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October 02, 2008 |
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A Big Beef
FOUND by James Piett
in Emerson, Manitoba, Canada
This note was folded up and stuffed under the door of our house. We don't own a dog.
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Rabbit May 31, 2007 |
Believe That October 29, 2005 |
Alterations in... May 18, 2003 |
Hangman September 05, 2004 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Any guesses as to the age of the writer? I say female, mid 50s. Strange that she uses the word 'waste' three times before she decides to take it up a notch.
I have to say it's the most polite nastygram I've ever read, missing punctuation aside.
Yours truly,
Nothing like going to see your Mom's grave six months after her funeral to find a big steaming pile of crap on it.
People are so disrespectful.
:(
stepping in dog crap is right up there with biggest bummers ever (you know, garden variety bummers, not tragedies or crises)
It's fascinating to see strangers' handwriting. What stands out in this example is the wildly uneven line spacing and the unnecessary lead-in strokes at the beginning of words. Not to mention the sloppy grammar, punctuation and spelling ('lease' for 'leash'), and the crazy-looking capitalization.
I think the writer is a male who tries to project an image of control and superiority, but whose anger ('shit') and obsessiveness break through the surface, often unnerving those who encounter him. Does John McCain own a home in Emerson?
.." a big beef" sorry but after yesterday's Finds of the Day, I'm a freakin' vegetarian.
my favorite: "KEEP YOUR DOGS ON A LEASE". anybody want to rent instead of owning?
he was talking about your mom.
mystery solved. ;)
"I don't like walking in YOUR animal waste."
aside from that, the most entertaining line in the whole thing, the only thing that sparks a response in me is the grave misuse and abuse of apostrophes it's ... alarming and sickening.
@man behind the curtain:
And keep your dog out of my garden!
"Yours truly"...who? Not brave enough to sign it. Gold medal for passive-agression with a special mention for nasty-nice cowardice and unique spelling.
Reminds me strongly of a Find last year, someone complaining about people making fires on the beach and not helping the writer clip the grass around the picnic tables.
I don't hold with people leaving animal droppings behind them, but no one likes a self-elected hall monitor who leaves anonymous screeds at the wrong house.
It would be marvellous to find out who the writer is, where they live, and then Nicky-Nicky Ninedoors them all afternoon and into the night. Alternately, wire their doorbell so that everyone someone rings it, it barks at them.
Whoa there. I've had a whole different conception of the function of a "doggie bag." You won't find me asking for one any more.
@ baby basil ... "Nicky-Nicky Ninedoors"???
No, dear finder, you just THINK you don't own a dog.
We got an anonymous letter like this once, only much more angry and threatening, about "constant dogs barking". It was taped to our door, and at the time, we had no dogs. Then a couple of days later, there was a note on our door from Animal Control, with a "notice" that we needed to keep our dogs quiet, as someone had complained.
Sounds like an irresponsible dog owner!
When I saw her sentence "I don't like walking in your animal waste..", I just picture her walking and purposely stepping in animal waste. Like "oooh here's another warm steamy pile!" and then jumps to it!
HAHA
i think the person writing this note is spanish and writing to a person they call "Big Beef" like "To Big Beef"...the way you say "to" in spanish is "a" that's the first thing that came to my mind...
and Librarian..i was thinking the same thing! a whole new meaning
You should submit this to Passive Aggressive Notes:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
I have to wonder about the people's lives who leave notes like this. In general, these are the people who do the "tight-assed white man's walk." I feel sorry for people like this 'cuz it sure must suck to be wound up that tight. Not to mention their daily lives are as dry as a crumbly white dog turd that's been out three weeks in the July sun.
@Methusela you called it on that crazy lead-in stroke.
But on another note, I'm obligated to say only disrespectful jerks let their dogs poo on toombstones.
The piles of waste found on the headstones are probably not dog waste, but racoon waste. Racoons are known to "go" on rocks, especially ones that are elevated. A headstone fits this description perfectly. Dogs vastly prefer a grassy area.
