 |
June 24, 2005 |
|
 |
|
|
There Are Options
FOUND by Paul Pridgeon
in Arlington, Massachusetts
Found on the street
Sign in or register to start a profile and keep track of your comments. You may also post without creating a profile, but you'll have to answer some tough spam protection questions.
Ted and Allyssa... November 30, 2007 |
The Point + Purpose January 23, 2007 |
Fags Fax September 18, 2006 |
It's Not Fair March 07, 2004 |
 |
|
 |
         |
We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
What a sad little list. The loneliness of the author is palpable.
Wow... That's so sad.
Awww, it warms the cockles of me 'eart, it does.
This list is SO poignant. It gives me pangs in my stomach and tears in my eyes. It makes me want to hug the author, and maybe even create a dance about this, and maybe create my own little list. Maybe that's why it hits me so hard...I see myself creating lists like these...
poor kid, the note starts so hopefully, then on to his dead mom...
It looks like the kind of list that is helpful when you quit smoking. It seems like a stupidly simple list, but when most people are in the throes of withdrawal they are panicked and don't think too clearly. A simple list such as this helps.
Losing your 'friend' the cigarette can also cause a particular feeling of loneliness. Feelings that a smoker typically masked with smoking have a tendency to come up and dealing with them directly instead of smoking around them can be a pretty healthy correction.
But who knows?
This reminds me of the contracts I make with suicidal clients, where they list what they will do or who they will call instead of thinking about killing themselves. Sad, but effective.
It looks like a list of coping skills that mental institutions have inpatients make before they are released...
i've made lists like this before. hope this person is ok
It reminds me of my ex boyfriend. It almost made me cry. (Which is odd, I was never an emotional person, until he broke up with me. If he's the one who made me feel things, why would he be the one to hurt them?) This almost sounds like him, but young... He's still a close friend anyway, and I almost considered sending this to him, but Im not sure how he'd feel about it...
this is absolutely heartbreaking.
haley said it sounds like a list of things to do instead of killing yourself...
funny, because I thought something similar. When I first saw it, it struck me as a list of things to do instead of cutting.
I threw away my list awhile ago because I didn't need it anymore.
Funny, because tonight, a year later, I need a list more than I ever have since I threw mine away...
thank you to whoever wrote this note... you might have kept me from screwing up my life again.
except for watching tv, this list is exactly what an anorectic would do to keep from eating :(
Bubba (my little brother) and I wrote a list just like this when we were younger. I was 16 and he was 14 when my mom passed. the only difference is that we had to visit my nephue and my mom there and we had a nintendo 64 not a playstation.
i think the saddest was "go in my room" and the wonder of what the author does in his/her room.
Sounds like a kid wrote this and hes going through the hardship of losing his mom, trying to work himself through it.
read the note and started sobbing 'cause thats how i always feel after losing my dad, mom, and two sisters. dad and my younger sister passed last year 2006 - dad in august and my sister in december.to the author u are not alone.
I agree with Rachel's comment. Maybe he's in counseling and they advised him to make a list of things he can do to get through the grief of losing his mom.
I believe this is a list of things to do instead of doing something else... possibly cutting, or some other self-destructive behavior.
on some level, I wish this list wasnt found and that the author still had it...
I wrote a list like this when I was in the throes of a major depressive episode. Now I know I am bipolar. I am on meds, in therapy and learning how to cope with my illness. Very, very few people know I struggle with wanting to kill myself. Only my therapist and my parents know I have been hospitalized for being suicidal. Luckily I ask for help instead of shooting myself. I would not overdose or slice my wrists because the hospital could pump my stomach and sew up my wrists. I would shoot myself to make sure I did the job right and could not be revived. It is difficult for me to have the will to live. I try to find the joy in life so I have the will to live. It is a daily struggle but the meds and therapy help. I have learned to tell myself, "Tommorow is another day. Sleep on the thought and do not act on it. If you feel like killing yourself tommorow you can do it then. Don't act on an impulse that can not be undone. Just wait and see how you feel in the morning." My therapist told me this is how alcoholics get through the day. So far, it has worked for me! I am hanging in there. Having OCD makes my struggle that much more difficult but I fight the urge to kill myself. I just want release from the pain I feel on a daily basis. I put on a brave face, laugh and smile at the appropriate times. I tell jokes to make others laugh but they do not know I tell jokes to avoid them asking me how I feel. I don't want to tell anyone how I feel or what is going through my mind. No one understand but another person who struggles with this same issue. People who are healthy have no idea what it is like to have a chemical imbalance. They can not walk in my shoes or feel empathy for me. Instead, they think I am looking for sympathy, wanting attention or a freak. I don't want any of those things. I am not a freak. I simply have an illness that I cope with each and every day the best I can. My best friend doesn't even know. I don't feel comfortable telling her because she will judge me and find me weak and freak out. I avoid making new friends for fear they will detect I am defective. I keep to myself to keep my secret safe. No one knows the struggle that rages in me daily. No one knows...
