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May 02, 2007 |
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I'm The Boss Bitch
FOUND by Chris Reeves
This was slipped under our door on the last day of finals at Heidelberg College. We have no idea who it is from, who wrote the reply, or why it was given to us. I especially like how they wish the "loud music playing man" a great summer.
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Read All About... May 28, 2007 |
I Hate Myself March 26, 2007 |
Ceiling Treasure January 15, 2007 |
Bad Frog August 02, 2007 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
How eloquent! Whoever wrote it has a flair for dry humour, what amazing talent. As for the Not cool loud music playing man, I wonder if he ever learned his lesson...
i'm printing this up, and slipping it under my neighbor's door tomorrow. it captured my sentiments exactly.
Not Cool Man may in fact be connected to the three girls four nights ago who randomly chose to park in front of my home to dance in the street to his Annoying Ass Bass Thumping Music at three in the morning.
You can tell by all the mistakes that his studying and sleeping really were disturbed: "being know as the douche bag's who's music...."
Perhaps Not Cool Music Playing Man wrote the response on the bottom, and "returned" the note to you, thinking you wrote it, Chris?
I wish i had thought of this first, i need a note like that to the apartment above me.
for some reason whenever i read notes like this one i cant help but pick out all the gramatical or spelling errors like "who's" should be "whose"..it always brings me joy to know that when someone is calling me an idiot in letter form i know that i am smarter hah..
What a class act. His hand written comment just confirms the already bleeding obvious.
Jerk.
loud music playing man probably put it under your door thinking you were the ones who put it under his to begin with. lol just a guess. if that's true, then calling himself a "boss bitch" just proves how uncool he really is.
...Micheal???
Writing a sermon like that they tried to make him look primitive and stupid. According to his comment... It worked.
LOL. Obviously, LMPM thought the note was from you, wrote the reply, and gave it back.
Too bad the note wasn't taken more seriously.
I think the douche bag who received it, thaught it was you who had given it to him.
Clearly, though, whatever they were studying, it wasn't English.
I wrote a note very like this (but without the dry irony -- obviously lost on this not cool loud music playing man) to a neighbour whose loud music and TV and midweek parties eventually forced me to move out. It's an impossible situation and not good for your health. I certainly didn't wish him a great summer.
Did I write this note in my sleep? This is how I have felt all year
well, Chris you are so lucky not to live near this not-so-cool dude because I umfortunately have - or one like him.
May I just state that I don't know who brought it back, but I am loving the new "douchbag"-as-an-insult trend that is so prevalent lately. What's worse than a bag of douche?
Ah, the "Not-cool-loud-music-playing-man," I remember him well. (Or perhaps it was his twin or brother or something) I had one of those in when I lived on campus my second year at college -- I was the RA for my floor, and was constantly woken up at f-ing early hours of the morning by thumping rap music. It was ridiculous! I finally went to his room at one of those early times and yelled at him. He played it again the next day. What a douche bag.
To the mysterious note-responder:
NEVER forget. I'M the boss . . . bitch. 'sup.
Kind of lame tone, in terms of a complaint note. They should have called the police or the bylaw office or whatever.
Might not want to print this one out, inconsideration isn't a word.
I like this straight forward confrontational humorous style of writing . Unfortunately , when you leave a dumbass a letter like this they usually have no clue " who left me this and why " .
Oh my wonderful Allie Cat! (a friend of mine with horribly annoying neighbors)This note would apply wonderfully to neighbor boy and neighbor girl. we shall fight back and blast NECROPHELIA!!!! (Hank and lilly)
I wonder if someone could write me one of these for the girl in my flat who burns my pans, eats my food, and breaks my plates?
I wonder if, even if that happened, I'd have the courage to put it under her door
lately on Found bitches abound
John Denver on repeat.... I'll never forget it. I had to get an RA to go unplug everything in that girl's room.
A punch to the gut would have worked much better than the note. Too bad people who would send such notes aren't typically ones who could deliver such blows.
