 8-year-old son's teacher saying that he got peed on. Awkwarddd
the teacher didn't draw a very good portrait of ryan. but nonetheless she captured his emotion, ryan is sad, because he doesn't have a nose, and he has a rock in his tummy, and he needs to take it out with nail clippers...
Yeah, notes like this are always the weirdest ones to write... at the time these things are very serious, but some kids just have the knack for coming up with bizarre ways to misbehave. Like the kid who recently said, in a moment of anger, that there would be a "kid's revolution" and that he wasn't sure that "any of you [referring to adult staff] would survive." That was a very strange note to write.
A junior Jack the Ripper, eh? Today toenail clippers, tomorrow who knows what?
Poor little guy. Sounds like Ryan didn't have a very good day. At least the big frowny face suggests the author had some compassion for him.
And speaking of non sequiturs, this note is a classic. Does the author mean to imply a subtle causal relationship between the two incidents? Does swallowing a rock suddenly make a normal first-grader want to cut somebody's body?
Eat lots of bread, Ryan. As my father used to say, this too shall pass.
It all reminds me of a greeting card I once received. Only, I cannot recall what the greeting card said or why I was being greeted.
:( mean ol' tattletale!
I have to wonder.. did Ryan pack the clippers from home, or get a hold of them at school somehow? And who pissed him off so badly?
The note is so matter of fact. Looks like teacher sends a lot of these home with Ryan, no real need to ellaborate. Although this one didn't make it home...maybe Ryan took the clippers to his teacher.
My mother-in-law just found a thick roll of notes tied with red ribbon, sent to her from my husband's kindergarten teacher. She sent a note EVERY DAY throughout kindergarten to report on progress for this misbehaving monster, who, as it turns out, is a decent, upstanding, non-mischief making citizen who (get this) is now a teacher himself. There is hope for Ryan...
I knew a Ryan. He was mean to me. I was mean to him. He sat in front of me in 4th grade.
Once, when Mr. Duane showed us a film, I scratched the hell out of the nape of his neck because he kept stomping on my toes.
He didn't rat me out to Mr. Duane, though. He silently writhed in pain and then kicked me. I didn't know then what I know now: Ryan could have clipped my nails and cut me up.
Ryan, I hope you got that rock out of your gut and stopped stomping on girls' toes.
I pretended to snap my teeth at another kid once in fourth grade and got sent home with a note that I was trying to give people AIDS.
...I hated that teacher.
This is one of my favorites. I wonder how old Ryan was at the time of this note.
HA HA HA HA Jaydee that made me bust a gut. How funny. Yes, and how sad that teacher was so uneducated.
I've gotten notes like this too for my son--frowny face and all. This one does have the air of "one of a series."
Hah - comfy, better to be getting the call saying that your kid has been peed on than the call saying that your kid has peed on somebody.
Once in 5th grade, a kid rammed a chair into my legs on purpose, so I told the teacher and somehow I ended up getting a detention and the kid who hit me got off the hook.
I hated that teacher.
in second grade i swallowed a button when one of the Andrews punched me.
i got the detention.. and in trouble with my mom for losing the button.
ouch. nail clippers would hurt. Hope Ryan passes that stone.
the second "he" who swallowed the rock must have been the boy ryan "threatened" to cut with the clippers. ryan was just trying help save the kid's life.
My art teacher in junior high thought I was shooting heroin because I had a rash on the inside of my elbows. She sent me to the guidance counselor who in turn called my parents to report that I was depressed and doing drugs. All because of a rash that I was horribly embarrassed about to begin with.
I remember once that I kicked a little boy in the mouth during recess, he even lost a tooth that day, but I never got in the least bit of trouble. I learned to use tears at an early age to avoid such notes or other consequences. Too bad it doesn't work as well for boys or once you reach adulthood.
Y'all got it all wrong, it's not from my teacher, it's from my boss. It's my performance review. It's not been a very good year.
This made me laugh out loud. What circumstances would lead up to swallowing a rock?