That looks just like one of my friends' handwriting! He lives here, but other than that, he fits the list!
i too was saddened by the note...
"daily struggle in OC" i know some of what u are going thru... for the past few months ive been coming to terms with being depressed. i hurt myself & i liked it. ive got friends helping me thru it; ive never tried to kill myself but the thought has been there. i really hope you can get thru this. xx
Thank you gc in UK. I appreciate your kind words. Depression has gained acceptance but bipolar has not.
Bipolar I causes people to have difficulty with manic episodes. They have a break from reality when manic (Mike Tyson). However, Bipolar II condition does not have this happen. We just run around a lot, sleep little, get a lot accomplished, talk a lot, talk fast, fidget a lot, have trouble sitting still and experience insomnia. We can annoy others because we have trouble sitting still and being quiet. We are not crazy. We just alternate between feeling suicidal and manic. When we are up, we are UP! If I could bottle how great it feels to be manic I could make billions! I am on top of the world when I am manic! I feel fantastic and think I can accomplish anything! That is why people who are bipolar want to go off their meds. The high from the manic episode feel sooo wonderful. Unfortunately, what goes up must come down. When we crash and burn we do it in a spectacular manner. That is when I have been hospitalized because I came off a very high manic episode and crashed into the depths of depression. When the depression is a deep low we get suicidal and are very, very, very serious about killing ourselves. We are not joking around or seeking attention. We mean business. People who think a person with Bipolar is seeking attention are very, very wrong. We hide our depression and plans for suicide. Why tell someone when they stop us? Like I said, luckily...I ask for help when I reach that point. I have been in the psych ward 2x but each time it was because I sought help. I wanted to prevent myself from killing myself.
Sometimes it is possible to be a "passive suicide" case. A passive suicide will not actively seek to them themselves but simply not avoid an accident. They will step in front of a bus and not move as the bus speeds toward them. This is a way to die without having to do it yourself. Not every accidental death is an accident...
I wish you well as you find your way back to happiness. It is a struggle but the fight is worthwhile. I have kept a "gratitude journal" at various times. It helps me when I think of the things I have to be grateful or thankful for. Not everything in our lives is shit. There are some wonderful moments as well. If focus on the wonderful, fun, bright moments in life it helps me lift my mood. I feel worse when I focus on how bad I feel. Laughing helps a great deal. When I feel a depressive episode coming on I watch a comedy movie or a stand up comic DVD. Once I begin laughing my mood begins to life. Working out in the gym, going for a walk also help. Sex is a wonder tonic for depression! Have sex even if you don't feel interested. The endorphins and dopamine that are released will lift your mood. I hope that helps! Hang in there. Depression is only momentary and will pass if given enough time.
The biggest thing I have learned from my depressive episodes is empathy for others. I just wish other people could learn empathy as well and stop being so judgemental. The people who are highly judgemental will one day find themselves in a situation which they never imagined.
What a depressing little To-Do List. To the author of this note, I'm sending you a telepathic hug from afar. I'd be that person to talk to if I could.
daily struggle... Honestly, reading that is like reading from my diary.
I honestly wish you the best of luck.
I'm honestly going to think of you next time I feel like I can't go on.
ashley in us, keep fucking fighting. I personally know what a struggle self-injury is.
And as for the person in the note, I hope they've found peace. Whatever their peace may be.
It seems like a childish list of things to do on a boring day, until it comes to visit mom. it worries me that this person no longer has this list. Then again, maybe they found something to do?
Last fall, I completed a partial hospitalization program where I was diagnosed as bipolar. During the program, which was monday, wednesday, friday we had the support of everyone there but the weekends could be hard. This list reminds me of the lists we made every friday of what we would do if things became too much instead of cutting, binge/purge, starving, drinking, spending too much money, hurting ourselves, etc...It really does help because the list distracts you enough to keep your mind off of things.I hope the person who lost this is either well enough to not need it or has another.
Felt the same way for years as many others have already said. Today, at the throes of menapause I am happier that I can ever remember in my entire life. Thankfully, my family prayed me through the roughest parts of my life and I survived the decades of continual suicidal thoughts. A few weeks ago I realized I hadn't thought about how to kill myself for about 2 years. Hurray!
