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August 21, 2008 |
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Captain
FOUND by Danny Zabbal
in Montreal, Quebec, Canada
I purchased a copy of "Jim Henson's Designs and Doodles" and found this note crammed in the front cover. The person to whom this note is addressed and myself have the same name.
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Tender and Sweet April 19, 2006 |
Creepy Like That September 14, 2007 |
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You're Not Curtious September 20, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
The ambiguity of "please do not serve" is disturbing, especially in view of the little blue head rolling around the bottom of the page.
Is the aboriginal man now a persona non grata, or is it that his remains have gone rancid?
Goodness. Let the poor homeless man have his spiked lemonade! Who is Irene to say he's not allowed libation?
Surely the term "spiked" implies that it has been done on the sly, if they are selling it wouldn't it just be "alcoholic lemonade"? That's like going to the bar and asking for a spiked tonic water, instead of just saying gin and tonic.
If abnormal is not normal, does that mean aboriginal is is just like everyone else?
the aboriginal guy has been drinking spiked lemonade, which means he's no longer fit to serve.
guess that means you can't make/serve friendship soup made out of drunk people.
I'm not really clear on Irene's issue with the homeless man. If he comes in to BUY the lemonade, then isn't he a valid customer? It's not like the guy's begging. Is it that he's smelly/ abusive/ drunk/ using the legal purchase as a cover for shoplifting? What?
I don't understand her issue either. He has the money to buy the 'lemonade', what is it about his that she doesn't like? She should specify.
Possibly a reference to the "Mike's Hard Lemonade" product that is a 'flavored malt beverage'. But, ya know, alcoholism and homelessness aside, if the guy's got the money....
Maybe Irene will let Dan serve long-haired aboriginal men who have homes. Or homeless aboriginal women. Or homeless aboriginal men with crew cuts. What is it that's ticked her off with the guy? One trait or the combination?
Dan? I thought it said 'Dam'. That's short for Damiel, right?
IRENE...I think you should sit down, take a load off, and suck back one of those *spiked* lemonades yourself.
You...you...uptight security guard!
SHEESH!
Also, in the Liquor Stores, you can now but the President's Choice Brand= *John's Spiked Lemonade or Pink Lemonade*.
I believe this may only be in Canada, hence where the FIND was FOUND.
President's Choice is only sold at Loblaw's, No Frills, Real Canadian Superstores, Fortino's and Zehr's Supermarkets.
President's choice is sold at Harris Teeter here.
Yeah, and why not, if he's paying?
I think that the "he comes in to buy the spiked lemonade" isn't the Reason she doesn't want him to be served there.
more likely that was part of her description of him, like "you know that one aboriginal guy who always buys hard lemonade".
I imagine her reason for banning him was something she just didn't feel the need to add to the note.
perhaps the spiked lemonade loving aboriginal mans bad behavior was well enough known to Dan that he wouldn't be surprised at the banning.
I love that Irene printed "aboriginal", while every other word has connected letters.
What other words was she thinking about using? Did she leave it blank until she'd finished the rest and then fill it in? Did she have to look it up in the dictionarey for correct spelling?
Alternate choices:
smelly
beligerant
enormous
verbose
rotund
forlorn
tipsy
naked
Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching.
Dang! And Irene thought she was being so very politically correct and sensitive by writing "aboriginal man" instead of "Indian" or "Eskimo" or "red man".
There's no pleasing some of you 'foundial persons' (or 'Foundians' or 'persons of recently discovered materials' or whatever you want to be called this week), is there?
Jeez..I am way off. I pictures a huge clear glass (pitcher?) of lemonade (like you see at parties) and the poor homeless man coming in and actually pouring some hooch into the (pitcher?) and everyone who drinks the lemonade thereafter feels the effects, not just said homeless man. After all, who wants to drink alone?
My niece and her friend who happens to be aboriginal were denied entrance into a local bar, here in bumf**k nowhere. I didn't think that shit still happened.
Why the hell is it titled, "Captain"?
I thought it was addressed to Dam.
Loblaw's, No Frills, Real Canadian Superstores, Fortino's, Zehr's and Harris Teeter are funny names for stores.
I dunno.. you guys' comments are really cracking me up! If I don't stop reading this, I believe my laughter's gonna wake up my sleeping family! Hahahaaaha!
odd how the blue long-haired head appears to be drawn upside down. is that supposed to be the aboriginie?
