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April 18, 2007 |
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Bigfoot Our Brother
FOUND by Darren Chase
in Buffalo, New York
This post-it note was stuck on a page inside Oscar Kiss Maerth's The Beginning Was the End, a wonderful book that (seriously) advances the theory that sex-crazed, brain-eating apes were responsible for human evolution. I checked this copy out of the University at Buffalo Library. The actual text and pictures are mind-bending on their own, let alone the addition of this found treasure.
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Super Gay October 12, 2006 |
U R Such a ... December 20, 2007 |
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We Will Meet Again... March 14, 2004 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Ah... to be like Bigfoot again. We can only dream...
Poetic
Wow. ok. I must be really drunk. This makes both no sense and complete sense, all at the same time!
I do agree. I think BigFoot IS smarter than us. Just today, in the Vancouver Sun newspaper, there was an article about how chimpanzees are more evolved than us - we just know how to use tools better.
Makes me wonder who the trained monkeys are.
I agree with the original writer, I think a more sasquatch-like way of life would be the shit.
I happen to be watching the Sasquatsh scene from Tenacious D at this very moment. Coincidence or Destiny?
Oh my god! Big foot is my . . . brother?! I have a brother! I wonder why my parents never told me. hmm.
Well, that explains it all. I knew there was a reason for all the brain eating and sex crazy behavior. Come to think of it, my Ex-old man kinda looks like a sasquatch.
I like the part...He is us, we are no longer him. Almost Poetic.
I was just reading Bigfoot's autobiography the other day and I think you should all read it too - In Me Own Words: The Autobiography of Bigfoot - I got it at Barnes and Noble. It was great. He would make a cool brother.
yea, you had me at "sex-crazed, brain eating apes." which I think sums up the people that surround me.
*adds book to amazon wish list*
i guess i won't be seeing bigfoot in here. if so, i hope he got some clothes on
This whole primitivist, bucloic, daniel quinn, ishmael, bigfoot, hippie ideal thing is bullshit. C'mon people, if we WANTED to live like that we would. I'm not saying you gotta love capitalism (i'm a goddamn communist myself) just that you gotta fucking LOOK FORWARD a little and be willing to accept at least a little tiny bit of who YOU ARE as defined by the actions and choices you make EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE.
Big foot is not your brother, he is your forgotten ideal of a brother. The image you project upon yourself so you can pretend you're not a member of our insane and destructive society while still being insane and destructive.
I'm not calling you people hippocrites, (well, i am, but we are all hippocrites) i'm calling you deluded, idealistic and useless. A little bit of practicality, please. We've got work to do.
I think I'm going to hide away and stay natural. No more shaving my legs and pits! What a time saver!
What is the first word on the third line?
Ashley, I'm flabbergasted by your location. Thank you. But what have I done to make you feel such desires? I think I bring the funny sometimes, but plenty of people do that. Maybe your "someday" hopes should be directed towards meeting a guy more like Bigfoot anyway.
Furthermore, I don't want to get you (and all the other ladies, including Flargy) upset, but I'm currently in a really wonderful relationship with a wonderfully wonderful woman. I think I've found love and it's absolutely the best Found ever. Good luck to all of you seekers.
P.S. Switz, you actually made me take a peek to see if that is a real book. And it is and it looks like an incredible read (and one of a series no less!).
Shamefull Nakedness, Brain eating apes, sex crazed evolution, wine in tetra-paks, blatant overtures to eggs1234; the only smart thing to do is hide in the woods, occasionally getting caught on grainy film.
Funny, I was just saying this same thing to a guy on the bus this morning. Did you know you can get Internet acccess in padded rooms these days?
How come I can never find books like this at UB?
I'm checking it out before the end of the semester.
HIPPOcrites? What's your prob with the pachyderms? You are all alike with your CREEPY sex-crazed brain-eatin' going on all the time. Evolve already! Judgenmental Primates....
You know what they say about big Feet............................................... socks
Do you think that Big Foot drinks wine in tetra-paks?
Hmmm.... Jo, eggs, flargy and Big Foot in a menage a trois... um, no, "menage a quatre".
>*< shudder >*<
pass the tetra-pak.
Dear Rex Winsome,
I think you need to take a walk in the woods. It will calm you down. Seriously.
Besides, maybe you'll meet Bigfoot while you're out there. He'll show you the way.