In looking at the comments of next door in Philly and self in flicted haircut, I'm wondering if Mr. Reeves should perhaps check the volume knob on his stereo? Just a suggestion...
Inconsideration isn't a word? Really?
Chris, you live in the same building as Bruce Springsteen? That's kick ass!
I could also give this note to someone, unfortunately they live with me.
Really, they could have hit spell check. It takes a minute. Then I wouldn't have to read all of the spelling & grammar police comments. Yawn. You're so smart. We get it.
Writing long passive aggressive notes full of condescention and dry "wit" when you coulda just told me to turn it the fuck down any old day doesn't automatically make you cool either.
what happened to bangin brooms on the ceiling?
Yeah, unfortunately, not much is going to change this guy's opinion of whether or not he is allowed to play his music as loud as he wants 24-7. People who are willing to do this kind of thing really don't care if it annoys anyone and probably prefer that it does.
But props on the sarcastic note. Much better than a plainly irate note stating "you are playing your music too loud".
My roommate and I once drafted a similar letter, but it was addressed "Dear Mr. Professional Bowling Ball dropper that lives above us." The loud bangs every night logically led us to believe it was a bowling ball, the consistency of the bangs led us to believe this man was indeed a professional.
I had an upstairs neighbor that would play really awful R&B that was driving me nuts. I was always annoyed by it and constantly debating speaking to him about stopping... That is, until I realized it was the exact same song on a daily basis. I decided it was hilarious and just wondered why the hell he liked that song SO much. I never did ask him.
I can't ethically get mad at people & their music. I've consistently lived in shit holes with thin walls. I recognize that & I like listening to music too. So I'm probably that "douchbag" neighbor of yours - I officially apologise!
Unfortunately, no matter how well-crafted a note is (the quality of this one is arguable) or how much it satisfies the writer, it is ineffective 90% of the time. You know the old saying, "Fight fire with fire?" Well, someone who is either 1) oblivious to the fact that they might be disturbing others or 2) does it expressly for that reason probably will not respond to such a passive, civilized approach; obviously the person is either socially retarded or an aggressively disrespectful ass. Fighting stupidity and/or meanness with a "weapon" that demands reading comprehension and civility hardly makes sense.
I've found the most effective weapon is confrontation. Most everyone understands verbal communication, and having the cojones to go up to someone is aggressive without being unlawful (unlike punching someone).
Firmly (but politely -- you still have not determined if the person is just oblivious or mean) tell them that their music is disturbing you. Most of the time you'll find that the monster behind that pumping subwoofer is really just a stupid person who doesn't know what's acceptable until they are told.
Those few who are simply mean will persist in disturbing you, perhaps intensifying their "assault." Rejoice! They have handed you justification to call the cops (or a resident director, if you're in a residence hall). An authority will almost always take your side since you did make efforts to resolve the situation and were not out of line when doing so.
Put away that cowardly pen and paper. It's time to be the boss, bitch.
To Mr. Switz in Massachusetts,
I must correct you, but only with the kindest of tone. "Douche Bag" is not the same as a "bag of douche" (the correct term would simply be "douche"). "Douche Bag" implies the bag is empty and thus is equivilant to calling someone less than "a pussy," as an empty douche bag is only the REMNENTS of a pussy. "Douche Bag" really is the perfect insult for any not cool loud music man. Please contact me fuller for the correct and proper insult terminology and I will be happy to assist you.
Tess
Oh, it was such a nice note too, until the chicken scratched comment.
Yes, there are errors, but it started out nicely.
I have fantasized about writing a letter like this to my next door neighbors who pile trash in their side yard every year.
Hmmmmmm *gets an idea to try something like this minus the implied cursing and errors*
Great find! Thanks for sharing!
what the effing hell are you thinking playing this effing trash music in the effing early hours of the morning??
are you effing stoned??? I'm gonna beat your ass bitch!