Oh yeah, and why is it called President's Choice? Does that make people want to buy it? Because it's what the President drinks? I guess because he's president he has good taste. So yeah. Good selling point.
Remember Billy Beer? Named after President Jimmy Carter's overtly alcoholic brother? I doubt that it was the President's Choice, though. In fact, I'll bet it was pretty baaaad beer.
Hey, Clover, did you hear the Dolly Parton is going to be buying the Big Star, Piggly Wiggly and Harris Teeter grocery stores? Yeah, she's going to name the new stores Big Wiggly Teeters!
[rim shot]
Definitely rim shot worthy, Rodney. I actually laughed out loud (I refuse to abbreviate that phrase).
Maybe Irene gave the bum the boot because he kept drawing incoherent blue pictures on the scrap paper she saves for writing heavy-handed authoritarian notes to Dam.
Clover -
Starfish doesn't want presidents with good taste
They want presidents who taste good.
I'm pretty sure she doesn't want him served because his head's gone all blue and upside down. It'd probably be too out there for the other patrons.
Just a (few) point(s) of inquiry: Aren't Aborigines native to Australia? How'd this note get all the way to Canada? Dan/m (the addressee) must be a world traveler. Or did Danny buy this book from the interwebs? Finally, have any of you seen "The Last Wave?" What a strange movie.
@ Monkey, what is "friendship soup?" I find the idea rather disturbing.
not just another mouth, the term aboriginal refers to people who are native to the land. Aborigines are the most common term for those who are native to Australia. The Aboriginal people of Canada are also referred to as Native Canadians, and those in the US are called Native Americans, but the term aboriginal person is more correct, because they were here long before there was a Canada or a United States.
I wonder if its titled Captain, because the upside down blue guy looks like a pirate captain.
An Aborigine is one of the original or earliest known inhabitants of any land. (for instance, Native Americans on the North American continent.)
The Autsralian Aborigines are most commonly referred to as "The Aborigines" though.
(oh yeah. Or as Native Canadians. Nice simulpost.)
As far as the title of "Captain", I took it as a reference to Captain Dan of Bubba Gump Shrimp Boat Company fame...
But if they're the originals, why are they called ABoriginal?
I bet Dam serves the guy behind Irene's back, next chance he gets.
Is Irene REALLY "security"? Or has she just labled herself this? I bet she's just the server at the front of the restaurant that takes you to your table.
I wonder if this is some sort of inside joke, or a real letter to Dan?
It seems overly descriptive to be a real note. Like she has to specify that he's the one with the long hair? The homeless aboriginal man with the short hair is OK to serve?
Is it "serve [anything TO] the ... man" or "serve the ... man [TO someone else]? Maybe Irene was watching out for the homeless guy because Dam insisted on serving him up to other patrons.
(Where are those inflected languages when we need them?)
To Serve Man... Oh My GODDDD!!! IT's a Cookbook!!!!!
The blue head's upside down because Aborigines come from a land "Down Under" - which has now made me think of a song by Men at Work called "Down Under" - which strangely doesn't mention Aborigines but does mention vegemite sandwiches. Which makes me want a Vegemite sandwich ... which has nothing whatsoever to do with this find. Personally, I don't know Irene but she's an uptight women and I don't like her. Give the man some lemonade - God knows he needs some solace, he doesn't have a home to call his own.
Rumen, Reticulum, omasum, abomasum
@Cabbage
Thank you for that song stuck in my head. I can't get the lyrics, though.
"Where women(something)and men chunder?"
Is chunder a word?
lucky, if you're still here, yes, chunder is a word in Australia. It means vomit. It comes from sailors vomiting over the rail and saying "watch under" ... or so I've been told. I'm not sure what it is that colin hay thinks women do, but whatever he says, it probably translates as "shake their heads and mutter dear oh dear under their breath"
It's 'where the women glow and the men plunder'.
Travelling in a fried-out Kombi
On a hippy trail head full of zombies
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast.
They just don't write lyrics like that anymore!
I lived in Oz for a while and I can assure you, the women more than glow and the men ARE very plunderful. Now, I'm happily back in NZ, where the most dangerous insect is a ... well, nothing really.
F**k Irene and her stupid ways. By identifying him or anyone one else by culture in conjunction with negative traits she's "othering" him completely. She obviously has her own set of prejudicial beliefs. At least she could've had a conversation with the man. Then she'd know what nation he belongs to (Oneida, Cree, Ojibway...).
