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August 19, 2008 |
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Cards Hallmark Should Make
FOUND by Matt Kinney
in Los Angeles, California
Stepped outside my apartment to have a cigarette and found this paper tucked into the top of my neighbor's bush.
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Wedding Day December 28, 2003 |
Dear John May 10, 2007 |
The Kid Already... March 25, 2006 |
Bud Clothes August 08, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
The whole note sounds cinematic. Holly Golightly. Romeo and Juliet. The Lost Boys. Maybe Lost Boys is a theatrical term, like a type of character or something.
That should teach Matt about the dangers of going and poking around his neighbor's bush.
He opened a veritable Pandora's box of unanswerable questions and unresolvable contradictions ("I really like you, but I'm not attracted to you").
Let this be a warning to all who would venture into such shrubbery.
Pretty sure that card would be a best seller.
Grammar Nazi says, either
...projects the image of needing *to be* taken care of
or
...projects the image of needing care
quite a few years ago (ie before text / email was popular in NZ) I found a range of 'insult' cards along those lines. Real handy to be able to post an insult rather than say it to a face!
The "Lost Boys" refers to the boys that the author of Peter Pan, JM Barrie, adopted/took care of. They were boys who had lost their parents in the war. Lately there has been some rumour of possible sexual whatevers between him and the boys, but of course there's no real proof of it. In Peter Pan they speak of the Lost Boys as Peter's friends who are with him in Neverland...kids who refused to grow up.
Howzabout a card that says (cover) "I'm really attracted to you...(inside)but I'm not available. Please go away."
I could do with one of those.
"Temptation, Mr Allnut, is what we are put on this world to rise above."--The African Queen
"Lost Boys" could also refer to the film, which is about vampires. That's all I really remember about it though, so don't know if it fits with the context. The lost boys in Peter Pan would probably fit better.
Anyone else notice how her (guessing she's a her)"m"s have a loopy joining bit like when people have learned that loopy sort of handwriting, but one doesn't and neither does the "n" of "needing".
Which I'm sure means nothing, but it interested me.
"Lost Boys" also makes me remember the Lost Boys of Sudan, a group of young orphaned refugees forced from their villages by war to trek hundreds of miles through African wilderness. Thousands died along the way — they drowned, were eaten by wild animals, shot by military forces or overcome by hunger, dehydration or fatigue. (stole most of that wording from a Red Cross web site about them) Google the words "lost boys africa" to read more.
or how about:
(cover) I really like you...
(inside)...as a friend.
I would have had a whole drawer full of them by the time I finished school. And I probably never would have thrown them away, somehow hoping that because Debbie or Theresa or Susan or whoever had cared enough to BUY the card that MAYBE there was still hope!
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...but I'm not in love with you.
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...enough to boff but not enough to take on a real date.
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...as a [brother/sister]
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...can I borrow $200?
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...so would you help me move next Saturday?
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...but not enough to let you [____].
You forgot one, Heard 'em:
(inside) Would you give me a ride to the airport?
Holly Golightly-from Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Why would someone want to page her?
Not to be confused with The Soft Boys.
(cover)I really like you...
(inside)...but what is that repugnant odor?
One more for you, Heard 'em:
I'm really attracted to you...
...but I don't really like you.
(It happens. Trust me.)
I really like you....
but you make me vomit in my mouth a little.
and i thought that read Homeo and Juliet.
and i thought there was a comma missing in that "men we love to, mommy" (and of course the wrong 'to' used.)
'Twas in a restaurant they met,
Romeo and Juliet.
He had no cash to pay the debt,
So Romeo'd what Juli'et.
...best when you're as far away from me as humanly possible.
I really like you.
But I like your brother better.
I really like you.
But I'm moving to Yemen. ("Friends")
I really like you.
But I'm a congenital liar.
Wouldn't it be a contradiction to even bother giving someone a card if you're not attracted to them? I would think that might give the person false hope... as in, "oh... he may not be attracted to me, but he cared enough to give me this card, so I still have a chance!" Yikes. I say forget the cards...just tell them you're moving out of the country instead.
1funchickadee in the office, the contradiction is where the humour comes from.
I really like you
but i've got herpes. and now so do you.
