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January 05, 2009 |
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Get Me Some Hot Ass Food
FOUND by Jessica Lee Williamson
in Los Angeles, CA
I found at a park in Ventura. The spelling made me sad, but I have to admit that I have eaten at Old Country Buffet and, like Derrick, I found the experience to be extremely underwhelming.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
What is upp with this site over the last few days. Am I the only one to encounter problems?
Haha! I can just see this guy asking for hot ass food.
"What's wrong? Don't you speaking no england?"
Englard maybe? Regardless, the person who doesn't speak English is probably more literate in his native language than this one is in English. It's a grammar nazi's worst nightmare.
One period for all of this? Really?
"Get me some hot-ass food!"
"Wait a long-ass minute!"
The name at the top suggests that this is a homework assignment...but what did Teacher think of Derrick's desire for hot-ass food?
Or did he want food for his ass?
That's food for thought...
He likes Old Country Buffet *because* of the cold food, or because of the not very good food? Or just because he likes to complain?
As for the man who "did not no speaking England"...looks like Derrick could do with a little remedial England homework himself.
dear old country buffet i really hate when you not speak englard server served me cold ass food ill come back when your serving hot ass food.
wow........
Hey lawndude,
We had a little too much reddit/digg attention over the weekend, which tends to make things cuckoo-bananas for the site. Everything should be back to normal now-- hot ass FOUND servings twice a day!
Here's a piece of advice: when complaining about your food in a restaurant, it's probably not a good idea to request "hot ass" food.
Watch out...when this guy gets made, he gets even.
how did he know the man didn't speak england? Seems to me that you have to know the language yourself before you know if someone else doesn't know it.
You did not no writing England.
Why is "Ass" capitalized? Could it be an obscure country? Hot food from the land of Ass...
The food sucked when I when whit my brother too!
@ Foot ... based on the spelling in the rest of the letter it could be an abbreviation for "Asian".
Or maybe it's "Assyrian"?
Wait a minute ... maybe Derek the letter writer was really wasted away in Margaritaville and could no longer write coherently?
Any restaurant name that contains the word 'old'has got to suck.
Funny...every time I have went to Old Country Buffet the food did taste like ass minus the hot. Close enough
Time to embrace the horror and accept the demise of civilized society as we know it. The future will be filled with idiots and sheep...
I like that is was dated B-23-07
I really want to hit three out the four guys in the American apparel ad. Wonder if the Old Country is anything like Cracker Barrel.
No. Old Country Buffett has canned vegetables, bread, and hot lettuce for the salad on a buffett, along with a few pasta dishes and (amazingly) fantastic bread pudding.
A fun thing to do at OCB--go to the carving station and get some roast beef. When they say "Au Jus?" say "gesundheit"
I was at OCB with my new boyfriend once and lo and behold, here come his parents. I had no makeup and a horrible outfit on, NOT the time to meet the parents! I still married the guy anyway, even after that horrific experience. The OCB in my town has closed, a Buffalo Wild Wings went up in the same place. Not much improvement, IMO (just too loud inside for me, food is better, though).
I don't think this was all written by one person. The writing alternates between slanting forward, slanting backward, and perfectly upright.
Dear Derrick (and whatever other morons helped you write this non-letter),
Do you promise you'll come back when we have good food here at Old Country Buffet? If so, we will be sure to serve only the most putrid, inedible dreck imaginable from this day forward, to assure that you never grace us with your idiotic presence ever again.
By the way, you is not no speaking England neither, you fucking half-wit.
With Utmost Sincerity,
Old Country Buffet
I wonder when B-23 is. I want to know when the anniversary of this note is.
Dear Derrick,
Maybe I did not get you some hot ass food because IT'S A FUCKING BUFFET! You serve yourself, genius.
Also don't forget to sign your letters.
Sincerely,
No speaking England man
When people come to this coutry, they should learn to speaking England like the rest of us. That makes me so made.
I wonder if Old Country Buffet runs the show "Ow, My Balls!" all day.
