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July 30, 2007 |
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Shopping and Guys
FOUND by Arianna Meyer
in Kansas
I found this when I was moving into my new house. Someone who lived there before probably had kids who played school. Obviously this essay received an A+.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
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Oh, I'm like, so embarrassed you found that!
What has the world come to? 'Omg' now constitutes as a word in an essay.
Well, that's fucked up.
I cannot believe that that essay recieved an A+. I'm not kidding, I seriously cannot bring myself to believe that. The only age where that would constitute an A+ would be about 1st or maybe a rough draft in 2nd, and the subject removes those age groups from the realm of possibility. If all goes onward nd outward, and nothing collapses, then where does this come from? Excuse me whilst I go and ponder what is to become of us...
Hello...the finder said the author was most likely PLAYING school. Not that she actually got an A+ on this "essay" in a real class by a real teacher. Come on! LOL
I don't think it was a school assignment. I picture two young girls playing school or something and one of them giving the other (perhaps a sibling) an A+ because she probably thought Justin Timberlake is like omg so totally hot too. Or maybe she gave herself an A+ and hung it on the refrigerator. Who knows...
I'm with the finder on this one: they were PLAYING school. My 2nd grader (soon to be 3rd) and her friends are always writing "essays" similar to this one (only the names of the "hott bois" change to reflect the passage of time.. Justin is like, OMG, sooo over.)
The A+ "grade" was either given by the author herself, or one of her girlie friends. And Tristin, don't be fooled.. the subject doesn't remove that age of girl from the realm of possibility. Those tweens learn a lot from the Disney Channel. (unfortunately.)
It sounds more like someone making fun of teenage girls. I use to say "omg" many times when trying to make fun of my older sister when I was about pre-teen age.
This is totally bringin' essays back.
i agree with faith. i'd like to believe that this was written by someone (most probably a teenage boy)who found the vocabulary of teenage girl's hilarious rather than believe a teenage girl would write such air-headed drivel. and justin timberlake? come onnn.
OMG! You guys are SO totally lame! I can't believe you thought it was a real essay. Shoping + Guys deserves the A+
OMG that's the essay I wrote for the SAT
I love it! I don't care if it's someone making fun of tweensters or if it's an actual tweenster… the last bit, where he/she interrupts a train of thought to reiterate the "omg/hot" factor makes my day.
Ju8tin Timberlake?
really "hott" :)))))
OMG, this like *totally* sounds like a pre-teen boy making fun of a tween girl. Reminds me of StrongBad, from HomeStar Runner, and his ongoing comic "Teen Girl Squad".
http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html
Teen girls are scary, and could rule the world with their combined power, if they weren't distracted by malls and heartthrobs.
I like that the author traced over the essay. Cute. I can see this riddled with online/text acronyms. That would be hilarious.
IF I FOUND SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN MY CHILD'S ROOM I'D BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEM. SECONDLY, I'D MAKE THEM WRITE ME A THREE PAGE ESSAY ON A NOTEWORTHY TOPIC. I WANT TEN SOURCES AND AN INTERNET WEBSITE DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AS A PROPER SOURCE.
justin timberlake sure dates stupid girls. jeez.
like, fer shur, omg, its soooo kewl that shes like, dating such a hot boi. im like sooo jealous... dude...
when i was a teenager, it was valley girls.
Jan, best comment ever, but now that song is in my head - THANKS!
Pure literary genius.
what song?
OMG I can't believe y'all found my note y'all. Justin is sooo hot. I really wish he was my babies' daddy instead of K-fed. Gotta go y'all. I'm off to smack my moma around some more y'all.
I think they mean the Justin Timberlake song, Bringin' Sexy Back. Jan said this is bringin' essays back.
hahaha hilarious, thanks Jan!
omg, like, thank you mickey. Hey, Mickey, youre so fine, youre so fine i'll make you mine, hey mickey.
haha this whole find is too funny. what really cracks me up is how the 't' in 'hottest'got kind of shunted down next to 'name'. I used to do that all the time lol.
"a girl in a boat..." got me thinking. Is omg in the dictionary yet? Has anyone looked? How do you guys read an essay like this aloud? Do you sound out omg phonetically? Or do you say oh my god? Evolution of language is so fascinating. I will be interested to watch how omg plays out...
I'm disturbed by the subject of this essay-- when I was young enough to be playing school I was always writing things about the Panama Canal. I was obsessed with the Panama Canal.
M
Omg, Justin Timberlake is dumb. Seriously, wtf? I can't beleive he'd go out with someone who goes to the trouble of re-writing his essay in two colors of ink but won't correct simple spacing and formatting errors.
