September 26, 2008

Never - Ever
FOUND by Mallie in Orlando, Florida
I found this under a tree in the park next to my condo. We have alot of older people who live in the complex, and I have wondered every day if it may belong to one of them. I see one particular woman who sits by the window day-in and day-out. I know she has a son who lives with her but he is never there, and I never see him leave with her. I hope this isn't hers. I am still haunted by what I found.
the man behind the curtain in oz
Brrrr ... is it cold in here, or is it just me. I was thinking the non-smiley face looks like a snowman. I don't the the artist/author would be capable of drawing anything warmer.
+ September 26, 2008 12:21 AM +
Geek NOT in my mom's basement
'man behind the curtain' I agree with the snowman theory. If only the hold slip was bigger we could see the rest of the snowman. The non-smiley face is awesome. Not as awesome as Bunnee, of course, but few things are.
+ September 26, 2008 12:26 AM +
Gloria in excelsis deo
@Geek, man

Bunnee remains, to this day, my all-time favorite and maybe unsurpassable Find.

Yet the Unsmiling Face stares out at me with those unblinking, unafraid, and understanding eyes.
+ September 26, 2008 01:11 AM +
Christina in Illinois
Why is this titled "Never-Ever?" I'm not fully convinced this description goes with this find.
+ September 26, 2008 01:28 AM +
baby basil in the herb garden
Jeeeeez. Harsh! The writer has never heard of the law of returns, ie karma, ie "what goes around comes around."

This is the sort of person who enjoys uncurling your fingers from the raft you are clinging to, in hopes of watching you drown. And THEN they will feel justified in condemning you for not knowing how to swim.
(BTW, they're sitting on the life preserver. Why not? It's so comfy.)
+ September 26, 2008 02:17 AM +
star in the purple sky
Is it just me who feels like this was written by 'Alex' to him/herself?

Or is it just me who writes notes to themself??
+ September 26, 2008 04:08 AM +
Farmer in In The Dell
The unsmiling snowman reminds me that the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.
+ September 26, 2008 04:21 AM +
Carla Sue in Indiana
ouchie. My goal in life to never get one of these notes. Hug, anyone?
+ September 26, 2008 04:31 AM +
Geek NOT in my mom's basement
I keep thinking this would be the perfect follow-up to a bad pickup line:
"If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"
"No"
"But I have this slip..."
+ September 26, 2008 04:55 AM +
Librarian in the woodwork
I once had a spouse who could have written this. And, before you ask, the problem was with my spouse, not me (current spouse and I hold each other lovingly all the time).

That said, did Alex DO or SAY something that caused the writer to write this note? Is he just way too clingy? Or is he way too cold? What could have brought this about? In other words, does Alex keep a messy house?
+ September 26, 2008 06:34 AM +
Vill in .
Well that's not close at all to having somebody to hold you. That sucks.
+ September 26, 2008 06:50 AM +
Athena in Calif
Clearly not the hand-writing of an old woman. It is however, the writing of an un-happy person :(
+ September 26, 2008 07:22 AM +
A girl in a cube
I guess I'm the only one who thinks this is a funny joke that's meant to cheer someone up.

Alex was off to football camp. He was a little nervous about spending a long weekend with all the upperclassmen football players, and, never having been away from home for that long, worried that he might get a little homesick. He confessed his fears to his godmother, who thought that this joking note might bring a smile to his face. Too bad he lost it while throwing the football around in the park.
+ September 26, 2008 07:31 AM +
Night in gale
I don't wear slips. Wonder where I can get a "HOLD BRA" note.
+ September 26, 2008 07:33 AM +
grumpy in the morning
Athena got that right; that's young woman handwriting, and I'd bet the rent on it.

Perhaps a bad case of B.O. is Alex's problem.
+ September 26, 2008 07:34 AM +
fooch in Down The Rabbit Hole
Thanks, Girl in a Cube. I was looking for the upside of this find, since it is early and who wants to start the day with "Downer Debbie?"
+ September 26, 2008 08:08 AM +
Myrna in Greenville
Perhaps Alex didnt want to hold this said person because they had bad BO and so they got mad at Alex and gave him this note strictly out of bitter anger. That's my guess.
Poor Alex, maybe he'll get a hug from the old lady...if he still hangs around that area the note was found.
+ September 26, 2008 08:15 AM +
alyssa in flo rida
:( if alex is a boy, i would hold him :(
+ September 26, 2008 08:24 AM +
indianapolis in diana
why are you all changing this...it is obviously a literal statement. it's from his recent ex girlfriend and she wants to make him feel bad. HELLO
+ September 26, 2008 08:37 AM +
lawndude in nc
I keep coming back for that icy, dead-on stare of the indifferent face. This is one badass of a find!
+ September 26, 2008 08:44 AM +
Geek NOT in my mom's basement
@Night in Gale: Three comments later I got your joke. Nice.

@lawndude: You're right. I wish I could make that face. People would tremble in fear.
+ September 26, 2008 08:48 AM +
alan goes "pting" in Joe Strummer's head
This is not valid because she did not fill in 'Today's Date.'
+ September 26, 2008 08:58 AM +
Librarian in the woodwork
Sounds to me like Alex isn't going to get a date, not today, not never.
+ September 26, 2008 09:47 AM +
Holly the Homemaker in Toronto

@ NIGHT- You're a laugh and a half!!! Great joke!