I agree with Soz in UK. Passive Aggressive Notes would LOVE this!
Yeah, well, keep your graves out of my dog-walking area!
Not that I own a dog.
This note is one example of the reason I can't stand cursive writing and why I don't care if my own kids ever learn it. It took me 10 times longer to read it than it should have. Well, I suppose wrong spelling, excessive capitalization, and punctuation abuse had something to do with that too. I have a Big Beef with this individual's writing skills.
yours truly
Maybe it was left on someone else's door, orignially, but the intended recipient tried to return it to the anonymous writer (as in saying, "I got your note, but I don't care, so don't leave trash on my door,") but got the wrong sender. Watch out, James Piett, this could be one step before a flaming bag of dog "waste" on your doorstep.
This handwriting looks a lot like my mother-in-law's, who is 71. I think this was written by a lady around that age who was taught penmanship at an all girls school and at secretarial college. She is being very intolerant about someone taking their dog to the park. I agree that people should clean up after their dogs and keep them on a leash, but they don't have to keep them out of the park. The graveyard yes, but not the park.
@Melanie - dang, what were y'all doin in there?
I hate the terms "waste," "stool," and "feces"; as opposed to the far less formal crap, shit, dung, poop, etc.
"Droppings" is another one that mildly annoys me.
Sadly, finder, you are mistaken. You DO have a dog.
Yours Truly.
I think the writer is crazy.
Crazy as dog shit, to be more precise.
jdurley in Toronto:
No shit? I never knew that about raccoons.
This is so typically passive-aggressive Canadian. Finally a 'Find' from my home Province.
Ewwww yeah I agree I don't wanna be walking in doggy poo :( Gross
But why is it that people don't check to make sure they have the right door before they slip it under? Especially if its a rude one, or asking someone out lol hmmmmmmm
CuriousKat:
No shit. Apparently, raccoon feces contain roundworm larvae that can cause serious human illness. After a sad case involving a child in Toronto, there was a public awareness campaign regarding the safe disposal of raccoon droppings. That's how I found out that they like to leave their droppings on rocks, decks, sidewalks, etc. Perhaps it is territorial behaviour.
It is indeed territorial behaviour, just as other animals pee to mark their territory. I just found out that there are more raccoons living in downtown Toronto than people. Wow.
@Librarian, "Nicky Nicky Ninedoors" is otherwise known as "doorbell ditching." YouTube it.
When I was growing up my nasty neighbour who was always hollering about calling the police on anyone who did anything she didn't like (such as walking barefoot past her house) used to take her dog to my mother's yard at night and let it do its business on our grass. Nice. We always had at least one dog, I suppose she figured we wouldn't know it wasn't our dog's dirt. But our dogs were always way bigger than her crossgrained poodle, and as such had bigger piles.
She seemed to think it was OK to do that.
The day the police stopped taking her calls was the day that she was found dancing naked in the moonlight in the public park. At over 60.
How about the neighbor's damn cat who comes over and digs and shits in my garden.
Can I slip a note under their door??
Last year, I would walk my daughter to and from school every day. It's about two and half miles each way. Once we would reach about the start of the second mile, that's when the dog shit on the sidewalk would start. There was dog shit on the sidewalk, not just like it was an isolated incident, there would be shit all the way to the school. On the sidewalk, in the grass. There was always a lot of it in the grass in front an apartment complex we would pass and I don't think they even have dogs there.
It was shameful.
And the people who live in that area are white, middle class, suburban types. But I just call them, the nasty fuckers. Somebody should put notes under their doors.
I like the single use of "shit".
While you are at it, please keep your dog from barking incessantly.....truly, you can control that, you inconsiderate SOB.
jdurley in Toronto:
So were the fine folks of Toronto able to train those raccoons to properly clean up after themselves and dispose of their waste like good little raccoons should?