(ps - it's "hypocrites," dictionary.com is a wonderful tool.)
Jack Black of the D is right on! Bigfoot is his daddy.
eggs baby! You're a cheatin' on us! We wuz jus' thinkin' 'bout all them tetra-pak memories of shavin' in da' tub. Cleanin' da' drain afta' What good times thoz' wuz. I really miss tastin' yo' yolk. You and us wuz wonderfully wonderful togetha'
Don't knock the lope-runnig 'till you try it. Great cardio.
I gotta know if the wine in those tetra-paks has individual sugically sharp straws. If so then its Gallo and orange slices at the nephews next soccer game.
Did eggs just say he was dating Wonder Woman? Lucky bastard, ass-kicking in a swim suit and knee high boots, and that truth lariat!
Makes as much sense as any of the other theories.
what's a tetra-pak?
what IS the 1st word in the 3rd line?
i work with many bigfooted people. there is no such thing as the noble savage. did you ever smell bigfoot? yikes!!
this is an altogether stupid note.
1st word in the 3rd line?
"wrong"
3rd line, 1st word=wrong?
masters in graphology said:
1st word in the 3rd line?
"wrong"
Crap. Damn this posting lag. Now I'm going to jumped on by judgemental you-know-whats who think I can't read previous posts. That's all I need!
Sex-crazed, brain-eating apes......basically Zombie Hooker Monkeys?
Eggs(1234) said: I think I've found love and it's absolutely the best Found ever. Good luck to all of you seekers.
I appreciate your words of incouragement for the unlovable, grossly misshapen, painfully handsome women of the world. We adore you......gag.
Hey, KH, you lush, please don't think such dirty, dirty thoughts about me, especially when they include Jo TTown, Flargicus and Biggy. Next your sick mind will couple me with El Chupacabra or sumpin'. I just can't have that. And as for Bigfoot's drinking habits, everyone knows he's straight edge.
The Toms, every time you mention me you creep me out to a great extent. It's a special power you should be proud of, but please stop. And let it be known that I was never in the tub with the Toms!
Pete in the Ripple, I never said my ladyfriend is Wonder Woman. However, this lovely lady does have super powers and she's even way prettier than Lynda Carter. I really won this time. (Peter, by the way, your post about the pie yesterday had me rolling; that was totally something Charles Nelson Reilly woulda said.)
Enough about my personal life. Rex, say something about how bunged up you are about the world to distract everyone.
Look! A moose!
(I'm trying to distract everyone)
Or maybe I just don't want people looking at my big feet and jumping to conclusions....I don't (usually) eat brains.
To Rex Winsome:
1) Hippocrites was one person, so I don't think we can all be him, great philosopher though he was (thanks anyway).
2) Apparently "we" don't all have work to do if we're taking time to address us "useless" people on the daily found comment page. Perhaps you are the useless one, and simply projecting your inner struggles onto faceless screennames?
Maybe I'm just being a judgmental bitch -
As much as I know you really want to, Jo, you and your horribly disfigured ladyfriends cannot sit on and thereby squelch my great joy. And despite your mean words towards me, I still have hope that some blind brother who also lacks considerably in tactile senses will meet you and fall in love with your great humor and your disturbed mind.
where did this whole conversation turn? Or most of us woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Or cave. I bet bigfoots were kinder to each other. Am I being too sensitive today?
by the way, this find was way way cool!
If anyone sees bigfoot please tell him to give me back my watch.
Yes, to the untrained eye, it would appear that the author of this note decided to wax poetic probably and shortly after partaking. But this is obviously a secret spy note--
Code Name:"Bigfoot" Target:"Our Brother"
"Naked Man"=Agent
Naked Man is on the run, but they're closing in on him--fast. So, far all attempts to contact him have failed and he manages to stay one step ahead. His services are no longer necessary. He will be "neutralized".
Eggs1984: Bigfoot may have been straightedge in his youth, but we all know how that usually turns out. All those kids who once swore they were "nailed to the X" were, in fact, only velcroed to it.
I wonder...do you think he used his own red correcting marker to write the X's on his hands?
This may be the all time best Found I've ever read! It flows so well but yet cofuses. "Naked man was wrong" - How poetic. You guys on this message board RULE!
Rex may need to talk to someone.
