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June 21, 2007 |
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Puppy Love
FOUND by Kegan Simons
in Chicago, Illinois
I found this love letter/threat on a vacant seat on the #76 east-bound bus, on the way to DJ at Delilah's one unseasonably warm evening.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Not the dog!
i hope patti's dog's ok. pimps these days, what happened to correct spelling and grammar?
It's weird how he(?) switches from 'u' to 'you' as the note goes along. You would think that it would be the other way around.
And is it just me, or does the name at the top look like "PAIIII"?
This note seems to be such an incomplete thought, yet how I would picture a pimp speaking. I wonder if it is friends joking around or something serious.
What happened to loveletters in the sand?
Strange to see that a pimp would write a note, though. I'd think that most pimps would call on the cell-phone or simply stop by to give a taste of their fists. Next thing you know, he'd read a book.
Run, Toto, run!!
I would take that note straight to the police.
I dont really think it a pimp threatening his "whore", because, to me it sounds like some friends joking around.
However even jokes can allow for better spelling/grammar.
Kathryn, it looks like PAIIII to me, too. Thought it was Patti, but that's no kinda name for no whore!
I thought he was going to "boing" the dog. I guess I'm not awake enough to decipher Prince's ransom note.
How does he know when shes read the letter?
Also- "he" switches from ALL CAPITALS to a mix in the second part- a sign of less seriousness about dog-napping??? perhaps.
I'm going to tell myself that this note is just between friends kidding around, because if it's not, I'm going to have nightmares.
Maybe "PAIIII" is like, "Pay!" as in, gettin' paid?
This is a note from a twelve year old Phillipino pimp to one of his 38 year old Norwegian prostitutes. He's got a very sophisticated operation, brainwashing, sympathy animals, and psychic powers.
But, she's running away with me anyhow.
(Jack and Jill went up the... waterspout?)
Another google-the-finder find!
How about.. the whore is a 12 yr old phillipino gal, stolen from her family by Norwegian sex slave traders.
and its the inky dinky spider, who goes up the waterspout, down comes the rain, and wash the spider out. Out comes the sun and dries up all the rain. then inky dinky spider goes up the spout again....
I wonder if the dog is a judgmental bitch.
Google the finder proves to be an interesting idea. The results are really something to be wondered at.
makes me wonder if only googleworthy finders are posted?
not that i'm whining or anything.
At first the note seems to be a joke between two friends - it makes the threat seem so worthless. I can't say that I would be scared of Paiiii's pimp. Maybe if it was more consistent, it would hold some weight, but instead it just confuses me. I'm pretty sure Paiiii's dog will be fine.
Maybe Paiiii's pimp should drop the whores and go back to school. Because well, you know it's hard out here for a pimp...
it's itsy bitsy, mona. itsy bitsy.
canadians do everything wrong.
paiiiiiiiiiiiii is not her name.
he is telling her to payyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
i'm your whore? well thanks, boo. ur my boo ... luv ya.
How will the pimp know when it has been one hour since Paiii read the note? Why didn't he threaten her in person?
To confirm Rex's Statement about how Canadians do it all wrong - I knew it was the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" - But I always thought it was "Waterfall". I think. But then the end part about going up the spout makes no sense at all. I think I just changed it to waterfall when I was little because what in the hell is a waterspout? Who says that? Not me.
When I read the name Pai, I instantly thought it's a Filipina's name.
Why? why? why? why?
p.s. what month comes before July?
what number follows Seven?
Do a better job Found Magazine. I never thought you would stoop to a "sex sells" mentality.
Actually, her name isn't PAIIII!!!!, but it does start with a 'P'. Just as the pimp was starting to write the note, he fell off of a cliff. He managed to regain his composure and finished the note while falling, but due to severe time constraints, his penmanship went by the wayside and he was unable to properly proofread the note. This also explains why the note apparently never made it to the intended recipient.
how did you know i'm canadian?..and yes, you're right..damn you..it is itsy bitsy...sheesh..
You're right, Red- Pimpin' ain't easy...
in response to 'disappointed...' um, can I just say Dirty Found?! And I'd highly recommend it... ;)
Is it just me, or does the letter A in "make" look like the good ol' anarchy sign? MAKE ANARCHY!
wow, I take that bus all the time (North Avenue), I feel bad for the whores that ride with me now
john, I think you're hilarious, which is why you should marry meeeeeeee. . .
You and your little dog too...
Nadine- it's the psychic powers.
Mona- same answer. I tole you, i see all. Louvre my ass.
It almost seems like a different person wrote the second part of the letter.
june
eight
It's INCEY WINCEY spider, all you people out there! Where was you brung up?
(Oh all right, maybe that's only in the UK. But we had it first!!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Itsy_Bitsy_Spider
INCEY WINCEY? eensy weensy i'd consider.
L in Ogden- i doubt it, but she might be judgenmental.
Yeah google this chick and we probably have a marketing stunt from this bee-yatch quoted as follows:
We absolutely DO NOT accept demos from third party lawyers or promotion companies shopping stuff for clients. They are bad people and we would rather not have to deal with them. They waste your money, they waste our time, they make the world sleazier than a Britney, Christina and Lil’ Kim ménage.
We never "request" anything. There's no quicker way to get your package recycled than to write "requested material" on the package. Just because we were polite and told you our address so you could send something doesn't mean we "requested" it. Think about it, if WE requested it, how come YOU called us?
Also, if you are a band or artist who has a day job and no vacation time we probably can't work with you. These days in the cruel world of the music business if you don't have time to commit yourself to working your ass off, neither do we.
While we don't require a polished CD and fancy press kit, someone sending us a "developing project" with just a guitar recorded on a four track should head back to the drawing board. We cannot/ will not help finish your band for you.
We do not shop songs to our artists, ergo we do not accept songwriter submissions. If you are convinced that a song of yours is absolutely perfect for somebody, we suggest tracking down the artist at a show and giving them the song.
I mean, we didn't beg you to be a struggling artist that we could possibly get rich on.
That Kegan Simmon's Record company is "bloodshot records" So wierd...My boyfriend's band "Kersey" was under that label. What a small world. Wierd Weird Wierd.
Sorry. I have a hangover, but that's no excuse for my spelling. Weird, I mean. Ahem.
her name is probably paisley.
ACTUALLY, it is 'insey winsey spider' which was written originally by Beatrix Potter, and THAT is how she wrote it. For some reason we americans changed it to itsy bitsy spider, I don't know when.
On the note... I don't know what to make of it!
Wow, I can't tell if this is serious or not. The "PAIIII!!!" makes it seem like a joke, but the letter feels a little longer and more to-the-point than a joke letter would normally be. Unless the person writing it just doesn't have much sense of dramatic timing.