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May 29, 2008 |
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Sir You Stink
FOUND by Bill Hutchison
in Santa Fe, New Mexico
I found this at the Santa Fe Animal Shelter & Humane Society, where I work. There's not a single grocery store anywhere nearby. I wonder who the heck is eating their lunch IN the grocery store? I guess I wouldn't want to smell Stinky Sir either, though.
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He is Killing Your... February 29, 2004 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
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I used to have this shop teacher (Mr. Balzer) that had TERRIBLE breath and one day someone wrote him a similar note; "I don't mean to be mean but you need some listerine. Not a sip not a swallow but the whole dang bottle." I don't think he took the advice.
We used to call him Bad Breath Balzer.
Actually, though, if you let Mr Stinky continue roaming the grocery store unmolested then people will be less likely to notice you stealing food and eating it in the store without paying for it. Worth a thought.
Some people just need to be told, although they probably don't care. My in-laws refuse to wear deodorant (they think it causes cancer) and always try to hug people with their B.O. and bad breath.
And how bout the ladies who bathe in nasty perfume, offending everyone in their wake? Cough, cough.
There used to be this old gentleman who volunteered at a nursing home where I worked. His wife was a resident there, and every morning he would help the activities director pass out the mail to the residents and greet them kindly when he came into their rooms. He had terrible B.O. I don't know if it was just because he was from the old "bath once every Saturday" culture, or if he was on a fixed income and couldn't afford toiletries. Some girls and I pitched in and bought a ton of men's bathing and deodorant stuff from someone who sold Avon there, and we gave it to him as a Christmas gift, all wrapped up in a pretty basket. Alas, he didn't get the hint. Instead, he went around to all of the residents and gave his gifts away, one by one, to the folks who didn't have any fancy toiletries of their own! Very sweet, but it didn't help the problem of his smell. I guess some people just need to be tolerated. The bible says we will entertain angels unaware.
I am also really (surpised) that they haven't thrown Stinky out!
The store I shop in sometimes smells like sewage(I guess they're located next to a big sewer or something) which ruins my appetite and helps me buy less.
I guess smelliness is the theme of the day...
I used to work as a teller for a bank that resided in a large-growing subdivision in the south (considering it was located in between two lakes). I do not miss that work at all especially the fridays...the massive lines of unbathed construction workers waiting to cash their checks, the older tobacco-spitting gentlemen with decaying gums, the guy who ate to many onions for lunch so much so that he sweats it from his pores, and the really sad part was that I was stuck in this small cubicle with no where to face except forward.
I got nothing to say, that note said it all. Just that notes like this don't work, and they usually just make people feel bad.
@Winston in Durham, I feel for you enduring stinky at work. I had a co-worker that was stinky and wouldn't take hints like notes, or soap and wash cloths left at his desk etc. Luckily, Stinky had an office unto himself and seldom had reason to come out and interact with other employees. The company tolerated him and his idiosyncrasies because he was a genius at what he did.
@Lizzie B, bathing on a regular basis is really rather new when looking at human history as a whole. Time was when folks (at least those that could afford the luxury) would carry scented hankies in their sleeves and hold them to their face to mask the funk of those they had to deal with face to face.
Maybe they can work out a trade: bathing tips for English lessons.
Good call Flargy! I think a note like that looses its credibility when it has grammatical errors.
I once had this female co-worker, and we sat beside each other at work. (Our desks were side-by-side)
Anyway, she would soak herself in perfume, baby powder, and such, to mask her body odour. Also, if you were close enough to her, you could and see white flakes (dandruff?) all over her head and hair. Not to mention, her hair stunk of ciggy smoke and sweat! She also had dirt, and I mean dirt, like her skin had this second skin of dirt! Your skin is pourous and will absorb the smells, germs, dirt, and bacteria.
I use to think, if she treats her body like this, I wonder what her home is like?!
About the FIND, I cannot believe this guy was or still is an employee there!! TERRIBLE!
