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August 18, 2008 |
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I Think We Can Still Be Friends.
FOUND by John
in Kittery, Maine
I bought an old bureau at a yard sale. It needed a little work so I took out the drawer, and then a folded up note fluttered down onto my foot. I opened it up, read it, and decided I HAD to share.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
I recognize that letter...
thats the type letter you get sent by an ex-girl friend who just got done screwing you over not to long ago. and now wants to make a half assed attempt at "still being friends"
"dear ex doormat, oops I mean boyfriend;
I've been thinking about you lately, ~Because I miss having someplace to wipe my shoes~. And I think we could still be friends, ~If you can get over that little me walking all over you thing~.
that is if you still want to, the choice is up to you, ~And now that I gave you that choice I don't have to bother putting any effort into it ever again!~.
have a great weekend! ~I know I will! because sending this little note was all it took to clear my conscious!~
with Love, ~well not love, with Fondness...as long as it doesn't take any effort~ Your Ex Amanda"
I wonder if the person printed out the email because they printed out their whole inbox, or so they could read it over and over in hopes of finding a sign she wants to be More then friends again.
from the fact that they saved that piece of paper in the desk drawer implies the latter. poor poor doormat
Monkey, ex-girlfriends get these letters too. As both a sender and a recipient of this kind of communique, I can speak to the general good intentions behind the sentiment. However, I must admit that follow-through on such sentiments is usually less than stellar.
And the recipient is thinking "Amanda? Amanda? Now, which one was Amanda?"
Spam protection: "Which month comes before July?" (I'm thinking it must be the one pictured on the other Found for today!)
Dear Amanda,
No, you offend me by your grammar.
It's 'you and ME'.
(Well, it was. Definitely not any more.)
This sounds more like a stalker than an ex girlfriend to me. Maybe an ex that turned into a stalker?
@not just another mouth;
yes I know women get those kinds of note too. I didn't mean to imply ex girlfriends are the only ones who send them.
I only focussed on an ex girlfriend because the note was written by a woman.
I should have worded my first post as "thats the type letter you get sent by an ex who...etc".
but as to the sentiment behind the offer of staying friends, you're experience my differ fro mine but...
when the offer of continued friendship is made a while after the break up (as the "I've been thinking about you and I" comment implies) it's usually more to ease the senders conscience which has been bothering them(thus the "been thinking of you" part), then a real desire to remain friends.
@ Lucky: I was thinking stalker, too.
I find these sort of notes really annoying and wish the writers would have more self-esteem.
Hey Asshat,
I would rather stick a fork in my neck than be friends with you. You are a jerk, so good riddance. There are more fish in the sea!
Amanda
Ima gonna git me summa them shiny black leggins up there.
there are an awful lot of exclamation points in this letter! like...way too many!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!
I know the writer of this letter!
It's Amanda Huggenkiss!
OK - Now say it slowly...
Get it?
Ah - what do you want - it's Monday. That's all I got .
Alan, did you see this?
http://foundmagazine.com/comments/2886
(comment made at:)
+ August 10, 2008 09:09 AM +
Happy Monday.
I guess I'm weird, but I don't really get why people can't be friends after breaking up. Especially if they started out as friends and actually liked each other in the first place.
Also, why is it so hard for men and women to be friends without being lovers? I just don't get it.
I had a good friend for 14 years that abruptly stopped talking to me after a banal argument about music. Looking back, all we did was drink and share inside jokes. What a waste of time.
Cherry O
I missed that one.
I will say this however - that guy is WAY cooler than I could ever hope to be, BUT I do own a hat like that and if you scrunch your eyelids together and stand back a few yards - it does sort of look like me.
Also - to most humans I appear as a black and white image.
It's easier than loving a stranger? I've had a lot of male friends I never leapt into bed with, and never wanted to, but if you're good friends you're less likely to want to throttle each other if you become lovers. I denied my more troublesome feelings for my male best friend for a long time, but had to give in eventually, and haven't regretted it.