I have a note from my Montessori teacher hanging on my wall. It says "Wendy is talking out of her seat again, and sometimes she makes noises. Please speak to her, it disturbs the class". I am now an upstanding citizen, noises and all. Always reminds me of Ace Ventura talking out of his "seat".
I think it's weird how the note talks about the nail clippers and then just switches to the rock so quickly.
As a summer camp director, I had to make many of these calls. The worst was telling a really nice rich patron that his daughter had strangled someone that day (not to death).
this note reminds me of my kindergarten teacher, who never gave us letter grades on our work, only one of three faces: a "smiley" face, a "frowny" face, or (my favorite) a "straight" face--two eyes and a horizontal mouth. the latter was for mediocre work.
Since it was found in front of the grade school, maybe Ryan disposed of the note before his parents could read it. I wonder what other notes to his parents could have been "lost"?
Metta, my first or second grade teacher had a similar method, but worse than a frown was a "stern frown", with tilted in eyebrows and a slightly scrunched mouth. I hated getting those but I practiced making my own at home to grade my students' papers with when I became a teacher. (Never did, though.)
my son frequently "loses" notes home from the teacher. thank god for email or I would never know about all those second grade hijinks
P.S.
can we get some new spam questions? it is summer, why do we have to do math?
I guess Ryan sucks at "rock-paper-clippers".
If the teacher had written, "AND he swallowed a rock, I would credit Ryan with both instances on this note... but I think another student may have swallowed the rock, and Ryan was trying to be helpful in using his toenail clippers to remove it and save his friend from a painful and embarrassing boys' room episode.
In 3rd grade my twin brother went home with the flu. My teacher sent me to the nurse's office the rest of the day.
I read the message as having two children involved. The first is Ryan, who has the toenail clippers. The second is the child who swallowed a rock. Poor Ryan was just trying to save the second child! At least no one swallowed the clippers, funny as that may have been to us now. I'd like to see THAT in a note with a frowny face!
I love the fact that teacher sends a note with a frowny face--to an adult?? If she doesn't want the notes ditched on the way home she shouldn't clue the kid in with the face's expression, that "this is a bad note about you." And I for one, as a parent, would not want to recieve a note with a face on it. I can read now, thank you.
The fact that it's on a post-it suggest to me that it might be a review thing that's hung in the classroom. So, the frowny face is to indicate whether the kid did well or badly that day, and then the comment is to explain what they did. Wish that watermark wasn't there, so that it could finally be determined whether or not Ryan swallowed the rock.
When I worked in the public schools, I never sent notes home about bad behavior, only good. For the bad stuff, I always asked the parent to come in, and then insisted that the child tell her/his parent what was up. Partly to help the kid take responsibility, but also partly because I think it affected the parents more. You know, there's just something about hearing your 2nd grade son say that he called someone a cocksucker on the playground or exposed himself to passing traffic that gets your attention lol.
Something about this note made me laugh out loud. Maybe it was the frowny face...maybe it was the out-of-left-field transition from "he was going to cut somebody's body" to ...oh yeah..."he ate a rock."
Very funny!
it could have done without the giant frown face.. even if little disturbed Ryan couldn't read at that point, I am sure he would get the gist of it from the frowny. Here, take home this obviously bad note about you to your mom!
LOL !!!
This is a note from Charlie Brown's school teacher...you know, the one who couldn't speak clearly?
When Charlie Brown got older, he tried to be a bad-ass and 'cut somebody' at school...but the best he could do was fingernail clippers.
Oh, and remember when all he got for trick-or-treat at each house was a rock? Well, he finally ate one.
Oh I know teachers have enough crap to deal with on a daily basis...but this one makes me laugh.
Better watch out for little Suzie too...I hear she's packing an emery board! LOL
I went to Catholic school, so we went to mass every Wednesday morning. One time, in third grade, my friend Amy farted and she and I giggled. Our teacher was LIVID, and for the rest of the day made us stand out in the hallway until we could tell her what we did that was so horrible.
We kept coming up with things like, "We were being disrespectful in the house of the Lord..." but that didn't work.
Then we had to write an essay about how we would feel if people made fun of us for losing an arm or a leg.
It was sooo confusing.
Turns out, just as we giggled in church, a person with Down's syndrome was walking past. When I found out that we were being accused of laughing about that, I was SOOO pissed off.
I hated that teacher.
Okay, so this kid was walking through the playground, sporting the "cool" lunch box, meaning to do some damage. He was ready with his toe-nail clippers to f*** somebody up, hardcore, for telling the teacher it was he who flicked a booger lovingly at the chick sitting next to him. That kid was gonna get it, no buts about it. But his plan was foiled by a particularly sumptuous looking rock that caught his eye. Someone had discovered his weakness, his Achille's heel, and planted it. But he couldn't resist -- he had to eat it. Then the teachers called everyone to their lines to go back inside. The toe-nail clippers would have to sit tight another day. As for the rock, it looked like another trip to the ER with Ma.
Teachers have wised up in the past 10 years. My nephew was in kindergarten last year, and he had a daily folder that he was required to bring to school each day. It included a conduct sheet, which his parents had to sign. I'm sure if he'd had gotten a post-it note like this, he would have ditched it like Ryan did!
toenail clippers?
imagine what ryan will
use when he grows up.
and as for the rock, christ
i never realized how
unintelligent children are.
i enjoyed your comment ab. :]
The Flannery O'Connor comment made me LOL.
Turbo - LMAO at your comment.
Bet Ryan didn't make it past airport security with those clippers.
omg. Mickey B... that is hilarious. Did you find that it changed the kids behaviours at all? or just gave a good heads up to mom and dad?
Actually, Ryan's mom dropped that note on her way into the school to see Ryan's teacher. She was packing HEDGE clippers...
I think it's pretty clear Ryan was also the one who "may have swallowed a rock." I love the understatement and matter of factness in the note.
Ah, special ed.
I'm with Kdawg, I think Ryan is the troublemaking clipper carrying alleged rock swallower. Hmmm.(How is Scottsdale?)
I don't understand the Flannery O'Connor reference...I love her work but i don't get it in this context...
don't kids get expelled now if they make violent threats (however silly the "weapon" is) towards other kids ("somebody's body")? I thought i read an article about a kid getting suspended for making a gun with his thumb and index finger. Here's a frowny face note, Mom, Ryan's kicked out of preschool. (What is this kid learning at home?!)
School yard gone bad! My office manager received a call from her daughter Sarah's elementary school one day. Sarah was an itty bitty little girl, much smaller than her classmates. Apparently boys had been picking on her for sometime. Finally fed up she brought a can of creamed corn to school opened it and threw it on the boys! Ewwww... Good choice of ammo I think! We laughed so hard and the poor Mom had to try to keep a straight face while trying to explain to her that it was not a nice thing to do! Bet those boys still think of her when they see creamed corn though!
I've always been very shy and quiet but when I was in 6th grade I beat the crap out a boy that constantly tormented and made fun of me. I never got in trouble, he was probably too embarrassed to tell anyone at school. His parents must have transferred him to another school because I never saw him again. Must have been embarrassed that he was beat up by a girl! (I still feel kinda bad. Sorry James!)
I thought Mr. Frowny Face should have an Emo hairstyle. Then I realised Ryan was going to cut somebody else, so the skin head is appropriate.
Great story, Angel!
Oh man, I laughed so hard at that ... then had to run and show my husband.
Mona- it definitely changed the kids behavior, and the parents took it way more seriously. Also, I think the kids felt more respected by it somehow, like I was treating them as adults (as opposed to writing smiley face notes lol). It rocked! :)
thought it might, Mickey. Kids are so tired of smiley faced notes, it doesnt fool anyone but the smiley face maker.
:-)
hahaha oh ryan. hes fantastic.
Such a sorry state, schools these days. Kids bringing guns and nail/garden/hedge/ hair clippers into the classroom. I say we install airport-style security sytems for all of the little bastards to pass through on their way in and sci-fi x-ray machines on their way out to catch the rocks they are apparently sticking down their gullets on the playground. Something's got to be done.
issues, issues men, the kid is on his way to becoming twisted, :smh:
That made me laugh for so long that I lost all feeling in my jaw.
One of the best finds ever.
In first grade I carried a small revolver for a couple of weeks. In my defense, it was a toy-like antique that my dad had found at the Salvation Army Thrift Store for 50 cents -- rusted, no spring or grips, totally inoperative and harmless -- but I suppose today some administrator would start bleeding from the ears, kick me out of elementary school and have my parents taken away in chains.
One day it disappeared and I always felt guilty about losing it. Thirty years later I saw it on my dad's desk, and it made me smile.
I also shared my first kiss in first grade. It was thrilling! I wish I could remember her name.
when they installed the metal detectors at my school 800 students lined up outside from 8:30 to 9:45 for any and all to see/terrorize. we missed first period and homeroom everyday and weren't screened after returning from lunch.
i'm just sayin.
time for a new solution.
I work with a guy named Ryan. I bet he's the same one. Assuming he didn't get any wiser as he aged, that is.
Just at the end of this school year , I got in the mail two discipline reports for my son in spanish class . The first one said Infraction : trail mix spilled out of his pocket onto the sofa . The second one said , Infraction : Max talks too much . When I tell him to stop talking he goes on about why he was talking . ( tell me something I don't know ) I never thought she liked kids .
not in the mood- what the hell kind of teacher takes the time to write a report because some trail mix fell out of a kids pocket and then pays the postage to mail it, even though school is already out? Ugh, poor Max, his Spanish teacher was a dumbass slut.
Ryan's fucking metal.
Maybe Ryan only noticed that one of his classmates had really long, disgusting nails and only wanted to make his/her life easier.
And when the teacher says he "might have swallowed a rock" does that mean she's not completely sure.
Maybe he just says he did to make an excuse for bringing the nail clippers because he didn't want to embarrass the child who really needed his or her nails cut. Children are naive that way.
I think Ryan was thoughtful.
I used to teach preschool for three years. One year, there was a child in my class who would just "whip it out" and relieve himself on the playground whenever and wherever the urge hit. It was moderately funny because the other children would stand around and goggle at him and he'd just proudly turn from side to side to make sure that everyone could see the "show." I was mortified to tell his mother. She was the cliche soccer Mom, they lived in an upper class neighborhood and the child had a nanny that lived with them even though the Mom didn't work full time. When I told her, she just laughed and said, "well, that's probably my fault, we let him do that at home." Doh! After that, I didn't hesitate to tell a parent When I considered their child's behavior to be inappropriate because the parents were often the reason for the child's behavior. It also proved that money does not buy class.
Holly mammmma! Toenail clippers?!?!? well now...
I think the teacher should have splurged and used a bigger size Post-it® note.
Where I come from, we call what Ryan was doing "terrorism practice." Sure, back in 1997, kids could get away with this type of shenanigans, but these days appropriate action would be taken: The NSA would swoop right in and haul the little fucker off to a secret prison in the Czech Republic for a little waterboarding and endless hours of exposure to the relentless squawking of Alanis Morissette.
However, since this note was written pre-9/11, Ryan never faced scrutiny for his terroristic tendencies. He later went on, in the post-9/11 skies, to attempt to hijack a plane by brandishing a pair of nail clippers at the passengers and crew. His plan was foiled, however, when the pilot burst out of the cockpit and shot him in the face, then rolled down a window and threw his body into the ocean before the bomb (rock) in his stomach could explode.
When I was in 7th grade, I got drunk with 2 girlfriends before school. We stole vodka from our parents and brought it to share. One girl threw up, so needless to say we all got caught and suspended for a couple of days. My mother was mortified. I went on to become a teacher. In a Christian school. And I think frown faces are horrible. I have never drawn one for a child or their parent in the 16 years I have taught 1st and 2nd grades.