I think it's funny they used the word "douche bag". Dry humor is the best kind. Rock On!
my brother used to play his bass with his amp all the way up late into the night/early morning. it made my fan shake and my brain hurt but he wouldnt listen to my pleas or my angry yelling.
he indeed was a douche-bag.
>what happened to bangin brooms on the ceiling?
I put a hole in my ceiling last week after getting tired of going upstairs to ask for some quiet. After so many visits, the douchebags should figure out where the volume knob should be.
I've also tried retaliating by cranking up the volume on a CD of birdcalls at 5AM.
My husband and I just moved out of an apartment. Our neighbors had this habit of smoking pot in their bathroom with the vent fan on. Every day I would come home from work and it would smell like we were growing our own plants in there! I finally confronted them about it, and they told me to stop being such a judgenmental bitch.
I wonder if they were playing Thursday or Incubus????
this reminds me of the episode on spongebob where squidward went to squidward world or whatever that was and the other squids got so angry at him they gave him a well thought out and organized list of complaints.
oh, and l to tha c, that's not how you spell judgmental. I couldn't resist the opportunity to be a j-bitch!
V: "I've also tried retaliating by cranking up the volume on a CD of birdcalls at 5AM."
I have a CD called "Dog Pound Found Sound", a 2-CD, 140-minute recording of yelping, barking impounded dogs that was distributed for free about 10 years ago, and which serves well as sonic retaliation in these circumstances. Truly a maddening listen, and sure to make any targeted neighbours (and especially their dog) apopletic.
switz i'm with you all the way on douchebag! To be guilty of douchebaggery is a crime more heinous than murder!
More on the topic, my roommate simply loves to play songs with pig squeals for lyrics at 4 am, with all the lights in the room on. then she ims constantly so i have to hear the aim sounds aswell. her excuse for not wearing headphones? they hurt her ears. she hurts my head. some people simply do not have the common sense or comprehension to live peacably in the same vicinity as someone else, we should just give them an island and leave them alone.
This note is something I could deffintly see my neighbors giving me! I am a DJ with servral DJ friends, there was this time when three of us had two turntables and two cd decks hooked up at about three AM. Our friend keept turning it up louder and louder. Well he forgot to lock the door and the harassed looking neighboor walks into the living room yelling. That was a crazy night, and funny. I felt bad, but ya know when your drunk and have a addiction to bass it just happens. Sorry to all you disgruntled neighbors out there but bass happens!
My dad was a HAM radio geek in college (and beyond) and always tells me the story of when he figured out how to broadcast over his neighbor's super loud stereo with a microphone and tell him to "TURN IT DOWN!" like the booming voice of God. ahahaha! i wish he'd teach me how to do that someday!!
do apartment buildings not come with breaker boxes? if they refused to turn it down i'd be down in the basement looking to shut off their power ;)
in·con·sid·er·ate /ˌɪnkənˈsɪdərɪt/ Pronunciation[in-kuhn-sid-er-it]
adjective
1.without due regard for the rights or feelings of others: It was inconsiderate of him to keep us waiting.
2.acting without consideration; thoughtless; heedless.
3.overhasty; rash; ill-considered: slovenly, inconsiderate reasoning.
[Origin: 1425–75; late ME < L inconsīderātus. See in-3, considerate]
in·con·sid·er·ate /ˌɪnkənˈsɪdərɪt/ Pronunciation[in-kuhn-sid-er-it]
adjective
1.without due regard for the rights or feelings of others: It was inconsiderate of him to keep us waiting.
2.acting without consideration; thoughtless; heedless.
3.overhasty; rash; ill-considered: slovenly, inconsiderate reasoning.
[Origin: 1425–75; late ME < L inconsīderātus. See in-3, considerate]
L to the C, how dare you spell the running joke correctly, you dumb count. : }
Stephanie - L to the C was just continuing a running joke here at Found. The 'judgenmental' was from a previous post. Many, many humorous jabs have been made using said phrase. So.....L to the C used it correctly.
