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September 02, 2008 |
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Time to Take This to the Next Level
FOUND by Becca Chambers
in Lawrence, Kansas
I found this contract in a classroom on the KU campus.
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Paper Can't Win August 10, 2007 |
Harry Potter Bong January 13, 2007 |
Pearl? September 01, 2006 |
Super Amy October 28, 2006 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
oh, the poor glaucoma/chemotherapy patient ...
Since when is the "next level" a deal with satan. The person goes from having no control to making a written contract punishable by hell?
I wouldn't want to be around after the wedding (well, maybe as a fly on the wall, but certainly not in the wedding party). This person is totally gonna cut loose at the reception.
This is very interesting because just a few days ago I went to a workshop about motivating students and they talked about certain stages everyone has to go through to actually change. I think there are 6 or 7 stages (gotta check my notes). But anyway, I think the writer of this note has not yet passed all the stages.. he's trying to jump right into the change. Which means he probably won't be successful. Anyhoo I do believe that for some people, smoking marijuana is ALWAYS necessary.. hmmm..
..and by the way, my spam question's answer was 420.. hmmmm...
that signature line is long. i like it, since all the ones i have to use are inevitably too short.
i like to use up as much of a signature line as i can. If its a short line, i just smooze over most of the letters in my name.
do people find that contracts with themselves actually work? i find that its just as easy to lie to yourself on paper, as it is in your head.
"smoking marijuana is allowed when necessary" makes me laugh. exactly when exactly is it "Necessary"?
and if someone has that little control over them self and their vices, then I highly doubt a little piece of paper is going to make any difference. even with a self imposed threat of hell.
AND the person didn't even sign it! there's no way this contract will hold up in a court of law OR court of hell, now.
@Mona; contracts with ones self only work if you're willing to sue yourself for breach of contract. which few people are willing to do. it's a very time consuming and costly process that rarely pays off in the end.
kindly ignore the superfluous "exactly" in the above post
Oh, but it's not a self-imposed threat, my dear Monkey.
In my experience, deals with one's self are just a set up for a larger fall with more wide ranging consequences, ie increased self loathing. Usually the best way to accomplish something is to stop talking/writing about it.
I MAY ONLY HAVE ONE BEER -- but then again, I may have several more if necessary.
Presumably to be valid this contract must be countersigned by the Devil.
...because, ya know, when someone has a problem with drinking, just one beer doesn't really count.
I also have a problem with following through on things and won't sign this contract. (Does that mean the wedding is off? No "wedding," more "weed-ing"!!)
If this is a pre-nup it will never hold up in court.
quit drinking = NO beer
cold turkey works best when you don't cheat
Jesus: Well, I was gonna let you in, but you said you'd like to be condemned to hell if you had more than one beer, or smoked more pot than was necessary.
Guy: aw nuts.
... and tobacco smoking is okay with you? Maybe just one cigarette, when necessary, that is?
True dat, monkey. I wonder if Judge Judy would preside over such a case?
I think i'll sue my mother instead, cuz she didn't help me reach my full potential. Or maybe cuz i reached too much potential.
I think i'll have another glass of wine. It's necessary. Don't nag me.
Remember kids, next time you want to spark up, stop, ask yourself: IS THIS <b>RECREATIONAL</b> DRUG REALLY NECESSARY RIGHT NOW?
I wonder whose wedding they are referring to? I hope not their own. The poor spouse thinks they are getting a cleaned up version of their partner who is really working to change their life, but in reality it was just a short term contract to get them past the wedding date.
I, too, like the "when necessary" marijuana smoking comment.
All in all I'd say it sounds like a pretty weak contract. They're only making themselves behave until after the wedding. However- until then they're still letting themselves have the freedom to go out and drink and smoke marijuana in moderation. If they haven't been able to use will power to reel those in before, a flimsy contract won't change that.
I love how the contract isn't even signed!
If I go out and come in, go out and come in, and go out again - may I have THREE BEERS?
After the wedding, once the other wedding and this other thing and that one other event are all out of the way. Then I'll do it.
Good question, Librarian. the time span between beers needs to be determined. That's a definite loophole. You can have as many beers as you want it seems. Perhaps it could be construed as one beer 'at a time', even.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
I'm not gonna lie. This person is fucked. I cant articulate the amount of times I have gone through this same delusion. And who wants to drink /one/ beer anyways.
Is marijuana ever necessary?
Another loophole: notice there's no specified limitation on the SIZE of the one beer allowed.
What about cigarettes? Major loophole with that one. He never expressly said NO smoking cigarettes. I think if he gives up drinking, he'll have black lungs within the year. Sad really.. He's turned to the devil as punishment, without praying for the good.
It's unclear if the person who wrote this contract is the same person supposed to sign it or if was meant to be presented to another unsuspecting party. Imagine ... just weeks before the big wedding and friends invite you over. Turns out it's a big intervention and some contract is foisted at you. "Sign this, you drunken, weed-smoking fat loser. We love you and you need help!"
I hope the person stormed out and is drinking a beer now, happy and friendless.
Compared to most of the finds, this one uses relatively good grammar and spelling (until "signiture") which just goes to show...
Marijuana makes you smart.
When I first started reading this, I said,"Hey! That's me!!". Then blew it with the wedding and weeding.
The only people who can have one beer are people who don't like the taste of beer and who don't like being drunk.
This makes me very thirsty.
Okay this concerns me on several levels. A deal with the devil really? This is the best solution.. maybe they did not see the last episode of supernatural.. it didnt go so well for Dean. And Weed only when necessary?? Health issues maybe but im thinking not.. so when is weed necessary.. probably want some more specific boundaries than that.. and whats the deal with the big day? Why does the wedding suddenly make it okay to start drinking again.. hmm interesting find
I'm adding the "when necessary, but limited" clause into all my future contracts.
When you make a deal with the devil, be sure to leave yourself an out. That’s some great pot-induced logic and planning.
This reminds me of a shot glass I own: "I smoke pot to forget my drinking problem!"
And yes, marijuana is often necessary. Very often.
This contract was written while the writer was high/drunk.
I do the same, only with food. After eating stuff I know I should stay away from, I vow I will start a diet the VERY NEXT DAY! (really). Never do, but I understand the compulsion.
Poor thing..and condemning themselves to hell.
I suggest that this person is in denial about an upcoming marriage and really, really does not want to get married, thus the out of control life.
Since the date is 2007, I wonder how it all turned out.
This cracks me up. I know many people in Lawrence who could have written this contract, but it's unlikely they would have left it in a classroom, as they stopped going years ago.
I can kind of identify with it. There was a point in my life where I thought weed was nessasary. I was having terrifying panic attacks and weed actually helped calm me down and keep me steady. Of course I probably could have used a big dose of therapy instead, but I found my own way. Now no more panic attacks and no more drugs. Yay satan!
One beer may be enough, depending on the beer brand.
sounds just like what i thought before i'd load up a fresh shot of heroin.
toooo funny, I am a KU grad, lol. not surprised shes planning a wedding and monitering her pot intake. Could've been me 22 years ago.
Rock chalk baby! Love it (: