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May 19, 2008 |
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Inability to Make Frosting
FOUND by Sarah Sheen
in Jersey City, New Jersey
This gem of a shopping list was pressed between the pages of a religious teaching manual at my church. I took it as an admonition for what could become of my life 10 years down the road. What struck me most was her masterful fusion of grievous worries and trivial concerns; she voices her cry of 2003 with a tragic Victorian flair. Most poignant is her "persistent cough," which likely escalated to a blood-filled handkerchief. Should the onset of mid-October ever start to provoke such a melange of holiday-related distresses in me, I will think back on upon the plight of this brave woman.
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Wedding Day December 28, 2003 |
Dear John May 10, 2007 |
The Kid Already... March 25, 2006 |
Bud Clothes August 08, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
It's hard to believe she would want to add another child to this messed-up stressed-out melange of worries. She should at least get the troubled marriage and credit card debt straightened out, and learn how to make frosting first.
Haha! The magnify button shrinks it!
Holy fuck, Lady! I hope your misery has ended.
Is that fish paper?
With a persistent cough and terrible sleep schedule, is it any wonder she isn't making it to the gym?
I wonder why K got replaced.
K probably told her to quit moaning and get on with life, but she didn't want to listen.
I hope the 'toilet trainig and terrible sleep schedule' was her child, not her.
Seriously, making lists is a positive step.
Minor worries (contd.):
Leaving lists behind in books at church.
Seriously again, maybe that was a totem thing. If she writes down all her worries and then 'loses' them, maybe they'll go away.
I wonder how many of these list items 'belong' to the child she DID have: toilet training, terrible sleep schedule, being tired, persistent cough ....
And that frosting business: one of the minor worries is "being able to make frosting" it isn't 'NOT being able to make frosting'. Why would anyone with credit card debt, a troubled marriage, and no meaning in life be worried about already having the ability to make frosting?
This is a great Find.
If he/she can't get to the gym enough he/she should skip making the frosting.
I wonder what's up with E. and the Spark Christmas party? Maybe K. is going to be there?
she should get that persistent cough checked out.
Never underestimate the power of not being able to make frosting. When my son turned two, I stayed up most of the night trying to make him a great cake. I finally realized it just wasn't going to happen and threw the frosting spatula in the sink in disgust and went to bed, but I felt like a total failure. Of course, not that I'm old(er) I realize how totally ridiculous that was. He was two, for goodness sake. He didn't care.
I'd say don't have another kid if you have credit card debt.
oops, NOW that I'm old(er)...
Gee wiz, lady, that's some list you have there. Just a hunch, but persistant cough and paying bills should be in the upper list -- swap 'em with "failing to have another child." That sounds like one to put off until your life has a bit more peace in it.
And don't stress over Thanksgiving, with or without frosting.
@Mona Lisa, conga-rats on finding a cookie.
Frosting comes in a plastic container with a re-sealable lid. How hard is that to make?
I'm just amazed at how she wrote this list on an ancient indian arrowhead.
There's a plethora of goodness on this list... My favs:
Major Worries: Credit Card Debt
Minor Worries: Getting Bills Paid
Those two made me giggle. I'm amused that with all these day to day troubles she still has the mind set to fret about the lack of meaning in life. Perhaps concentrating on being a better mother, wife, friend and frosting-maker would be the first step towards figuring that one out.
I think this is incredibly sad. As someone who has suffered infertility, I definitely saw the inability to have a child as a 'failure'. It's something every woman is 'built' to do, like breathing, heartbeat,digestion. It's a tough row to hoe. Who knows, her feeling of 'failure' may also be from the outside, mother in law, husband,mother,friends...telling her she's a failure.
I'm scared at how much this list sounds like me...although I make some f-ing KICKASS frosting. I mean, seriously.
My apologies in advance but, is this stationary shaped like a poo?
Its fish shaped paper! On the right are its fins, under "major worries" is its mouth and "inabiliy to have a child" is over its gills!
I WANT FISH PAPER!
Ok, I see that now. You gotta admit though . . .
Another minor worry: only have big-ass fish paper at hand for those important reflective moments in your life.
It looks like conehead stationary to me.
Mona's back!
I wonder what K did to get considered for replacement? Slept with her husband maybe?
Puckhot: I'm with you. It's not a fish. It's the profile of a conehead.
The secret to good frosting is to use real butter and real cream (not half and half). I'm from the dairy state. I know these things. And our cows are no less happy than those California cows. (Well, at least most of the year.)
I hate to admit it, but this list looks exactly like something I would do.
Jonathan in a fishy list: I think you have the right idea. I will work on losing my list right away!
Lalas mama -
Would you post your kick ass frosting recipe? I am making my son's five year old birthday cupcakes tonight for his class. I have also been plagued with frosting woes in my time.
Like so many young moms I know, this poor woman is suffering from severe "shoulds." Someone told her, and she beleived, that having a baby "shouldn't" change your life all that much, that you "should" be able to carry on as normal. Yeah. Right. As if those little bundles of potentialities don't turn everything upside down from way before they're born.
She "should" get to the gym. She "should" make perfect frosting. She "should" produce a magazine picture-perfect Thanksgiving. She "should" have another baby (after all, the perfect average is 3.2!)Otherwise she's a failure???????
