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September 26, 2008 |
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Bad Housekeeper
FOUND by Robin ekiss
in San Francisco, California
I received this in the mail. It was addressed to my first initial and maiden name. There was no signature or return address. It was postmarked Santa Clarita, CA. It terrified me for awhile, then I put it on my fridge. You take it.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
ok, ignoring the 'found in my letterbox' nature of the 'find' ...
1 - creepy;
2 - i agree completely that anyone declaring him/herself a christian should be a good housekeeper. tidy home, tidy soul; everyone knows cleanliness is next to you know who; and c
3 - kidding about #2, but it makes as much sense as "finding" something in the letterbox.
I'm not that great at housework either. Perhaps if I mail a 3x5 card to a stranger admitting it, something will change. I'm guessing the only difference is I'd be out the price of postage and there's always a slight chance of a restraining order.
Robin, I would have the same reaction you did. After the initial concern I'd decide the writer is trying some therapy at a stranger's expense. Perhaps you should cruise Santa Clarita looking for a messy house so you can confront the sender? Perhaps not.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but that is terrifying.
Maybe this is just a "post secret" of a new kind : mailing your deepest shame to a stranger.
The anonymous "Dear Person" tends to prove this theory.
I agree with Laure.
I'd be a little freaked out, even if it was that innocent, though.
I dunno, sometimes telling a total stranger your problems helps more than someone you know you will see again, and fear that they are sitting in judgenment on you since they heard your story. Where I live, if you sit in a bus or in a queue, someone will end up telling you their life sooner or later. I agree that an anonymous letter can be creepy, but they aren't asking for anything, not even approval, here. They're just saying.
My house is also a big mess. And I am a Christian. But my value as a person does not rest with my imitation of Martha Stewart or Mrs Cleaver. Also I am very nearsighted, and usually thinking about something else.
Don't worry, anonymous writer. Your friends love your messy house because it makes them feel better than you. If you cleaned it up and kept it tidy, they'd feel the competition.
Life is more than dusting and cleaning. I like having a place where my friends feel free to take their shoes off, put their feet up and eat cookies on the sofa, rather than my MIL's perfect home that looked like a furniture display in an expensive store--and made you afraid to move or breathe deeply, let alone drop crumbs or sit comfortably. Which, on her rigid antique chairs, was impossible anyway.
My sis lived in Santa Clarita for a bit. Her huband is enough of a bozo to to write something like this. Checking for messy houses would be an excercise in futility. The whole place is apartments and condos.
My house...tiny and filled with teenage boys...is clean but cluttered. You can play in the dust, just don't leave a date.
Baby basil...I love the MIL reference. We are--slowly--redoing our home. I love that my MIL saw it with red and yellow walls (the new colors) and old mint green carpet. Yipes! She lives in a musuem where the only place to sit is at the dinner table or on the floor. NOONE may sit on the living room furniture. They are 4 states away and we only visit once a year. I spend most of the time at wal-mart, the grocery store or cooking.
This must have been part of a mass mailing; I got one just like it.
Sooo... if I don't keep a clean house, I can't get to Heaven?
I am so screwed.
Boring people have immaculate houses (or really good houskeepers).
At first I thought this had been written by someone's pet.
The I got to the line about being a Christian.
But on further reflection it seems to me that many pets exhibit a lot of exemplary Christian traits. They could actually be Christians, too, if only we could communicate with them and discuss it.
So maybe it was written by an animal after all. Just one who considers himself a poor housekeeper.
The letter came from inside the house!
I find it interesting that they used the maiden name and wrote "Dear PERSON" and not "Dear STRANGER."
Could this possible be someone from the past? An old classmate? Distant relative? Ex boyfriend?
Perhaps somewhere in time, the receiver of this card had inadvertently done something to cause the sender to assume they were judging their housekeeping? Or their faith?
This, of course, only makes the sending of the card creepier that they would hang onto the grudge all these years before anonymously sending the confession..
I'm afraid if it were me, I'd research further. And possibly notify the authorities.
Of course, I'm bat-shit insane.
Run, run. That was hilarious. There is a slightly creepy "it-puts-the-lotion-in-the-basket" vibe about it.
Love,
Holly the Homemaker
(Sorry Holly. I couldn't resist. 8-)
Random mailing from a nutjob with an old phone book.
Miss Robin [insert maiden name here] had her phone service listed as R. [IMNH]. Met and married a nice boy from a nice family, but they liked Miss Robin's digs and decided to stay put. So now, it's Mr and Mrs ekiss but the phone service is still listed as R. [IMNH].
Deranged Christian + index cards + stamps + phone book = Found fodder for Friday
Was there a return address? Maybe you can gift them with a copy of "Good Housekeeping."
laure- i was thinking post secret too
run- that is flipping brilliant
robin- just be happy she is so guilty of her messiness that she probably is quite harmless in real life
I wish it ended with "What am I?" or "Who am I?" in riddle style.
I wonder if the house truly stinks from the bad housekeeping.
@ Pixi ... clearly, you haven't been in a guy's dorm at college recently. Bad housekeeping can very quickly lead to stinky houses.
I must agree with Grumpy in the Morning!
It still would freak me out though.
"it stinks that I'm a bad housekeeper"
what? the house?
That can happen.
it's okay to keep it messy, long's it's not dirty. JMHO.
Hey, I got one, too! What the heck? Something fishy is going on....
I'm a Christian and a bad housekeeper too, but it doesn't stink because I use Glade Plug-in's.