OOOPS!! Not sure if the *guy-Stinky* was an employee or not??!!
Apologizes....
@Winston, I have been a manager in banking for over 17 years, so I know where you're coming from. Over the years, we've had to keep air freshener behind the teller line to spray our areas after the offending customer has left. What's also especially bad is the unbathed construction workers who have already had a few beers and cigarettes, mixing their horrific BO with horrific bad breath. And they are always in a good mood because it is payday and they tend to laugh. A lot. Right in your face. I have also worked with a young kid who had a colostomy bag and he failed to keep it clean, so you can imagine how he smelled. I have also had to come right out and ask an employee of mine if he had a bad tooth (tactfully, of course) because his breath was unbelievably bad. It would make you jerk your face back if he was talking directly to you. I offered him a piece of gum and told him not to be embarrassed, that I would want someone to tell me if I had a similar problem...
I love these comments complaining about stinky construction workers. What are they supposed to do, go home in the middle of the day and take a shower, just to please your senses while they cash their paychecks? It's like complaining that firefighters smell like smoke, or that butchers have blood on their aprons, or that barbers have other people's hair on their hands. With a lot of jobs, certain unpleasant things just come with the territory. Stop taking it so personally.
I've never understood the appeal of chemical aerosol air "fresheners." Sure, shit smells bad, but walking into a cloud of Lysol in a bathroom isn't much better. And it doesn't really cover the stink, it just mixes with it. I'm always amused by the names of the Lysol fragrances, too. "Spring Waterfall"??? If I ever came across a spring waterfall that smelled like that shit, I'd be on the phone with the EPA so fast it would make your head spin.
@Flargy... that cracks me up. I think that all the time. I live in the mountains and have spring water, and when I see a scent called Mountain Spring or Mountain Fresh, it gets me giggling.
Have you ever gone back into a movie theatre after the movie is over? You have to go out and come back in to note this. You'll pick up the stench of all of the people who were just in there, all mixed together. Farts and burps, and BO, and just the general decomposition that are bodies undergo in that 2 hours. And just be thankful you aren't that dude who has to go in and get your spilled soda cups and crushed candy wrapers. He's got to bend over and get his head a little too close to the seats, where all of the farts are kinda imbeded.
@ Flargy... I agree. I hate, with a passion, aerosol air sprays. They don't make anything smell clean or good. It mixes in and makes it that more nauseating.
We have a grocery store here that has a buffett and tables to sit that so that you can actually eat IN the store.
Third on the air fresheners. I have birds and have read that air freshener kills birds. If it kills the birds, what is it doing to us? And the commercials, they always show the people spraying it and then taking a real deep breath, bad--bad idea, I'm thinking. Don't get me started on Febreez, they've got people spraying that crap--all. over. every. thing.
I just want you all to know that I broke up with my girlfriend the day after she gave me this note.
I was the shy girl in the seventh grade who sat across from the really mean girl. (I didn't stink, though). One day she used the "Listerine" song on me, in class and I never forgot it, or her. I hated her pointy little red head for years.
I work for Social Services and do alot of home visits to houses that are so nasty, you start gagging when you drive in the yard.
I have seen homes with dog poo embedded in the carpet and all furniture, females who didn't wear any feminine hygiene products during their period, mold growing on the walls where it had spread from the nasty dishes full of rotten food all over the house, toilets so backed up that the family was using the tub as a toilet and not cleaning that out either.....all in all some really BAD stuff.
But NOTHING is as bad as old BO on people who do not ever bathe or use deoderant!
I will agree, to an extent, about the aerosol air fresheners, but at least the aerosol "action" of the spray kind of pushes the smell away from where you are standing. I wasn't taking it personally when I commented on construction worker's BO, just commenting on Winston's comments.
@Stalker-My mother in law's house is somewhat like that. She never cleans up after her pets. I can't be in it for more than 2 minutes without gagging and having to go outside. Yet, she never has a body odor....