Sorry, I was in a pissy mood to begin with, but this posting just brings up bad memories of me visiting small, northern Ontario towns, and being treated in less than nice ways by the folks residing there, making all sorts of judgements about my proclivities. Damn Irene for making my day more stinky than it already was.
...can't get "Down Under" out of my head :)
Sorry, but that doesn't look a thing like Gonzo.
@not just another mouth, I haven't seen "The Last Wave" but I did meet Richard Chamberlain once. He came into the store where I was working to by some Sorels. They were making a mini-series on location, and their feet were getting cold. Can't remember what mini-series it was..
The mini-series was being filmed on location in Jackson, Wyoming. I forgot to add that.
That's cool, TANG. Who knew?? Pesident's Choice products were invented in Canada..go figure????
And CLOVER...you are so sweet, hun!! You crack me up!!
That entire Men at Work album is excellent!
Back around that time, we also bought another album by another down under group called Mental As Anything. One of my favorite albums ever.
Can someone help answer this question about an Australian movie from that era? It was an off-beat movie, that I've been looking for ever since. One scene had girls dressed in outfits with record-album skirts. I would REALLY like to find that movie and watch it again. But I forgot the title a long time ago. Does it ring a bell to you 1980's Aussie culture fans?
Tanks Holly! :)
It sounds to me that the second sentence "He comes into buy spiked lemonade" is a qualifier for the long haired homeless aboriginal.
It's as if to say "Please do not serve the homeless aboriginal man with the long hair. He is the one who comes in to buy spiked lemonade from time to time" in case there is any confusion with another homeless long haired aboriginal man who just comes in to buy, I don't know, gum?
In any case, Irene from security is being as descriptive as possible to keep trouble out. She's just doing her job.
Poor Dan. How's he going to tell that customer "no shirt, no home, no sevice"? That's cold.
I was so busy reading the comments that all this time I thought the note said, "He comes in ONLY to buy the spiked lemonade." That would have given it a little bit of a different flavor, wouldn't it? Let's pretend it does say that.
He does not come in to sing. He does not come in to dance. He does not come in to use the bathroom. He does not come in to pray. He does not come in to visit with Irene or Dan. He does not come in to draw incoherent blue pictures on scrap paper. He does not come in with his wife and children for ice cream on a Sunday drive. He only comes in to buy the spiked lemonade.
Yep. Irene should have written it that way.
I don't know if this is true, perhaps someone can enlighten me. I heard that Royal Crown Cola (which was way better than Coke, that I do know) was relabelled "President's Choice." Whether the PC label started with RC cola, or whether RC was bought by the PC product company, I don't know.
I don't think that Irene really is Security, either. Real security personnel usually have some type of memo form to put information on. They have to keep copies of everything too for their reports, so if anything goes pear-shaped they have a date, time etc. to follow up.
@not just another mouth
"friendship soup" was a find from a few weeks ago.
and my attempt at a lame cannibalism joke combining that find and this one...
You wrote:
"The person to whom this note is addressed and myself have the same name."
The proper grammar is:
"The person to whom this note is addressed and I have the same name."
If this aboriginal man is now homeless in Canada then he's had an interesting (and well-travelled) life. The bloke deserves some spiked lemonade! Give him a break Irene!
dude, that's kind of freaky that "the person to whom this note is addressed" and you have the same name. how do you know that it wasn't intended for you?
Okay...as far as I know, the President who has made the Choices is the president of Loblaws. And by the way, they are trying to change their falling sales figures by changing their name from "Loblaws" to "Loblaw".
Opinion poll:
If you don't visit a grocery store for whatever reason, does dropping the "s" from its name make you want to visit it more?
Krista, that's an interesting question, because we have two major grocery stores here in Chicago: Dominicks and Jewel. Invariably, visitors or new comers refer to "Jewel" but people who have been here their whole lives insist on saying "Jewels" and they always put a THE in front of it, but I think that's part of midwest dialect.
"I'm goin' over by the Jewels for some polish sausage."
"OK, TiM, I'm going to the BP for a fill up."
In Des Moines the two main groceries are HyVee and Dahl's. I've always referred to them differently, don't know why: I'm going to HyVee, or I'm going to the Dahl's store, never just Dahl's.
Irene is a bitch. F*** you Irene, and f*** you Dan!! Screw you guys, I'm goin back to my box!
The ab- prefix means "from," not "un-" or "not."
Ab-origines = from the beginning.
ab-norma = [deviating, away, different] from the standard.