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August 11, 2005 |
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Someone Who Hates You
FOUND by Tim Mcilrath
in Seattle, Washington
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
this is a nice reminder that no matter what you drive (car SUV or truck) you are hated if you do stupid stuff. so if you think that just because you drive a little car that doesn't take up much space, don't be an idiot and do stupid stuff.
two scenarios:
1.person is driving around trying to find a parking space and notices the asshole who took up the spaces, and is really riled up. furiously, the person runs up stairs, types up the above letter, prints it out, rips it from the printer, and places it on the windshield of the asshole's car.
2. person understands the asshole parking situation happens frequently so he/she keeps a stack of these letters printed out in his/her car and places them accordingly.
I love this note for coining the phrase, "shit-pig express" I wish I could fit this on my licence plate....
Okay, they took the time to type this up and print it out! I mean, the sentiment is heartfelt- but it would seem so much more at home scrawled out on notebook paper. This definately looks pre-meditated, and due to the specifics, and notsomuch a form letter. Excellent command of language.
Gonad cancer. Nice one.
And they go as far as top throw in some sweet voodoo in the P.S.
the gonad curse will only work if it is, in deed, a male who is the aforementioned shit sucking asswipe. Perhaps a more gender neurtal anatomical curse would have been better utilized here.
I kind of want to print out a lot of copies of this note. That way if the opportunity presents itself/I'm in the right mood, no car will be safe from my wrath.
I do believe gonads are gender neutral. Men just refer to their 'nads more often... Anyhoo, the letter is great.
I would venture to guess that this was left for a driver of a transit bus, who picked the wrong place to park his vehicle during a strike. Note the "bad passengers" comment and the infered large size of the vehicle.
My favorite moment: when the author calls the parking space nazi a "shit-sucking asswipe" Suprised no one has mentioned it yet.
shit-pig express is truly a gem. obviously this person has some built up hostility. i wonder if the person types up different notes for every situation that pisses them off?
I really need to copy this! I like the not so violent form of road rage!
LoL. My mom used to hand things like this out.
tim mcilrath
as in
Rise Against??!?!
sweet
Yeah, I wondered about Tim McIlrath too. Glad to see someone else out there recognized the name. I wonder......
Tim McIlrath / Rise Against?
confirmed! We love those guys.
wow...pure hatred. and i love it
Ha ha! Hilarious! This note makes me SO glad I quit bus driving. I trained, tested, and worked hard only to be treated like scum - just for doing my job. (For the record, even if striking, I'd have at least parked legally.)
Ahhh, this just made my day!
That's great!! They should sell those as stocking stuffers...
This amazing. I'm starting to wonder if my best friend wrote it...hmm...
I like Tracy's second scenario. That it is one of many such letters... priceless. I'm so going to use the priceless gems from this letter at the people who piss me off!
hahahaha, i can't stop laughing.
shitpig express is genius and shit-sucking asswipe is nothing short of extraordinary.
i'm definitely saving this and giving it to someone.
Hysterical!
It reminds me of the diatribe Chevy Chase goes into in the "Vacation" Christmas movie:
I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
Priceless...
Did they actually go home and type this letter out,then deliver it ?You'd think that would have been enough time to cool off.If it were me who got that note,I'd never park like that again!!Alot of rage there.
Did someone actually go home to write this out and then come back to put it on the car? I would think in that time they would have cooled off a bit.Notice that it's been torn twice and taped back together.Geeze..mellow out.
my friend's father got a note like this superglued to his windshield when he had to race to the emergency room in the middle of the night (he's a doctor) and he parked his car before the snow was plowed or anyone else was parked. He came out 24 hours later and discovered that he had parked very badly, and apparently pissed someone off.
i think someone needs a hug...
What's sad is they actually took the time to type and print this out. Do they keep a stack of these in their car or something?! Funny stuff. :-)
I wish people would confront others using this type of language face-to-face when someone does something shitty. I wish I could be the type of person to confront all those inconsiderate bastards that think only of theselves every single day...especially on the TTC! Damn you!