My brother has been dealing with depression and loneliness for as long as I can recall. I was concerned for the author of this list as he has the right idea to surround himself with people who care but the fact that it says "someone" may indicate he/she has no one. I pray they have found peace, happiness and someone to lean on.
I went through some crazy stuff to,my husband was in iraq had one baby at home and a toddler,and didnt hear frm him for weeks,which he normally clled twice a week or was online, then the husband next door(i lived on base) got hit in the head with a mine , then husbnad in building next to us was killed man below him in coma, three guys across the street killed...was horrid...101st airbone,hooohahhhh, anyways, i was already suffering frm sexual child abuse as a akkid, my moms ex tried to kill her tried to shoot her and she was in hospital for days,other step dad an alcoholic,another stepdad a child beater, list goes on....i had no help, the unit support group for army was a joke, and I almost lost my kids i sunk so low,i ended up in mental hospital for 13 days..mom had my kids...shivewrs,scary thought she had already 5 abuse charges in diff states frm cps when we were kids..the drs all told them to bringmy husband home, his unit refused.....he only had 7 months left..so i couldnt have kids back til he was home and stable on my meds,they treated me for bipolar,quick cycle manic, anxiety disorder,post traumit stress disorder,and severe depression....was specialty case bc dr thats aw me on base said was best case he had seen and couldnt treat me,they gave me an ultimatimum to go.....i went through this alone for months, my mom was sucking my husbands money over 1800 a month for the kids, she told cps i was a drug abuser,i willingly took hair test which came out negative,not a drug user, and she told them i beat my kids...finally my husband fought all this ,4 months later, he was home state took kids frm my mom,they never did home check int he other state i had not seen my babies in months, i was stable,my mom had actually abused them, they were malnutrioned scared and wild...i never had abused my kids,sigh, they were well managed and taken care of,it wasi who needed help always bathed feed and clothed them,i had just retreated ina shell....we gotour kids back and now son int reatment for what mum did,i think there needs to be more awareness for bipolars and such, not just depression, i hope all you that feel alone and seculded in the world seek help to become a happy productive individual....and bring our soldiers home.......pls....
My boyfriend is bipolar.
You are worthy of love and you have much to offer. You are a good and thoughtful person.
Hang in there.
I don't know how many folks know about "The Icarus Project".. It's this really awesome group of people/network - I think they're based in NY, but at this point I'm not sure.
The website says "The Icarus Project is creating a new culture and language that resonates with our actual experiences of madness and “mental illness” rather than trying to fit our lives into a conventional framework."
I've met the guy who started it a few times over the years and he is really, really great.
Their website is: http://www.theicarusproject.net/
and they've got a lot of good resources..
To everyone: Thanks for all your honest, kind, supportive-of-each-other comments. It warms my heart, and I send virtual bear hugs to you all.
Strange how this list resonates in everyone's lonely spot. When I first read it, I thought it was a kid, and a lonely kid at that. Maybe a kid who didn't have a ot of friends, but was trying to come up with a list of things to do to not be bored.
But reading all these comments.... well, it's too many people all picking up on a certain vibe I guess.
Wish you all well.
It looks that it was crumpled up and thrown in the street.
This is a list of things to do instead ofcutting...I've made that same list for years...that breaks my heart to see it in such a young childs handwriting...
I think it's things to do instead of be violent.
It's funny how so few words with no literary tricks and tangles can stir up so many emotions.
this looks alot like a list to prevent suicidal thoughts or soemthing.
i had to make a list like this when i saw someone about my depression.
it definatly works.
The fact that so many people have made lists like this is amazing. It is a list to help someone get through something. A day, depression, cutting, suicide, death, anything.
For none of them, and for all of them, for whatever YOU need it for. Everyone is right.
Norma, in Botswana- if I were rich I would fly to Africa and hug you one hundred times. I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts my whole life, and I've only lost my father. The only thing that pulled me through was the love of God, and I don't mean this in a scary born again way.
I've learned that I have to do something creative everyday, pray, and do/say nice things for other people. Finding a spiritual community, and working hard to have a meditation practice has also helped.
Know that the hippie community and new age folks (weird as it may be) they are really here to help with the aspects that aren't just traditional medication and therapy. The struggle is everyday, but it's easier when you learn to not focus on the crazy in your mind. Look in your heart. I love this site!
Daily Struggle OC - you'd be surprised to learn how many 'normal' 'healthy' people have their own secrets and struggle. I feel like I could be your best friend, seemily normal and happy, struggling with a version of the same problem and we could go on forever without being brave enough to talk about it and maybe feeling better. No one knows my inner voices, but I'm scared to tell, too. I especially hate how worried my mother gets. I'm discovering I have uncles, cousins with the same struggles-- just knowing that helps us.
this small list evokes very powerful emotions!