My Gramps gives the BEST, giant, warm, loving and welcoming hugs...ever! And he's 96. He's Tall, and built like a *sh*t-brickhouse*!

I love hugs...better than kisses!

No body should be deprived of *Huggables*!
+ September 26, 2008 09:55 AM +
Feminista in in Sacramento
Oooh snap! That is rough.
+ September 26, 2008 10:26 AM +
Small town girl in the windy city fighting a cold
Ouch... I would officially call that a burn.

@Farmer
Your comment got me thinking. I had never spent time to actually contemplate the opposite of love, but indifference makes so much sense.

Maybe it's the fever talking. Eep.
+ September 26, 2008 01:12 PM +
Small town girl in the windy city being forgetful
Forgot to add this in...

The writer of this message, though cruel/bitter, gets some credit for being creative with her attitude. I felt bad for Alex, but I also had a moment of "Haha, interesting use of a hold slip!"

Plus the face is priceless.
+ September 26, 2008 01:15 PM +
Flargy in New Haven, CT
Send-off note to prison-bound boyfriend. Alex better hope there's nobody holding him for the next 36-72 months.
+ September 26, 2008 01:59 PM +
Cowering in the corner because I'm a bad girl.
I think it's the actual "hold slip" thing that's throwing you all off. Clever of her, but the writer should have just gone ahead and handed him this note on a "Guilt Trip" slip.
+ September 26, 2008 02:19 PM +
Sammy Davis Junior Jr
Love this! The sarcasm is great! "Alex, you are a loser!"

Oh wait...what if he has leperosy? oops..maybe I shouldn't be so gleeful..who wants to hold a leper?

+ September 26, 2008 03:04 PM +
Dess in the ATL
That face is just scary.
Who knew that a circle, three dots, and a line could make a person wish for their mommie.
+ September 26, 2008 03:20 PM +
cassisu in the gray, shivering
Somewhere in the speakers above me, the Beatles have been singing "You've got to hide your love away."

Alex was the name of my first ex, and this is a woman's handwriting; I can't help but picture him as the recipient. I wouldn't have ever said it to him, but it seems to fit alarmingly well. Yes, it's cold in here.
--That little face is the stare of someone who no longer cares at all: think Rhett Butler at the end of the book, Gone with the Wind. Like, "It's over. I'm too tired to be sorry. Goodbye." Brrrrr.
+ September 26, 2008 03:43 PM +
Smallbear in the Cave
I don't want a Hold Slip, can I get a Kiss (until you pass out from lack of oxygen) Slip?
+ September 26, 2008 04:47 PM +
brain problem situation in my head
Reminds me of an Industrial Strength Asshole that I was with for WAY too long. He actually told me that I told him "I Love You" too often. I mainly said it when he left the house or when we hung up the phone, before bed, you know courtesy... I told him one day he was going to be all alone, sitting in a dark room, one sad sack of shit, after he'd driven absolutely everyone in his life away, and there would be no one to tell him that, and THEN he'd be sorry.

Similar message. Sometimes people really do deserve it.

I give her extra points for the indifference face.
+ September 26, 2008 05:31 PM +
Michelle looking at the ground in New York, NY
I feel like this is a note that an ex-girlfriend gave to her boyfriend to warn him that this will happen if he doesn't stop being so cold and awful to everyone. It has a sense of bitterness, but I feel pity more than anything else. I hope Alex at least had a chance to read this and one day heeds this advice before he ends up totally alone.
+ September 26, 2008 08:06 PM +
Just me in my house
Those are weird little tails on the ends of the words, all curled down like they are. They're like little faceless frowny mouths. I think the writer of this note is a sad person.
+ September 26, 2008 10:26 PM +
Lolita
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
+ September 26, 2008 11:22 PM +
Terrie-Is-So-Very in totally-unique-ville
I agree with star in the purple sky, I think this is really mean note to self. I don't know about Alex, but I would kick my ass if I wrote myself notes like that.
+ September 26, 2008 11:47 PM +
orinoco womble in wimbledon burrow
Such careful, elegant penmanship to be used on a recycled piece of scrap paper, which if you look top-right, had actually been used first to test the pen on. Such careful, elegant lettering for such an ugly sentiment.

Indifference is a killer. For evil to triumph, it is only needful that the good do nothing.

+ September 27, 2008 03:12 AM +
hilary in new haven
a friend in high school brought a kitten to school once. kept it in his jacket. one of his teachers who discovered the mewing little thing during class said, "well you'd better hold on to it. that's the closest you're ever gonna get to pussy."

+ October 02, 2008 08:23 AM +
Me in my spinny chair.
It's really weird. This looks like my mum's old handwriting, and she used to take care of this little boy named Alex. Coincidence.
+ October 03, 2008 07:37 PM +
another brick in the wall
How sad.

This uncompassionate person has lovely penmanship, however.
+ October 13, 2008 11:04 PM +

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