Thank you mona...(not for the herpes though) I saw the humor, I just thought it might also be fun to tell them that you're moving out of the country...
Alan, I think it's be more like
(cover)I really like you...
(inside)...but I wanna destroy you!
...and now that song will be in my head for the rest of the day.
Here's one to fear...
(cover) I really like you...
(inside) ...but I think I'm in love with your Mom.
I really like you...
But not LIKE like.
I don't like you
But I love you
Seems that I'm always thinking of you
Oh, oh, oh
You treat me badly
But I love you madly
You've really got a hold on me
HA HA!
in you neighbors bush.
use that for a hallmark card.
Mona, I read Homeo as well!
I find the handwriting to be really strange and non-consistent (ie the "square" C). I heard that may be a sign of mental instability.
ok, funchick. How bout the card would read
i really like you
but i'm moving out of the country, please dont try to find me.
I really like you...
[Crazed look] I said, I REALLY LIKE YOU! No, I don't think you understand. I REAAAAAAAAALLLLLY LIIIIIIIKE YOU! HA HA HE HO HA ....rrrreeeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy!
Um, sorry. :X
She must have been somewhat attracted to him or he would have never gotten that close to her bush.
I thought it said Homeo and Juliet too.
I really like you...
But enough about you, let's talk about me.
It's my birthday!! Woohoo!!!
Terrie
I really like you...
...that's why I'm giving you a table saw for your birthday.
Happy birthday Terry! (And Bill Clinton.)
A bit from Star Trekkin (across the universe) keeps running through my head, for no apparent reason:
"Captain Kirk! The deck is swarming with Klingons!"
"I like them... Better than I like you."
-----
Happy birthday, Terrie!! And Floyd the Cat, if you're still around... <3
memememememememeeeeeeeeeeee....
Happy birthday to you (Terrie)
Happy birthday to you (Terrie)
Happy birthday, dear Terrie (and piss on Bill Clinton)
Happy birthday to yooooou! (Terrie)
Terrie, I don't normally approve of correcting minor spelling mistakes, but when it's someone's name . . . on their birthday no less . . . I just had to.
uhhh.. crap, you guys stole my joke!
I really like you...
but not enough to pay any attention to you.
I really like you but...
I like your Grandmother better.
I really like you...
but could you change everything about yourself?
I really like you...
but could you wear a bag over your head?
I really like you...
could you pay my rent?
I really like you...
but you smell like pee.
I really like you...
could you not tell anyone we're dating?
I really like you...
could you have my baby?
I really like you....
but does your face always look like that?
I really like you but...
are those your clothes?
I work well with others...
--Others. Not you.
Congratulations on your new job...
--In some other company.
Thanks to everybody!! You guys are the best.
I really like you...
... elsewhere.
Homeo!! The neighbor's bush!! It's all too much to take.
Happy birthday, Terrie!!
@ Chrome Now I cant get another part of the song out of my head:
"Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, Klingons on the starboard bow, Scrape 'em off Jim!"
I really like you...
but do you have to wear American Apparel clothes?
I like you..
but Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an escalator!
I really like you...
but not your kids.
Wow...I was feeling sorry for myself that I didn't get to log on earlier today, but after reading all of this, I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I am laughing my ass off!
(Mona: "but you make me vomit in my mouth a little"...HAHAHA!) That one made me snort.
I like you
but not your Asshat
Happy Birthday Terrie!!
Body suits are back in style?
Yikes
...Chrome. Why?!?!
Staaaaaaar Trekkin'! Across the universe [whip-ow!] On the starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TERRIE!!!!
I really like this FIND.....
But not enough to comment on it.
I really like you....
But you remind me of my dead grandpa, who was really hairy!
Happy Birthday Terrie!!!
I really like you...
...the other way up.
I really like you...
...when you're asleep.
I really like you...
...so I'll just tuck this into your bush -- oops, there you go.
@L -- your version ('HA HA HE HO HA')made me think of Charlie Brown. *sigh*
But then Snoopy says it and Charlie Brown knows it's true (but only because it's SUPPERTIME!!)
Happy birthday a day late, Terrie!
I really like you...
...but not enough to remember your birthday.
Jonathan.
Thanks again, guys. Your friendship soup is tasty.
Now, Matt, aren't you glad you smoke? See how happy you made us all!