June 28, 2007

Almost Haiku
FOUND by Hailey in Sitka, Alaska
I found this in our school library in a pile of papers by the printer that nobody had claimed. It could be a haiku, but it has one extra syllable.
michelle
Maybe your sister is still bitching because she's trapped on a tree in the snow beneath your window.
+ June 28, 2007 12:07 AM +
Lost in in Space Needle.
It is not a true Haiku. There need to be five syllables in the first line and then seven syllables in the second line. Then five syllables in the third line. Usually the third line has the element of surprise or a form of "punchline".
+ June 28, 2007 12:10 AM +
Monika in her lonely hotel
"Worker bees can leave
Even drones can fly away
The queen is their slave."
+ June 28, 2007 12:40 AM +
Katherine in nappy land
The haiku is not a valid form of poetry! 5/7/5? WOW, you, my friend are profound! You genius, you!

Petrarchan sonnets are where it's at.
+ June 28, 2007 01:09 AM +
Ang in the Midwest
Sounds like a bad case of cabin fever...
+ June 28, 2007 01:25 AM +
lucy in the sky with diamonds
you can make this a true haiku, change the last line to: judgenmental bitch
+ June 28, 2007 03:48 AM +
Ann Nunnally in Plano, TX
It's still a great image, even if it's not "true haiku," judgemental biatches!
+ June 28, 2007 06:40 AM +
Ang in the Midwest
Hey everybody! I found a video of Donna-Lee from yesterday's Find:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/9f6ac01883

+ June 28, 2007 06:52 AM +
ANIMAL in the Zoo
SALT...go back to the freakin' sea, nobody gives a shit who you hate.
+ June 28, 2007 07:16 AM +
not interested in found dramatics
this poem is very william carlos williams-esque.
+ June 28, 2007 07:23 AM +
Mona Lisa in the louvre
sun is on the earth
the trees are growing quickly
founds abound with judging
+ June 28, 2007 07:46 AM +
Mona in My own world
To make this a Haiku, you just have to change "sister" to "sis." Maybe that's what he did, reprinted it, and turned it in.
+ June 28, 2007 08:18 AM +
Mona Lisa hop in g i was the only mona
hey.....
+ June 28, 2007 08:30 AM +
Beeswax in the cupboard, hiding under a tea cup
SALT came to annoy
not to offer any thought
just ignore, he'll go
also:
a hit-list of those
you will never meet in life
shows you are the ass
+ June 28, 2007 08:36 AM +
bored in Minneapolis
This looks like photo captions to me. I used to print out a list of photo captions on my computer, cut them up and do the scrap book thing with them. I'd love to see the picture of "my sister still bitching"
+ June 28, 2007 09:18 AM +
William in Indiana
The title to the poem could be: Things that never change.
+ June 28, 2007 09:24 AM +
Victoria in need of some sleep
SALT, you arent very nice. You take this website far too seriously.
+ June 28, 2007 09:44 AM +
manda in the middle
anyone know how this one goes for real? i only really remembered the "punchline"

I am a true cat
Scratch me on my rump, behold!
Elevator butt!
+ June 28, 2007 10:00 AM +
lost in america
uh... ang? that video wasn't funny...
+ June 28, 2007 10:04 AM +
Liz in the desert
Sounds like something from The Perks of Being a Wallflower or maybe even the Virgin Suicides (the book)
+ June 28, 2007 10:09 AM +
rum tum tigger in in a flat
In modern poetry, English versions of Haiku usually follow the spirit of the form, just as they do with Villanelles or sonnets. Since the 'ing' is really a feminine ending, it may actually count as a sonnet, being unstressed and sort of trailing off. I say good job, and I think the sister in the last line is a surprise. Probably a very young poet--kudos.
+ June 28, 2007 10:11 AM +
Dust speck in Cincinnati
I like it, the writer didn't confine his mind to the rules, but rather took from his own experience to finish the haiku. I hope that this haiku was apart of a much larger assignment that was turned in to a teacher, this should have never been lost.
+ June 28, 2007 10:38 AM +
Marie in C-ville, VA
Nice! It seems kind of pedestrian and cliche, but the surprising last line saves it. A good metaphor for life - surrounded by beauty, yet able to savor only so much as we are distracted by our humanimal annoyances and duties.
+ June 28, 2007 10:53 AM +
Audrey in philly
who cares if it's a goddamn haiku or not?
+ June 28, 2007 10:53 AM +
Sleepless in in my Office Chair
For Manda:

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.
+ June 28, 2007 11:09 AM +
Lucy in Chicago
Reminds me of my favorite, courtesy of Beavis and Butthead:
Burning cherry tree
Every blossom was aflame
Uh, here come the cops
+ June 28, 2007 11:12 AM +
lucy in the sky with diamonds
to the salty sea

buzz mad fly against
the window of a hot room
endlessly til death
+ June 28, 2007 11:30 AM +
Dick Clark in Pyramid
Things that my dog likes to pee on!