Sounds Freudian, Martina.
woo hoo, Rex. Found might give you energy/anger enough to continue writing.
i should really try to focus, and get all my comments out in one post, but, frankly, i'm tangential, and not very organized.
Clover got me thinking, about how my kids talk. They say OMG, and WTF. the actual letters. drives me nuts. (the latter, i point out, is actually more difficult to say the letters [w being three syllables, itself, with a total of 5 syllables being said for the letters, 3 for the entire phrase] than the actual words.)
Brit-ho! You never really really stood a chance at Justin. You're childish crush on him was a complete joke. Get over it and move on. Go shave your head or get pregnant again with someone elses husband. You're good at that so stick to it.
Here i am at the found comments again. and i see SALT in the sea making another completely off-topic comment and caused me to go into cardiac arrest.
but anyway... about the actual FOUND (duh)
I think its cute that they spelled "shopping" with one P. The sad part is that I know some 15 year olds that spell like this also.
Martina: The Panama Canal don't shake no booty like a hot young man and tight pants. I think these teeagers are on the right path for a satisfying writing career. Write what you know and give it a little heat. A+ indeed!
Mom, I clearly only say w-t-f. Thtats only because you hate it when I swear infront of you. If you'd like for me to start saying 'what the fuck' instead of wtf I'd gladly do it. I do not say omg. Thank you very much. I'm going to make lunch.
I know, it's like, you know?
Kids still play school? OMGWTF!?
Responding to Mona re: OMG, WTF, etc. --
Yes now that you mention it I've heard kids say the letters. In the fascinating book on linguistics called "The Unfolding of Language," the author describes how language evolves due to its tendency to, 1)simplify itself because people are lazy and economize by shortening sounds, and, 2)try to make itself more impactful with the use of metaphor, until overuse of the metaphor dilutes the impact and then another, more colorful metaphor takes its place.
So, I wonder what will happen to WTF with all of its syllables. I also wonder what will happen to the "f" word; its impact is quickly becoming diluted.
Oh! I forgot what WTF meant! WTF might actually preserve the "f" word! Thanks for clarifying, :(, (AKA Mona's offspring)
I just realized that I say a-k-a! Don't you?
BUBBLE WRAP, YOU FOOL, MY COMMENT IS BLATANTLY ABOUT THE FOUND. RE-READ IF YOU MUST. I THEN EXPECT A FORMAL APOLOGY FOR YOUR ERRONEOUS ATTACK.
Clover, thanks for giving me a name for writing on here. I've always tried different names before but they always coincide with the found, so it doesn't make sense anywhere else. :)
Thanks, Offspring. I hadn't realized that you were actually trying to preserve my sensibilities. And, Clover, i realize now that we have used short forms like aka and asap for eons. Why do we get all bent out of shape because they're more prolific. Its an evolution of the language.
SALT did comment directly on the find, btw. He might be an angry, aggressive man, but he seldom just says things erratically.
OMG ! How cute is that ? Justin Timberlake IS like really hot , have you seen Alpha Dog ? OMG!! And like the Alpha Dog guy is soooo cute too until he bleached his hair and then it's like uh gross .
OMG, Jan, you are my new BFF bc that was the most awesome comment EVER. LYLAS.
SALT , Although there are many times that I appreciate your sarcastic humor , I also get the impression that you are just no fun .None at all . Write what you like , I can predict it anyway .
i have to disagree, Bouncing. SALT's comments are not predictable at all. Well, predictable, perhaps, in that they will probably offend someone, but the content is unpredictable.
And about offending people. Sometimes it takes a bee inside someone's bonnet to figure out what they're passionate about, and how far they'll go to defend something that they feel passionate about.
i'm just sayin
It's like....omg....you know? like well, when those teenie-boppers like talk like well...like everything they say - even statments - end in you know a questionmark?
This note reminds of all of those twits even old enough to know better...who, like you know? Talk like that?
Even though this note is obviously a joke or something that was used in "playing" school...it's still just pathetic and frightening - I'm with Curious on this one:
Teen girls really could be a force to be reckoned with - with power to do so much - if they 'd just get their heads out of their asses - learn how to speak - and most of all - STOP worrying about what others think of them & trying to fit in.
(I work with teen girls and I see it all the time - if they don't get it before they hit their early twenties - they are just as sad as twenty-somethings.)
I hope this was just a joke-note or essay.
My own teens don't know what "teeny-bopper" means. I had to explain the word to them. I think teens today are exactly like teens of yesteryear. Only the names have changed.
A well deserved A+, Miss Spears.
