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July 03, 2008 |
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This Explains Everything
FOUND by Annie
in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Found outside work.
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Resolutions July 30, 2006 |
Dear John May 10, 2007 |
From One Extreme... January 12, 2006 |
Man on Grass September 15, 2002 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
What, like in a creepy Donnie Darko way....?
Still, that's no excuse for showing up two weeks late for the job interview.
i bet the mother is still recovering.
i bet none of the little newborn clothes fit.
i bet the author wrote this when he was 2 days old.
This reminds me of when my friend Tracy found out at about age 25 she had been a breech baby. It was like a little light bulb went off for her. It finally all made sense why she seemed to do everything backwards in her life.
It also reminds me of a story my mother told me about my brother who didn't seem to want to get born. She was pregnant with him for 42 weeks. Hey--maybe he wrote this!
Wait a second...
Doglicker?
This made me laugh. It's like some one whining, "I really was supposed to be a Leo, but I came out a Virgo. It's so not my fault!"
My mother was a procrastinator as well. I was supposed to be conceived 15 days earlier, but you know, people get busy.
This is the lamest Post Secret ever.
I was supposed to be born 30 years earlier... sigh.
You're born when you're supposed to be born. I was born on a long weekend, because my mom's doctor wanted to go on his vacation, so he induced labour.
I have concluded that I should have been born in 1929 instead of a half century later.
Which is why I like Jack Benny!
I would have a hipster in the 1940's yet still young enough to rock and roll in the 1960's.
Of course there was that whole WW II thing...
"...and I hit your car, but no big deal."
AHA! Alan, did you just slip us your true and actual age in earthly years?
Is a Hipster the same as a Beatnick?
I was suppose to be born on January 1st,/60, but I wanted to stay inside my mother's womb where it was warm and cozy. 10 years later, I decided to be born.
Gimme a break, buddy!
15 days earlier from the day it was written???
Yes, yes; I know we're twins but, still....
Cherry,
Well, give or take a few decades...
I probably would have been a 'hipster dufus' in the 40's, but I would have looked good in a fedora.
One of my friends was a month late... I'm pretty sure that I would have gone for a cesarean rather than have an extra month of pregnancy.
Maybe your mother is human (with a 40 week gestation period) but your father is an alien (with a 44 week gestation period) and it just averaged out to 42 weeks. I don't think there is any "supposed to" in that case. It is what it is, ya know?
Tell me this, have you noticed any other alien characteristics? Like maybe a fondness for Reese's Pieces, or maybe you like making things from that old Speak 'n Spell, or maybe you're three feet tall?
I was supposed to be born 15 days earlier, but you know it was raining that day and my umbilical cord had become wrapped around my legs so I needed time to get that untangled and my Mom had just ingested a couple beers so I had a real buzz going and who wants to come into the World drunk as a skunk when you already can't walk a straight line and your vision's as blurry as Mr. Magoo's when he doesn't wear his glasses, so anyway I had plans for that day ya know? There was this cute girl fetus (ok I'm assuming she was cute, aren't all nearly born girls cute?) that I had just met the day before and she had led me to believe that if I invited her over to my place that maybe just maybe, if I played my cards right, she and I might do the prenatal Mamba and even though I had no idea what that might entail the very thought of it made my umbilical cord get stiff so I had to find out and then there was this jig-saw puzzle that I only had about ten pieces left before I finished and it was a picture of the most beautiful flower arrangement I had ever seen, so I had to finish it and I had some really loyal fans of my blog who never would have forgiven me if I had been born earlier than I had promised them I would be and in fact I don't think they have forgiven me yet for being born at all. I think that they truly expected me to stay in my Mom's womb for the duration of my life just so they could satisfy their voyeuristic curiosity and somehow justify their pathetic lives, but I had no intention of doing that, despite the truth of the matter which is that I was enjoying and did not want to give up the utter peace and quiet of being in the womb. You know how it is as soon as you place one foot outside in the real world there is unbearable noise and the lights, don't get me started about the god awfully bright lights, I'm still squinting to this day because of those lights, and some wet-behind-the-ears pediatric intern is slapping your tender behind and then some pudgy overripe, pissed off nurse who got a C minus average in Pre-Med and who therefore had to give up her dreams of being a doctor forever is handling you like she was grabbing a salami in a New York deli, wrapping you in some scratchy yellow blanket and placing you in some wheeled glass enclosed "cage" like you were some monkey in a zoo and you kinda feel like a monkey in a science lab and this whole experience has left you so tired and pissed off that you would begin flinging your poo if you could reach it in your diaper and as soon as they reach the nursery you begin receiving calls on your cell phone asking you to switch your long distance service and to sign up for this credit card and asking who you plan on voting for in November and the junk mail begins to arrive the next day and soon it's taller than you are and do you know your credit score? and have you tried acupuncture? and did you know that 3 out of 4 dentists recommend Trident gum? and the menus from every Chinese and pizza place in existence arrive and then quite unexpectedly there's a knock on the door and it's a Jehovah's Witness or some Mormon Youth asking if you've found God and you just begin to wail in agony because you just can't take it any more and you want more than anything to be back inside your Mom and this isn't what you signed up for and where is your lawyer and if a lawyer can't be arranged than maybe could somebody please find your Mom because you could really use a cuddle and maybe a drink right now and...and...Well that's why I was born 15 days late.