("Spam protection: Spell the word 'dog' backwards." Now that's poetry.)
+ June 28, 2007 12:15 PM +
Liza in your mom's bed
Found comments so rude
ruin many awesome finds
stuff it, bitches!
+ June 28, 2007 01:01 PM +
Curious in Charlotte, NC
a friend wrote this one during a Zen class, the only haiku I've ever memorized:

Saturday morning
I forgot my zabuton
Now my ankles hurt
+ June 28, 2007 01:13 PM +
Curious
I kinda can't get the question of who SALT hates out of my mind. SALT, you offered an alphabetized list. Would you be so kind? Could you add a numerical indices of how bad you hate them? Maybe a 1 to 10 scale? That would be great.
+ June 28, 2007 01:23 PM +
Curious in Charlotte, NC
That curious above isn't the same Curious as me. Not that it matters.
+ June 28, 2007 01:28 PM +
Tiny in reading poetry instead of working
I love this find! That's the best haiku-like poem I've ever read. What's up with hating poets, anyway? And I doubt the person that wrote this labeled him or herself a "poet", anyhow.
+ June 28, 2007 02:00 PM +
still wondering why in on God's green earth
people come HERE, a place to see art in the randomness of life, to be rude and obnoxious to one another. Maybe Salt (and others?) should state his/her age and we may all understand better....
+ June 28, 2007 02:03 PM +
Patootie in love with Tater Pittman
I'm with William in Indiana. It's a list of the things the writer can always count on. The constants in his/her life.
Oh, and Salt, would your list be all in caps?
+ June 28, 2007 02:13 PM +
decibel in in your head
i find it funny
that people need to comment
with more bad haikus

:D
+ June 28, 2007 02:37 PM +
Rodney King in LA
Can't we all just get along?

(Maybe some of y'all need a big hug!)
+ June 28, 2007 02:59 PM +
Red in the principal's office
When has a true poet written a great poem in one sitting? Clearly, this wasn't the final draft - the kid left it in the printer tray. And even if they did turn it in, they would have gotten a low grade. Calm down people, so the kid is learning. Let it go, breathe.

And Salt, none of us care who you hate so making a list would be a waste of time. Besides, it's not like you actually know who any of us are. So just settle down and let people make their typical, waste of time comments. (much like this one.)
+ June 28, 2007 03:30 PM +
not salt
beeswax is stinky
jr high sucks eh kiddo?
you'll grow up one day

oh oh oh and don't go psycho ... wait ... her it comes!!!!!!!!!!!!
+ June 28, 2007 04:24 PM +
kasjfk
Lost in space:
are you just restating what was stated in the intro? thanks so much! you know many here can not cannot can not cannnnnoooootttt read, spell or nor use proper grammar grammer.
+ June 28, 2007 04:27 PM +
Turbo in the Thunderdome
I used to go to a bar where there was an old WW2 vet as the bartender. The owner of the bar decided he was going to have a haiku contest. Contest day came and it was Joe the bartender's turn to read his haiku. He opened up a slip of paper and said, "Fuck the Japs".
+ June 28, 2007 04:30 PM +
Katie in bed
I agree with SALT and the lite cream cheese. That stuff's plain wrong.

I like how this found starts off like it's going to be all serious and then it's not... It could be the opening words to a comedy.

I don't like it how posting a comment here makes you feel paranoid incase you type something wrong...
+ June 28, 2007 05:28 PM +
Midlife Crisis
I'm delighted that I fit into at least six of Salty's categories. I just wish I had invented lite cream cheese.
+ June 28, 2007 05:32 PM +
Curious, not in Charlotte, NC, the other Curious
Thanks SALT, 'ppreciate the laugh.
+ June 28, 2007 05:39 PM +
Jonathan in tent on sticking to the point
Lots on Haiku in Wikipedia, including the fact that it has 'approximately' 5-7-5 syllables. I've read somewhere else that it can still be a genuine haiku with a different syllable count.

My favourite is Roger McGough – 'First haiku of spring':

cuck oo cuck oo cuck
oo cuck oo cuck oo cuck oo
cuck oo cuck oo cuck

...so there.
+ June 28, 2007 05:48 PM +
Dead Headed Princess Diana in La La Land
SALT

That list gave me a couple chuckles ;)
+ June 28, 2007 06:06 PM +
Marie in C-ville, VA
Help! I don't understand what elevator butt is! I am obviously deprived.
+ June 28, 2007 06:40 PM +
Marie in C-ville, VA
OH, never mind! I just got it when I thought about cats...
+ June 28, 2007 06:41 PM +
nikki in chnc
Things that I see , feel , and hear !
+ June 28, 2007 06:56 PM +
Katherine
SALT-

Could you please grace us with a list of people you love?
+ June 28, 2007 06:58 PM +
Katherine in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Monika, thanks for posting that.

SALT, you're my favorite.

Katherine, I'm glad you spell my name correctly when borrowing it for your own use.
+ June 28, 2007 07:13 PM +
Midlife Crisis in California
Turbo once again gets top honors for best comment of the day (so far).