"Plug it in, plug it in!"
p.s. try not to think about how I knew your maiden name and your current address...
Christians are creepy!
Ever since I gave up Christianity, I've been able to keep up with the housework. ;-)
It occurs to me that her maiden name is "Person" (a Swedish name).
I wish that people who post these things were then available to counter our guesses at the circumstances of what's been "FOUND".
I don't believe the sermon on the mount contains any references to housekeeping.
@ NIGHT IN GALE- AWWWWW! How thoughtful of you to think of moi!
T'is a great *could be* author, though!
You know, I've been a Homemaker for 22 years, even thouh our 20 year old son has moved out with his g/f, hubs and I, and the dog are still living on the homefront.
We're not that big on entertaining, and hubby has always been a lazy bum. (not picking up after himself, dropping dirty clothes where they fall, leaving dirty dishes in the sink, etc...)
Our son is the same way, like father, like son!
Anyway, my point being, hubby's laziness has rubbed off on me, after all these years. However, I do have my once a week cleaning day when I do the washrooms, floors, laundry, etc...
My home is not perfect...I've got lots of clutter; a project that I'm planning on doing this winter.
Our home is clean, but messy, too.
We're not the kind of people whom have plastic on the couches, a living room that does NOT get lived in, a kitchen that never has homecooked smells and spills on or in the oven. We LIVE in and USE our home.
A house is NOT a home until it's been lived in.
I forgot one thing...to the *author* of this FOUND.
Just because your home is a mess, does NOT change your moral or religious beliefs.
Even if your home is in squalor, it doesn't affect your beliefs, neither.
Although...squalor is NOT a pleasant or healthy way to live.
Your home is your sanctuary...keep it comfortable! Not for others...for yourself!
My five year old son, in referring to people, never says 'person', or 'guy', or 'woman'. It's always 'human'. (It weirds me out a little)
If anybody gets a letter addressed "Dear Human" which goes on to say, "I'm quite comfortable in my nest of clutter and debris", we'll know who sent it for sure.
Its possible it was just random a name and address picked out of an old phone book, or perhaps it is someone from their adolescent years trying to creep them out by sending odd mail hmmmm
@ Alan goes "pting" ... well, no, not in the Sermon on the Mount, but Luke 15 has Jesus's 'Parable of the Lost Coin' which includes a woman sweeping out her whole house.
Dear Everyone,
I am also bad. I go to the board meetings like everyone else. I never pay any attention and I never make a motion.
Everyone thinks I'm really smart. It stinks that I am a bad board member.
Ah yes Librarian...
...but Jesus scolded Martha for worrying too much about housework.
Dear Bad Housekeeper,
If your biggest problem in life is that you're a bad housekeeper, you've got it made.
Your BFF,
terrieissovery
Dear Bad Housekeeper,
You obviously deserve to be stoned to death in the village square. And believe me - we, the "many people," can't wait to get this show on the road. Tomorrow morning, 11:00 sharp. Don't be late, or we'll have to kill you in some other, less dignified manner.
Very Truly Yours,
Person
I keep a clean home... which is more than I can say for a lot of people my age living on their own, but that does not mean I am a good person.
Well, I think I am... but there could be others out there with a spotless home who club seals on the weekend. Clean house equals to good person? It does not.
That's just creepy...
Maybe the writer of this note is worried about her housekeeping because "Cleanliness is next to Godliness"?
(BTW did you know that Francis Bacon was the first to use a phrase close to that in 1605, when he said in his "Advancement of Learning": "Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God." neither did I til I just looked it up on Google.)
"I am bad" immediately reminded me of this, one my all-time favorite Finds.
http://foundmagazine.com/find/646
Bad housekeeper needs a dress like this.
What I'm wondering is, what religion is Robin? Does she have a messy house? Did the memo on her fridge remind her to clean the house?
I initially thought that maybe the sender wanted to indirectly comment on the messiness of "Person's" house without saying it to their face. Like one of those anonymous notes you always want to send to your neighbors or friends to let them know that they really need to pick up their newspapers or wax their upper lip because they sort of have a mustache and we can all see it...
"All right, no one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle! Even... and let me make this absolutely clear... even if they do say "Jehovah"!"
weird and creepy.
I am not a Christian and can't see how that would be relevant to anything (unless we are supposed to feel sorry for someone who can't live up to the expectations of critical and judgmental bastards).
Ask Sarah Palin and her buddies to come over and help you.
I live in a "culture of spotlessness" which I defy daily. I once had the misfortune to sit through a conference in which we were told that "demons inhabit disorder" and that if your house was messy it was an open invitation to Satan to come in and take up residence.
Needless to say, I never returned to that organization.
My house, like many of yours, is untidy but comfortable. My friends always comment on how warm and welcoming our house is. Anyone with a neat obsession need not come in.
Anonymous notes like that (having nothing to do with the addressee) are creeeeeepy. Too bad they didn't leave a return address so you can't write them an anonymous creepy note back.
I am pretty sure this postcared came from an art student at CalArts. The school is in Santa Clarita,CA and the art students always do crazy art mail that makes no sense.
I would be creeped out by this.
My question is why this Christian is so worried about his/her dirty house. Maybe confessing their "sins" is part of the process.
self-help groups may have exercises in which people send things like this anonymously, in order for the sender to better understand his/her shortcomings or things that one would like to change about oneself.
once i let my kitchen get so bad that i was convinced some new life form was going to crawl out of the primordial soup in my sink.
good for the immune system, bad for having visitors. =P
Shoutout to the 661!