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November 26, 2008 |
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Plan to Take Over World
FOUND by Brooke
in Long Beach, Mississippi
Haha, I found this on the floor in my school's hallway... I'm guessing he likes Halo. This child is… well… um.. _______. Yeah!
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Alive January 05, 2007 |
It Only Takes Two... February 01, 2004 |
Sorry For Laughing July 25, 2005 |
How Tidy Is This Now December 13, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
this kid already has it all wrong, taking over the world is a 12 step process, not 11. silly.
Step 12:Make clone of self for back up.
#6 is easy - I've heard Purell kills 99.99% of Germans. It kind of seems like you'd have to accomplish #11 before being able to pull off most of these feats, though. This person needs to prioritize better.
As for #3, the quickest way to pull that off is to get yourself into deep shit by being phenomenally irresponsible with your money, then petition the government for ten trillion dollars to fix it all.
classic find!
I don't want to be the one to tell him that step 9 has already been taken care of. He could replace that one with maddy's suggestion of "make clone of self" or maybe a new step like 'sell microsoft and buy apple'
It's foolproof! This kid has all the steps. Maybe not in the best order... but that can all be sorted out after Liberaci is known to be gay.
The Lib is also dead. Kid needs more steps. I wonder about the "kill 5th grade". All of the 5th grade? The 5th grade teacher? All 5th graders? Is this a fourth grader writing the list?
I was going to suggest Warren Buffet to spot the kid some start up capital but he's only worth $62 billion.
This kid is a go-getter. He's got a vision, he's got goals, and he's got a plan. Granted, it's a bad plan, but he's young.
Question: if you kill 5th grade, would kids skip school for a year until 6th grade or would they go from 4th grade straight to 6th grade? If that's the case you haven't really killed 5th grade, you've simply renamed it. I hope Little Napoleon doesn't want to kill me for pointing this out.
Kill Germans? WTF... I am outraged!
are all evil dictators homophobic?
Knowing about things like Microsoft and the word 'dictator', seems like this kid is a pretty smart cookie. I think we all oughta be a little more scared than we are... I like this guy. I'll be his Goebbels.
Bearing in mind that, being English, I don't know how old you have to be to be in 4th grade. Or even 5th. Enlighten me, someone?
@Spider: First graders are usually 6 or 7 yrs old, so 4th graders are 9 or 10. I was born in June so I was always the youngest kid in class.
As far as dictators being homophobic, in fact dictators are anti-anyone who is different to them or the norms they wish to establish for their "ideal" society. It always cracks me up that Hitler preached the "perfect Aryan" as tall, blond, blue-eyed and muscular when there he was...short, skinny, dark...wish-fulfillment much?
I heard that some of his inner circle were gay, but whether or not that's true I couldn't say.
Yeah, that is a hell of a list, Cartman!
Tasi: Can't be true. I'm a bisexual evil dictator, so . . . there you go.
There does seem to be a streak of homophobia among my fellow Evil Overlords and their minions, though. It's pretty annoying.
But, then, that's why I have a master plan and lots of deathtraps. I don't like homophobes. At all.
Aside from the weird homophobic thing going on here, I pretty much approve of this plan.
My plan is considerably more cuddly. I want to be a cuddly dictator. Can we work something out? Xander? Do you have any openings for staff?
AHAHAHA! Blaze, maybe you want to rephrase that? No offense but, uh, I don't know you that well, dude.
I am all in favor of cuddly dictatorships, though. (Let me guess. You have a cat. Right? Cats know all about that cuddly dictator thing.)
#1: spelled nuclear correct! That's a step in the right direction. I hope he can pronouce it right. That's what kept Bush from taking over the world.
#2: Wall street already did that
#3 I have $12 in my wallet. Is that close enough?
#4 What the hell is bungie?
#5 What is that word / symbol after "spartan"?
#6 Can The Spartans take the Germans in a fair fight?
#7 Everyone knows Liberachi was gay. Besides it's Liberace (I looked it up)
#8 Already dead. But could be part of the living dead seeking brains for dinner. Imagine an army of walking dead Liberaces.
#9 Isn't Michael on the run again?
#10 Did Michael Jackson visit this 5th grade class? Maybe this is a way to cover the evidence.
#11 Dude, you already succeeded.
It's Pinky and the Brain....
Spartan-what? Spartan-Pi ?
That's a lot of Spartans.
Another darned list!! (no, wait, this is an interesting one)
Where to start?
@Feeling in coherent does a great job on parsing the list, but
Liberachi - Liberace ... two whole different people. "Liberachi" didn't know a piano from a hole in the wall, which is where he lived (a hole in the wall in Pakistan, that is).
and @ Geek has got it going with this list, too. I'm also admiring the focus, organization, and coherence of this plan. Admirable.
What the hell - was this found back in the early 80's? What 5th grade kid nowadays knows anything about Liberace? ...and everyone knows Liberace already died of botulism...
I'm just surprised that some school kid knows who Liberace is... Let alone wanting to kill him, Michael Jackson & 5th grade... oh and the Germans.