Many thanks!
+ June 28, 2007 07:31 PM +
d in wa
I love the comments. The critics and the not so critical. I know my IQ has gone up a few points by what I read on this website.
+ June 28, 2007 09:01 PM +
the last word in in LISTS
A-holes who post hate lists
Big dumb a-holes
Comments by SALT
Dumb idiots who spread hate
Everything SALT says about everyone
Freaks
Gigantic a-holes
Hurt feelings on random websites
Idiots
Just SALT
Kids who act stupid on random websites
Losers
Mean people
No-good a-holes
overuse of CAPS
people like SALT
questionable people
really mean comments
stupid idiots
too much hate
ugly words from ugly people
vile remarks from SALT
weirdos
everyone knows there's nothing for x y z
+ June 28, 2007 09:36 PM +
Deluxx in crisis
Lucy in the sky
Brought up judgenmental bitch
Old joke made me laugh
+ June 28, 2007 09:52 PM +
Snippy in Flux
I love this find. I think it pretty much says it all.
+ June 28, 2007 10:21 PM +
Monika in her lonely hotel
We're find of the day
Random group of stranger friends
Connected by found
+ June 28, 2007 10:46 PM +
Beeswax in the cupboard, stuck in a wineglass
Aw, shucks, not salt, I dind't know you cared. I'm flattered. (I'm guessing, and this is waaaay out on a limb here, that you're secretly SALT with the CAPS LOCK turned off! Shh! Your secret is safe with me! :) )Junior High was so many years ago, in fact it was called Junior High then and not middle school, as it is now, but it was still a little taste of hell on Earth that I've never quite gotten out of my mouth. But you're sweet to think of me so.
+ June 28, 2007 10:57 PM +
Katherine in California
No problem, Katherine.

We must unite and become a single entity.
+ June 28, 2007 11:37 PM +
Katherine (the REAL one) in in California
Remember, my friends,
that SALT is, by no means, sweet.
Please give him kisses.
+ June 28, 2007 11:39 PM +
Correctin Rex in MKE
Red in the principals office- there can be no such thing as a draft of a haiku. Haiku's do not need to have such a precise structure, but what they do need is primary impulse, spontineity. It's a buddhist thing.

SALT- the following are a list of things you do not hate, you secretly love them and only pretend to hate them out of jealousy.

BJORK
FAT PEOPLE
HIPSTERS
NOISICIANS
POLLAKS

if you doubt me, i can only prove my point by dragging my shit to your house and playing a noise concert exclusively for you, a noise concert that will turn your legs to jelly, give you a hard-on and change your goddamn life forever.
+ June 29, 2007 08:45 AM +
SALT in THE SEA
HAHAHHAZHAHDSAH

NO RESPONSE.
+ June 29, 2007 08:50 AM +
Midlife Crisis in California
I've applied for Mexican citizenship and have begun investigating the paranormal on behalf of fat Wiccans and Icelandic musicians.
+ June 29, 2007 10:54 AM +
Intimidator in my cubicle
Hey asshole --

What's a "POLLAK"? The fish (which is what I'm sure you were referring to in your list)is spelled "pollock" and the nickname that pinheads use for people of Polish descent is commonly spelled "polack".
Get it right, pinhead.
+ June 29, 2007 01:30 PM +
Christine in Davis, CA
Well, I really like it... !
+ June 29, 2007 03:05 PM +
Miss Sneezy in the basement cutting the electricity
Hey SALT - what is it you have against Chuck Palahniuk?

The Last Word - I assume that your list was an attempt at humor, but it was just painful to read.
+ June 29, 2007 06:29 PM +
Teresa in The West
Although haikus can have 'approximate' syllables matching 5/7/5, there need be no argument whatsoever- "bitching" is one syllable. and when you say it as one syllable, it is a lot more fun to say. I will never be SALT's friend as i AM lite cream cheese.
+ June 30, 2007 04:04 PM +
paige in rbnj
SALT, i agree with your list so hard. <333333
+ July 03, 2007 01:41 PM +
Crowchick in Cincinnati
Actually, an American Haiku has 17 syllables, but is not restricted to a 5-7-5 configuration and does not have to be about "nature."

This is totally an American Haiku, especially considering many Midwesterners pronounce "beneath" as if it only had one-ish syllable... "bneath."
+ November 19, 2007 04:58 PM +
Tori in South Cackalackie
This is one of my favorite finds ever.
+ November 28, 2007 10:36 AM +
Gin in Tonic
The greatest part of this comment thread is that all the comments by SALT were deleted, but all the comments in RESPONSE to Salt's comments are still up, so whoever came after (like me), has NO freaking CLUE why people are so mad at Salt! Argh!
+ March 17, 2008 03:38 PM +
carrie in hubert nc
Good one! Can't stop smiling at that one
+ August 22, 2008 04:10 PM +
miss gredenko in past posts...
Hi, Gin...
I agree. What did SATLT do? What happened to Pepper? And the other Pepper? And Midlife?
+ February 25, 2009 03:18 PM +
Clancy R in a State of Flux.
I like this one!
+ March 24, 2009 10:08 PM +

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