Heh. When I was about four, my babysitter and I went to a Little League baseball game, where her son was playing. I got a whiff of something gross, and I turned to the lady sitting behind me. "You smell like a pig!" I said.
"I work on a hog farm," she replied.
My babysitter was embarrassed half to death, and I haven't been able to live it down (I just turned 33).
@Stalker: I do not envy your job. And there's a fine line between strong body odor, and the odor of bodies.
Holly! It wasn't me! I smell reasonably good!
There is such a practice as using deoderant BEFORE you leave for work in the morning(it will help even if you work outside, to an extent) and chewing a breath mint before dealing with someone in the public realm if you know you have stinky breath.
@Flargy ... agreed. People are constantly telling me I smell like old books after I've been at work.
On the other hand, as a long distance backpacker, I take umbrage (always wanted to use that phrase in a sentence!) at the suggestion that people stink after a month or more of not showering. When I've been out hiking for that long, I don't think I smell bad at all. And nobody's ever said anything about it to me . . . of course, then, people don't stand close enough to chat, but ... oh, I get it.
Librarian, i love the smell of old books.
PuckHog in the Shower.. Bwahahah.. I love that lil rhyme.. So funy! We used to say that to each other as kids. Well Like to my sisters N stuff.. Classic stuff.. And I think this letter was probably written by a school kid being a lil bitch.. Rude kids suck!!
Librarian, I have a similar problem. When I get out of work, people often tell me I smell like legal briefs. Eewww...legal briefs.
Oh man, now I'm wondering what I smell like...wait, that's right, I smell like awesome.
Some people get accustommed to their body odor so, to themselves, they smell just fine. I'm sure that there are others who just don't care.
I used to be a ranger in a national park and working in the visitor center (where visitors come and ask for information, get wilderness permits, maps, the summer months were replete with the 'through hikers' who had been on the trail for (weeks? months?).
After so many summers of smelling the odors of others, I can say with all fairness: Most B.O. smells the same. No bias from me.
Thanks for reminding me that Thursday is shower day.
@ Turbo: whether you need one or not?
I used to think that b/c I drank my coffee black, I didn't get coffee breath. Not true, as one straight talking student sure told me. So I rely on my Tom's deodorant and my tin of Vermints...no chemicals, no stink, win-win.
We had a 24 hour grocer's with little bistro tables near the deli section...when the deli section was closed in the middle of the night, find the munchy people there eating baguettes and peanut butter. Kinda quaint!
My boys would say "he doesn't have anyone who loves him", or he wouldn't be out smelling like unwashed socks, or wearing that mismatched outfit... they use that saying a lot. It covers everything from a bad haircut to doing something really stupid (he doesn't have anyone who loves him or he wouldn't be juggling those running chainsaws).
Obviously, Mr Stinky doesn't have anyone who loves him at home.
fooch,
I was one of those hikers!
To this day, good, honest, hard-working b.o. is really quite pleasant to me, reminds me of home sweet home on the trail
Wow, and they won't allow dogs in stores because they are a "health risk." People are dirtier than animals.
AGREED on the air "freshener" front...
and now that that is out of the way...
@Brain Problem- I used to be that kid! The one who had to clean up the theatre after the patrons left... You're so right. The funk is simply G*d-awful. I also had the misfortune of working at the theatre during the release of the 2 worst cinematic blockbusters... Friday (because people smuggled pot in, so that cloying smell was mixed with the soda, candy, popcorn and B.O.) and Titanic (because I can't even begin to tell you how many people got "sea sick" during that movie and didn't make it to the rest room).
Does anyone besides me think it's funny that someone else (with different penmanship, if you look carefully) added "& your body" after the original writer had finished the last sentence with a "."? Looks like it was a group effort... Stinky is hated by many, it seems.