Wooly Booly-- Just know that there are those of us out here that are trying to get the troops home. Your comment, along with all the others here, really touched me.
This find is seriously the best poetry I've read in a while.
I am a pro wrestler, we aint known to ge all touchy feely, but I honestly hope that somebody runs over the little crybaby who wrote this.
This find makes me feel all sad and lonely.
And I have this curious desire to listen to Air Supply now.
Cute hat-- It's hard when the person you love most in the world is bipolar. You hang in there.
This looks like one of this lists psychiatrists make you write to help you "cope."
...not that I have experience with that or anything, haha.
Sweet, but sad. It looks helpless, like a baby bird.
I find it funny that the author of this note puts "Watch TV", "Go On Computer", and "Play Playstation 2" higher up the list than "Go to cemetary and talk to mom".
When I first read the list, it seemed like a list of possible things to do when the author was bored, but after reading the comments, I agree that maybe it was part of a coping method.
It seemed like a list I'd make inside my mind on a boring day until I got to the part about visiting his mom. Somehow, the fact that listening to music, such a normal activity, comes after that, seems so sad to me, but I'm not sure why.
This hits home for me. It reminds me of notes I had written when my dad died when I was a teenager. Even the most simple stuff, like going to your room, is written down eventually. When things like that happen your so frozen you can't think. The loneliness of this note breaks my heart.
This reminds me of the notes that I make with the little girl that I nanny for. She's 11 and autistic, making lists about every little detail of the day (brush teeth, wash face, watch spongebob, eat dinner, get in bed, read book, etc.) makes the overwhelming world more managable for her and I imagine thats what this person has done. Maybe their mom passed away recently and they're having a hard time getting back into the "groove of things" and this person, like my little girl, gets a sense of accomplishment when they cross an item off their list. I hope they're doing okay....
What a self-absorbed, screwed-up bunch of illiterate attention-seekers and New Age Saps you lot are. No wonder the note's author feels the way he does with this slew of bullshit being the result of even his most anonymous attempt at interaction. Oh, and to all you cutters: yes a secure life with food, shelter, education and healthcare really sucks doesn't it I mean, if you were one of the million kids a yar dying from malaria, say, you'd be thrilled and fulfilled to bits, right? You disgust yourselves for all the wrong reasons.
This note makes me wonder about who this sweet lonely kid was, but it always makes me smile at the end of it. It's full of resolve.
PedoBear, I don't know what pain or sadness you're dealing with, but I hope you one day are at peace with yourself so you no longer are so desperate that you to try and hurt kind people you don't even know. Even though you're rejecting the compassionate community that has gathered on this website, I'm sure everyone would echo my wishes for your happiness.
Wow, this is so sad! I extend a virtual hug to all of you guys. And to the people who are being jerks about these people's serious problems: like Jigsaw said, I really hope they all stop trying to hurt people they don't even know who are facing issues that I have never dreamed of in my darkest moments.
Hey assface. You are a dick!!!!! I hope you get run over. The writer's mom died for God skakes. I hope you have to experience the death of a parent when you are not ready for it.
To Woolly Boolly, hang in there. My husbands deployed too, I struggle with alcoholism, depression, and anxiety. I have a little baby and a sick mom that I have to take care of. This list sounds like something I would write to help myself not drink or to help stop dark thoughts. My dad died awhile back and I could have written it then also b/c I was so miserable. To all those suffering with BP d/o and anyother mental illness hang in there and don't give up. The sun will shine again.
Just yesterday, one of my new students told me his mother died of cancer a few years ago and that's why he's in the SED (severely emotionally disturbed) class. He's a sweet energetic kid. It must have torn his mom apart to know she was going to have to leave him before he was grown.. sad sad sad.
Whoever said that this was a young kid? Probably a 35 year old who never left the house until his mother died. Still barely ever leaves the basement, loser. Awww, what the heck... It even makes me feel a little bit empathetic... Just for the record, PedoBear sounds so removed from others problems, no empathy whatsoever, almost pyschopathic. First insult he threw was "self-absorbed", definately suits him well. You are what you find annoyingly predominate in others.
I remember being little and writing a list like that. It's so... shocking, if you will, to read "go to cemetery and talk to mom" its sad and yet at the same time, touching. That kid loves his mother regardless of where she is. It's also sad that he has no one in particular he wants to go on a walk with or hang around with. life can really blow sometimes.
the irony is fantastic.
a sad laughter escaped my lips, i regret to say.