Makes this teacher cringe.
What do you want for nothing? Rubber biscuits??
I think it is interesting that Derrick tried to correct his spelling (Buffet & lego shapes)and gave up, but he was determined to get hot Ass food.
We used to have an OCB in Muncie. I don't remember if the food was hot ass or not, but it sure was bland and nasty. As a rule, I hate buffets. The only exception I've found is this all vegetarian Indian place in Indianapolis.
If OCB played "Ow, My Balls!" all day, that would be a valid reason for me to go there.
@Flargy -- "...you fucking half-wit." Precious! It made me giggle.
BTW -- I've heard of Old Country Buffet but I've never heard of Old Coutry Buffet (look again folks). Derrick thought he was at OCB where they have hot Ass food. How embarrassing!
Come and listen to my story
'Bout a boy named Derrick
A poor little L.A. rube,
Barely kept his hisself fed.
And then one day
He was writin' 'bout some food,
And up through the lines came
a-bubblin' crude.
Poor englandish that is, black bold,
L.A dude.
Well the first thing you know
Ol' Derrick's at Old Country,
Bro-folk say Derrick
move away from there.
Said McDonald's the place you outta be.
So they loaded up the Low Rider
And they moved to Beverly.
Hills that is, Swimming pools, hot ass food.
Well now it's time to say
Goodby to Derrick and Old Country Buffet,
They would like to thank
You folks for kindly gluttonin'in
You're all invited back again to this eatry
To have a sloppin' heapin' helpin' of their hotasspitality.
Grammatically that is, write a spell, take your shoes off, and shirt off, an no service
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
He should have gotten a slice from Tony"s Pizza. It's the best place to eat in Ventura.
Two things:
1. Does this repeated use of OCB make any of you think of the Obsessive Compulsive Buffet? Or is just me?
2. Jimmy Buffet?
Warren Buffet?
Old Country Buffet?
There must be some connection between them. Or is my OCT (obsessive conspiracy theory) kicking in?
I hated this find when I first read it, it's depressing and ridiculous, but the comments are my favorite ever. You guys are the funniest...I'm laughing so hard. Thank you for the hot Ass, hilarious comments. Made my day.
It is no coincidence that Old Country Buffet is also where I find a lot of 'hot ass.'
Hall Monitor
http://detentionslip.org
I think we should give Derrick some credit. He DID catch two mistakes. You can tell by the lovely black-out technique he uses. I'd like to know what he scratched out. How bad must those mistakes have been?
Am I the only one who thinks the handwriting is a little too girlie for a "Derrick" and a little too neat for an idiot? I'm not one to trash another person's treasure, but I have to question the authenticity of this piece.
NJAM W-84-09
Dear Derrick,
I like your letter because it makes my eyes bleed. When I read it, I wanted to track you down and scream at you for your poor grammar and bad spelling. I don't think you are writing in English. I thank whatever that only some of my students write like you. When you improve your bad ass writing skills, I'll read more of your letters.
@ Librarian--there is a "Jimmy's Buffet" in Kill Devil Hills, NC--they serve lots of fried seafood. No joke. www.jimmysbuffetobx.com
@ Hiplainsdrifter--nice work!
DERRICK!!
I AM OLD COUNTRY BUFFET!!!!!!
YOU MADE THE FOOD COLD!! YOU MUST BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF THE OCB!!! SUSPEND YOUR NOTION OF HOT AND COLD, ICE CREAM AND CHICKEN!!!
THEY ARE ALL THE SAME HERE. THE FLAVOR IS IN YOU!!!!! ALL I MAKE IS MADE OF THE SAME MATERIAL. ONLY THE DISILLUSIONED PEOPLE CAN MAKE DUMPLINGS FROM DUMP!
I want to meet some one who speaks Englard. Although if Derrick himself is writing in Englard I will pass. I must admit OCB (@ Librarian It does remind me of that xD) does have some pretty nasty cold ass food. When will they learn that uneducated people just want some hot ass food?