 |
May 29, 2008 |
|
 |
|
|
Fart Confession
FOUND by Paul
in St. Albert, Alberta, Canada
This was on the floor of a Mac's store washroom. This was the cleanest one of the bunch.
Sign in or register to start a profile and keep track of your comments. You may also post without creating a profile, but you'll have to answer some tough spam protection questions.
Have You Discussed... January 30, 2006 |
Girl Lazer November 06, 2005 |
It Makes Me Mad September 22, 2002 |
Party Party UK Stylee August 04, 2002 |
 |
|
 |
         |
We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Shouldn't she be swearing on her heart and hoping to die, not live?
I don't know why but this note looks forced, almost fake.I guess it just seems too good to be true.
Well, whether this is legit or not, this totally happened to my best friend in the 6th grade except she sneezed at the same time and everyone in front of her just heard the sneeze but everyone behind heard the... toot. And of course her crush was right behind her. She too was imbarressed and got made fun of.
Oh middle school. The joy and the terror.
My Sandra assures me (as did my mother) that ladies do not 'toot'.
In Your Dreams
I do not fart. I scrub the toilet.
I don’t sing out loud
before it's time to wake you up.
I'm the man you hoped I'd be.
I remember to pick up Chinese and
forget what you said about Ginsberg.
You know I can be trusted.
You don't have to pry it out of me:
you know you're the girl of my dreams.
Hahaha, how awful! Poor thing. :(
I thought the same thing.
@Farmer: nice....and where does one find these dream-men? have they an isle at Walmart?
i know a fellow teacher who extracts his subtle revenge this way:
during the eoc (end of course) tests, where the students are trapped in chairs for hours while teachers circle them like sharks, he slides up behind a certain pain-in-the-ass student that has been tolerated all year... my friend, shall we call him Mr.Flowers?... is a master of the 'silent-but-deadly' style of farting. So while located by the annoying student, he lets go. Then looks horrified, fans, walks away letting the student to bask in flowers-funk, while others look on aghast. subtle. exqusite revenge.
(of course, being a professional whose job depends on the test, he waits until the test is finished... where the students have to sit in silence until *everyone* in the school finishes... takes hours...all hail NCLB.)
This found made me smile. Yes!
(It kind of reminds me of the time I was in drama and the boy I liked pointed out that I had sat in something - I hadn't, I'd bled on myself...!)
Fantastic find! Great start to my day...
Shuuure, I swear on my heart and all that. I won't tell ANY one. (I'll just leave your note in a public place, let Paul find it, and have it posted on the Internet so everyone in the universe can read it. Forever.) Trust me. I won't "imbarress" you.
And for your (possible) reading pleasure, look into "Who cut the cheese? a cultural history of the fart" by Jim Dawson. Berkeley, Calif.: Ten Speed Press, 1999. [Although I'm thinking this isn't going to be the book you'll have your nose stuck in all summer long, as it's only 175 pages long.]
We always said "cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye..."
I guess this was Found in the "washroom" because the writer had to finish up their business.
Does anyone else think it's weird that the last part of the note is written in the pen of the other person writing?
Librarian: I'll be sure to check out that book when I have time!!
Here's another book, for the young reader: "The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts" by Shinta Cho. And if you haven't had enough after that you could check out: "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi. Both books are informative and humorous.
@wrye in art class (oddly enough) I discovered the answer to your question at a student film fest last evening. It's Boyfriend in a Box! I don't think they sell them at walmart though. Check it out on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPBi8Jk0EW9s
Oops. That URL didn't work. Try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPBi8J0EW9s
Or search Boyfriend in a Box. It starts out "Still Single?"
tttttssssssssssssstttt
(sorry about that)
Oh man, Turbo! Geez....
Oh no fart comments all day. Time for the poop report.
http://www.poopreport.com/
Turbo..man, you reek.
Why do we even need to fart? It's so embarrassing.
Mona, I thought I already told you...women don't fart, they explode at 50.
My friend Todd summed up flatulence pretty well one time, when he said that a fart is the body's best joke.
Oooh, I can't wait to get home to the scanner.. this Find pretty much goes perfectly with something I just found outside... (well, at least I think it does. the Find might be more suited to Dirty Found.)
When my daughter was in 1st grade, she attended a private Christian school. When kids would laugh at another student's fart, Miss Evans would say "That's just how God made our bodies." So now years later, that is our family joke whenever we fart..."Whaaat.... that's just how God made my body!"
reminds me of the time in 8th grade i was really sick but went to school anyway. during homeroom i tooted silently. well, as you guessed it was an SBD. and i mean DEADLY! people started commenting on how bad it smelled. i turned around and accused the boy behind me. i think they all knew it was me. the teacher came down my aisle with air freshner and sprayed. i was mortified. no one said anything to ME, though.
http://foundmagazine.com/comments/2252
i just remembered something i wanted to share witha all y'all.
The family and I were at a ... sporting event, we'll say, (don't want to give identifying details.)Every 10 minutes or so, there was a fetid smell emanating thoughout the facility (very close to where we were sitting). Smelled like dastardly farts, everyone noticed, and made comments, but no one copped to it.
After the event, one of the mom's went up to the proprietor of the facility, and admitted to being the maker of the smells. But she said she wasnt farting, she was burping(?!?!?!?!?!) and of course, she (the proprietor) shared that with all of us, next time we went there. I still can't believe it...
*shutters w/embarassment for this person while having too many flashbacks of her own to even really comment on this*
Ahahahahaha~!!! Ya'll have summed it up just right!!!
Poor thing...I wonder if the *guy* ever talked her after that???
Or even looked at her??
Sad....