This reminds me of a diatribe I once saw Hank Rollins go on. He got to the point that he was more spitting than speaking.
Maybe he lived in a building whee he could look out the window at this bus parked right there for days. I don't think he neccessarily went home to type this up. I think he already WAS home. If I was the bus driver, I'd look around at the buildings near the bus to make sure there weren't any snipers lurking...
PS Googled Tim McIlrath having never heard of him before. Nice on the vegetarianism and animal activism. Appreciate it, mate.
All you SHITSUCKING ASSWIPES that drive those little 4wheelers and think that you own your pissy pathetic little lives need to get a life and understand that sooner or later life is going to take a giant shit on you. DEAL WITH IT!!!!
Didn't Shakespeare also have something as equally (yet a little olde) awesome in "King Lear"? I don't remember exactly what it was but it had to do with bastardly things. Good ol' Willy.
hey ron chill out man! i take it your a cyclist?
if your life is being shat on dont take it out on us! or ill throw a stick in your spokes. with an afixed letter similar to the one above :)
good find though, might do a bit of shit parking myself one day, see if i get one :P
This reminds me of some "business cards" a friend carries. 1 says, "You are cordially invited to go screw yourself" and 2 says "Were you forced to park like this, or are you an SOB by nature?" They're on pale pink or blue cards, with little twee flowers and birds around the edge and he hands them out to whoever he feels needs one...for the parking situations he leaves them under the windscreen blades.
Don't leave a note.
Carry a spray can of paint!
So many things went through my mind when I read this. This may be the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I have since printed it out, and made copies - I now wait for the day that I can use it. Coming from NY, I have run into many shit sucking asswipes that deserved that note. I say kudos to the author!
this one used to have my old address and phone on it (with my name). bummed that you guys cropped it out. BRING IT BACK!
You know, the funny thing is is that my mom's old jerk ass co worker used to do things like this. He kept a whole stack of nasty notes in his car so when he saw stuff like that he would pull one out and place it on their wind shield. I wonder if this is one of his. I'll ask my mom.
The note is too well considered to have been written immediately. Also good grammar, use of words like 'rendered' 'having found themselves' etc seem to indicate the message was written later, after being angered by this situation.
Ive heard of people sticking notes like this to people that park in handicapped spots that aren't handicapped. They kind of go like this "I hope this note inconveniences you as much as much as you have inconvenienced me." and the notes were attached to the front of the windshield... with glue.
This morning, actually, some asshole in a pickup truck was parked diagonally in the downtown parking garage, taking up <i>three</i> spaces. I really considered stopping and writing him a nasty note, but I couldn't find a pen fast enough and I was late for work, so I let it slide.
If only I had had a copy of this little beauty! The rights of the common man would have been avenged!
I hope you get gonad cancer! hahahahaha. I love it when people write angry.
Someone I know keeps a stack of the following notes in his car to stick on unauthorized cars in handicapped spaces (he is disabled himself):
"Besides being an asshole, what exactly is your handicap?"
Such a wonderful command of the English language and I'm also amazed at the endurance of anger. Must be a great life Tim lives......I wonder if his smile ever reaches his eyes...
Seattle parking IS at a premium.
Was it found on Rage Against's tour bus or something? I really have to wonder. I don't think this is a generic note that the author keeps a stack of in his/her car for fun occasional use.. not with those specific references. (transit strike, blocked in cars.)
Wow, the author of this note sounds like a very nice person.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who leaves notes on cars! Although mine are hand-written and probably not as entertaining. My daughters are always mortified when I leave one! I can definitely relate to the anger- you really feel much better after you've left the note!!
I think the fact that this was found by a musician, and the fact that passengers are referred to, means that this note was indeed left on the windshield of the tourbus. I love it!