It can be hard to stay friends with exes, more so if the relationship was serious; there needs to be enough closure to stall any attempt to re-ignite the relationship in some sort of desperate kamikaze mission, and enough liking left not to want to rip each other to shreds and/or count and compare grudges. Sometimes not worth it, but sometimes it is. I'm kindly-disposed towards Amanda; whether or not the friendship is a dead duck, she's trying so hard with the smileys and exclamation marks to sweep over delicate history and make everything seem ok :-) !!!
(replying to Clover, btw)
@ Turbo . . . yeah, I know what you mean, those inside jokes can suck up a lot of time that should be spent drinking. Too bad.
On Friendships Between men and Women, According to "When Harry Met Sally"
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
We cant play this game anymore
But can we still be friends
Things just cant go on like before
But can we still be friends
We had something to learn
Now its time for the wheel to turn
Grains of sand, one by one
Before you know it, all gone
Lets admit we made a mistake
But can we still be friends
Heartbreaks never easy to take
But can we still be friends
Its a strange, sad affair
Sometimes seems like we just dont care
Dont waste time feeling hurt
Weve been through hell together
Can we still get together sometime
You know life will still go on and on and on
We awoke from our dream
Things are not always what they seem
Memories linger on
Its like a sweet, sad old song
ACTUALLY, Amanda wrote this note to her mother.
Mom dropped her off at her ex-husband's (Amanda's dad) house at the beginning of the week. They had a fight in the car after Amanda said something nice about her Dad. Now she's trying to reach out and be friends with Mom before the next weekend and getting dropped off at Mom's place on Sunday night. Amanda hasn't heard from her mother all week. Mom doesn't have email at her little apartment, so Amanda's got to write from her after-school job in a dentist's office. Amanda sure hopes Mom isn't crazy mad at her, because that'll make the weekend even more stressed than it usually is.
I think this was found in Amanda's old bureau. She left the ball in his court, all light and breezy, and when he never replied, she printed it out as a reminder of what she lost.
Thanks for sharing, John in Kittery, Maine. This is a choice Find.
Oh, Monkey. I get what you're saying. I wasn't trying to refute your essential points, I was only trying to suggest that sometimes people mean it when they say they want to be friends even if they don't actually stay friends with their ex(es). It is very difficult to separate the emotions surrounding a break-up from the genuine good feelings one has for an ex (after all, most people do date people they actually like).
But, of course, I concede that some people say these things just to make themselves feel better.
Personally, if I don't think I can be friends with someone after a break-up, I tell them. It's just better that way for everyone.
maybe they went on a trip with some friends and got a little too friendly but it was only a beneficial kinda thing for that week or so. i dunno how many times that has happened to me.
if you let a year or two go by, then you might be able to become real friends, but sometimes people do such horrible things to each other that it kills any chance of ever being friends. it is a sad thing to lose your best friend and you partner in life.
what a bitch.
Here's a thought from jaded cynic: it's easiest to 'love' someone you aren't too crazy about. That way when it's over your heart isn't damaged. It's when you really care about a person that you end up getting hurt.
Todd R: it's notes like this one that made me become a hermit.
@ Todd R. Thanks, I now have that song going round and round in my head. I'm not sure whether my "thanks" is sarcastic or not. hum hum hum
As to the email, I think she's fishing to hear him say nice things about her. It's been a couple of months since they broke up, and she misses having someone desire or admire her.
Oh, this totally sounds like a letter I would have written at one time in my life. Boy breaks up with Amanda, and he uses the "we can still be friends" line to lessen the trauma. He expects to hear nothing more from her until he checks his inbox one day, and there's the email from the girl who should have completely cut off all contact with Boy. Instead, she begins to send Boy emails trying to convince him (and herself) that they can still be friends (trust me, this is not the only email she sent). Boy might even fall for it, and try to go out with her as a "friend", at which point she gets drunk and tries to convince him to go back to her place for some "reconciliation"... Yeah, I totally know where Amanda is going with this email.
I love Todd Rundgren!
The email obviously meant something to Mr. Amanda's ex if he printed it outt.
I smell bad cologne and too much desperation!!
I felt sadness & desperation behind the words
Awwww..."I still want to be friends, if you want to?"
Like...WTF?
I really like you...
...but not enough to be friends.
btw, John the finder: is Kittery, Maine, where you go to buy a baby Maine Coon cat?
Bet no one's ever thought of that one before, ho ho.