Maria,
Is the plural of "Bigfoot" "Bigfoots"? The grammar nazi in me says "Bigfeet"...... But then why isn't the plural of moose meece? Or box boxen? Oh, the mysterious English language.....
Flargy, that is an excellent question about BiggyFeets and his outward display of non-love of the booze and the hoo-ha. I think he'd have to shave the X's into his "hand hair" and then maybe he could use Eggs(1313) red correcting marker. But first, he'll need to ask Wonder Woman for it. It looks as though the end of it has been chewed on a little bit but it works if you shake it.
all this Bigfoot talk makes me want to run out and rent "Harry and the Hendersons"
I have know idea what half of this find says. The handwriting is wicked hard to read. Am I the only one?
PS.To Switz in MA: YAY for the Brian Regan quote.
Maria,
Is the plural of "Bigfoot" "Bigfoots"? The grammar nazi in me says "Bigfeet"...... But then why isn't the plural of moose meece? Or box boxen? Oh, the mysterious English language.....
1st word on 3rd line -- I read it as 'naked man is COMING' which made sense at the time, till you folks queried it.
Surely tales of Bigfoot etc. are a genetic memory of a time when there were two races of humanoids on earth, us and the Neanderthals. They were probably very nice people, but we were just that bit smarter (or had worse table manners) and ate all the food first, thus rendering them extinct. This accounts for the ancient Greek mythology of Titans, Centaurs ec., as well as Norse myths of the race of giants (Fafner and Fasolt, if you know your Wagner).
Interesting how much emotion the subject has stirred -- suggests something that runs deep, anyway. Any anthropologists out there reading this site??
Blessed are the Tangent-Makers....
I just had to roll my eye's on some of these comments today ( a few made me LOL.)
umm...isn't bigfoot naked? so why is naked man wrong? why would that necessitate being natural...?
after all, isn't biggy au naturale already? just a bit o' a hirsute.
random fact, hirsutism runs in my family...maybe you're talking about my sister?? or me????
waaa! no need to make fun of my uni-brow!
:'(
ab in here, there, anywhere said:
To Rex Winsome:
1) Hippocrites was one person, so I don't think we can all be him, great philosopher though he was (thanks anyway).
Hippocrates..was a person..not sure what hippocrites is...
I fucking hate hippocrites. They're always like, "Hey, why don't you lose some weight," or "I really think you need to eat a cheeseburger," or "Standing around all day in a lake is dumb."
On a related note, isn't it funny how many fat vegetarians there are? Maybe that's because most of them live on Pringles. Stupid hippocrites.
Guys! Guys! Wake up!! I GET it now.
The juxtaposition of Amber's Famous KoolAid Pie and the BigFoot poem. oh wow. this is BIG.
Are we *more* evolved because we can make kool aid pie? Or less? Is our ability to take KoolAid and Whipped Cream and turn it into a dessert what separates us from apes?
Would BigFoot eat KoolAid pie, and if so, what colour would it be? Or, would he have enough sense not to eat that crap?
And, would Hippocrates call us all hypocrites if we didn't offer some of Amber's Famous KoolAid Pie to BigFoot when we met him in the forest?
MAYBE... maybe Amber is BigFoot!!! <gasp>
So many questions. So little time.
I feel like a part of an anthropological experiment being conducted by our good friends at Found.
Maybe *they* are all BigFoots (BigFeet?)
i am so goddamn bunged up i can stand it no longer! This world has driven me to the very brink of madness. And anger too!
People are so dishonest and pretend-ful. They can see from the context immediately that one is not speaking of pacyderms or of greek philosophers and yet they feign ignorance and confusion in order to point out a bit of lazy misspelling. I never bothered to remember how to spell hyppocritte because regardless of what spelling you use, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.
This is what i'm talking about, practicality. If all you grammar nazi's loosened up a bit we'd spend less time with dictionaries and spell checks and have more time for sex-crazed monkey-love.
If we ended up with multiple spellings for some words, who cares? We get by fine with multiple pronounciations, dialects, etc, don't we?
PS Switz: "Bigfeet" is obviously incorrect. that would refer to a part of his body, not himself. "Bigfoots" is also incorrect, because "Bigfoot" is a proper noun. It is his name (and, yes he drinks). The word you seek is "sasquatches". C'mon, it's not THAT hard to use proper language now, is it?