Too funny. Wish the person had taken and photo and posted it to the gallery at http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/
This is a effing masterpiece.
'scuse me...AN effing masterpiece.
Shit-pig Express.
Wish I'd thought of that! Laughed out loud, must remember to use it. Fabulous angry genius.
I am SO happy about this! I like to leave notes on people's cars when they take up more than one space in parking lots, although my notes aren't really hate-filled. I usually try to point out that in the absence of that being the car of a Nobel laureate, or something, that they are only just as important as every other single car in the lot and to try not to be such a selfish prig next time. I'm not the only one, AND I'm totally being outdone! I will have to up my game, I guess
I hate driving in seattle. That alone will cause you to write a letter like that. I love it!!!
I would like to hire this individual as my attorney. S/he is a wordsmith.
I posted a similar note on a van that was continually taking up two spaces in our overcrowded over priced parking garage. Went something like this:
"I've noticed you park here most every day. And most every day you are unable to stay within the lines, thereby making it extremely difficult for anyone to park to the left of you. You're probably the type who would raise hell if someone opened their car door on yours, even though you've left room for no more than a skeleton to safely exit on the passenger side of the car to your left. News Flash: Not eveyone who parks here is anorexic and contortionist. Do us all a favor and try staying within your own space, it's bad enough we have to pay $22 to park here, we shouldnt have to put up with your big green obnoxious ass getting two spaces for the price of one."
When I lived in Florida I had little "business cards" printed up with Mickey Mouse giving 'the finger'. He was holding a little placard that said:
"Hey Asshole,
Thanks for parking so close. Next time leave a fucking can opener so I can get back in my car."
I now realize that while creative for a 16 year old, I, like Teeeeekay, need to up my game! This note is purely inspired. Thank you to whomever wrote for coining the phrase "shit-pig express". I am currently a school bus driver and would give my left gonad (if I had one, but I don't, I'm a girl) to find some way to make a custom plate with that on it for my school bus. How very very fitting.
Why does everyone think that only males have gonads??????? Gonads are sex organs.... you have them if you have ovaries ladies.... Just FYI.
I lobe how "Someone who hates you" had enough time to type this up...
isn't shit-sucking asswipe kind of redundant?
Lizard, this does remind me of Shakespeare, only because my teacher a couple years ago gave us a Shakespearean insult generator-type thing. We all got a piece of paper with three columns: two for adjectives (some of the best were flirt-gill and fen-sucked) and one for nouns (foot-licker, fustilarian, harpy) and he had us do an insult contest, boys vs. girls, using the paper. The most interesting insults I've ever heard came forth that day. "Thou art a pox-faced prick-eared rogue!" There are a couple good ones online, actually...
http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/a1-shake
i hate driving in seattle.
i've gotta say, this really really sounds like someone i know wrote it. the offbeat curses, the sign-off, even the fact that it is typed out and obviously proofread...haha
I love this. LOVE THIS. Some people just need to get told, and this is clearly the way to do it. To complete the effect, I'd combine this note with http://youparklikeanasshole.com/ .
Awesome.
This made my day!
LOL! Sincerely, Someone who hates you -- best line ever!
What a great rage! When people act like ignorant jerks they should be told, and shitpig express is just delicious, love it.
did tim find that on their tour bus or something? that's so funny... wow. what a brave person not even putting a name... talk about an asshole... poor tim. this is pretty funny though
This is hilarious! Also, omg rise against <333
When I get down, I just imagine the SHITPIG-EXPRESS barreling down the middle of the road, snorting and trailing clouds of hog manure aroma.
haha, i think it's funny that this person had time to go home and type up this note instead of just writing it.
Love it! My favorite part is "Sincerely"
Wishing gonad cancer on someone is one thing, but wishing driving stress on them is just over the line.
Ang in the Midwest is right. Chevy's rant is right up there with Jack Nicholson's in A Few Good Men.
I love this note SO MUCH!!! :-D