Speaking of shit, it pleases me to say that...
Wikipedia says "Shit is one of the most- if not the most- functionally diverse words in the english language, and is also one of the most frequently used nouns. In its literal meaning, it is usually considered a vulgar word (swear word) in Modern English. As a noun it refers to fecal matter (excrement) and as a verb it means to defecate or defecate in; in the plural ("the shits") it means diarrhea. As a slang term, it can mean nonsense, foolishness or something of little value; trivial and usually boastful or inaccurate talk, or a contemptible person. To shit, in slang, is to talk nonsense to, or to attempt to deceive."
In American Sign Language, the sign for shit, feces, b.m., scat, etc, are all the same.
No shit.
Take a shit.
Give a shit.
Shit fit.
The shit hit the fan.
Tastes like shit.
Smells like shit.
It's a bunch of shit.
What I want to know is, where's the beef?
Ahh...the beef...seems there was too much protest yesterday about that...
I wish you people would quit saying Big Beef. Now I want Arby's.
We had a dog in my old neighborhood who always crapped in the road. We called him the Street Shitter. It was so strange. Never on the sidewalk and never on the grass. Always, always on the asphalt (assphalt?).
I must be getting older...I can't get used to young folks (like middle school) using the expression "This or that is the shit!" to mean "very good." Particularly when talking about food. When I was a young Womble, if something was shit it was really, really bad. As in a pile of shit.
But then in French "shit" means "hashish" so whatever, I guess.
I will now return underground...LOL
Here in Florida, Racoons eat/poop in the water, i.e. in our pools, requiring them to be sanitized after the incident.
CuriousKat:
I wish! No, we are sadly at the mercy of these garbage-marauding, attic-nesting, pond-fish eating, deck-shitting creatures.
All the comments reminded me of a little story. My husband and I were attempting to make gingerbread one night years ago and the dough was not right. We decided to toss it when we realized it looked like poop. So we molded some classic poop sculptures and then took it over to our closest friends house a few blocks away. We left the poop molds, that were various size and shapes on their porch with a note that read, "Keep your beeping dogs out of our yard! PS: Santa hates you." Apparently, when they got home the husband was so pissed he was about to go over to the neighbors house to see what was up. LOLOL!!! Then, the wife noticed that the poop seemed a little off...she is a vet tech. She then figured out it was us immediately.
The next day she brought the biggest one with her and put it in the cage of a tiny dog and started screaming for her co workers to look at the HUGE turd this tiny dog laid. The fun kept going....
I concure with JDURLEY- Them Raccoons are something special, aren't they? Always in our garbage, and shitting on our deck, too. Tons of them here, in T.O. and Skunks, as well.
Love this FIND! The author is so piognant in her speaking and writing...(shudder!)
Creepy...had to say it. Leaving the note where it doesn't belong and such.
http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/2100
This is the Find that today's find made me think of, though the previous one is typewritten. I would love to compare handwriting...I bet it's similar. Tiny, careful cursive is usually caused by having a stick up one's butt.
I used to have parakeets as pets and i kept them on my back patio year round (it's so.fla. we don't have seasons). Someone "egged" my screened patio as an "eff you and your birds" type message. a day or 2 later a note appeared on our door saying that someone nearby works nights and that the birds disturbed their sleep during the day...never found out who it was...
I see this being an older woman who had lived in this area for a very long time and has certain "ownership" for the neighborhood. She's the one a few houses down that see's everything and says little, unless you've also been there for at least twenty years. Then you get the dirty scoop on all the "newbies"!
Must be an older lady, handwriting looks like my grandma's and only older people write capitol E's all swirley like that.
I love how she's so polite in the beginning and you can see her get madder and madder until she lets loose with "shit" which in her book is probably the epitome of a "dirty word". Lol, love it!
James, I guess the person who wrote this note just ASSUMED that you have a dog. James, why are you pooping on people's headstones?