No darling, you MUST look after yourself, cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to get over the cough, which is probably at the root of part of the tiredness. You MUST rest some, since your sleep schedule is shot and you can't get the important things done because of the urgent.
Friends often come with "use-by" dates these days. I too think I need some new friends. The old ones drift away, get jobs, things change...holding on only makes *us* suffer; they're off doing what they're doing while we're missing them.
If you get some rest, rediscover your sense of proportion and your intrinsic value as a human being, maybe that troubled marriage, persistent tiredness and the meaning of life will resolve themselves.
I always tell friends that I have had a wonderful, full life, and that if I died tommorrow I would feel like I had made a positive impact on this world.
After reading this, I am reappraising this philosophy, since I have NEVER made frosting.. ever.
This is a great find, not only because it is a profound, heartfelt pouring out of emotions, but because it has given me a new goal for the week.
Betty Crocker, here I come!
I like to think that she is a professional cake decorator, who for years and hidden the fact that she cannot make frosting and has somehow made it in the competitive cake decorating world, but cannot handle the web of lies she has created to cover it...
and then i realize i have a very dramatic and sensational imagination.
Either way, i find this note very touching, and it makes me want to call my mother and tell her I love her!
This is such a sad note. My first concern is for her health. Does she have cancer or some other serious illness, resulting in being tired, a persistent cough and an inability to get pregnant with her 2nd child?
I hope that the years since that note was written has seen kindness in this woman's life. She sounds compassionate and sad.
Excellent chocolate frosting:
4 oz. unsweetened chocolate (bar works great)
1 stick butter
Melt in sauce pan.
1 lb (1 box) 10 x powdered sugar
1/2 cup milk or cream
Whisk together until well mixed.
Add melted chocolate/butter to powdered sugar mixture. Mix together with rubber spatula over a bowl of ice water until it reaches appropriate consistency. Quick, easy, delicious!
Eat right out of bowl! Refrigerate leftov...what leftovers?
Well...at least she'll have a little fun on E at the Sparks Christmas party.
Maybe that's stuff she wanted to remember she wanted to talk about in counseling. I only base that on the fact that I would not make a list of things I'm worried about, I don't need a list to remind me of things I'm already thinking about. I make lists of things that make me feel proud, happy, and thankful--things I'm not constantly thinking about and need a solid reminder for.
Major Worries:
Another republican elected president.
Loss of Habeas Corpus and no one notices.
Can't pay for gas and lost job.
Husband says he's voting for HilabamaMccann.
My senile Mom says she's voting for Ross Perot (worse still she's pronounces his name parrot.)
Tornado/earthquake/hurricane hits New York City and FEMA disbands right after or worse still FEMA tries to help.
Armageddon!!
Minor worries:
Toilet Training!! (I'm 35 for Goodness sake!)
Persistent smell of pee in house.
My friends won't come over any more or return my calls.
Husband in arms of older woman (think it might be my Mom.)
Second child born and everyone says he looks like Dick Cheney.
2nd child announces he's the son of Lucifer at his baptism!
No one stays for cake and coffee after this announcement and frosting melts.
My mascara runs and I am mistaken for Tammy Faye Baker.
My husbands says he's never been more attracted to me than at that moment.
I remember a teenage fantasy about Jim Baker.
I run out of fish paper and have to finish this list on a real fish!!
The fish smells better than I do.
I think I'm beginning to like the odor of stale pee.
I worry I'll never finish this list.
Lucifer comes to visit and.....
Hey, Lance--I have some fun ideas we could do with the frosting. And it won't involve eating it out of the bowl. How about it?
I hate to admit it, but this sounds like something I might have written during my child's toddler years. Except for credit card debt and making frosting. And on October 21 I would have added making Halloween costumes. List-making can sometimes be helpful in that it shrinks large problems into more manageable proportions.
Maybe Karen was the one that needed toilet training.......hmmm....
I prefer to think it's either a Spork Christmas party or maybe a Spock Christmas party, as opposed to a Spark Christmas party.
uh...this seems perfectly normal to me. I used Potty Training in 24 hours on my kids. Wish I could get a copy of it for this lady...and then I'd show her how to make frosting.
At least she has perfected the Gyotaku Technique...
This poor woman who wrote on Fish/Poo/Conehead-shaped paper is desperately in need of S L E E P.
Life means nothing when one is sleep deprived.
For goodness sake, I hope she bought the ready-made frosting. It's the least she can do to lesson the load.
Look after your health (persistent cough, always tired)first!!!
If you're neglecting your body and its needs, no way will you feel like life is worth the paper it's written on!
Come on, woman!
Sarah in Oregon, I thought the same thing, first "Spork Christmas Party," then "Spock Christmas Party." Either one sounds pretty kick-ass. Who needs frosting, I've got a multi-purpose utensil and/or a Vulcan!
Re: Potty training. While you are going through it, it can be hell. I said many time that I would have rather gone through labor again than had to potty train my son again.
confident toilet training?
It's really annoying when your 30-month-old is still in diapers, and friends from a long time ago stop by on their way through town with their 13-month-old, who is not wearing diapers. When the kids are playing in the sandbox, suddenly the 13-month-old who hasn't said a word and can't really even talk yet, says, "poo poo poo" and the mom whisks her up and puts her on the toilet, where she promptly makes tinkle.
It seemed important at the time. But guess what. Twenty years later it doesn't even matter. I think that's what happened to the worrisome items on this list.