Where I live, men of a certain age not only drink wine and beer till it comes out their pores, they don't wash nearly enough, AND they don't change their clothes. So at 8 AM you walk past some retired duffer and nearly pass out, because you've walked into his "stellae"--the scent trail he leaves behind for about 20 yards. This is particularly potent in a closed space, such as a supermarket--which older folks tend to go to first thing in the morning to "beat the crowds" and get the best selection. Which means that the store is crowded with oldsters leaning on carts and blocking the aisles while they chat about nothing, and you can't get past, and believe me you WANT to, to get out of the cloud of fug.
Of course noxious BO isn't the exclusive province of the aging...I have a dear friend (subheading female) who is 18 and her parents obviously haven't talked to her about "personal daintiness." I think she doesn't change her clothes often enough. She smells like a closed room. I'm trying to think of a felicitous way to tell her.
RE: air freshener, I agree. Nothing beats a good cross-draft and giving the room a good airing!
No worries, Bill Hutchison!!! I actually love the smell of B.O. from a hardworked man, the best part is jumping into the shower with him after he returns home after work!!!!
I agree with whoever said (I can't find it right now) there is a difference between body odor and the way a body smells. Someone who is eating bad food and not washing their butt is going to smell different--and nastier--than someone who has worked up an honest sweat mowing the lawn.
Surely Sir does not stink near as much as your poor grammar. Maybe the man cannot help his situation?
Mean people stink.
Flargy said "What are they supposed to do, go home in the middle of the day and take a shower, just to please your senses while they cash their paychecks?"
They're getting off at 2pm during the day anywayz and I know that because they tell me and make a big deal out of it; plus, we're open till 6pm and all of them know that! So the answer is YES...for the sake of breathing.
Oh by the way, Butchers wear aprons, Barbers wash their hands, and I know a lot of firefighters and they tend to wash up before going out if they just put out a fire because even they hate smelling like smoke all of the time.
Lastly, I was only bringing up old experiences that no...I didn't take personally because I learned to bear it and grin. =)
2 things:
1)I had a friend in high school, great guy, but no amount of bathing and deodorant products would quell that nasty funk! I felt bad for him; he really tried.
2)when I was waitress in a breakfast-type restaurant, we had one couple that came in about once a week--very old, dressed in polyester (not a good plan methinks)--who stank of very dirty kitty litter. Anyone who has had an unneutered male cat know what I'm talking about. Seriously, you couldn't breathe in when you went to take their order or your eye would water and no one could sit int he tables next to them. It was awful. But, they were paying customers and at least they didn't poop on the bathroom floor like one of our other customers.
Must not have had anyone who loved them.
Good Lord, I wish I got off at 2PM on Fridays when I worked construction!! For our crew, we were LUCKY if we could squeak through the bank doors before the bank closed at 6PM on Fri.
Yeah, I'm sure some of us reeked- and our busy little hands were dirty, maybe we even shed a little blood for the job that day-- but it was good hard work, good honest sweat and grum, earned building your houses, apartments, and condos. (also some hotels, villas, and retirement homes.) I actually find myself missing that. Go out and pack lumber all day, swing a 22oz hammer, a 20# sledge, or sling a pneumatic nailgun all day. See how pleasingly fragrant you are at the end of the day.
One thing about emitting odors, though- drinking plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of water throughout the day (and every day) truly helps prevent excessive odor in the sweat. No matter what you're doing. Not coffee. not beer or soda. Good ol' water.
Thanks, Winston. I also learned to grin and bear it....and breathe out of my mouth more often.:)
If you lost your job and your home, had a mental illness and wound up on the street as hundreds of thousands already have (even in the richest country in the world), where would you bathe, where would you wash your clothes, where would you sleep, how would you get out of the rain? We take so much for granted.
My friend's son smells like mushrooms, no matter what she does. He is like seven years old now and if you are at the dinner table with him, you can smell the faint musty 'shroomy odor. Oh, and he looks kind of like Eddie Munster, complete with widow's peak.
Poor kid.