KH, "BigFoot" and "BigFeet" are also unacceptable. Capital letters go at the beginning of words, not the middle.
First, the grammar picking: Hey Rex!, We're "so dishonest and pretend-ful" that...WHAT? What is the purpose of "so" in that?
Now for the acerbic comment:
We're feigning ignorance? As opposed to your genuine ignorance? Rex, the context would be "joke". Like the one between your legs.
Now THAT is judgenmental, bitch.
woot! woot!
go Drifting!
Oh poor Rex in the waiting room, he got his panties in a wad. I bet if he was naked man, he'd feel better.
So there are grammer nazies and spelling police. Get over it.
Rex, your rants make you sound like someone who listens to Bright Eyes a little too intensely. (try some Iron and Wine, they'll make you feel better)
Now, go take your Ipod in the forest and just sit. Become naked man - smarter and sharper.
Stay natural!
So, doc, i got this problem, see. Where i can't keep my mouf shut, y'know? It's like, I got strong opinions on stuff sometimes and I don't hesitate to express these opinions. There's things I don't like and there's things I wanna see different, and when I hear alla these primitivist assholes talking about some idealized noble savage naked man bullshit it just, y'know strikes a cord. Cuz the thing they're doing, psychologically, it's so freakin obvious.
You feel guilty about all the children you're killing and the forests you're chopping down and the pollution you're spewing, but, y'know, DOING something about that means you gotta take some responsibility for yourself and your actions. Rearrange your life a little bit.
But these people, well, they obviously don't wanna do that, but they do want to FEEL like they're doing that. So, they hang out in nature and idealize the naked man, the bigfoot, ancient history.
They prefer the impossible ideal to the graspable potential, cuz that way they don't have to do anything, they don't have to take the risk of tryin to grasp it. they can sit in the woods and cry over Bigfoot until they "feel better" about themselves even though they're still paying huge corporations to marauder around the world for them.
So i speak up. Y'know, a cord has been struck and way i see things, these hippies are a bigger obstacle to my goals than the neo-cons, cuz they pretend to be our friend and they co-opt all the issues. Dominate the public discourse with their ineffectual hopes and wishes and dreams.
But, when i call em out on it, they all sit back and throw stones from their safe little shells, nit pick my spelling and paint me up like some kinda lunatic. I haven't never heard a Bright Eyes song. I don't own an Ipod, and you don't wanna mess with what i got between my legs, trust me.
Doc, tell me, am i the one who needs help here? I mean, i'll go head to head with any of these assholes on who's more studied, who's done more, raised more money, converted more xtians, developed better alternatives, and who lives more ethically. I got my shit together, Doc. Honest I do. I'm disciplined and consistant. It's just sometimes, while i'm at work (at a non-profit, savin people's lives) there's slow periods (cuz it's a slacker job, which allows me time for more revolutionary pursuits outside work) during these slow periods i get me some free entertainment at the found magazine comments section. is there anything wrong with that? If there is, well, all these other people got the same problem.
And sometimes, well, sometimes you gotta do a guy a favor, y'know. he's gettin uncomfortable cuz people are casting dispersions on his real-life wonder woman and trying to steal his identity and shit, so i jump up and wave my arms around a little, or with this super long post, maybe a lot.
I think I would like to be this naked man, the sasquatch. Sharper, stronger, natural. Of the earth.
Here, instead, we follow a path we set out our selves and now we hunt down the one different from us. Thinking it's to show him he's wrong but really it's to remove the one that's right.
How do we go back? (how do we know we are going back and not just 'somewhere else'?)
Hey, Rex in the office,
You can have those opinions all you want. That's fine. But you called us Deluded, Idealistic and Useless.
Do you think we're going to be okay with that? We can give our opinions just as strongly as you, you have to remember that.
Give your opinion, give it as strongly as you need (as hard as cannonballs) but don't expect us to sit quietly as you degrade us.
Oh, and I work at a non-profit job as well. Don't think your horse is higher than ours.
We're all the same.
You should still listen to bright eyes, the kid is good. (and I ain't no damn hippie.)
ReX - Get over yourself.
Bigfoot has shown the way. One with nature, at peace. That's living.
Bigfoot is a douche. A total asshole, I tell ya.
I feel like an anthropologist finding this thread of comments six months later. What a lively conversation and interesting characters.