@smallbear. are you good now?
@ SMALLBEAR- You are one freakin', fanf*kin'tastick, kick-*ss, childrens' story writer!!!!!
I'm a fan forever, now!!!!!!
I blew my earl gray tea out my nostrils, which I was supposed to be sipping when I was reading your post, BTW!!!!!
I especially liked the part about the *C-minus Nurse whom obviously did NOT, become a Doctor, so because of her miserability, she started throwin' and slappin' you around (after exiting your comfy, home-like place) like a salami (Chicago 58 maybe??) in a New York Deli!!!!!!
Freakin' classic!!!
Thanks for the nostril-up-chuckle!
Normal human pregnancies last 37 to 42 weeks. The due date is just a prediction. Babies are not actually required to show up on the predicted date.
maybe "I Was Supposed To Be Born" is some talk, possibly motivational, for the kind of teenagers who moan "I didn't ask to be born", or some cult type recruitment session for a guru leader who will soon be born, and the note writer is informing the note receiver that they will not miss this when they go on holiday to Thailand, because the talk "is days earlier" than they leave.
That poor mother! My daughter's arrival was one week after her due date, and that was horrible enough!
I was supposed to be born 2 months later. I weighed all of about 2 lbs when I was born, the nurses were afraid to pick me up; they said I looked like a little porcelain doll.
I grew up. And up.
Preemies are tough--we're survivors.
I can now type "palindrome" backwards without really thinking about it.
@ basil, is that a special skill that only those born prematurely can acquire?
@Mona *takes a deep breath* yeah I'm fine now, thanks.
@Holly the Homemaker Your response made it all worthwhile! :-) Thanks.
These things you guys wrote are hilarious! Seriously though, this is a puzzling note.
Smallbear, I just read that entire thing out loud, and man! You are right. About everything.
@Clover *gives Clover a fist pump* Thanks man.
Can't believe you read the whole thing aloud. Even I haven't done that...you must have good lungs.:-}
Oh, Dear Smallbear. I finally got the opportunity to sit down long enough to read the whole thing- all I get is these little 2 minute hit and runs all day long.. but that was hilarious, and now I'm wondering if you could direct me to your blog archives. Because I'd definitely become one of your really faithful fans, I think. Did you start a new blog, when you got outside?
Terrie...normal length of pregnancy is actually 38-42 weeks ;o)
Sarah, I'm going by what they told me when I was pregnant. And according to the women I know who have recently given birth, they're still telling them 37-42. But no matter to me, I'm not having anymore babies.
Smallbear: wow
That was awesome.
@Smallbear: Paragraphs. Try them!
@Still not sign in, when my mother told me I was born 'feet first' it made sense of a lot things about my life, like not having a sense of direction (literally and metaphorically), always 'falling on my feet', and a recurring nightmare which I still keep having although I now understand what it means.
@basil, I type 'palindrome' letter by letter with a left arrow after each. That works!
@Smallear, you are amazing. Unfortunately I don't have a spare afternoon to read it just at the moment...
@Effie, I like the idea that this was going to be the next Dalai Lama or whatever but because the Gods got the dates wrong he's just some ordinary guy with a chip on his shoulder.
Strange Find: why would it be written down at all? Maybe one of those games where you get a note stuck to your forehead unseen and have to guess what it says about you by asking yes/no questions. But quite a recondite thing to have to guess if so.
@Chrome You do understand that what I wrote was fiction, right? So, therefore I don't have a blog.Sorry about that. Though...mmmmm...maybe I should start one.
My 2nd son was born at almost 44 weeks, lol. He was practically a toddler at birth. He should have been a late cancer, but instead he is smack dab in the middle of leo.
I wonder if one day he will think this found....
@ Freon: What the hell's wrong with being Virgo?
8-)
@Cubby: I'm so glad you confessed that was fiction. I was wondering how you could remember some random Mormon youth knocking on your door when you were so little. You should totally come to MySpace and hang with me and Chrome and Clover, etc. You could blog to your lil bear heart's content over there.
Smallbear: you are very awesome