How humiliating for this girl! Not only because she "tooted", but also that the guy she likes heard her! Reminds me of the long-ago tradition of the President's physical fitness test in gym class in school. (Do they still even DO that?) Lots of people dreaded the sit-up portion of the test because, well, you know how excessive abdominal strain can affect the bowels. It was especially bad for the person holding the feet of the "offender", I suppose. For many generations, my family has always had a lot of fun with farts and the humor that comes with them. My grandfather used to say, "Nothing livens up a dull party like a good fart"! We also like to call the SBD's "whispering foots", because of the sound it makes. Go ahead and whisper the word "foot" for a sample. My 4 year old son is really into the gross "boy" stuff right now, and laughs like a maniac when we imitate different fart sounds. For anyone else with this same sense of humor, there is a website that has a fart machine called "Ebaum's world", I think. When my son tries to tell other kids about it at the playground, we have to pull him aside and tell him that that's really just something we keep in the family, inside the house.
I just realized that it says, "In art class I tooted and..." The first few times I read it, I thought it said, "In art class I tooted ANAL..."
"Tooting anal" is officially my new favorite euphemism for farting.
Isn't "Tooting Anal" a Ween record?
Every time I watch Blazing Saddles and it gets to the dinner scene, I roll my eyes thinking about how juvenile Mel Brooks can be with the farting. But I always laugh. Alot.
Reminds me that a few days back the Urban Word of the day was "farticles."
The particles of air contaminated after someone or something lets out gas.
You contaminated my air with your farticles!
We've been using the term in my household ever since.
@Cherry-I'm going to add "farticles" to our farting vocab now! That's great!
I couldn't be with a man who thought I shouldn't fart. It just wouldn't work. There's just too much joy in it for me. Love me for my love of the fart or get out. Come on, "Pull My Finger" is a classic! It still gets me laughing.
Aerosolized particles of feces is one of my favorite terms for the fart.
This note made me "awww". Those were the days though, when the most embarassing thing you had to worry about was the passing of gas.
6th Grade World History. Silent reading time. I didn't just "toot." It was a full blown fart.
There was no denying it was me. Needless to say, I am a sensitive kind of girl and started crying when everybody started laughing and going, "Eeew!"
Fast forward to freshman year of high school. Riding the bus home. Cute guy goes "Hey. Remember that time you farted in history?"
So I made a joke about school lunch food or something...
@Cherry- I love the word "farticles" and will add it to my vocabulary!
This site might help.
http://www.flat-d.com/
Had to add my favorites...
Booty trumpets & barking spiders.
Poor girl.
My family always said "Stepping on a frog"
As in, "Excuse me. I just stepped on a frog."
Love the story, dont care if it was found or formed.
The reason... it reminded me of the day I pissed my pants in primary school laughing at a kid whose toe was hanging from his raggeddy arse shoe (kids can be cruel at 11 yo). The kid was the only one who saw that I had pissed myself, so just as he looked away to whisper to his friends of my mishaps... I dodged and ran away...
While hiding at the back of the school contemplating killing myself, I sat on a broken down wall at the back of the school in the sun just contemplating my next move... Just as I had decided to skip out on school and go home, I realized that the hot concrete wall that I was sitting on dried the pants fully... I was so happy, I went back to the cafeteria line where everyone was... The kid had already told the entire school...You should have seen the look on his face... back then there were no such thing as hand dryer etc. I swore that kid went nuts after that incident, cause we never saw him agian at school... Shame on me :)
Oh, I love it.
Because the same thing happened to me in elementry school. If I sneezed, I tooted. Poor butt control.
except, I had no crush.
and I had no friends to write to.
LOL @ Danielle and "butt control". Butt control! I'll have to tell that to my son - you need to control that butt! I have two sons, one is introverted and quiet, the younger... not. He could live on fart jokes.
And, Danielle - now you have a whole internet to tell!
@Flargy: ticktickticktick
@Cherry O'Pepsi: I read that entry the other day too! And shared it with the family at the dinner table! Bonus points for mom.
Toots when you're spooning in bed are "butt kisses."
Don't tell my mom that I told you, but she holds her poots in even when she's home alone. That can't be healthy.
I don't know if it is still up on YouTube, but you should try to find the Mythbusters they did where they tried to find out if pretty girls farted. Trust me on this one.
LOL@Turbo. It's still there. She should've asked Jamie to pull her finger like an hour earlier!
@ Terrie... I am so totally telling your mom.
@ MONA- My dog will 'toot' and then she'll turn around and smell her own!!!!
I thought it hilarious that both of our dogs do this..?
I'm presumming people smell their own, too. Some, not all. Unless, you can't just can't help it!!!
BTW. Our Mother use to make us kids say 'tinkies' or a 'tinky' instead of 'fart' or 'farting'.
Mom knew if she didn't make up a word for 'fart', then us kids, and the neighbourhood kids would drive her nuts with all the laughing, swearing, etc...
So, in our home, it sounded like this, "Mom? Holly has been in the shower for longer than her time, not to mention, she has been making tinky after tinky and now the washroom is gonna'be stinky!!"
Brings me back to the 70's and the laughter is uncontrollably fantastic!!!!! I needed this...badly!!! Thanks to the FOUND ppl, the sender, Paul in Alberta, and of course...all my buds here, that post with me on the FINDS!!!!
Laughter is BETTER than meds!!!!
Just imagine, every time you smell a fart, you are smelling someone's inside. Ew! ha ha ha
My boyfriends nickname is "Beano", because of his uncontrolable butt! (like as in the antigas medicine Beano!) Love is truely unconditional =D.
"if you're smelling it, you're eating it."
Could this be a note from the saga of Travis and Sarah! lol
ha! This sounds like a note my cousin would write!