I think it must have been hard writing essays and, like, stuff on the set of the new Mickey Mouse Club and making sure you got your papers to the tutor on time. Good Work.
I bet Britney wrote it.
Hey, Courtney, Mickey B. and Deluxx, UKW? GMTA. Them othah postahs don' know how tuh act.
dude, I looooove shoping!
Boy, that's sad. Justin Timberlake must've really lowered his standards to be combing for high school girls at the mall. I know he is a horrible musician, but he could do better than this girl for sure.
At least the writer didn't use Wikipedia as a source.
SALT, I keep seeing you referring to having children...Going through a mid-life crisis or something? Just curious like always
When I played school I never went as far as writing pretend essays
I'm just wondering... are most of you guys teachers with the summer off? Because something tells me that a lot of kids who play school grow up to be teachers. Not that I have personal experience or anything. Just a theory.
I DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN AND I AM IN MY MID-TWENTIES. I AM AFRAID THAT I DON'T QUALIFY FOR A MID-LIFE EXTRAVAGANZA AT THE MOMENT SEEING AS I HAVEN'T REACHED 'MID-LIFE.' THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN.
We must remember SALT will probably never find anyone worthy of his seed.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ?!?!?!? Please....I just don't get the appeal. Clearly, I'm getting old...he just always looks like a little boy who is trying to play older than he really is. I don't even think he's remotely attractive.
Britney? Well, she's just as stupid as a box of hammers.
You know, even if the person was playing school or making fun of girls...
It seems to be a perfect example of a graded essay by a "no child left behind" rule.
I agree with Gigi. Why, exactly, is JT so attractive???
Ew.
So when do they have sex?
Vickie, I think I remember Salt saying she was female.
Just a note.
vickie, we must HOPE that SALT never finds anyone worthy of carrying his seed.
Hm - in SALT's post of a few days ago, when he listed his criteria, HE definitely sounded male to me.
THAT WAS AN IMPOSTER. I AM SWIMMING IN A PACIFIC OCEAN OF TESTOSTERONE. I AM AN OVERFLOWING VOLCANO OF MANLINESS.
IMPOSTOR
These new abbreviations - OMG, WTF, ATM, BTW, LOL, ROFL, etc. - stem from the use of text msging and IMs. When you have to actually type everything you say, it makes it much easier to abbreviate. It isn't being lazy, it's being fast with typing. Making fun of it or failing to understand it makes you look & sound really really old.
That being said, I wouldn't use OMG in a real essay, and I hope the writer wouldn't either.
Tara- I don't think everyone is making fun of using the shorthand while typing. I think it's the use of it verbally that is getting the comments. I could be mistaken, but that's my understanding.
Either way, I don't really care, I always find it amusing in sort of a fun way when I hear "OMG, WTF are you doing!" hehe
I have to agree with salt. If that were my child they'd be beaten senseless--and I don't even believe in corporeal punishment. Though I do think that three pages is a bit lax.
OMG I'm so hot!
my favorite thing about this that they wrote over every letter, scratch out, and underline in a different pen color. this kid had some time on his hands.
"SALT in THE SEA said:
IF I FOUND SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN MY CHILD'S ROOM I'D BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEM. SECONDLY, I'D MAKE THEM WRITE ME A THREE PAGE ESSAY ON A NOTEWORTHY TOPIC. I WANT TEN SOURCES AND AN INTERNET WEBSITE DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AS A PROPER SOURCE. "
Does SALT suffer from PTSD or something?
Barf.
Britney probably wrote this.
This makes me sad, whether they were playing or not. "OMG, I'm 7 years old and I've already learned to be vapid and shallow!"
Like, OMG!!! Like, the Justin Timberlake reference earned, like, and A+ by itself!!! Like, totally!
Like OMG this find is like totally hysterical. I like totally imagine this was written by like a bored teenaged girl who is babysitting along with her like best friend in the world and the child they are like watching asks them to like play school with her. Of course they are secretly like thrilled, but, like they don't want to like seem childish or uncool. So like, when they get their "homework assignment" they write this so they can like act like they are still like cool, ya know?
Whether this was written in play, in mockery, or in stonefaced seriousness, the person who wrote it is a monkey-brained fucktard.
Did anyone else notice that in making her comment about LOLOMGWTF detractors sounding really, really old, Tara makes herself sound really, really young and not especially bright? TTWISIA.
Flargy, "that's the way I see it"...what?
Damn, Night! Nice work! Anyway...
This is one of the great things about having registered profiles. I just checked to see if you had been commenting on any interesting, old Finds, and sure enough, there was a reply to something I said over three months ago. Will the novelty never wear off?