And I 'Pity the Fool who touches my Body Herb Farm'!  more»

'Pat B', I don't know you personally but if you weren't always calling her 'Big Ass' she might still be there. Maybe a different pet name like 'GGMAB'(Go get me a Beer) instead would have brought tears to her eyes!…  more»

Who's on Frist. Worder's on Third  more»

Oh! It's a Dear Darling letter. I got one of those in college.…  more»

The Rock looks so cute as a Pebble!  more»

X_X That what U look like if U steal my magazines. I lik u relashipe!…  more»

I Watch U .\/. I Kill U. Then I P on U Pillow!  more»

Catherine,
I'm really pissed off that you didn't come by for tea.
Vincent  more»

Lissen. Do you have any Exit signs? Rmmmmp, Oh excuse me, I had sousage for breckfast.…  more»

Jermaine, being a crackhead, spotted a bike with 3 levers, tied to the fire escape on the third floor of an apartment building, he headed up by climbing on the outside of the metal structure. Being that he was already 'fixed', Jermaine slips, falls, and cracks (no pun intended) his head on the payment below. As he fades in and out of consciousness, he notices the basic symbols of a head injures (start, birdy, and a swirling galaxy) flying over his head.…  more»

Having been a life long fan and finally getting front row seats to the 'Best Show' ever, Dumpling was greatly disappointed when the show started and 'The String Cheese Incident' came on stage instead of'The Applesauce Incident'. Dumpling, who had spent over 500 smackers on Adam's error wouldn't speak to him again without a sincere apology. She is now mulling over the note wondering if it is 'really' sincere.…  more»

Oh and one more thing. Beaver, if you're late for dinner, you'll go straight to your room and I'll have your father speak to you.…  more»

Look Out Barbara. They're coming to get you Barbara.…  more»

Mom. Remember when you said I'd have to wait to marry until an eligible lady became available here in Mayberry. Well, I'd like you to me Jimmy's grandma.…  more»

Scotty. Hey. Wait.…  more»

After their romantic dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, they thought that they would reenact the scene in Lady and the Tramp by sucking the noodle up to an innocent kiss. As Tramp was not expecting Lady's tongue, he was quite grossed out by her milkbone breath. The best remedy to keep from throwing up in his mouth was to smoke an entire cigarette in one puff.…  more»

Right Blaze. Put the lotion in the basket. If he/she is refering to a 'raw' morning, in any thing other that temperature, I don't want to be touched or touch any one there.…  more»

I constantly tell my wife that her father has kids all over the world. He comes and goes so that no one knows where he is or where he's been. My kids get these same late notes for their BD.…  more»

I would look for the student with the lowest grade in your English class and give their note back. Sounds like a shopping list for incest!…  more»

I love you with everything I have. Which really sounds as though they are stealing each others clothes.
I promise this is forver.…  more»

I saw this episode of "My Big Fat Redneck Wedding". They got married in a deer stand and then took the four wheeler to the reception where the cleaned a pig and put it on the 'far'. The night before, the bridesmaids had a catch the slick pig while the bubbas were whistling and a'hootin'.  more»

Obviously, this is a doodle by Thoman Beatie fantasizing that the child in his belly really loves him. When the baby arrives, sees his father's mullet and no breast, what so ever, will begin a life involving daily therapy and sedatives.…  more»

I think a 16 out of 20 is very generous.

Iron Maiden Sucks
backwards is always better
if the volume's down.

Oh wow...…  more»

Been there and done that. Trying to look really cool at the beach after a night out at the disco. 32 degrees, cold sand, and no shirt.…  more»

As Beautiful as you are, I found that your beer farts were more than I could stand. I don't hate you because you're beautiful. I hate you because you STINK!!!…  more»