If I were you, Pal, I'd make sure and keep my doors locked!
man that is so funny how some folks can be such arses. both ways the loud music man and the author are arses. author for writing and music man for being inconsiderated. none the less entertaining. =)
What do you know about this? Yo, I'm the boss biooootch! HA!
It's angry-about-music week?
I like how the guy disturbed both sleep AND naps.
maybe it was to you?
In reference to the hand written message, I would like to quote something heard on the show "Mama's Family". Ahem... "You've come up with some pretty lame ideas but this one qualifies you for handicap parking!"
Steph you missed out . here , it is judgenmental .
Uh, spell check wouldn't catch the errors here because all the words are spelled correctly: "being know as the douche bag's who's music..."
A recording of Messiaen's 'Dieu Parmi Nous' on cathedral organ at full blast is a great way to retaliate. Like having God on your side against the neighbours too!
If James Lipton ever asks "What is your favorite curse word?" I will say douche bag!
If he asks "What sound or noise do you hate?" I will say bass thumping music that disturbs my sleep coming through the thin walls of my tiny apartment.
Shephanie in bitch land:
If you really paid attention to comments on these finds, you would understand that the misspelling of judgeNmental is a long running joke. From now, don't be so quick to be a judgeNmental bitch until you know the whole story.
Love the note...nothing like dry wit to go over some douche bag's head. Unfortunately, these people never have any common sense. I had a neighbor in a apartment that I use to live in (another reason why I moved into a house), who would play their bass so loud and heavy that the pictures on my walls would vibrate. More than once I had to go over and tell him to turn it down. Every time he would say, "Oh, is it too loud?" Well, DUH! Headphones are manufactured for a reason, but evidently idiots haven't been made aware of this. Call me a judgenmental beeyotch and I'll call you a douche bag.
For sonic retaliation, nothing beats Melt-Banana at high volume.
Then all the neighbors will hate you instead of LMPM.
In ascending order of pejorative weight, the terms are as follows:
"Douche"- mildly annoying
"Douche Bag"- irritating waste of space
"Douche Nozzle"- intentionally irritating waste of space
"Douche Hat" - a real ass weasel
"Douche Face"- an ugly ass weasel
"Douche Breath"- an intentionally irritating ugly ass weasel.
"Dook Breath"- res ipsa loquitur
I love lists.
i don't think the dry humor went over LMPM's head.
i think he understood it completely, and responded absolutely appropriately. If someone ever condescends to me like that i hope i'll have my wits and guts about me enough to come back with something as boorish and insulting as "i'm the boss, bitch!"
I lived next to someone very like LMPM who played his music loud until 4:ooam; I tried discussing it with him but he wouldn't stop.
Since there were no other neighbors to bother I started playing a special recording of Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys recorded at 78 rpm instead of 33 1/3rpm. After only two days he came next door and apologized and begged me to turn off my music.
They should have studied more. There shouldn't be an apostrophe in "douch bag's"
Actually, I thought I was playing along by being a j-bitch. Do you know what sarcasm is? I do read these posts everyday.
Jo- is it just me or have all kinds of our fellow Okies found this site recently?
actually, inconsideration is a word. I just looked it up.
My boyfriend used to live in an apartment next to a steel-drummer. He used to tune his drums at 11:00 at night. bing-bing-bing, bong-bong-bong over and over again. I'd take bass over that any day.
Sounds like the note I'll be writing to my annoying neighbors when I move out next month. Then I won't have to listen to any more of their insufferable party guests yelling at beer pong or banging on their door for 20 minutes at 8:00 in the morning. Ah what bliss it will be.
Ahhhh-the joys of home ownership. I (and my neighbors) can listen to what we want, when we want as loud as we want! Having been somewhat on both sides of this, I'm sympathetic to both parties. Got my first apt. in the 70's-lots of good music back then and those 3 foot floor speakers...at least i kept my loud listening to reasonable hours and tried to be decent, but the lady downsatirs hated me!