I remember my list being a lot more precise, it involved having an over organised group of misfits take over a military installation, hold an armed insurrection & taking Australia hostage... Then succeeding as dictator of Australia, i mean The Glorious Nation of Luke.
Wouldn't you want to hold the world for ransom BEFORE you nuke it? Just sayin'.
Quick! Call Captain Underpants to the rescue!
Why would an evil person like Halo? Isn't a halo the circle of light on angels' heads?
Also, Liberace is already dead.. but maybe the kid thinks he's a zombie and can come back to life. Hmm.. interesting thought.
I've never understood why anyone would want to take over the world. But perhaps that's just my happy-little-herb-in-the-grass perspective.
Well, maybe if I were in fear of herbicide coming into my small corner of the lawn, then maybe I'd want to take over the world, just to make sure that wouldn't happen.
Oh! So that's where it comes from, the unbridled desire for power! Such insights one gains from looking at Found so early in the morning.
Flargy, that's funny about the germans and Purell! And you've got a point about #3, but last I heard the credit default swaps were worth $40-60 trillion.. and I don't even know how many zeros there are in those numbers.
12. Get shitty tattoo
Because you are seriously destined to have one.
@Incoherent: If you've ever been to Fantasyfest in Key West, you'd know what an army of walking Liberace zombies looks like. It's FABULOUS! I, too, wonder why a 4th/5th grader would fixate on Liberace. I was fixated on him when I was in 4th grade, but that's a whole different story ... (see: Key West Fantasyfest, above. Draw your own conclusions).
In his youth, BTW, he was considered very handsome by women who, apparently, had no idea that he was playing for the other team (see: "Mr. Sandman" lyrics, verse 4, c. 1954).
For great listening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odcJ-vS22rI
P.S. Bungee is a reference to Bungie Studios, developer of Halo, a multiplayer alternate reality game hugely popular among evil-dicatator wannabees.
P.P.S. Did you notice that he left a comma on step 4 ... he had apparently originally thought he might want to buy some additional software houses, but then figured MS and Bungie would were enough for one evil dictator.
#5 Yes, please.
#12 Kill Dick Nelson, blow up Earth and marry Marge Nelson.
That should just about do it.
Signed,
TOD SPENGO
@ Clover ... but, but, but Liberace couldn't be dead! I mean, I saw him on tv last night. How could he be dead and on tv at the same time? He was moving and talking and playing the piano and everything. A dead person couldn't do that.
the world is run by an evil board of directors consisting of liberace, microsoft, bungie, all germans, all fifth graders and michael jackson and this person is going to kill them all with spartans and take over for herself? sweet.
step one should be "start a nuclear bomb factory." if you're selling nuclear bombs on the open market it would be quite a bit harder to move on to step #2.
Watermellons killed Liberace, everyone knows that, but I admire lil Hitler's grand global take on things. This will one day be the blueprint for his book, "Mein Kamph Was Harder," and you will probably see this same list reproduced there.
#12 Profit!!!!
I feel like this young man must be a reincarnation of someone from the past when Liberace and German's (hopefully he means Nazi's) were more relevent. Sounds like Stewie Griffin.
@ wishing - it was not Watermelons - it was bad "MEAT IN THE CAN"
@dw:
step 3 is obviously profit, as it should be.
Your son is gay, dude. Got to get him out of denial quick. A few visits to flower shops and accessory shops, and a whole country will be saved.
Impressive organisation skills though. Of course, if he means the Germans who designed the latest Mercedes front end, I'm with him on that.
I vote for #5
"Only Spartan women give birth to real men."
Hey, wait ... isn't this the plot outline for that Chuck Norris movie I saw recently? Something about a puddle of doom, Michael Jackson, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and a Ring Bitch? Yeah, that's it. I can picture it like it was November the 6th.
Liberachi was the name he went by during his Mariachi phase. I know. I looked it up.
http://foundmagazine.com/find/1076
'N that's all I got to say about that.
Nuclear Bomb: Isn't that how Bush pronounces it?
Librarian, I truly envy your brain's ability to retain obscure stuff (Nov 6). I can't even hold onto what is actually relevant, never mind 20 day old finds.
@ Feeling ... oh, sure, but ask me about something important and see how far we get.
And like all good librarians if I don't remember the obscure stuff, at least I know how/where to look it up.
nukuler is how bush pronounces it.
It's that Dick Cheneys handwriting?
How does one start a nuclear bomb company? Hmmm...maybe I will take out a fictitious business name and see how far I can take it....
Presuming this kid is in fifth grade (and hating it), I'm struck by what a good speller he is. I mean, we have such low standards for finds these days, most of them written by adults. Way to break the cycle, kid! I would say that he's restored my faith in kids again, but his plan to take over the world sort of contradicts that...hmm.
@basil,
im stuck in the month of june too..
and at the kid i somewhat doubt his dedication due to his obvious negligence of the very list he needs to do everything! however he could have a more refined list with step 12 included.
he needs to hire some underlings and delegate. presumably, after step three, he'll be able to do that.
#6 Kill Germans (read: German cockroaches)
I am sure that's it.
His teacher sucks. Needs help with spelling!!
@ Seen It--Thanks for sharing! I know what tonight's nightmare will be like!